By Christie Hunter: 

View Christie's Profile 

An Old Myth Exposed

The idea that to be a parent means to sacrifice it all is nothing new, it has been around a long time.  First, let me clear one thing up- of course a parent would (and should) sacrifice for his or her children.  If it came down to the welfare of a child, any good parent should lay down their own interests to protect and keep safe their children.  This article is not about the real issue of neglect, and I am by no means advocating parents ignore their children.  What I am countering is a philosophy that states "to be a parent, you have to 100% self-sacrifice"...and this just isn't true at all.  In fact, I believe it can cause more harm than good.    First of all, what are some ways that parents implement this idea of sacrificing everything?  Well I can think of several off hand.  How about the idea of putting the needs of a marriage "on hold" for the sake of a new baby?  Maybe the husband no longer matters for a while, and his need for friendship and time with his wfie can take a back seat for 9 months during pregnancy, and then at the arrival of baby, he gets to put his needs on hold another 9 months while all priority goes to the newborn.  And after nearly a year and half of having his needs put on hold, by that time, he is so used to it, that nothing really changes, and it simply continues.  Or how about the mom, who, once baby arrives, gives up all the things she used to love.  She suddenly feels selfish to enjoy "me-time" as if doing so means neglecting her baby.  And what about the parents of toddlers, and children as they grow, who have to deal with so many needs and demands that an entire family structure is built around the children, rather than a deliberate direction set by the parents?  Hobbies get scratched, personal needs go unmet, friendships fade, and husband-and-wife quality time together gets tossed (and by quality time, I do not mean spending time together while running a Costco errand, quality time means time together is focused).  If any of this sounds famliar, or you are in a great marriage about to have your first child, please read on!

The First Challenge Of A Newborn

Expecting change as you embark on parenting helps you to safeguard your marriage against the natural attrition that can take place as your focus shifts to the new arrival in your life.  Out of sheer necessity, the constants needs of a newborn, the lack of sleep, the desire to do the very best for your child,  focus can move away from the relationship with your spouse causing disconnect and distance.  Additionally, if you and your spouse have different views on raising your child, this can further create a sense of separation in what was once a connected and unified marriage.

So how do you safeguard your marriage against these changes?  The first is recognizing that the marriage existed prior to the arrival of the baby and is the foundational component to your new family unit.  Prioritizing this relationship, both in time and importance allows room for disagreements without turning into a battle of wills between you and your spouse.  If husband and wife both feel they are respected for their views and loved regardless of their opinion, then a safe environment is established where you can each share your ideas about baby, your hopes for the future, and your fears over the immense responsibility of parenting.  While this may seem simplistic and trite, it begins with finding time for each other.

Prioritizing Your Relationship 

The arrival of a baby does not suddenly mean the marriage is on the back burner.  It does not mean a wife doesn’t still need affection from her husband.  Nor does it mean that hubby should have all of his needs sacrificed and put on the back burner.  If you do not nurture your marriage together, it will decay.  A baby may be a wonderful blessing, but be warned!  The arrival of a newborn will not enhance your relationship, it will actually cause great strife and unless you nurture your marriage together, you may look back one day and see that the turning point where things began to go south between you….was at the arrival of baby.   It is important to still place priority on your marriage while you enjoy- together – the blessing of a new child.  So how do you prioritize your marriage when you have a clingy, needy infant that demands more time from you than you possibly have available?  What does prioritizing a marriage look like with a baby around?

Well, initially, this may not look like a traditional “date night”, the dinner and movie evening out.  As simple as having a trusted relative or friend watch the newborn for 30 minutes to allow you and your spouse a chance to go for a walk around the block together gives you couple time to connect.  Take advantage of nap times.  Plan a “picnic at home”, when baby is asleep lay out a blanket on the family room floor, and enjoy a weekend mid-afternoon snack.  Buy a special dessert and sit together, “eyeball to eyeball” taking a few minutes to talk about how you feeling and your thoughts about the future.  Make sure you eliminate distractions, turn off the television, ignore the phone, email can wait.  Setting aside as little as thirty minutes a week during these initial weeks of adjustment can do wonders for your relationship and give you time to connect and remember the reason this little bundle of joy is in your life.

100% Self Sacrifice:  The Myth

One of the myths of parenting is that it requires 100% self-sacrifice in order to meet the needs of the child.  If this were true, the process of achieving this would leave the parent with nothing left of who they uniquely are to offer to their child.  Do not sacrifice everything for the child, or you will find yourself empty, and your external relationships evaporated.  The “100% self sacrifice” model of parenting is dangerous and unhealthy for the entire family.   This philosophy leaves the mom or dad giving up their hobbies and interests, losing important and supportive friendships, placing their marriage as low priority compared to the unyielding needs of their children.   Additionally, your children will grow up in a household that puts them at the center of the universe- an unhealthy way to prepare for adulthood.  Not only will you be empty, but they will be empty as well.  Children need to see that their parents have active hobbies and interests.  A parent can invite a child along in his or her adventures and hobbies.  If a parent has sacrificed it all, then the child will look to peers for role models.  If you want to be a role model to your child, make sure there is a whole person there, and not an empty shell.  Take care of yourself, enjoy your hobbies….but don’t enjoy them alone.  Invite your children along, you may be surprised at how much a child clings to, and loves, the hobbies of his or her mom and dad.

Who you are is critical to how your children will learn, grow, and develop.   Children look to their mom and dad as their primary example of what is good and right in the world.  Parents who have hobbies that reflects who they are as a person gives your child an opportunity to experience life with you rather than just around you.  This is a significant difference in parents being a part of their child’s life through shared adventure of themselves versus leaving the child to acquire these experiences through other means.  Children are sponges just wanting to soak up the world around them and while parents may try to monitor or limit the influences, a much more direct and beneficial approach is to provide them opportunities to learn through their parent’s own enjoyment in life.  If you enjoy playing the piano, hold your baby on your lap as you play, have your child be a part of who you are.  Introduce your child to life, through your interests, allow them to develop their own likes and preferences, but start by sharing yours.  Your child may not love playing piano, but an introduction to music can create an appreciation for many aspects of this area of life that they would not had, had you given up this interest of yours. 

The Deep Needs Of A Child 

 

Imagine for a moment that all of your friends and family looked to you for their happiness.  Imagine that your life was suddenly the center of the universe for everyone around you, and you were the Leader of them all.  Think of all the stress and pressure on you that would create.  What happens when you make a mistake?  It is magnified.    Now perhaps there are people out there who can tolerate having a kingdom and being a queen or king and still be good people, but a child is not mature enough to handle that kind of pressure.  It is an unhealthy world to raise a child in-  a world where the child is King or Queen, and the parent sacrifices everything at the throne of the children.

Your children are part of a family, raise them that way.  Don’t put them at the dead center-and-focus.  The universe should never revolve around a child, it doesn’t help them at all in life.    If all of your identity, if all of your purpose, if all of your happiness depends on your children….wow!  What a burden they must carry!!  Be a whole person for them- a person with hobbies, interests, wisdom, love, friends, and adventure.   Don’t self-sacrifice 100% of yourself.  Don’t put on their backs, the weight and burden of all your identity and happiness in life.   Be independently happy.  Let them share in your joy rather than grow up under the immense burden that your joy depends on them.  This will be tremendously freeing for your children.  They can be free to be children, to discover the world around them in love, and in safety.  Be whole.  That is what they need from you.  And most of all, treasure these moments….they will not last.  Before you know it, you will turn around, and the time will be gone.

About Christie

Christie is a Certified Management Accountant (CMA) with the CMA Society of Canada and a Registered Clinical Counsellor (R.C.C.) with the British Columbia Association of Clinical Counsellors. She holds a dual specialty in Marriage & Family Therapy and Trauma Resolution. View Christie's Profile        

By Christie Hunter: 

View Christie's Profile 

What Are Doorways?

This is the first blog in a new series of blogs called "Doorways".  A doorway represents and symoblizes a new place, a new journey in life.  Beyond the door is another world, one that is different than the one behind it, yet still connected.   In order to reach the doorway before us, we had to live the life behind us, for it brought us here to this place.  And like all doorways, it requires a choice...action on our part.  We can stay here and look at it, or perhaps open it slightly and peer through as a spectator, or maybe even turn around and walk backwards down the path we came....or we can take a new step, close a chapter behind us, and start a new journey.  Like all doorways, to experience what lies ahead, you must actually step through.

Our first doorway that I will talk about is the one so many of us have already walked through- becoming a parent!

Here Comes Baby!

Welcome to the world of parenting!  Its here…whether you prepared for it or not.  And now, you are going to have to make some adjustments!  Some of them will come naturally, some of them not so naturally.  You are probably getting advice from everywhere.  The best overall advice I can give you is…enjoy it!  The moments will go by so fast, and by the time you turn around, it will seem like a fleeing memory.  Don’t get caught up in all the minute details…”Am I eating enough? Did I take my supplements?  Did I buy the right crib?, ect.” The more you get hung up on all the fine details, the less likely you are to create special memories that your heart will cherish.   More than anything, find time to just enjoy life, and embrace each step, each phase of life as a parent, from pregnancy, to birth, to baby, to toddler, all the way to young adult.    It will go by so fast.  

Transitions

This series I will talk about what it is to be a new parent.  I will discuss some myths, and some very real challenges that will hit you straight in the head if you aren’t prepared for them.  The sad truth is that many relationships end after the birth of a child, and having a good understanding of what happens during transition from couple to parents is critical for your future happiness.

The adjustment into parenting is one of the most challenging and rewarding periods for a couple.  The anticipation of waiting for the arrival of your child, whether through the course of a pregnancy or while waiting for an adoption to complete, creates an extensive list of hopes, dreams, and expectations for your future as parents and for your child.  Focusing on these exciting options, preparing the baby’s room, and thinking about the arrival of your bundle of joy can many times overlook the preparation needed for your marriage as you and your spouse transition from just the two of you to a family of three.  This first series of blogs are designed to help bring awareness to the many changes couples may face as they embark on parenting. 

You Are The Best Guide

The first consideration is that no amount of planning, no amount of preparing, no book, no advice, and no blog is going to fully prepare you for the changes of becoming parents.   How much experience parenting did anyone else have the first time they became parents?  The answer is none, of course.  Being a parent is a journey you must take on your own, each journey is fully unique from all others. Recognizing that you will not be able to control all circumstances with your baby and that your resources will be maxed out helps to create an environment of flexibility and resilience to these unplanned events.   If you are going in to parenting with an expectation of being able to plan and schedule all events relating to your child, you will likely be disappointed and frustrated.  Being realistic about your expectations of both your child and yourself is a great start towards adjusting to both the anticipated and the unpredictable situations.

Expect And Prepare For Change 

Our human nature is to prepare, to learn, to anticipate situations so we can make the best choices and thus have the best possible outcomes.  When you bring a child into the family structure of your marriage this changes not only your identity as an individual, you are now a mother or a father, but also your identity in your relationship with your spouse.  Together you share a unique opportunity to teach, to train, and to guide your child.  This job requires a great deal of time, effort, and emotional resource.  As you try to balance these demands in your life and marriage, some areas of your life will receive less.  Often, this comes from what we give to our spouse and the effect is a slow distance that develops in what was once a strong and exciting relationship.

Next, we will discuss some of the expectations…and disappointments that new parents will often face.  Have you ever heard someone tell you that being a parent is a 100% self-sacrifice?  Probably most new parents have heard this from someone or have read it somewhere.  The truth is, that it is not, and this is actually quite a risky philosophy to have, one that I do not recommend.  Being a parent can be a 100% self gain.  We will talk about how this can be and other myths next time.

About Christie

Christie is a Certified Management Accountant (CMA) with the CMA Society of Canada and a Registered Clinical Counsellor (R.C.C.) with the British Columbia Association of Clinical Counsellors. She holds a dual specialty in Marriage & Family Therapy and Trauma Resolution. View Christie's Profile     

By Christie Hunter:  View Christie's Profile  

Special Situations

As you begin to set boundaries in your life and relationships a number of situations may occur as those around you resist or are not in agreement with the limits you are setting.  Knowing that these situations may be present better prepares you as you work to maintain these healthy parameters and establish healthier and more fulfilling relationships in your life.

Triangulation

What is Triangulation?  Triangulation is a dysfunctional way of attempting to deal with an issue between two people by using a involving a third person into the issue who should not be there.  Triangulation occurs in situations where you have placed a limit on a friendship and the other person attempts to violate the boundary by means of a third person. 

An example of triangulation would be to imagine two adult siblings who are having a disagreement. One sibling decides that in order to protect herself and her family, she needs to stop sharing personal information about herself with her brother for a while, who has been using it against her.   So now the brother has a limit in place- a boundary his sister has put in place that cuts off the information flow that he is used to.   Rather than respecting this boundary and working with his sister to resolve the disagreement that has resulted with limits, the brother goes around his sister and attempts to establish a relationship with his sister's husband.  By hanging out with his sister's husband, he can get an "in" on his sister, manipulating the boundary.  This is an attempt at triangulating the situation, bringing in a third person as a way of avoiding direct resolution.  If allowed, the brother and his sister's husband would establish a relationship based on an unhealthy and unresolved situation.  Triangulation has as its goal a desire to maintain or even establish a relationship with a third person by means of another person.  It avoids direct communication and thereby limits the chance either of the relationships has for authentic and open dialogue.

Examine your relationships to see if you may have been pulled into the middle of someone else’s relationships.  Have you been asked to “help” fix a problem, or are you communicating information about a third party that should really be communicated directly, if a relationship existed?  If so, look to make changes so your relationships are based on you and the other person, not on the exchange of information about a silent third person.

Disownment

In some situations as you begin to set healthy limits on your relationships, you may experience some strong resistance to the changes you are making.  One response to these boundaries is the complete withdrawal by the other person in the form of disownment.  For someone who is not willing to accept your withdrawal of resources from the relationship the only answer may be to walk away, or disown you and the relationship you had.  

This can be a very shocking and painful experience during a time when you are trying to establish more healthy ways of communicating and relating with others.  Recognizing that you cannot control the reaction of others, that just as you are able to make changes and set limits, so can others, even if it is the extreme response of estrangement. 

If this is the situation you are faced with, share with the other person your sadness over their choice.  Let them know that you hope for the situation to be different and when they are ready to begin talking again, you are here.  There is little else you can do when someone refuses to talk with you or work through the problems in the relationship.  Maintaining the healthy limits you have set is very important during this time.  Setting aside your limits in order to reestablish communication will only continue the unhealthy pattern of relating that you were attempting to change. 

This is a difficult time as you move forward with positive change in your life, yet at the same time are faced with the loss and sadness of relationships that could be so much more.  Be realistic with your expectations, but remain hopeful that the future holds reconciliation. 

Summary

While there are a number of special situations you may be faced with as you begin to make changes in your relationships, this section gives you a few ideas about how to persevere through the challenges of maintaining your healthy limits.  Keep in mind, the purpose of setting boundaries is not to reduce the communication in your relationships.  Quite the contrary, by setting healthy limits, your relationships have an opportunity to grow and to be an encouragement to each other within the healthy and safe parameters set by all people.  Boundaries define us and with a better definition, we are better able to enjoy and share our lives with those around us.

By Christie Hunter:  View Christie's Profile  

Resistances

Implementing boundaries in your life and relationships begins with a conscious choice towards healthy and hopeful change. The decision to have different priorities and a new focus for your personal resources requires that you are prepared for both how you will feel about the change as well as how others may react to the adjustments.  These reactions and responses are what are known as resistances. We experience these resistances to change when we feel anxious that the new limits will result in not having a need met that is significant in our life. Understanding what these resistances are, both within ourselves, the internal resistances, as well as the reactions from those around us, the external resistances help to prepare us to maintain the boundaries and move towards healthy relationships.

Internal Resistances

When you consider pulling back, or limiting what you have to offer, the emotions you feel regarding this decision may cause you to question whether this is the right choice. These feelings are the internal resistances to change. Overcoming them is the first step to ensuring you are able to successfully implement the boundaries that will lead to healthy relationships. You may experience a feeling of guilt since you are not offering as much time to a friend as you have in the past. Or you may be limiting the information you share with a relative due to confidentiality not being respected. Regardless of the reason for the boundary, we are often faced with a sense of internal uncertainty as we move forward with change as we do not know and cannot control how the other person will respond.

It is important that we work through the issues that cause us to feel this anxiety. If we are uncomfortable with change or don’t like the unknown, changing patterns of behaving and relating to others can create a sense of fear. We cannot control how the other person will react to our new limits and this uncertainty may create a sense of immobility in us moving forward. Recognizing these feeling allows you to prepare for them as you are making change. Being prepared allows us to be better able to handle these feelings if they become a factor in maintaining the healthy boundaries we are setting.

External Resistances

Deciding to implement boundaries does not require acknowledgment or agreement from the other person. As a result of this, when we begin to make changes, the friend or family member may react or respond to our new limits in a way other than complete acceptance. These reactions are external resistances to the limits we are placing on the relationship. Some common reactions we may be faced with are anger as we no longer may spend as much time with the other person, or we may been seen as unfair and unloving if we no longer continue to invest emotionally at the same level. It is important to be aware that all change is met with some type of response.

In the most extreme situations, an individual who does not agree with the changes you make can attempt to match your healthy boundary with a protective reaction of their own. This can include complete withdrawal from you and from the relationship in an attempt to control the direction of change. Unfortunately, we have no control over the other person’s response or their agreement to the changes in the relationship. Again, being prepared for the individual’s reaction helps us to respond to this in a planned and rational way rather than to react and have one of our internal resistances triggered.

Moving Forward

Maintaining boundaries is an ongoing process. It is a part of making healthy changes in your relationships that requires ongoing effort and awareness. Keeping your focus on the reason for the changes, on the limits of your resources and what you can invest in others without reaching a point of burnout, helps to move you through the periods where internal or external resistances make the maintenance of boundaries difficult and challenging.

Next time we will look at some special situations where those we are setting healthy boundaries with try to work around them and find ways to keep things the way they were.

By Christie Hunter:  View Christie's Profile  

Setting Boundaries

After completing the relationship map (see previous week), we need to begin by assessing our relationships to see where we are investing emotional resources and how this aligns with the bigger picture in our lives. To do this, we need to understand what the goals are for ourselves and for our family. As we start, remember that when I make reference to “family,” it is the three intersecting circles in the middle of your relationship map – you, your spouse, and your children still living at home.

Assessing the Relationships in our Life

From here, consider the goals you and your spouse have established for your family. Again, this may require sitting down together and defining or redefining the priorities for your marriage and family. As a family, what is the legacy you want to leave for your children? What are the values and characteristics you want to espouse in your relationship? Are you presently living your life with these areas as a focus? Once you have assessed these goals and priorities for yourself and your family, you are ready to look at how the other relationships in your life are aligning to these.

When you look at your relationship map, consider individuals, volunteer positions, job responsibilities, or groups you are involved.  Now ask yourself, are these relationships aligning with the goals and priorities you have defined? If one of your goals is to ensure your children have positive roles models in your life, are there relationships where your children see positive characteristics modeled to them? How are the relationships in your life aligning to the plans you have for your family?

Additionally, are there any relationships that are in conflict with your goals or dreams? Is there a relationship that is demanding more and more from you at the expense of quality time with your family.  For example, do you have a relative that is always “borrowing” money and taking away from your ability to save and work towards financial security (a goal)? If so, consider that these relationships may require you to set limits, to place a boundary to ensure that your goals and priorities are still the focus of your resources.

Another area to be reviewed is relationships where you have committed time, emotional energy, finances, or other aspects of yourself. In the beginning, when someone comes to us and needs from us, we may feel that we are doing the right thing by investing our emotional resources into that person.  So we say "yes" to that person and give to them from us.  Yet what may have been right or good at the start, doesn't mean it will continue that way.  People can take and take from us, eventually taking advantage of us to the point where we feel walked on, or our other relationships suffer.  You need to look at that relationship and ask yourself, over time, have all the resources you've invested in that person still continue to benefit?  Is that person growing?  Are you growing?  For example, by being an emotional support for your friend in crisis, you provide encouragement, a sounding board, and a sense of stability. But over time, your friend needs to learn how to stand on her own, to move forward into her own life. If you continue to offer her support day in and day out long after the crisis has ended, you may take on a role of enabler, the original investment no longer having the same benefit. Evaluate if your resources in your relationships are still an investment.

Finally, ask yourself, are other relationships in my life suffering or losing our because of one relationship in my life. Is there a friend, position, or other aspect of your life that is taking from other relationships in your life?  A relative who inserts themselves into the middle of your marriage, for example, can have a very devastating effect on the relationship with your spouse.  If other relationhips in your life are hurting because of a relationship that has gotten out of control, its time to analyze and prioritize, and set a boundary.  Look at setting a limit on what you are offering to relationships that cause others to suffer or lose out because of this one.

Avoid Co-Dependency

Sometimes an unhealthy relationship is allowed to exist because you receive a "benefit" from it yourself. Consider the case of a mother in-law who provides baby-sitting support to you. You need someone to watch your baby, and so this really helps you. However, by providing you this "help," she feels that she has rights to how the baby should be raised. As a result, she is always making demands on how to raise and care for your baby. She inserts herself into your family far beyond what is healthy. This causes great tension and strife in your marriage, as she continually makes demands on your family decisions.  She has assumed a role in your family that has crossed a line, and it is hurting you.  It is no longer a family of you, your spouse, and your children (as it should be)- it is now a family with an extra person who does not belong! You want to cut her off, but then who will watch the baby?   Do you see how this kind of snare works?  You feel completely trapped- you know its not healthy, but you do not now how to fix it. We enable unhealthy relationships because we are "receiving" something back from them, and this is called co-dependency.  However, in the end, whatever it is we are getting back is not worth it because it can cause our lives to crumble.  We must make a change.

Making the Decision

As you assess your relationships, if there is one that you feel is not aligned with your goals, is taking from other areas of your life, or where your initial investment is no longer a benefit it is time to make the decision to set a boundary. The most significant aspect of setting a boundary is that it only takes one person. You do not need the other person to agree or to even like the limit you need to put in place. It only takes one person, you can decide at any time to implement a boundary. It begins with a simple decision.

Setting boundaries requires an honest evaluation of your present relationships, how these align with your goals, and making a decision for change. It may not be easy, change usually is not, but the potential for better living, healthier relationships all around you, and more purpose and direction in your life is immense. Next we will look at how we maintain boundaries and the response we may often experience within ourselves and from others as we begin to protect our futures and establish healthy relationships.

By Christie Hunter:  View Christie's Profile  

An Introduction to Boundaries 

For many of us, at some point in our life, possibly currently, we have been faced with a relationship that has challenged us and caused us to feel out of control. 

Whether the individual is a family member, a close friend, a coworker, or an acquaintance, we have been unclear on what we need to do to bring a sense of calm and balance to the relationship.  It may be a struggle with how to respond to someone who wants more of our time, or who is depending on us for support, someone who needs our money, or who desperately needs to feel loved.  Whatever the need, the role to fill this has been placed on our plate, and with all the other aspects of our life to manage, the demands of one person can throw off the balance of our lives.  

This series is designed to help you assess where the emotional strains are on your life and your relationships, how to determine and set a limit with others, what we need to do to maintain this boundary, and finally, how do we move forward with a focus on establishing healthy and mutually beneficial relationships.  As we begin, it is important to understand the four types of boundaries that you can place in your life and on your relationships. 

Physical Boundaries 

The most basic and tangible is the physical boundary.  A physical boundary identifies the parameters of where something begins and where it ends.  Our skin is a physical boundary that keeps the good things in and the bad (germs, bacteria, viruses, etc.) out.  An infant’s crib is designed to protect them, keeping them safe in a place where they cannot injure themselves in the physical limits of their bed.  Another example is geographical location, how near or far we are to someone sets the limits on how easy or difficult it is to see someone or how often we will see them.  With a physical boundary we are defining something within a tangible and visual definition. 

Mental Boundaries 

The second type of boundary is a mental boundary.  This defines our thoughts and opinions allowing us to choose what we think about and to stop ourselves from thinking about other things.  Additionally, as we form opinions, we have freedom in how we analyze a situation, what information we integrate into this assessment, and what our resulting opinion will be.  Regardless of whether or not someone agrees with our opinion, it is ours to have and creates a distinction between us and someone else in our lives.  Maintaining your own opinion or value about something is one of the components that make you a unique and distinct person. 

Emotional Boundaries

Emotional boundaries are the third type and include our feelings and how we experience life.  When we consider emotional limits with someone, we consider how much we can invest in the person in terms of “emotional” time.  Some of our relationships may leave of more emotionally tired or fatigued than others regardless of the amount of physical time we actually spend with someone.  Emotional boundaries may include the type of information (personal and private facts) that we share with someone.  If we are constantly being judged by someone over our choices in life, we may decide not to share this information with the individual, thus limiting the potential influence they can have in our life.

Spiritual Boundaries 

The last boundary is a spiritual boundary and finds a distinction between our will for our life and God’s will for our life.  Often times, in seeking the best for our life we become unclear on whether we are following God’s path for our life or our own direction.  Through biblical direction and prayer, we determine how to distinguish the basis for decisions from a spiritual aspect.

This is an overview of the four types of boundaries to show the different areas we can consider when looking to better identify ourselves and develop healthy limits in our relationships.  Next we will consider why we really need boundaries and how a lack of healthy boundaries in one relationship in our life can cause all other relationships to suffer. 

Hello everyone.  Since this is our first blog post, I decided an introduction would be a nice way to start things off.  

Why This Blog?

We felt it would be a nice addition to our site to add a blog.  This is a place where our therapists can come and share stories, antecdotes, messages of encouragement, advice, helpful tips, or perhaps educate by explaining therapies, approaches, counseling, psychological concepts...you get the idea!

Share Your Thoughts

While our therapists write their contributions, we encourage you to join in the discussion.  Comments are open to everyone, whether you are a therapist or not.  So go ahead, let us know what you think and post a comment.

Please Be Civil

We decided to leave our comments unmoderated.  What does this mean?  Well it means that when you post a comment, it will go live, and we are acting in good faith that comments will be courteous and respectful of each other.  We hope that we will not have to change to a moderated policy, because its extra work, and it's just not best for anyone.  We all like to see our comments get posted right away, rather than waiting an unspecified amount of time, so it is my sincere hope that this will be a safe place for everyone.

Happy blogging!