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You've done everything you can think of, including selling some of your belongings, to make an effort to make ends meet and get the bills paid. But no matter what you do and how much you try to pay everything, it just isn't enough. You're only making the minimum payments on your bills, but every month a few unpaid bills remain. You feel as though you have nobody to turn to; nobody to lend a hand or give you a loan…and it’s taking its toll on your mental health and the health of your relationship. [More]

The origins of Thanksgiving have nothing to do with a bunch of Indians and pilgrims sitting down for a bountiful feast of turkey. In reality although the settlers with pale faces had been bothering the Indians in addition to giving them many new diseases they had never had were starving by this time. The Indians took pity on them and brought them some corn and fish. Thanksgiving has a lot of emotional disappointment and this article will show you how to deal with this. This is a period of time in which you are expected to give to others and be generous. Although the intention is good it often leads to self sacrifice and disappointment. This is a period of time in which you must balance your newfound humanitarianism with the demands on your own life. If you do not continue to reach your own immediate goals either at work or at home you will find yourself being irritable and exhausted. Remember that an obligation to give to others does not mean that you have to sacrifice your own needs. You must remember to give yourself some time for your own physical and mental well-being. It is a time when we most often neglect the things we do to make ourselves happy and keep ourselves balanced like exercise, yoga, or other spiritual practices for your own physical and mental well-being This is a time to find some positive solutions to deal with your family members past resentments. Remember that when I family system gets back together it quickly returns to whatever difficulties encountered before. Even if you're the only person in the room aware of this it may help you from dealing with the fallacy that "now that we're all together we must be alright." This leads to the need to decide on your priorities and organize your time adequately. I this will counteract your feelings that you have not a planned enough for Thanksgiving. If you find additional time you can always volunteer to feed the poor would do random acts of kindness. You may also need to have planned out some unstructured inexpensive holiday activity because this holiday evokes a feeling of being served good food rather than organizing fun things to participate in. Spending some time thinking about this will save the day when you are reunited with your family and no one knows what to do. One of the major fallacies are that Thanksgiving will take away feelings of loneliness, sadness, fear, anger and frustration. This holiday is heavily advertised is a time in which everyone appreciates being together. The fallacy behind that becomes clear when you are reuniting with family members and you realize why you have become independent of them. You may find yourself being overwhelmed with anger or fear or worse yet feeling alone being surrounded by your family. The worst emotion that creeps up on this holiday is resentment. It is usually triggered by a previous bad relationship with a family member. Beware of grudges and slights you have suffered in the past and keep them from resurfacing. Thanksgiving is designed to encourage gluttony. This is not an open invitation to eat too much. Remember that most people with eating disorders simply want to have something to control in their lives and to avoid the resentment and self-hatred you will naturally feel after eating way past feeling hungry. This includes other over indulgences. You know by now what you need to keep a careful eye on so that you don't lose control and this may be an opportunity to set an example with other family members who still have raging addictions. You may want to have some contingency plans when they become abusively angry, drunk or chemically impaired. If it the end of the holiday feast you find yourself still feeling depressed or resentful remember what the Indians did. They didn't like these foreigners who is strange customs and behaviors showed such a resentment towards nature that it disrupted and destroyed the Indian culture. Yet they still took pity on these poor starving people and threw them a fish or two.

By Debra Bacon Theravive.com Contributor Simple is better Family time and simpler lifestyles are winning out over consumerism these days. Considering the shaky economies around the globe, individuals and families are scaling back on their spending. With rising unemployment figures and uncertain futures, people are strategizing their escape from the prison of debt. By paying off debt, reducing discretionary spending and opting to save money, materialism is losing its grasp on society. Taking charge of your debt and deciding to scale back your lifestyle requires change. Change is rarely comfortable. Difficult decisions and sacrifices must be made to accomplish your goals. Taking charge Following are some tips to help you take charge of your life, finances and lifestyle. Determine what you want to change about your financial picture and lifestyle. For example, you may want to be debt free within five to seven years; you may have a desire to grow your own food, or become a stay-at-home mom or dad. Set reasonable goals and timeframes to reach your dream. Strive for specific milestones leading you to your overall goal. This allows you to see your success in smaller chunks, as you chip away at the whole. Assess your current financial picture. Determine how much overall debt you have and to whom it is owed. Calculate your monthly income, and compare the differences of inflow versus outflow. Set your first milestone as complete. Knowing the state of your affairs will relieve you of an amazing amount of stress. Realizing you are working to take charge of your circumstances is huge. Make a list of each creditor and the amount owed them. Define a plan that allows you to pay more toward the smallest balance first, until it is satisfied. Continue this pattern until they are all knocked out, or at least well on their way. Reward yourself in some way for your diligence as each milestone is reached. Perhaps you have not been out to dinner in months as a part of your effort to scale back; this may be a reward you agree is reasonable, for example. Stay focused on your plan and you will achieve your desired end. Living the life As you downsize you will find there are things you no longer have need of. It is important to determine whether you will sell these items or donate them to charity. Depending on your goal, a move may be in order. Transportation may change, and jobs/roles may shift, or be redefined. Yet as you scale back your lifestyle, you will enjoy more free time and experience a healthier life. Stress is responsible for many major health conditions and diseases. Often, we are unaware how much we are affected by stress as we struggle day-to-day to make ends meet. Moreover, social stress, such as the “keeping up with the Joneses” mentality can lead to a tremendous amount of peer pressure. This type of pressure can lead to depression, even death, if we perceive we have failed. So, start living the life, take charge of your life, as you begin your journey to scale back.

By Debra Bacon Theravive.com Contributor The Pink Slip Losing a job is very stressful for a family. The emotional impact it has on the husband or wife can be very different. Both may feel depressed and anxious as a result of the loss. Self-esteem and worthiness issues are common. These factors, combined with the financial implications resulting from a spouse’s job loss, place a strain on a marriage. However, exercising solid coping skills during this transitional time can lead to a successful outcome. Time to process It is important to give your spouse time to process what has happened and get a handle on the future. Often our job defines us--reinforces our worth to our family and others. While our self-worth should be shaped by other measures, our job plays an important role in our lives. Due to the financial strain resulting from a job loss, the natural response from both parties is to get a job as soon as possible. However, finding a new job can take time. During this time, sensitivity and careful response is essential in supporting your spouse. Encouraging words and conversations about other things can help ease any tension that money issues can cause in a marriage. Avoid picking out jobs for your spouse. As well meaning as this approach seems, it often backfires. They may begin to feel you have lost faith or trust in their abilities to manage their affairs properly. Questions about how the unemployed spouse spent their time during the day may be offensive. It is important to be aware of trigger points that may spark conflict. A person may lash out because they feel inadequate or are depressed. As important as processing time and feelings of the unemployed spouse are, so are those of others involved. It may be helpful to talk to a counselor during this time. A counselor can help you identify the unique feelings and stressors experienced during a time of loss. They can offer feedback and coping skills you may not have considered previously. Reach out to friends and family that may have experienced a similar situation. Ask them how they managed the process. Fear and Finances A financial plan is an imperative step in eliminating fear and uncertainty of the future. The plan should be developed to encompass at least three months that follow the unemployment. Together, determine what you can cut back on, or live without. Big changes should be considered carefully. Remember, the situation is not permanent. Your spouse may be eligible for unemployment compensation. This benefit can be very helpful when facing job loss. Consulting a financial advisor or counselor may be necessary in some cases. However, cutting back on special perks or extras can trim a budget quite a bit. The Bottom Line At the end of the day, your marriage and relationship with one another is more important than anything else. Be kind to one another. Talk about your spouses good qualities, compliment them. Take notice of the extra help you are likely receiving around the home, or in other areas of your life. You will likely come out on the other side stronger and closer than ever before.

By Christie Hunter: View Christie's Profile When Finances Hit The Wall Relationships can be tough in any season, but in this economy, staying together and staying in love can be especially challenging. In my professional experience, being both a Certified Management Accountant and a Registered Clinical Counselor, time and again I have seen relationships and marriages crumble around finances. With a little guidance and some sound, practical wisdom, these relationships can survive. Let’s face it; this is a rough economy right now. But the good news is that when your finances meet hard times, your relationship need not suffer. Here are 10 tips I have shared with numerous clients over the years to keep your love burning bright in the midst of financial hardship. 1. Understand How Money And Identity Mingle. Understanding is one of the keys to any successful relationship. We all value the feeling of being understood. When it comes to money, it is important to understand the role it plays in your partner’s individual identity as well as your own. Many people today tie their income directly to their own self-worth. For these individuals and couples, when they suffer financial hardship, it can have a traumatic impact on their own identity. For example, a husband who has recently been laid off from work may develop deep feelings of worthlessness. A wife who sees this simply as a loss of income may miss out on a critical opportunity to come beside her husband and support him in such a great time of need. If your relationship is suffering financially, be sensitive to each other, and slow to criticize. There may be far deeper issues at stake than simply “money issues.” Talk to each other and understand how money ties into your individual identity. 2. Don’t blame each other. It is far too easy to point the finger when our money supply gets cut short, or our debt begins to suffocate us. Even if there is one person responsible more than the other, trust me when I tell you it will only make matters worse if you turn on your partner. And given the state of the world economy today, it may not be anyone’s fault. This is about taking back control of your finances and staying close in your relationship. It is not about blame. 3. Be Aware Of Your Spending. Try this exercise. For one month, every time you and your partner spend more than a dollar, document it. At the end of the month, take your list and organize it. Identify the items spent towards entertainment, food, mortgage / rent, transportation, clothing, utilities, etc. This is a snapshot of your financial life. With this in hand, you have taken an important step in gaining control over your financial situation and understanding where your money is actually going. 4. Identify Your Goals And Dreams. Sit down as a couple and talk about what you are working towards. Talk about your hopes, your dreams, and your goals. Where would you like to be next year? Five years? Ten years? How would you like to retire, what activities would you like to do together in life? Write them down. Put your goals on paper so you can see them. Several years ago, my husband and I took a large sheet of poster-size paper and with jumbo permanent markers, wrote down several dreams and goals for our lives. We then hung it up on our wall and over the next few years saw many of them come true. We still have that sheet of paper to this day. Take this time to refocus as a couple and begin working on a real plan for your life, with a clear direction for your future. 5. It’s Time to Budget. Using your expenditures list from step 3, determine what expenses are in conflict with reaching your goals. It’s time to start trimming or altogether removing some of those items on your list. Do you really need 200 channels of High Definition cable TV? How important is that premium calling plan? Do you really have to spend $7.00 a day on coffee and a scone? Keep your focus on your goals. Expenses that do not move you closer towards your goals need to go. By focusing on your goals, it makes cutting day to day items such as a new pair of shoes, the newest electronic gadget, or tickets to the game much more manageable as there is a clear benefit for the changes you are making. While changing habits is not easy, the alternative (doing the same thing) is moving you further away from financial freedom and being more entrenched in the oppression of debt. Encourage each other as you make changes and celebrate as you are able to make additional payments on your debt or put extra money aside that you couldn’t before. 6. Be Honest About Your Income Levels. One of the most difficult aspects of making healthy decisions and choices around finances is to know your limits and to be honest with yourself and your circle of friends about what you can and cannot afford. Trying to maintain a lifestyle that is beyond your means will eventually catch up with you and the ensuing crisis can literally destroy your relationship. I have had many people come to me under immense debt because they felt pressured by others to live a lifestyle they could not afford. If you struggle with trying to “live up to the Jones’s’”, talk with your spouse about this burden. It’s time to step out of this “role” and develop a sense of honesty about who you are and what you can afford. Assess your standard of living, is it realistic? If not, what are some changes you can make to live within your means? Don’t worry about the image you are portraying to others. This is your life, your relationship, not theirs! 7. Don’t Over Separate Your Finances. Couples who meticulously separate their finances are just asking for problems in the future. Do you want a relationship with a foundation built on intimacy and sharing, or one built upon separation? Life has a way of throwing us many curve balls. A loss of a job, an unexpected pregnancy, or one person who wants to go back to school are huge challenges to couples who separate their money. One spouse’s salary may be significantly higher than the other, yet the lesser income spouse still is required to pay for 50% of all the bills, supporting the lifestyle of the higher income spouse. Couples that dogmatically separate all their finances are setting themselves up for numerous problems throughout life. It has the effect of telling someone “you are worth only your income,” which can be a block to intimacy. In a booming economy, these kinds of relationships may work, but when times are tough, the foundation can crack. When we encounter unexpected financial hardship, such as being laid off from work, our spouse should be a source of strength and support, rather than a quagmire of additional pressure to pay “our fair share.” No one wants to feel like they are less important than a monthly salary. Share your money. Try it. You are in this together. Have trust in each other, and you can make it through. 8. Work As A Team. In a tough economy, you should be coming together, rather than drifting apart. Now is when you need each other. Be each other’s support system, and create some realistic goals that will move you through these hard times. If one of you has recently taken a financial hit, be supportive and encouraging. When you work together as a team, amazing things will happen in your relationship. 9. Cash Is Yours, Credit Is Someone Else’s. I can’t tell you how many clients I have seen who view credit as available money to spend. This is a very dangerous view of credit, and it is exactly what credit card companies want you to believe. Available credit does not equal “money I can spend”. Always remember that credit is someone else’s money. If you cannot control credit card spending, give yourself a cash allowance, monthly, or weekly. Putting away, or better yet, cutting up credit cards and paying with cash, is an effective way to decrease monthly spending. 10. Don’t Give Up. Rising out from the pit of debt and the uncertainty of financial hardship can be a long struggle. There is no fast-food solution. It will take commitment and dedication. But if you work together, and pick each other up when you fall, you will make real progress and eventually succeed. Life is a voyage, and it is not necessarily reaching the end that fulfills us, but instead it is the journey itself that holds the joy of living. Each change you make, each time you are able to take a positive step towards your dreams and goals, no matter how small, celebrate it. Celebrate it externally by doing something together, or celebrate it internally with a quiet thought of reflection. These successes are reminders that you are walking down a better path in life. Never give up hope, and don’t give up on each other. This is your life together; the journey will be what you make it. About Christie Christie is a Certified Management Accountant (CMA) with the CMA Society of Canada and a Registered Clinical Counsellor (R.C.C.) with the British Columbia Association of Clinical Counsellors. She holds a dual specialty in Marriage & Family Therapy and Trauma Resolution. View Christie's Profile