By Dr. Colleen Long, PsyD

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The "B" in my B.A.L.A.N.C.E model stands for "benevolence." This term refers to the act of thinking or doing in accordance with needs of others. Many studies have demonstrated that those that are depressed tend to be more focused on self, continuously monitoring their thoughts, feelings, and worries. While those that are the happiest among us tend to engage in more others-focused behavior.

Last night, I came across the following article, by Lisa Farino for MSN Health & Fitness, to underscore the importance of benevolence in one's life.

 By Dr. Colleen Long, PsyD

View Dr. Long's Profile 

My patients and clients often ask me, "if there is one thing that you would tell everyone to do to improve their overall lives, what would it be?" Every time my answer is- meditation. However, I usually get a blank stare or they immediately classify me as one of those therapists who burn incense and experiment with LSD.

I practically stumbled upon meditation myself, both as a clinician and a person. I was in the very beginning of my “happiness groups,” in an inpatient psychiatric hospital. These groups based on a positive psychology framework where patients were encouraged to focus on what was going right in their lives versus what was going wrong. It was a different way of thinking, but began paying off significantly.

Instead of digging through old baggage of the past, we focused on exercises designed to boost one’s sense of well-being, regardless of the hand they were dealt (you have to keep in mind, many of these people had endured childhoods and young adult lives most of us would read about or only see in a movie). Some of the exercises were designed to teach them how the brain was not necessarily designed to “default” on happiness- that we mostly defaulted to fear and anxiety, which is an adaptive mechanism, once protecting us from lions or other tribes in the distance.

We would put together gratitude journals, and practice focusing on helping someone else that day. As I began searching for new techniques to incorporate in the group, I came across a research study that boasted the effects of meditation on our mood. The research showed that peoples’ left pre-frontal cortex (the area in our brain believed to be responsible for feelings of well-being) were showing dramatic changes after just three 20 minute sessions per week.

So we tried it. We would finish the last 20 minutes of each group with a meditation session. After the first time, I didn’t really notice anything different. Yet, after just a few days of doing this exercise with many groups, I was noticing something. A shift. I was actually a bit more calm, and was present. I remember brushing my teeth and having no running thoughts other than “I’m brushing my teeth.” It was freedom.

John Kabat-Zinn was one of the pioneering psychologists who discovered how meditation effects our brain. Meditation has also been shown to have various other health benefits, most notably with its connection to the Vagus nerve, which helps to decrease cortisol production (the hormone responsible for giving us those little stress guts). Meditation is ours for the taking. It does not cost us anything but a few minutes of our time and patience.

The following are the basic tips for meditation that are sure to get you started in the right direction:

1)Posture- Make sure that you are sitting on a firm surface or firm pillow. You can either sit on the floor with legs crossed or in a chair with legs shoulder width apart. Just make sure that you are not leaning back on the chair back. Ensure that your back is upright, as if you are sitting on a horse. This posture helps remind the body that the mind is in control. It is a posture of dignity and respect, and symbolizes the act of meditation for yourself each day.

Make sure your chest is lifted and open. This shows that you are open and receptive to what this meditation brings. Make sure that your shoulders are back and relaxed, and that your mouth and jaw are also loose. Thich Nhat Hanh recommends you try slightly smiling.

2) Detachment- A common misconception is that meditation should be an absence of one’s thoughts. This is not possible. View your mind’s energy as you would a flowing river. Each leave that passes, represents a thought. It is your goal to observe those thoughts without judgment, like leaves on a river. Once we are able to separate ourselves from our thoughts, they can no longer bring us the same pain they once did. We soon become comfortable just being with our thoughts, even the most painful. As a thought comes to view, we might think “oh that is interesting that thought has come up now,” and let it pass down the river.

3) Routine- Make sure that you set aside some time for meditation-at least three to five days a week, at first. My guess is that once you start to notice the benefits, you will be doing it seven days a week. Most of my patients were on a medication regimen, so I advised them to set aside time for their meditation at the same time they took their medication every day. Another favorite time is right after you wake. This is when the mind is the freshest and most restored. Some prefer right before bedtime. Just make sure that you are not confusing meditation with napping. Meditation requires an alert state of mind.

4) Hands- Your hands can be in one of several positions. These are known as mudras. Each position evokes different feeling states, such as balance, openness, or groundedness. One is the classical forefinger to thumb position. This can signal to the mind an on-the-spot concentration that is often needed for meditation. Another hand position is each hand on the knees, palms facing up. This signals a receptivity to your meditation, an openness to what comes. Some people prefer the traditional Christian prayer position, with both palms pressed together under the chin. The last position is hands on each knee, palms facing down. This envokes a feeling of groundedness, strength, and balance.

5) Eyes- Many people prefer that their eyes are closed. This can be a good thing in that you are not distracted. However, if you find yourself becoming sleepy, you may want to pick a spot about 4-6 inches on the ground in front of you and focus on this during your meditation.

6) Sound- You can meditate quietly or use music if you are more musically inclined. I prefer to listen to Liquid Mind on Pandora radio, which helps to put me in a tranquil state.

7) Breath- As you get started, simply focus on the breaths coming in and out of your body. You can start by inhaling for four, holding for two, and exhaling for four. This puts the body in a deeper state of relaxation (you may even find yourself getting a slight buzz from the amount of oxygen you are taking in) because we do not normally breathe at this slow pace. As you inhale, notice your belly start to rise, as you exhale notice it grow smaller. Remind yourself that each breath is cleansing, like a broom sweeping out the cobwebs of the soul.

8) Ending- At the end of each meditation, many choose to clasp their hands together in the traditional prayer position, bowing their head in gratitude for the meditation as well as showing respect to a higher order in the universe.

Putting it in to Practice

I like to start each day with meditation. It is a time when my mind is at its freshest. I am able to clear my mind of thoughts without falling asleep (because I have just had eight hours of rest). I often like to start with a 3-5 minute visualization exercise, where I visualize where I want to be. I concentrate on the smells, the sounds, what the environment looks like around me, what people are saying, and even how they feel about me.

After this visualization exercise, I usually do a 20 minute meditation, where I clear myself of thoughts and focus on being in the present moment. Many of those that are trying this for the first time will find that the first minute, even 30 seconds is difficult. This is normal- our minds are not used to this way of being and will resist at first. It is only a protective mechanism. Practice acceptance towards our minds wanting to protect us and allow yourself to continually return to the present moment.

As thoughts come up, simply view them as passing leaves on a stream. Don’t make judgments, simply let them float by. Eventually you will be able to remain in the present moment for a full minute, and this time will increase with practice.

Dr. Colleen Long is the author of “Happiness in B.A.L.A.N.C.E,” and practices in the Los Angeles area under the supervision of Dr. Richard Oelberger (PSY22186) . Dr. Long works mainly from a positive psychology framework as it applies to addiction, depression, relationships,  body image and weight loss. Her website can be found at www.DrColleenLong.com. All public speaking/media event requests handled through FreudTV (info@FreudTV.com).

 By Dr. Colleen Long, PsyD

View Dr. Long's Profile

One of the most frequent observations made of  patients, during my stint in a psychiatric inpatient unit, was their lack of novelty or change throughout their day. If you asked a person suffering from depression what they did that day, they often struggled to remember. This is because depressed people usually maintain a very repetitive existence (recall Bill Murray's character in Groundhog's Day).

Without going into a neuroanatomy lesson, think of the right brain as being depression's ally, while the left brain is its nemesis. Our right brain contains structures that are associated with telling us, "if we just keep doing the same thing that we are used to, we will feel comfortable, and will feel better (also similar to when we have the flu or a cold)."

Yet, our left brain contains structures that are associated with novelty and challenge. If you recall from the meditation blog, our left brain also contains structures that are associated with our feelings of well-being and contentment. Therefore, you can begin to see how challenge and novelty are associated with well-being and contentment. By learning new things and spicing up our routine, we stimulate the area in our brain that makes us feel hopeful, optimistic, and joyful.

"Wisdom is the supreme part of happiness."   - Sophocles

Many times, I would ask the patients in our group what a typical day in their life looked like. Usually it would look like this:

Wake up + Cigarette + Television + Lunch + Cigarette + Television + Cigarette + Dinner  + Cigarette + Sleep --> Repeat

Astoundingly, this type of day for them would repeat itself for months and months until they found themselves depressed, anxious, addicted, and/or suicidal and in our hospital.

These people were simply doing what "felt" right. They did not go out, they isolated without any peer interaction, their interpersonal relationships deteriorated, and they hadn't done anything "out of the box," in a significantly long time. Yet, there condition worsened until they were no longer able to cope on their own.

Oftentimes, patients would show a significant improvement within the first couple of days of treatment. My theory was that this was largely in part due to a novel environment combined with social interaction (vs. psychotropic medication, which they also received) and structure (often lacking throughout their lives and also found to contribute to mental illness).

"We squander our free time by freeing it of effort."   - Tal Ben Shahar

Many humans believe that by “turning off” we are somehow rejuvenating ourselves. Can you remember the last time you felt invigorated after watching hours of television? Can you recall the feeling of boredom after spending three days by the beach on holiday intended to “relax” you? Think back to the happiest moments of your life. What were you doing? It is likely that you were working towards some self-directed goal or purpose.

"Growth itself contains the germ of happiness."  - Pearl S. Buck

The "L" in my B.A.L.A.N.C.E model stands for "learning." Learning includes both challenge and purpose. It is the behavior of the lifelong learner. We are hardwired as humans with the drive and desire to continuously learn and challenge ourselves. Yet, in day to day life, we set aside little time devoted to actually learning something new or purposely challenging ourselves. It is our job to restore challenge and learning back in our lives because that is what our minds are designed to do and desire to do. Think about where we would be today if we never challenged ourselves.

Recall a period in your life when you were being challenged to do something outside of your normal routine. Maybe you were doing work related training and were learning a new sales approach or computer software system. Maybe you were trying out a new pilates class, or training for a marathon. Whatever it was, I have a hunch that if you think back to how you were feeling, you were likely upbeat, positive, and content. Maybe you even questioned, "why don't I do this more often?"

To the depressed person, this can seem like a monumental task. The idea of challenging themselves to learn something new is akin to asking someone with the stomach virus to get up and play a game of Twister. Yet the rewards of doing this for someone with depression can be immeasurable. Unlike other illnesses, often times doing the opposite of what you feel like doing, is usually the best medicine. This has also been referred to as opposite action, and is often used in DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy) for emotional regulation. I simply refer to it as the "just do it," approach.

So as you are going through your day today- try something new. Maybe ask a friend to go to a mid-afternoon movie. Maybe take an online learning class about something you've always wanted to know more about, or just take a different route home than you usually do. Observe your feelings after doing so, and start to look for other opportunities in your week where you can sprinkle in some novelty. Go on... just do it.

Dr. Colleen Long is the author of “Happiness in B.A.L.A.N.C.E,” and practices in the Los Angeles area under the supervision of Dr. Richard Oelberger (PSY22186). Dr. Long works mainly from a positive psychology framework as it applies to addiction, depression, relationships,  and weight loss. Her website can be found at www.DrColleenLong.com. All public speaking/media event requests handled through FreudTV (info@FreudTV.com).

 By Dr. Colleen Long, PsyD

View Dr. Long's Profile

"There is nothing good or bad, but thinking makes it so."     -William Shakespeare

The quote above encapsulates today's happiness tip. Billy Shakespeare knew it and now today - YOU will too. It is not the reality of life, but our own perception of life that influences whether or not we feel happy or distraught.

Think about the mental state you are existing in today. Are you anxious? Are you sad? Are you angry? What types of thoughts are you having that are shaping your perception of your current reality? How could those thoughts change the way you feel right now?

As children, we all just floated from one life event to the next. We had no preconceived notions, no schemas, no bad experiences that caused us to be cautious in future similar situations. When we met another kid, we didn't think "I wonder what ol' Timmy's angle is? What's he getting at here?" We simply accepted Timmy without judgment, and had fun. After we left, we didn't think about how we were received, or what Timmy thought of us, we just moved on to the monkey bars.

As we get older, like a piece of old gum- we start to accumulate all the junk that life brings. We start to develop ideas about ourselves and others. We start to build connections between actions and intentions (i.e- this guy is being a bit too nice, what does he want from me?)

It's no wonder that we do this as humans. Our brains are designed to guess possible scenarios based on previous experiences. Otherwise, everytime a lion came over the plains thousands of years ago our ancestors would have simply stared in awe instead of making a run for it in the opposite direction.

Yet, it is through emotional intelligence that we must make a conscious effort to put the brakes on this type of thinking when it is counter-productive. The first A in my BALANCE model stands for Awareness, which encompasses this aspect of emotional intelligence, first coined by Daniel Goleman.

If one is to make a blanket assumption such as "all people have an angle and no one has any interest in anything I have to say unless it benefits them." How do you think that affects the way they behave in society? How do you think that affects the way they feel on a daily basis? It certainly does not provide for a sense of connection and peace.

Happiness is a verb, and as such we must make a conscious effort each day to change our way of thinking. Instead of relying on what I call lazy thinking, just allowing the mind to float on in auto-pilot, learn to identify and then challenge your thoughts today.

To put this principle into light, I will use the example of a man with three daughters in McDonald's. His daughters are crawling all over the booth, being loud, and generally annoying most people in the restaurant. A woman sitting next to the man begins to roll her eyes and become increasingly angry at this man's selfishness for taking his daughters in the restaurant, not being able to control them, and interrupting everyone's meal.

The man turns to the woman and says "I apologize. My wife just died six months ago and I am still trying to get a handle on the whole Mr. Mom thing." How quickly does that change your perception? Instead of feeling anger and resentment, it begins to soften to compassion and empathy.

When we can project a sense of love and compassion towards others, we are ultimately reaping the greatest reward- our own feelings of contentment and peace. So try it today. What situation or thoughts could you reshape so that you could approach the event from a place of compassion and empathy vs. resentment and anger?

Dr. Colleen Long is the author of “Happiness in B.A.L.A.N.C.E,” and practices in the Los Angeles area under the supervision of Dr. Richard Oelberger (PSY22186). Dr. Long works mainly from a positive psychology framework as it applies to addiction, depression, relationships,  body image and weight loss. Her website can be found at www.DrColleenLong.com. All public speaking/media event requests handled through FreudTV (info@FreudTV.com).