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Dating apps are growing in popularity. In the U.S., online dating is a $3 billion industry and growing each year with predictions of 25 per cent continued growth into the year 2020. It seems everyone you talk to has tried or knows someone who has tried a dating app. But are they for everyone? A new study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships aimed to answer that question by looking at how social anxiety and loneliness might impact someone’s dating app use. [More]

Researchers have found a poor sleep can contribute to feelings of loneliness and make a person less socially desirable. [More]

The American Psychological Association (APA) just released a report citing multiple study findings that hearing loss may be associated with mental illness. The report provides evidence that people usually wait on average up to six years to seek treatment for any possible hearing loss. The lack of medical attention is partially due to people’s lack of awareness into the signs of hearing loss that can occur. However, over this time, as people lose more hearing, many of these people develop depression and forms of social anxiety. The APA report contributes such depression and anxiety to a difficulty with communicating, resulting in those with hearing loss withdrawing from their usual social activities. [More]

If your child is struggling with Social Anxiety, it’s important to know that you are not alone. It is a very common disorder that can be treated effectively. Listening to your child, and providing support and encouragement will go a long way toward helping your child recover from this disorder. Social anxiety does not have to limit your child or keep them on the sidelines. [More]

How much passion should a psychologist have for clients' issues to get resolved? Therapy should be a place where you can discover different sides of yourself, and then work with your therapist to make sure that your needs get met in a way that makes space for diverse feelings. If it is a supportive and collaborative environment, therapy can be a great place to discover and make peace with different sides of yourself so that you can move forward in an integrated, self-aware manner. [More]

Social anxiety (also known as social phobia) is a disorder that causes people to constantly be worried about what others think of them, and it also causes them issues when placed in social or public situations. There are a lot of symptoms related to social anxiety disorder. [More]

A couple of months ago, our neighbor knocked on the door of apartment 24. She had never done so before, so she had no idea who would answer it. That person happened to be me. She quietly sighed with relief – probably thankful that I was not a grumpy scrooge in a shabby robe that had just been awoken by a total stranger on a Saturday morning. Then she sheepishly asked, “Do you happen to have a plunger that I can borrow? We just moved in, and our toilet is clogged.” “Of course,” I replied. “Just wait here, and I’ll be right back.” She smiled as she thanked me and quickly turned towards the hallway to walk back to her front door. About half an hour later, she came back, returned the plunger, and we said goodbye. You might think that I was being polite. But I didn’t even bother to ask what her name was. In fact, I didn’t even know that she was new to the building. After I closed the apartment door, I closed the door on an opportunity to make a new acquaintance. Perhaps it was my fault. And perhaps it was also characteristic of 21st-century urban society. I can’t help but wonder what our brief encounter would have been like if we were of a different time period, of a different generation. I recall the day my Grandma welcomed her new neighbors into their cul-de-sac. She spent the whole afternoon baking chocolate chip cookies. Then, we left her kitchen and walked across the street together. We rung her neighbors’ doorbell and greeted them with a basket of freshly baked cookies. Grandma’s warmhearted welcoming felt so natural and charming – not distant and reserved. And now I wonder whether something has been lost somewhere between Grandma’s generation and mine. She carries with her a certain level of finesse, etiquette, and propriety that I wish I possessed. Emily Post: The Face of American Etiquette in the 1920s Emily Post, a famous American writer on etiquette, explained that etiquette is something that can be developed by all, regardless of one’s background or socio-economic status.[1] Etiquette, she wrote, involves both ethics and good manners. Her writings pay a great deal of attention to the importance of considering the well being of others. Though in many ways Emily Post’s notions of etiquette might be a bit outdated – and even awkward – for modern day interactions, there is something to be learned from the social graces of the Roaring Twenties. Young girls in finishing schools devoured her books on how to conduct oneself in a multitude of scenarios, and many of these lessons still apply to the 21st century. A young lady would greet an elderly lady in the hallway with a “How do you do, Mrs. Jones?” A gentleman would offer his arm to an ill person if he saw that they were having trouble walking. Customers would speak politely to salespeople – it would be considered a sign of ill breeding and selfishness to do otherwise. Guests at a dinner party would not take more than their share of food at the table. Pedestrians would not litter the streets with their garbage. And we would greet our new neighbors with a friendly introduction, a greeting card, and a small gift. A Forgotten Art: The Art of Conversation In 2009, Catherine Blyth published a book, The Art of Conversation, which reiterates some of the consequences of our gradual loss of social graces.[2] In it she explains that we are losing our appreciation for conversation, face-to-face dialogues, and the delight of striking up a spontaneous conversation with a total stranger. What strikes me most is that conversation is not merely a tool, a duty, or an obligation – it is a pleasure, something that adds value to our lives. Talking with someone else, even if just for a couple of minutes with a stranger, can be an enriching experience. Is our society afraid of conversation? Is exchanging names with a new neighbor considered intrusive? Should it not be a sign of friendliness? Are we too busy to help that elderly lady cross the street or to hold the door for a stranger? Bad Manners and Social Anxiety Unfortunately, our lack of social graces can negatively affect the well being of others. When we are rude, short, or temperamental with others, we do not consider how our actions affect those around us. Unfortunately, our gradual loss of social graces has the potential to harm others, sometimes encouraging or reinforcing the development of social anxiety. Broadly speaking, social anxiety involves feelings of discomfort or worries that stem from social interactions.[3] A good friend of mine struggles with social anxiety. Earlier this year, she recounted a disastrous family gathering where a relative was deliberately rude to her. She came home not only feeling hurt, but even more anxious about social interactions than before. Bad manners and bad behavior are inexcusable and can have a lasting impact on society. May we all do our part in improving our manners - not only as a sign of finesse, but also as an ethical consideration for the well-being of others. Though we no longer live in the 1920s, we can still strive to be a friendly, charming, and well-mannered people. If you struggle with social anxiety or panic attacks, there are therapists who can help you. Mental health practitioners want you to feel valued and want you to develop meaningful relationships with others. Together with a therapist you can work through the causes of your anxiety and learn coping tools to help you function with less stress and more joy. [1] Post, Emily. 2007. First published in 1922. Etiquette: In Society, in Business, in Politics, and at Home. New York: Cosimo. [2] Blyth, C. 2008. The Art of Conversation. New York: Penguin. [3] Jacobs, A., and Antony, M. 2008. Social Anxiety Disorder and Social Phobia. Social Anxiety Support. [online] Available at: <http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/disorder/#what> [Accessed on 1 September 2013].

Back to School Series: Bullying and being bullied is not a part of growing up. Bullying is not “kids being kids.” Being bullied is not a rite of passage. Over time, psychologists have come to understand just how damaging bullying behaviors can be to children, and into adulthood. Kids who are bullied are more likely to experience depression, anxiety, sadness, loneliness, changes in sleep and eating patterns, loss of interest in activities previously enjoyed, health complaints, and decreased academic achievement. A small percentage of those bullied may retaliate in violent ways. Twelve of fifteen school shooting cases in the 1990’s involve those who had a history of being bullied. Kids who bully others can have troubles such as adolescent alcohol and drug abuse, vandalism, fights, drop out of school, engage in early sexual activity, criminal convictions, and can be abusive toward partners, spouses, or children later in life. Even those who witness bullying can suffer consequences such as use of tobacco, alcohol, and drugs, increased mental health problems such as depression and anxiety, and missed school. What is Bullying? Bullying is unwanted aggression that encompasses an imbalance of power, and is repeated over time.[1] It can happen anywhere, and at any time. Whether it is before, during, or after school, the playground, in transit to school, or even on the internet, it affects the person being bullied, the person engaging in bullying, and those who witness the behaviors. In 2011, 20% of 9-12 grade students were bullied nationwide. [2] Types of Bullying Verbal - Teasing, name-calling, inappropriate sexual comments, taunting, and threats to cause harm. Social Bullying - Purposely excluding, encouraging others to exclude, rumors, and public embarrassment. Physical Bullying - Hitting, spitting, tripping, taking or breaking another’s things, mean or rude hand gestures. Kids Who Use Bullying Behavior Risk – Although there is no consistent distinction for people who use bullying behaviors, some of the characteristics that are observed most in those who use bullying is that they tend to be well connected to peers, have social power, or are overly concerned with popularity. They tend to dominate or take charge of others. They can be aggressive, competitive, and easily frustrated, have less parental involvement, or issues at home. They have difficulty following rules, view violence in a positive way, think badly of others, and have friends who bully. They are not stronger physically, but have power over those they bully. Warning Signs - Those who use bullying behavior may get into physical or verbal fights. They are increasingly aggressive, and may get sent to the principal’s office or detention frequently. You may notice they have friends who bully others. You may notice unexplained belongings or money, and they tend to blame others for their problems, and don’t take responsibility for their actions. Support - While it is important not to call the person a bully, the child needs to understand that bullying behavior is wrong. Calling one a bully implies that the behavior cannot be changed, and it also fails to recognize that kids can be more than just a bully. They could have been bullied, or witnessed bullying also. While addressing bullying, model respectful behavior, because children learn by example. It is important to show kids that bullying will not be tolerated. Work with the child to understand some of the reasons they are bullying. It can be to fit in, or because they are acting out. Use consequences to teach how bullying is wrong, and build empathy to help prevent future bullying. Talk about what it is to be a good friend, the benefits of teamwork, the importance of respecting others. A project such as Civil Rights and Bullying is an example of a consequence that will build empathy. Involving the child in making amends, such as writing an apology letter, can help the child reflect on how their actions affected another. Avoid the “Three strikes, you’re out” response, and suspending. They do not reduce the behaviors. Conflict resolution and peer mediation also do not work. It is not a conflict between people of equal power who share equal blame. Group treatment for students who bully does not work because group members tend to reinforce bullying behavior. Remember to stay involved. Continue to encourage behavior that affects people in a positive way. Kids Who Are Bullied Risk – Kids who are bullied need help learning how to respond to being bullied. Like those who bully, there is no specific set of characteristics that describes who is at risk, but they are often perceived as different. They may be overweight, underweight, have different styles, or social standing. They are perceived as weak or unable to defend themselves. They can be depressed, anxious or have low self-esteem. They are usually less popular, or have fewer friends. They do not always get along with others, and may seem “annoying” or attention seeking as they struggle to fit in. Warning Signs – Sometimes there are no warning signs, and kids do not like to talk about their situation. Some things to look for are changes in the child such as unexplainable injuries, lost or broken belongings, and frequent illness. You may notice changes in eating habits such as not eating, or being very hungry when they get home from school because they did not eat their lunch. They may not want to go to school and have declining grades, loss of interests, loss of friends, and want to avoid social situations. You may notice feelings of helplessness, decreased self-esteem, or self-destructive behaviors. Support – Listen and focus on the child. Learn what is going on, and show you want to help. Assure the child that bullying is not their fault. Because they may struggle to talk about it with parents, seeking a therapist or councilor may be valuable. Use role play to help give the child way to deal with bullying. Work with the school, and make a game plan and find out what will help the child feel safe. Minimize changes to routine, so that the child is not singled out. If seating changes are necessary, make the change for everyone. Never tell the child to ignore the bullying. Do not blame the child for being bullied. They did not provoke or deserve the aggressive behavior. Do not tell the child to fight back. Parents should resist the urge to contact other parents because it could make matters worse. Bullying is repetitive behavior, so be persistent and keep informed on the situation. Witnesses Those who assist do not start the bullying, but they encourage, or join in at times. Kids who reinforce are not directly involved, but give audience by laughing or encouraging the bullying behavior. Outsiders are kids who remain separate from the bullying and do not either engage or stop it. They often want to help, but do not know what to do. Kids who defend will comfort the child being bullied and may come to the child’s defense. Prevent Bullying Talk to kids about bullying. Encourage kids to do what they love. Help kids understand what bullying is and that it is not acceptable. Be a model of kindness and respect. Encourage kids to speak to a trusted adult if they are being bullied, or see others being bullied. Talk about how to stand up to kids who bully such as using humor, or saying “stop” directly and confidently. Talk about actions that don’t work like walking away. Discuss strategies for staying safe such as staying near adults or groups of other kids. Urge them to help kids who are bullied by showing kindness or getting help. Getting Help There are times when Bullying can get to a point where depression or stress has set in and a child will benefit from counseling. It may be helpful for the child to talk through the feelings they experiences as well as learn new skills such as assertiveness or self-esteem. Family counseling can also help as this can help to strengthen the child's sense of support, can open lines of communication and increase cohesiveness in a family. ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________ [1] "APA Resolution on Bullying Among Children and Youth." American Psychological Association (APA), July 2004. Web. 20 July 2013. [2] "Bullying: What You Need to Know | StopBullying.gov." Home | StopBullying.gov. n.d. Web. 20 July 2013. [3] http://www.dosomething.org/tipsandtools/11-facts-about-school-bullying

In a matter of minutes, an entire community can be devastated by forces they cannot control. Whether it is natural or manmade, disasters are traumatic, and nearly everyone who experiences this kind of stress will need help coping with what they have experienced. Traumatic Stress Different types of natural disasters present different stress varying by how close the person is to the event. In some cases people will have trauma from loss, while others may feel guilt because they survived. Females tend to be more susceptible to trauma, but children and the elderly are the most susceptible to serious trauma. In all causes, the experience is an unexpected perceived brush with death. Hurricanes- While hurricanes come with some warning, they also present stress in the wait to see if or where it will strike. This gives some preparation time, and time to gather things that are important, but extreme weather conditions such as thunder, lightning, rain and wind trigger panic reactions. People are left exhausted, and may suffer survivor guilt, and loss, in addition to injury. Earthquake- Earthquakes are unpredictable, and do not have a defined end due to aftershocks. Lack of control combined with the fear of another quake can cause a person to have a heightened sense of fear. Sights and smells keep the person in a constant reminder state. Tornado- Tornadoes give little to no time to prepare. For those who take refuge, not knowing what is happening, while hearing the sounds of destruction around them with no control over their situation is terrifying. Confusion is common. Destruction, sights and smells linger long after. In addition to loss, survivors may feel survivor guilt. Flood- With floods come desolation of land. A sense that the earth is one thing that is stable is lost. Smell of wet, cold, mud and seeing the devastation of landscapes as well as infrastructure leaves an unstable feeling. Floods do not recede quickly, and cleanup may take a long time, creating exhaustion. Wildfires- While fires often come with some warning, wind can change the course, and so many are unsure during the wait. Fire does not just ruin things, or remove them, it consumes them. Entire neighborhoods and communities can turn to ash, leaving people misplaced and vulnerable. [1] Violence- Manmade disasters are unexpected, unfamiliar, and uncontrollable. For those who experience violence at the hands of another human being, trust in others can be lost, leaving them feeling unsafe, vulnerable, and often times, angry with a feeling that it should have been prevented. People may experience nightmares, and be reminded of their grief by seeing upsetting images, and experience upsetting thoughts for some time. Consequences of Traumatic Stress It is important for those who have experienced traumatic stress to understand that some of the feelings they experience are normal, and expected. The time it takes to see resilience will vary with the individual. Some common responses to traumatic stress may include: Uncertainty- Mental and physical exhaustion, shock, disbelief, fear, helplessness, feeling a lack of control, loss of property, loved one, mementos, and income may result in feeling lost or numb. Pre-existing stresses resurface, or seem larger. Anniversaries of traumatic events may trigger the same feelings. Anger at God or others that the survivor may feel were responsible may also cause guilt. Physical- Responses such as headaches, nausea, chest pain, and sleeplessness are common. Relationship changes- Relations become tense, routines disrupted, and fear in losing loved ones may cause clinging in children, and tension in adults. Children may not fully understand what happened, and are put in a more responsible role. With their parents upset, children may feel they are still not safe. Children may feel lack of attention due to attention being placed on clean-up/repair. Parents may feel protective of their children and how they are processing the event. Teens may revert to younger behavior. Older people, who may suffer from previous health concerns, or have trouble hearing or seeing, may feel incompetent or a burden to the situation. Work- Increased stress and disruptions in routines results in fatigue, inattention, conflict with others, reduced time available, reduced wages. Financial- Destruction will change the standard of living. Unpaid bills may cause frustration and seeking financial assistance can add more stress. The financial burden for someone who was financially secure prior to the event will be less than for someone who was already burdened prior to the event. First responders- While working long hours under intense stress over time, first responders witness human harm, and destruction. They may have their own injuries, depression, and PTSD. [2] Resilience factors Social support- Those who have communication and a culture of understanding tend to move more quickly toward emotional resilience. Coping confidence- Sometimes knowing you will be ok, and that you can do it makes it easier to cope. Hope- Looking at a positive future, and being able to see better things to come can make an impact on how the future will be for the survivor, and how quickly they feel better. Therapy focuses on the resilience factors for those who feel overwhelmed by traumatic stress. ________________________________________________________________ [1] Lazarus, P. J., & Jimerson, S. R., Brock, S. E. (2002). Natural Disasters. In S. E. Brock, P. J. Lazarus, & S. R. Jimerson (Eds.), Best Practices in School Crisis Prevention and Intervention (pp. 435-450), Bethesda, MD: National Association of School Psychologists and other crisis information posted on the NASP website at www.nasponline.org. [2] "Coping With a Traumatic Event." Emergency Preparedness and Response. CDC, 12 June 2003. Web. 06 July 2013

The origins of Thanksgiving have nothing to do with a bunch of Indians and pilgrims sitting down for a bountiful feast of turkey. In reality although the settlers with pale faces had been bothering the Indians in addition to giving them many new diseases they had never had were starving by this time. The Indians took pity on them and brought them some corn and fish. Thanksgiving has a lot of emotional disappointment and this article will show you how to deal with this. This is a period of time in which you are expected to give to others and be generous. Although the intention is good it often leads to self sacrifice and disappointment. This is a period of time in which you must balance your newfound humanitarianism with the demands on your own life. If you do not continue to reach your own immediate goals either at work or at home you will find yourself being irritable and exhausted. Remember that an obligation to give to others does not mean that you have to sacrifice your own needs. You must remember to give yourself some time for your own physical and mental well-being. It is a time when we most often neglect the things we do to make ourselves happy and keep ourselves balanced like exercise, yoga, or other spiritual practices for your own physical and mental well-being This is a time to find some positive solutions to deal with your family members past resentments. Remember that when I family system gets back together it quickly returns to whatever difficulties encountered before. Even if you're the only person in the room aware of this it may help you from dealing with the fallacy that "now that we're all together we must be alright." This leads to the need to decide on your priorities and organize your time adequately. I this will counteract your feelings that you have not a planned enough for Thanksgiving. If you find additional time you can always volunteer to feed the poor would do random acts of kindness. You may also need to have planned out some unstructured inexpensive holiday activity because this holiday evokes a feeling of being served good food rather than organizing fun things to participate in. Spending some time thinking about this will save the day when you are reunited with your family and no one knows what to do. One of the major fallacies are that Thanksgiving will take away feelings of loneliness, sadness, fear, anger and frustration. This holiday is heavily advertised is a time in which everyone appreciates being together. The fallacy behind that becomes clear when you are reuniting with family members and you realize why you have become independent of them. You may find yourself being overwhelmed with anger or fear or worse yet feeling alone being surrounded by your family. The worst emotion that creeps up on this holiday is resentment. It is usually triggered by a previous bad relationship with a family member. Beware of grudges and slights you have suffered in the past and keep them from resurfacing. Thanksgiving is designed to encourage gluttony. This is not an open invitation to eat too much. Remember that most people with eating disorders simply want to have something to control in their lives and to avoid the resentment and self-hatred you will naturally feel after eating way past feeling hungry. This includes other over indulgences. You know by now what you need to keep a careful eye on so that you don't lose control and this may be an opportunity to set an example with other family members who still have raging addictions. You may want to have some contingency plans when they become abusively angry, drunk or chemically impaired. If it the end of the holiday feast you find yourself still feeling depressed or resentful remember what the Indians did. They didn't like these foreigners who is strange customs and behaviors showed such a resentment towards nature that it disrupted and destroyed the Indian culture. Yet they still took pity on these poor starving people and threw them a fish or two.