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December 11, 2012
by Gloria Day

An Uncomfortable and Necessary Journey: “Boundaries” by Cloud and Townsend- Book Review Chapter 7

December 11, 2012 15:22 by Gloria Day

Well on the eve of Christmas I think it is timely that we deal with this chapter called “Boundaries and Your Family”
A few important things have stuck out for me in this section. Primarily, how we can make a change on the outside yet if the change is not in our hearts or in our minds or our values then it will only be actions and in fact, we will be easily swayed to the old way; as well as, possibly feel guilty for this internal inconsistency.
Specifically, this relates to how we have separated ourselves from our families. We may have chosen to move to a different town, gotten married, even had kids, yet we still feel a pull from the familial roots we have come from as we have not made a change to move away in our hearts. This moving away is a sign of maturity and growth.
Later in the chapter we read about how God asks us to really leave our families and to be adopted by Him.
  • Have you done that?
  • Do you identify with who you are as the daughter of “Sally” or as a ‘Daughter of the King’ ?
  • Where is your compass set to?
  • Towards your family of origin and the guilt, hurts, and abuse from the past OR towards Freedom and the future?
I was just discussing today how this Christmas will probably be full of stress and unmet expectations. A Godly friend questioned me with whom do I identify? With the sins of my family’s past and the guilt and codependency of my youth or with the freedom I can have in Christ ?AND where are my expectations…if on ANYONE but God I am sure to get disappointed this holiday season!
It seems like the rubber meets the road for me in this Chapter. I desire to be well rounded. To have my mind and heart focused on God’s goodness, yet I seem to get pulled back into needing affirmation and approval by people who actually cannot even fully affirm or approve me!
“Many times we are not obeying the Word of God because we have not spiritually left home.”(Pg 138)
Here are a few points on how to bring resolution to boundary problems in the family
<!--[if !supportLists]-->1)<!--[endif]-->Identify the Symptom
<!--[if !supportLists]-->2)<!--[endif]-->Identify the conflict
<!--[if !supportLists]-->3)<!--[endif]-->Identify the need that drives the conflict
<!--[if !supportLists]-->4)<!--[endif]-->Take in and receive the good
<!--[if !supportLists]-->5)<!--[endif]-->Practice boundary skills
<!--[if !supportLists]-->6)<!--[endif]-->Say no to the Bad
<!--[if !supportLists]-->7)<!--[endif]-->Forgive the Aggressor
<!--[if !supportLists]-->8)<!--[endif]-->Respond, Don’t React
<!--[if !supportLists]-->9)<!--[endif]-->Learn to love in freedom and responsibility , Not in guilt
Well, I desire as Christmas comes closer to apply these items and to hopefully have a love, peace, and boundary filled holiday!
Reference: Cloud, H., & Townsend, J. (1992) Boundaries: When to say Yes, When to say No; to take control of your life. Grand Rapids, Michigan: Zondervan.
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