Theravive

A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor's book. 

~Irish Proverb

How true!  If we all practiced these two “cures”, we would likely improve our health and decrease our stress!  In today’s day and age, too many people are not getting either of these important cures!    Both are relatively easy to incorporate in to your day without needing to make any major lifestyle changes.  Let’s take a more detailed look at each of these.

Most Americans complain that they do not get enough sleep.  Billions of dollars are spent each year on lost productivity and treatment for sleep-related problems. The recent research on sleep indicates that if you are not getting enough sleep, which for most people is 7 – 9 hours per night, you are at higher risk for high blood pressure, stroke, heart disease, mental impairment, depression and weight gain.  When you are well rested the following results: you are more productive at home and work, you enjoy life more, you are more relaxed in your relationships and you are healthier.  If you are not getting enough sleep, what would need to change in order for you to get more sleep?  Many of us complain that we do not have time to sleep; but then, do you have the time or money to take care of any of the health issues listed earlier??  Is everything on our “to do” list really that important?

Now let’s look at the second “cure” - laughter.  Have you ever counted how many times you truly laugh in a day’s time?  Laughter increases the level of endorphins and neurotransmitters in your system and reduces the level of stress hormones.  Laughing can improve your immune system and provide a wonderful physical and emotional release.  All that from simply laughing!  Think of ways to increase the laughter in your day - gravitate towards those people who are upbeat and have a good sense of humor, read those email jokes that make you laugh, work towards seeing the humor in even the most difficult situations, watch a funny movie….be creative with how you increase your comic relief. 

What steps will you make to incorporate these 2 easy “cures” in to your day?  The effort you put in to making these changes will more than repay you.  It is a good investment in you, your family, and your business or career - and one that costs you nothing.

References: Say Goodnight to Insomnia, Gregg Jacobs, MD; www.sleepdex.org; www.about.com.

Leslie J. Hoy, MA, LPC is a Certified Cognitive Behavioral Therapist specializing in Depression, Anxiety, Sleep management, Couples Communication, Work-Life balance and Weight loss.  She can be contacted at 210.379.4403 or leslie@hiperformance.net; www.leslie-lpc.com.

Like all great artists and masters of language, Mr. Cameron's genius opens up the deeper and sometimes hidden collective themes and truths of life. On the surface, "The Abyss" presents a good story filled with elements of mission, danger and risk. Basically the story is about a team of people on an undersea drilling rig who are asked by the military to salvage a wrecked submarine in the depths of the ocean. The incentive for the team's acceptance is money. They are beset by numerous catastrophes ; however, in the midst of these they encounter an advanced non human race of aquatic beings living in the deeper abyss. These translucent beautiful aliens can only be compared to the angelic.

The hero is played by Ed Harris and he is married to the heroine Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio. In the midst of their heightened marital discord and disharmony, they must join forces for the sake of the mission. It seems an impossible task for them to transcend their anger and bitterness toward one another.

We are enthralled as the story becomes more complicated with the uncovering of an evil plot brought aboard by two of the military members.

The heroine is shunned by the team. Although she is clever and can run a ship, they see her as an arrogant and dominating woman who is far too self serving. She wears her intelligence and superior position as a threat to others. However, it is to this woman that the angelic beings first appear in the depths of her despair and helplessness.

The story takes us through chaos, the struggle between good and evil, the threat of nuclear war, the limits of humanity, pride and humility which finally lead to redemption.

The essential and core threads that create this marvelous tapestry are the moral choices made by the hero and heroine: the husband and wife. Initially we see the enraged husband take off his wedding band and throw it into the toilet only to turn back and retrieve what he has thrown away. As the story unfolds, he is the one who looks upon his unconscious apparently drowned wife and with determined passion brings her back to life.

It is the crisis that returns them to their original love through choices of forgiveness and sacrifice. We witness the vulnerability and tears of the real heroine underneath her armour after her encounter with death and her rescue by her husband. When at the crescendo of the film the hero is as well at death's door, he is saved by the gentle graceful alien of the seas.

She communicates to him an eternal truth which he embraces and which indeed makes him a hero. It is in the simple acts of forgiveness to our spouse and as well the moral choices that we make for the good of the other that set us free.

Each time we forgive the other and each time we look to others before ourselves, we become heroes of our own lives.

"Only the weak hang on to hatred and bitterness ... the strong ones forgive."   - Mahatma Gandhi

By Debra Bacon

Theravive.com Contributor

Simply defined

Communication simply defined is: “the exchange of thoughts, messages, or information, as by speech, signals, writing, or behavior.”

Communication is very important in all aspects of our lives. The way we interact with our colleagues, peers and managers is important from a professional standpoint. Often, when considering improving our communication skills, we tend to think about our techniques in this realm. After all, it is our livelihood.

However, there are many areas of our lives where communication is as important, if not more as that of the professional relationship. That is the way we speak, move, act or otherwise signal our spouse, partner, children, family members and friends. Moreover, our way of interaction with the general public is very significant.

Let’s talk, blog, bleep, or otherwise say

Today, we have multiple ways to communicate from the face-to-face conversation, to email, IM, skype, Facebook, cell phones and many, many more. Developing effective communication skills is an ever evolving process. Flexibility and compromise are essential in communication today.

The way we relay thoughts, messages or information warrants serious analysis. Let’s take a look at five key areas that can be very effective in the way we communicate with others, whatever form of communication we are using. They are: a two-way flow of conversation; actively listen; rapport building; positive focus and honesty.

1. Two-way flo w of conversation:  A conversation, whether verbal or written should always be balanced. Both people should contribute to the conversation to feel validated. If you have a problem talking too much, interrupting or dominating conversations try this exercise. Open your mind to what the other person is saying. Quiet the thoughts running through your head. Try not to formulate a rebuttal before the other person has finished their thought. Yours will be incomplete and likely inconsiderate.
2. Actively listen:  It is important to hear what the speaker is saying. Take mental notes of important points in the conversation. If you are simply staring at someone and do not comprehend what they are saying, there may be an underlying cause. Perhaps you are tired, stressed or emotionally absent. Search for the reason and get help overcoming the problem. Otherwise be engaged with the speaker. Try this exercise to help you actively listen.Be attentive to the communication skills or style of someone you respect, and practice what you have noticed. Begin to apply the techniques in your own life with others.
3. Rapport building:  It is important to build trust or a common ground with those to whom you communicate. Try this exercise when building rapport.Offer a solid handshake along with a friendly smile when introducing yourself, or greeting someone. Be aware of your body language. Lean forward a bit, it shows you are interested. If the speaker is sitting, if appropriate, you should sit also, being eye level puts you on an equal plane. And lastly, make eye contact.
4. Positive focus:  Life hands us ups and downs and it is okay to share that at times; however, try not to be a complainer. Try this exercise to offer positive reinforcement.Always lead into a conversation with a positive statement about what is right in a situation, prior to launching into the negative aspects. You will find people respond better when they are acknowledged for what they have done right, or hear what is good about a situation.
5. Honesty:  Always be honest and try not to drum up flattering insincere words. People will pick up on this and will not take you seriously. Try this exercise to assist you in being forthright and honest. Avoid using words that are designed to manipulate others to get what you want. Be honest about what you want. Speak directly with confidence. This will leave others feeling you have their best interest in mind. It leaves them with a choice without feeling guilty.

These same exercises can be applied in the written form of communication as well. Paying attention to tone is key when writing. It is more difficult to catch the tone of someone’s meaning without hearing their voice, or looking at them for cues. Brush up on your written skills as necessary.

By Debra Bacon

Theravive.com Contributor

When a breakup occurs, picking up the pieces of our life can be a daunting task. It may seem impossible to imagine feeling “normal” again. The pain associated with a breakup can leave us feeling overwhelmed, confused, lonely and sad.

No matter the cause of the breakup, it disrupts your life in ways that are unsettling. However, there are ways to grow and learn from the experience, as you process the loss.

Overcoming loss

A breakup--whether a long-term dating relationship, or divorce--wreaks havoc on your emotions. The void left in your life after calling it quits is not easy to fill. It is very important to take care of yourself during this time.

After a relationship fails, feelings of intense grief, stress and regret over lost dreams and shared goals set in. Things are unfamiliar, and other relationships are affected. How to handle relationships with mutual friends and extended family members of whom you have become close too can be difficult and stressful to determine.

You may even question you own identity. Depending on the length of time together, more often than not, you shared everything from activities, to dining and hanging out.  You may begin to stress over questions like: How will you fill your time?  What will it be like to be alone?  Will you ever find someone else, or even want to?

• Don’t go it alone. Reach out to your family and close friends for support or join a support group. Bottling up your feelings will only heighten stress levels. Don’t be afraid to seek professional counseling.
• Allow feelings. The idea of allowing ourselves to feel the hurt in our heart and mind is almost unbearable. However, it is a necessary step in grieving. You may experience feeling of anger, resentment, sadness, relief, fear, and confusion. Recognize these feelings and realize where and why they are present. Work through it.
• Keep a journal. Writing down your feelings helps hash things out in your mind. Often it provides an outlet for frustration, or a place to record our future hopes and milestones. Be honest with yourself in your journa l. Don’t allow guilt to overcome you on the days you feel fine or you feel a renewed spirit within you. Relish them, there are more to come as healing progresses.
• Take things slowly. Give yourself a break. It is okay to feel differently than before. Rediscover your passions in life and slowly begin to venture out and act on them.

Remember to take things one step at a time, one day at a time. Healing takes time, be kind to yourself, and remember you will move past the hurt. You can make it.

Lessons learned

From every crisis, an open door is before us, and a closed one behind. Take this time in between the two, to grow emotionally and spiritually. There will come a time when you will reflect on things you have learned from the experience.

To completely reconcile yourself from the breakup and move on, it is important to understand what happened and what role each of you played in the relationship, and ultimate breakup.

As you begin to heal and apply lessons learned from your decisions, you are likely not to make the same mistakes again.

By Debra Bacon

Theravive.com Contributor

Time becomes our taskmaster

Living in a society where our time is invaded at every turn, whether from cell phones, faxes, computers, skype, IMs, text, or other signals crossing our sphere, burnout is a real concern.

Burnout occurs when what you are doing, just doesn’t work for you anymore. Your once enthusiastic approach to a task now drains you, or feelings of apathy are more the norm, rather than hope and success.

When juggling work, family and social lives, time can become our taskmaster instead of our friend. Finding balance in your life will liberate you, and allow you to overcome burnout.

Signs of burnout

Often, when burnout, people drive themselves harder to makeup for deficits emotionally, physical or otherwise. Denial that a problem exists is common; therefore, identifying signs of burnout is important to our emotional and physical health.

Five signs of burnout:

• Irritability  When a person feels out of control or unable to mange their life, work or family commitments as desired, they can become troubled. Often this is manifested in the form or irritation or aggravation. When burnout occurs, this state is more constant. You may lash out at co-workers or loved ones.
• Trouble sleeping  Being stressed out and have multiple deadlines or unfinished business, can make it difficult to fall asleep or stay asleep. Sleep deprivation will cause you to perform poorly.
• Lack of energy  As burnout creeps in, your energy level drops. A lack of caring or concern sets in, and productivity goes down the drain.
• Concentration issues  Problems concentrating are common with burnout. When faced with overwhelming schedules and tasks, concentrating can be difficult.
• Emotional distress  When someone is burnout, being overly emotional is common. For example, you may burst into tears over a seemingly minor incident. On the other hand, you can begin to isolate yourself, and show no emotion to varying circumstances. Either can lead to depression.

Overcoming burnout

Identifying burnout is only part of the solution. Overcoming burnout takes commitment and work on your part. Below are some practical solutions you can implement in your life to eliminate burnout, and enrich your life.

Five steps to balance:

• Learn to say NO  Over commitment is common, and a part of the reason people burnout. While it is important to please the boss, assess your current workload before saying yes to the next deadline. Perhaps you should allow someone else to drive the soccer team to and from games, or provide the snacks.
• Get moving  Putting exercise in your schedule can make a world of difference. Exercise helps eliminate stress, clears the mind and keeps the body fit.
• Prioritize  Assess what you are responsible for presently, and make a list. Evaluate and eliminate. Complete outstanding items that are most important or pressing, and delegate less important tasks to others as appropriate.
• Get support  A healthy, happy life includes people we enjoy being around; those that bring joy and positive support to our lives. Identify the people that make up your support system. Others are in our lives to help us, co-workers, family, friends, clergy and counselors.
• Let go  Learn to let go of things you cannot control. You cannot save the world. Let go of any guilt you may feel about not being able to do it all.

By Debra Bacon

Theravive.com Contributor

Bullying: a new epidemic?

Bullying is becoming an epidemic in our schools, cyberspace, parks and other areas where kids hang out. Its affect on children can be lasting, even following them into adulthood. It is vital to deal with bullying swiftly and lovingly.

The times of a simple trip in the isle, just for the fun of it, between friends has passed. Today children are faced with far more intimidating tactics.

Often, kids are attacked while others look on, without going for, or helping the victim. Children are often afraid to say anything to anyone for fear of retaliation.

Know the signs

Identifying the signs of bullying is a key element in protecting your child, and keeping them safe.

Your child’s behavior will offer tell-tale signs bullying may be occurring. Following are a few things to watch for:

• Lack of appetite
• Decreased interest in school/social activities
• Few, if any close friends
• Trouble sleeping
• Stomach aches and other ailments
• Unexplained bruises, cuts or scrapes
• Missing or damaged personal items
• Anxiety
• Isolation

How you can help 

If you notice you child manifesting any, or a number of these behaviors, it is time to talk--reach out with a kind, loving arm. Get as many details as you can about the bullying incidents. They may be reluctant to speak to you about the situation at first. Often this is because of misplaced blame or shame.

It is important to reassure your child they are safe. Express how much you want to help them overcome this situation. They are likely not the only child being harassed by the bully.

Talk with school officials, such as the counselor, principal or other significant policy makers about the danger your child is facing.

Be persistent, and follow up. Ensure changes are made to eliminate the threat. Furthermore, depending on the type of abuse your child is being subject to, criminal charges may be in order.

Talk to your child about how to handle the bullying. Encourage them to remain calm when confronted. Tell them to be firm when they speak to the aggressor. Offer suggestions of what they may say, such as: “Stop what you are doing right now.” Stress the importance of walking away. Never encourage aggression, or similar bad behavior.

Encourage your child to make friends with people in his class. Children should walk in pairs or small non-threatening groups. Especially when going to the bathroom, lunch, playground and other potentially isolated areas.

General rule of thumb

Monitor your child’s activity. Such as, know who their friends are, and be involved as much as you can in their lives. Be careful of what you allow your children to watch on television and videos. Behavior breeds behavior, and violence can lead to violence.

Computers are a way of life these days. As such, the newest form of bullying or threat can come from the internet. As much, if not more, as you would monitor what your children read and watch, the same should apply to the internet. Cyber bullying has lead to mental breakdowns, violent acts, sexual assaults, murder and suicide. Any type of bullying has this potential. If suppressed, an individual can move through life harboring a lot of resentment, guilt and shame.

Knowing when to intervene and get professional help is paramount. It can eliminate or assist in treating more complicated mental conditions, such as anxiety disorders, resulting from bullying.

By Debra Bacon

Theravive.com Contributor

Simple is better

Family time and simpler lifestyles are winning out over consumerism these days. Considering the shaky economies around the globe, individuals and families are scaling back on their spending.

With rising unemployment figures and uncertain futures, people are strategizing their escape from the prison of debt. By paying off debt, reducing discretionary spending and opting to save money, materialism is losing its grasp on society.

Taking charge of your debt and deciding to scale back your lifestyle requires change. Change is rarely comfortable. Difficult decisions and sacrifices must be made to accomplish your goals.

Taking charge

Following are some tips to help you take charge of your life, finances and lifestyle.

• Determine what you want to change about your financial picture and lifestyle. For example, you may want to be debt free within five to seven years; you may have a desire to grow your own food, or become a stay-at-home mom or dad.
• Set reasonable goals and timeframes to reach your dream. Strive for specific milestones leading you to your overall goal. This allows you to see your success in smaller chunks, as you chip away at the whole.
• Assess your current financial picture. Determine how much overall debt you have and to whom it is owed. Calculate your monthly income, and compare the differences of inflow versus outflow.
• Set your first milestone as complete. Knowing the state of your affairs will relieve you of an amazing amount of stress. Realizing you are working to take charge of your circumstances is huge.
• Make a list of each creditor and the amount owed them.
• Define a plan that allows you to pay more toward the smallest balance first, until it is satisfied. Continue this pattern until they are all knocked out, or at least well on their way.
• Reward yourself in some way for your diligence as each milestone is reached. Perhaps you have not been out to dinner in months as a part of your effort to scale back; this may be a reward you agree is reasonable, for example.
• Stay focused on your plan and you will achieve your desired end.

Living the life

As you downsize you will find there are things you no longer have need of. It is important to determine whether you will sell these items or donate them to charity.

Depending on your goal, a move may be in order. Transportation may change, and jobs/roles may shift, or be redefined. Yet as you scale back your lifestyle, you will enjoy more free time and experience a healthier life.

Stress is responsible for many major health conditions and diseases. Often, we are unaware how much we are affected by stress as we struggle day-to-day to make ends meet. Moreover, social stress, such as the “keeping up with the Joneses” mentality can lead to a tremendous amount of peer pressure. This type of pressure can lead to depression, even death, if we perceive we have failed.

So, start living the life, take charge of your life, as you begin your journey to scale back.

By Debra Bacon

Theravive.com Contributor

Making a Genius?

As parents we want our children being the smartest, brightest and most well-behaved child on the block.

Over ten years ago, Walt Disney released a series of “educational” videos entitled, Baby Einstein. They were a hit almost instantly. Parents everywhere were wanting them, hoping these video babysitters would magically make their toddlers stand-outs among their peers. Moreover, a desire that a mindset would be developed in their child, leading them to a genius status.

Each video covers different topics through the use of colors and classical music. Their focus is to assist our children learn about life, and the things that surround us in our world. Scenes are introduced with a small amount of narrative from a soft, smooth voiced narrator.

Scenes move quickly, changing subject matter often. This process is something that experts from the American Medical Association relate, is hard for toddlers to follow.

No Way to Learn

The Baby Einstein video series has long been touted as a learning source for infants and toddlers. Thought by the populace to have increased the vocabulary and intellect of children, the Einstein videos have come under fire in recent years.

Research from the University of Washington (2007) revealed that children who watched the Baby Einstein videos had not excelled in social skills, or vocabulary. In fact, youngsters who began watching the videos early on had a more limited vocabulary than their peers.

The study shows that the videos effect on children has been more harmful than helpful.

Educational Claim Debunked

The bottom line is that the Baby Einstein videos have failed to educate toddlers, as many parents assumed. That said, controversy swirls between the public and representatives for the Einstein videos as to what should be, or have realistically been, expected from DVDs.

Still considered “educational” videos, the company now maintains they are designed to be used as interactive tools. However, the website’s original claim indicated the series was designed as an introduction to words and sign language.

Currently, the Baby Einstein website offers their philosophy. In part it reads:

“…intent was to create products that offered interactive experiences for her and her daughter to discover the world together. While Baby Einstein has grown over the years, this same          philosophy is at the heart of everything that we do. All of our products are designed to encourage discovery and inspire new ways for parents and little ones to interact.”

Refunds and Reconsiderations

The controversy, stemming from the research studies outing the Baby Einstein DVDs ineffectiveness, caused Walt Disney Company to make a radical move. They began offering refunds late 2009.

The Baby Einstein DVDs covered in the refund offer were those purchased between June 5, 2004 and Sept. 4, 2009. Einstein officials now claim a child will discover more through the videos when a parent or another is present.

Leaving a child alone in front of a television or DVD, of any kind, has proved damaging in development, according to the American Medical Association.

Experts from the American Academy of Pediatrics report that interaction with your child is the way the youngster will learn.

 By Dr. Colleen Long, PsyD

View Dr. Long's Profile 

My patients and clients often ask me, "if there is one thing that you would tell everyone to do to improve their overall lives, what would it be?" Every time my answer is- meditation. However, I usually get a blank stare or they immediately classify me as one of those therapists who burn incense and experiment with LSD.

I practically stumbled upon meditation myself, both as a clinician and a person. I was in the very beginning of my “happiness groups,” in an inpatient psychiatric hospital. These groups based on a positive psychology framework where patients were encouraged to focus on what was going right in their lives versus what was going wrong. It was a different way of thinking, but began paying off significantly.

Instead of digging through old baggage of the past, we focused on exercises designed to boost one’s sense of well-being, regardless of the hand they were dealt (you have to keep in mind, many of these people had endured childhoods and young adult lives most of us would read about or only see in a movie). Some of the exercises were designed to teach them how the brain was not necessarily designed to “default” on happiness- that we mostly defaulted to fear and anxiety, which is an adaptive mechanism, once protecting us from lions or other tribes in the distance.

We would put together gratitude journals, and practice focusing on helping someone else that day. As I began searching for new techniques to incorporate in the group, I came across a research study that boasted the effects of meditation on our mood. The research showed that peoples’ left pre-frontal cortex (the area in our brain believed to be responsible for feelings of well-being) were showing dramatic changes after just three 20 minute sessions per week.

So we tried it. We would finish the last 20 minutes of each group with a meditation session. After the first time, I didn’t really notice anything different. Yet, after just a few days of doing this exercise with many groups, I was noticing something. A shift. I was actually a bit more calm, and was present. I remember brushing my teeth and having no running thoughts other than “I’m brushing my teeth.” It was freedom.

John Kabat-Zinn was one of the pioneering psychologists who discovered how meditation effects our brain. Meditation has also been shown to have various other health benefits, most notably with its connection to the Vagus nerve, which helps to decrease cortisol production (the hormone responsible for giving us those little stress guts). Meditation is ours for the taking. It does not cost us anything but a few minutes of our time and patience.

The following are the basic tips for meditation that are sure to get you started in the right direction:

1)Posture- Make sure that you are sitting on a firm surface or firm pillow. You can either sit on the floor with legs crossed or in a chair with legs shoulder width apart. Just make sure that you are not leaning back on the chair back. Ensure that your back is upright, as if you are sitting on a horse. This posture helps remind the body that the mind is in control. It is a posture of dignity and respect, and symbolizes the act of meditation for yourself each day.

Make sure your chest is lifted and open. This shows that you are open and receptive to what this meditation brings. Make sure that your shoulders are back and relaxed, and that your mouth and jaw are also loose. Thich Nhat Hanh recommends you try slightly smiling.

2) Detachment- A common misconception is that meditation should be an absence of one’s thoughts. This is not possible. View your mind’s energy as you would a flowing river. Each leave that passes, represents a thought. It is your goal to observe those thoughts without judgment, like leaves on a river. Once we are able to separate ourselves from our thoughts, they can no longer bring us the same pain they once did. We soon become comfortable just being with our thoughts, even the most painful. As a thought comes to view, we might think “oh that is interesting that thought has come up now,” and let it pass down the river.

3) Routine- Make sure that you set aside some time for meditation-at least three to five days a week, at first. My guess is that once you start to notice the benefits, you will be doing it seven days a week. Most of my patients were on a medication regimen, so I advised them to set aside time for their meditation at the same time they took their medication every day. Another favorite time is right after you wake. This is when the mind is the freshest and most restored. Some prefer right before bedtime. Just make sure that you are not confusing meditation with napping. Meditation requires an alert state of mind.

4) Hands- Your hands can be in one of several positions. These are known as mudras. Each position evokes different feeling states, such as balance, openness, or groundedness. One is the classical forefinger to thumb position. This can signal to the mind an on-the-spot concentration that is often needed for meditation. Another hand position is each hand on the knees, palms facing up. This signals a receptivity to your meditation, an openness to what comes. Some people prefer the traditional Christian prayer position, with both palms pressed together under the chin. The last position is hands on each knee, palms facing down. This envokes a feeling of groundedness, strength, and balance.

5) Eyes- Many people prefer that their eyes are closed. This can be a good thing in that you are not distracted. However, if you find yourself becoming sleepy, you may want to pick a spot about 4-6 inches on the ground in front of you and focus on this during your meditation.

6) Sound- You can meditate quietly or use music if you are more musically inclined. I prefer to listen to Liquid Mind on Pandora radio, which helps to put me in a tranquil state.

7) Breath- As you get started, simply focus on the breaths coming in and out of your body. You can start by inhaling for four, holding for two, and exhaling for four. This puts the body in a deeper state of relaxation (you may even find yourself getting a slight buzz from the amount of oxygen you are taking in) because we do not normally breathe at this slow pace. As you inhale, notice your belly start to rise, as you exhale notice it grow smaller. Remind yourself that each breath is cleansing, like a broom sweeping out the cobwebs of the soul.

8) Ending- At the end of each meditation, many choose to clasp their hands together in the traditional prayer position, bowing their head in gratitude for the meditation as well as showing respect to a higher order in the universe.

Putting it in to Practice

I like to start each day with meditation. It is a time when my mind is at its freshest. I am able to clear my mind of thoughts without falling asleep (because I have just had eight hours of rest). I often like to start with a 3-5 minute visualization exercise, where I visualize where I want to be. I concentrate on the smells, the sounds, what the environment looks like around me, what people are saying, and even how they feel about me.

After this visualization exercise, I usually do a 20 minute meditation, where I clear myself of thoughts and focus on being in the present moment. Many of those that are trying this for the first time will find that the first minute, even 30 seconds is difficult. This is normal- our minds are not used to this way of being and will resist at first. It is only a protective mechanism. Practice acceptance towards our minds wanting to protect us and allow yourself to continually return to the present moment.

As thoughts come up, simply view them as passing leaves on a stream. Don’t make judgments, simply let them float by. Eventually you will be able to remain in the present moment for a full minute, and this time will increase with practice.

Dr. Colleen Long is the author of “Happiness in B.A.L.A.N.C.E,” and practices in the Los Angeles area under the supervision of Dr. Richard Oelberger (PSY22186) . Dr. Long works mainly from a positive psychology framework as it applies to addiction, depression, relationships,  body image and weight loss. Her website can be found at www.DrColleenLong.com. All public speaking/media event requests handled through FreudTV (info@FreudTV.com).

 By Dr. Colleen Long, PsyD

View Dr. Long's Profile

One of the most frequent observations made of  patients, during my stint in a psychiatric inpatient unit, was their lack of novelty or change throughout their day. If you asked a person suffering from depression what they did that day, they often struggled to remember. This is because depressed people usually maintain a very repetitive existence (recall Bill Murray's character in Groundhog's Day).

Without going into a neuroanatomy lesson, think of the right brain as being depression's ally, while the left brain is its nemesis. Our right brain contains structures that are associated with telling us, "if we just keep doing the same thing that we are used to, we will feel comfortable, and will feel better (also similar to when we have the flu or a cold)."

Yet, our left brain contains structures that are associated with novelty and challenge. If you recall from the meditation blog, our left brain also contains structures that are associated with our feelings of well-being and contentment. Therefore, you can begin to see how challenge and novelty are associated with well-being and contentment. By learning new things and spicing up our routine, we stimulate the area in our brain that makes us feel hopeful, optimistic, and joyful.

"Wisdom is the supreme part of happiness."   - Sophocles

Many times, I would ask the patients in our group what a typical day in their life looked like. Usually it would look like this:

Wake up + Cigarette + Television + Lunch + Cigarette + Television + Cigarette + Dinner  + Cigarette + Sleep --> Repeat

Astoundingly, this type of day for them would repeat itself for months and months until they found themselves depressed, anxious, addicted, and/or suicidal and in our hospital.

These people were simply doing what "felt" right. They did not go out, they isolated without any peer interaction, their interpersonal relationships deteriorated, and they hadn't done anything "out of the box," in a significantly long time. Yet, there condition worsened until they were no longer able to cope on their own.

Oftentimes, patients would show a significant improvement within the first couple of days of treatment. My theory was that this was largely in part due to a novel environment combined with social interaction (vs. psychotropic medication, which they also received) and structure (often lacking throughout their lives and also found to contribute to mental illness).

"We squander our free time by freeing it of effort."   - Tal Ben Shahar

Many humans believe that by “turning off” we are somehow rejuvenating ourselves. Can you remember the last time you felt invigorated after watching hours of television? Can you recall the feeling of boredom after spending three days by the beach on holiday intended to “relax” you? Think back to the happiest moments of your life. What were you doing? It is likely that you were working towards some self-directed goal or purpose.

"Growth itself contains the germ of happiness."  - Pearl S. Buck

The "L" in my B.A.L.A.N.C.E model stands for "learning." Learning includes both challenge and purpose. It is the behavior of the lifelong learner. We are hardwired as humans with the drive and desire to continuously learn and challenge ourselves. Yet, in day to day life, we set aside little time devoted to actually learning something new or purposely challenging ourselves. It is our job to restore challenge and learning back in our lives because that is what our minds are designed to do and desire to do. Think about where we would be today if we never challenged ourselves.

Recall a period in your life when you were being challenged to do something outside of your normal routine. Maybe you were doing work related training and were learning a new sales approach or computer software system. Maybe you were trying out a new pilates class, or training for a marathon. Whatever it was, I have a hunch that if you think back to how you were feeling, you were likely upbeat, positive, and content. Maybe you even questioned, "why don't I do this more often?"

To the depressed person, this can seem like a monumental task. The idea of challenging themselves to learn something new is akin to asking someone with the stomach virus to get up and play a game of Twister. Yet the rewards of doing this for someone with depression can be immeasurable. Unlike other illnesses, often times doing the opposite of what you feel like doing, is usually the best medicine. This has also been referred to as opposite action, and is often used in DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy) for emotional regulation. I simply refer to it as the "just do it," approach.

So as you are going through your day today- try something new. Maybe ask a friend to go to a mid-afternoon movie. Maybe take an online learning class about something you've always wanted to know more about, or just take a different route home than you usually do. Observe your feelings after doing so, and start to look for other opportunities in your week where you can sprinkle in some novelty. Go on... just do it.

Dr. Colleen Long is the author of “Happiness in B.A.L.A.N.C.E,” and practices in the Los Angeles area under the supervision of Dr. Richard Oelberger (PSY22186). Dr. Long works mainly from a positive psychology framework as it applies to addiction, depression, relationships,  and weight loss. Her website can be found at www.DrColleenLong.com. All public speaking/media event requests handled through FreudTV (info@FreudTV.com).