Our Values Statement
Counseling With Values. What A Difference!
Theravive is the only professional therapist directory that promotes strong moral values as a foundation for counseling and therapy.
Why Values Based Counselling?
Values counseling allows you to know the heart of your counselor. By knowing this in advance, you will have a greater understanding of your counselor's focus, goals, and motives. You gain a deeper, more objective insight into where you have been and the direction you should go. Simply put, having a therapist who shares your values means better and more effective therapy. Values promote healthy living and relationships and help us to get our lives on the right track. Values are the light posts that point the way to a better place, illuminating to us hope and purpose in our lives that we may not have seen before. They not only protect us, but also guide us.
All of us live in an imperfect world, and we all contribute, in various degrees, to its imperfections. In a way, most of us already acknowledge that the world is a noble yet dangerous place; full of wonder and beauty, but also of indifference and malice. For example, parents will try to protect their children in some fashion from the "real world." Children are innocent, and the real world is a place where innocence can be lost. In essence, most of us acknowledge that this world is lacking and falls short of something greater- something it could be, but that it isn't. Values counseling points towards a higher standard, while relative or "non-values" counselling looks only at the subjective.
Values Based Counselors point the way in a unified direction to something greater
When values are arbitrary, a unified direction does not exist, and confusion results.
The Need for Values Based Counselors
When people see a counselor, they may be coming for something as simple as help with befriending a co-worker, or they may be on their final hope of a collapsing life, having utilized every ounce of remaining strength just to walk through the door. It is so important that the counselor be well grounded in solid moral values and principles, because all these people having such a wide scope of issues are all seeking the same thing: a better way.
The Reason Why Theravive Exists
Imagine a man who's life is collapsing, his wife no longer loves him due to years of emotional neglect and she intends to leave him. He loves her more than anything in the world and cannot bear the thought of losing his wife. Where did he go so wrong? How can he fix this? This just can't be happening! -(sadly, he has no clue how his years of ignoring her emotional needs has caused her love to die). He manages to convince her to see a counselor for help. She is reluctant but figures she will go, she at least owes him that. Can you see how important it is that this man find the right counselor? He gets one shot...just one shot at finding a counselor who can peel off the layers that, over the years, have become hardened scaled armour, and bring hope for this dying marriage. What if the counselor he chose viewed marriage as merely a "contract" between two people? What if he wound up in front of a counselor who believed that cohabitation is just as good as having the "piece of paper" of marriage, or a therapist who was so morally neutral, that anything and everything was "right" simply if the client felt it was right? Can you see how important the values of the counselor are to a situation like this? He could open a phone book and randomly select any therapist, but how wise is it to take your future, and stake it on the roll of dice? There are a lot of licensed therapists out there, and not all of them have the same beliefs about marriage. This man desperately needs a counselor who is well grounded, and believes in marriage.
Values based counselling means that the counselor is always pointing to a better way, meeting the client where he or she is at, and guiding that person towards a higher place: a place of deeper truth, a place of greater meaning. Non-values oriented counseling will simply seek to return the client to a functional level, or simply at a place that is "best for them." Well in the example above what was "best for the wife" was divorce. Yet she may not realize, or even see, that there could be door for her that leads her to a joyful life with her husband. While we believe that all people have the capacity within them to change, that does not mean they can always see all the choices before them. Sometimes people are so heavily oppressed by their situation that they genuinely cannot see a way out, or are unable to discern the best possible path. This is where the values of the counselor are critical to effective therapy.
Values are the whispers of our conscience that show us those things in our lives that need to change, they help us understand not only the problems in our lives, but why they were problems. Without values, we are unable to identify destructive behaviors and patterns of thoughts that cause pain and brokenness. Values are the "light posts" that allow us to learn from the past, let things go, and illuminate a new path towards a brighter future. And while we may never actually reach the ideal, it is instead the journey towards it that holds the joy of living; that we live a life always walking forward, towards a better place, one that is full of hope, experiencing true freedom and purpose every step of the way.
Our Values Statement
These values are not "ours", they are instead a reflection of values common to most people throughout North America. Therapists listed at Theravive are committed to upholding these values for any client they receive through our site.
VALUE: We believe in saving marriages, and in the restoration of relationships.
Statement of Understanding:
We understand and accept that often in life there are relationships that cannot be fixed and where restoration is not possible (such as a spouse who is adamant in divorce- we have no power to fix something that an individual has already firmly decided). We also understand that some relationships are unhealthy and probably should be let go or fundamentally changed (i.e. a recovering alcoholic going out with his old drinking friends). Healthy boundaries are crucial in setting healthy relationships.
In regards to marriage, our first goal is always to save the marriage, if possible. Marriages to us are far greater than merely a "contract" between two people, much more meaningful than simply "a piece of paper." They are the foundation of a family, and ultimately, society. A marriage between a husband and wife is desired over cohabitation, as it establishes a healthy framework for a joyful relationship. It is a great joy for us to see a struggling marriage restored, as we take seriously the sacred bond of marriage. By saving a marriage, we do not mean simply keeping two people physically together at the expense of one or both spouses' joy in life, but restoring the family to a healthy place, where there is hope and joy for both spouses. Sometimes saving a marriage or a relationship may not be possible due to safety reasons (abuse, criminal behavior, etc), or if one or both parties has firmly decided to end the relationship. If restoring a broken relationship or marriage is not possible, our goal is to resolve the issues that have left the relationship broken and restore the individual. This helps to understand and address the problems that resulted in the relationship breaking down thus reducing the chance that this cycle will repeat in future relationships.
VALUE: We believe in the sanctity and dignity of human life, that all people have meaning and purpose, and that no individual is without true value regardless of age, sex, race, beliefs, choices made in life, or religion.
We believe that each individual has purpose, meaning, and objective value. People are not born as merely empty vessels upon which a society or government grants rights and value to. Instead, simply by virtue of being a human being, you have inherent value, purpose, and meaning. The worth and unique value of a human being is objective. At Theravive, this means your counselor will treat you with dignity, respect, and with genuine concern for your well-being.
VALUE: We believe in the family and promote raising children by two loving parents (natural or adoptive), under the banner of marriage between a husband and wife (this is not always possible, it is simply the “best possible”).
Statement of Understanding:
What this means is that we at Theravive uphold family values. In a perfect world, children are meant to be raised by their loving and married mother and father. Every child should have the chance to know, and be loved by, their mother and father, at least that is how it is supposed to be. But of course this world is not perfect, and let's be honest, most families are far from this ideal, even marriages that manage to last twenty years can be in a state of perpetual loneliness. Couples may live and have children together, yet never commit to marriage. Many of us, despite having such wonderful ideals at the start of a relationship, may one day find ourselves alone, surrounded by the shards of brokenness, our spouses long gone in the destructive wake of divorce. Relationships grow cold, spouses drift apart, and children grow up without strong role models, or grow up raised by unmarried parents, having no idea what marriage or family should even be. Its almost as if the entire concept of "family" is changing to the point where it is no longer recognizable. If so few famlilies meet this ideal, what meaning does it have? This value may seem to have no purpose, but the truth is it has an essential one.
By affirming and understanding the principles of marriage and family, we forgive and learn from the past but do not stay there. Instead, this ideal provides a clear direction for the future, and healthy goals to strive for. Even if there is not an opportunity to restore a past relationship (i.e. divorce, or single parent), it is never too late to heal and take the strength and wisdom into a future marriage or relationship. For single parents and children who grow up in broken families, or under unmarried parents, there exists an opportunity to guide and teach them towards a better future for their families. We can take wisdom we have learned through our past, and impart it to our children. We want our children to model the best parts of us, but not our mistakes. And for ourselves, this ideal value provides a solid direction from which to begin a new journey towards healing. If you have read this value and feel that you are not even close, take heart. No matter who you are, or where you've been, it is never too late to lay hold of the splendid hope that awaits you in a brand new journey towards a better life. Every journey begins with a single step.
VALUE: We affirm the distinctive contributions and roles of men and women in relationships, and in the development of children.
Statement of Understanding:
Men and women are different, and not just sexually. They think differently, approach problems differently, communicate differently, the list goes on. Even the basic needs of men and women are frequently different. Common for women is the desire for safety in a relationship, being understood (and heard), and a longing to be beautiful and cherished. This is very different from the primary needs common to most men, which include significance, achievement, a need for adventure, and a deep need for respect.
While no list is absolute to all people, and every list will have elements that are shared among both sexes (plenty of men may have needs for safety just as many women may have needs for respet), our primary purpose is to illustrate how very different needs color the way we see and respond to the world. It is thus healthy for children to experience the feminine and masculine diversity brought by a loving mother and father, natural or adoptive. In single parent homes; these needs can be met and encouraged through friends or relatives, or organizations such as the boy scouts, mentors, or big sister groups.
VALUE: We affirm the need and power of forgiveness, acknowledging that right and wrong exist.
Statement of Understanding:
We believe that fundamental right and wrong is not relative, but something that is commonly understood. For example, whether its "small" acts like cutting in line, or larger ones such as acts of harm, stealing, or deception, the same universal principles are known, regardless of culture. These are the basis for our conscience.
Forgiveness implies that someone was wronged. Whether you are giving forgiveness to someone who wronged you, or you need forgiveness for someone you have wronged, there is a recognition that something happened that should not have, or did not happen that should have. In order for forgiveness to occur there needs to be an acknowledgement of responsibility and of right and wrong, meaning that sometimes guilt is a healthy response to wrongdoing. Too often in society we look to pin responsibility on everyone else, with the notion that there is no such thing as "wrong". In the world of psychology, too often counselors just assume guilt is an unhealthy emotion that should be let-go. While we agree that there are certainly times when guilt can be harmful to growth (a battered wife who blames herself), we also acknowledge that guilt can also be healthy, a sign that an individual has a conscience. It is much more tragic when someone can hurt others and feel no guilt.
When we hurt someone else or when someone hurts us, we need to forgive, not just those who hurt us, but ourselves as well. Forgiveness allows us to let go of the hurt, and be free from guilt. Forgiveness is very powerful and essential in any committed relationship, and important for our own selves. Sometimes forgiving our self is harder than forgiving anyone else.
PRINCIPLE: Naturopathic Philosophy
We believe in resolving the underlying problems that lead to depression, anxiety, and other emotional and physiological issues. While medication may be a necessary part of an individual’s process to wellness, where possible, we work to free the client from the problems that medication has been prescribed to address. This results in the client requiring less or no medication and not becoming dependant on counselling. To put simply, drugs are a last resort, not a first resort. Far too many times, drugs are rapidly prescribed as a quick way to treat a client when they are not always necessary. We do not want to resort to drugs as an easy way out of dealing with a problem, yet at the same time we acknowledge that drugs are an important component of mental health. At all times, we work with, not against, the professional medical care given to our clients.
PRINCIPLE: Guide Not a Judge
While our counselors share common values, our clients need not. A client may live a life of different values, and is still accepted and welcomed, as we have a "come as you are" approach. And even though we believe in right and wrong, it is not our place to be judgmental, dictate, or impose on a client. No matter what the values of a client are, a good counselor will accept that client, and be a listener first. A counselor can never "fix" a problem or change someone, only the client can do that. A counselor that spends more time talking in sessions than his or her clients is probably missing out on important opportunities to understand and lead the client into a path of discovery. While there are certainly times that it may be appropriate to spend a lot of time advising a client, a good counselor is first a listener before being a speaker. A good counselor establishes a safe, collaborative relationship with the client and it is within the safety of this container that effective therapy takes place. A good counselor will guide, rather than judge. A good counselor will listen, rather than lecture. It is always the client, not the therapist, who must make the decisions regarding their life. The grounded counsellor shows the way and provides the tools; the client must then make the choice and walk the path.
Have feedback about our values? Please Let Us Know Here - We are very interested in what clients and counselors both think of our values and mission.
To learn more about our approach to counseling, read about the road of therapy-discovery-results-life
On Values and Ethics: The field of counseling and psychology is regulated by official bodies, including the regulation of ethics in practice. Values counseling is not a replacement of professional ethics and is something different entirely. Learn more about ethics and values here.
