Bad boys, bad boys whatcha gonna do?

Did you ever notice how a lot of sensible, responsible, accomplished women are attracted to "bad boys"?  What is it that otherwise kind, quiet and conservative women see in rebels?  There are many different variations of bad boys.  There are the ones that are seriously b-a-d  b-o-y-s who have regular problems with the law, use drugs, and are violent. Then there are those of a milder variety; those who enjoy breaking rules, taking risks, and seeking danger.  Many times these men have unusually high testosterone levels and are not able to channel aggression in other, more constructive ways.

So Why The Bad Ones?

Typically, good girls fall for the bad guys like this because they want to continue to live in a life that is familiar. Maybe these women have fathers who too were wild and rebellious growing up.  Maybe they just want to impress their fathers by having a man with the same similar bad boy behavior as they have.  Some girls like bad boys because they want to have a "do over" of their relationship with their rebel-like dad in their childhood. Another reason good girls choose "bad boys" is because they have a need or the drive to try to save a defiant, wild, unpredictable man.  Many women see themselves as "rescuers" and want to try to transform these guys.  And maybe the most common type of girl who falls for a "bad boy" is the girls who have been good girls all their lives and they like the idea of spontaneity, adventure and excitement.  Perhaps they grew up in a good family with good values and that demanded the rules be followed.  Now that they are grown, they are intrigued by a man who is "wild" and who seems to follow no rules.

The important thing to know is that these relationships normally end very badly because bad boys will not change unless they want to change.  Additionally, most girls get tired of bailing the man out of jail, his partying without her, or catching him with another woman.  Many women learn the hard way that "bad boys" are just that and not good, long term relationship material.   

Great Sex!

Have you ever wondered how a certain guy who is cocky, brash, and rude always seems to get the girls?  Do you wonder what women see in him when he does not appear to give a damn about anyone but himself?  Well, rebels are confident, indifferent, exciting, adventurous, and mysterious.  In comparison, most women do not want a man who is too easy going and a pushover.  They like the challenge of trying to figure out their "bad boy" and look forward to every time they see him. Bad boys know how to talk to women and know what women want to hear.  If a bad boy is rejected, he doesn’t care.  He will just move on to the next woman and talk to her as if she is the first person he has seen all night.  If a bad boy is accepted, a "good girl" can be in for a wild and explosive night.  Bad boys are very confident in themselves and in their sexual moves and will sometimes make a good girl turn rebel!  Then she is hooked.  In fact, one of the top reasons women like rebels: great sex.  For whatever reasons, bad boys know their way around a bed.  

Will It Last?

The charm, influence, and charisma of a bad boy can be enjoyable and electric in the beginning.  However, you may end up with a broken heart if you fall in love with one and you think you can change him.  Nobody can be changed unless they want to and only if they are willing to put in the work to change their bad boy behavior.  It would be great if the bad boy stigma could be changed by their learning to channel their "power" and embrace how to truly respect and treat a woman for the long-term.  

If you are struggling with always falling for "bad boys", the counselors at the Relationship Center of Orange County can help you.  Our trained professionals are here to guide you and give you advice to moving towards a better place and making better choices in your life. Use our online tool to schedule an appointment or call us today at (949) 430-7353 to schedule an appointment that meets your needs. It may be one of the best calls you will ever make.

About the Author

OC Relationship Center, LMFT

We started OC Relationship Center because we believe that relationships are the place where everyone should feel the safest and experience the most joy. And that is what our entire mission is based upon. That relationship may be with someone you love, live with, work with or even yourself. Our caring, professional and licensed clinicians want to help you with the skills to get what you want in your relationships - whether you are single, dating, living together, married, divorced or widowed.

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