Theravive Home

The Latest in Therapy News

December 3, 2014
by Marti Wormuth, MA

Dealing with Insecurity

December 3, 2014 02:55 by Marti Wormuth, MA

Insecurity is one of those feelings that everyone feels at least once in their lifetime. That being said, it doesn't make it any easier for you to deal with it. Especially during the holidays, we may find that there are a lot of things that are going on and a lot of people that we see that make us feel a little bit insecure about ourselves. Because of that, it's important for us to think about how we deal with insecurity and why it is, sometimes, a huge part of the lives that we are living. We're going to explore both of those things today in hopes that you will be able to deal with insecurity in a healthy manner. 

Why Do We Feel Insecure?

This is a hard question, because a lot of us don't really think about the reasons that we feel insecure, we just know that we feel insecure and we want to be sure that it's dealt with in a healthy manner - or we just ignore it. That just depends on who you are and how you deal with things.

That being said, there are a lot of reasons that you can end up being insecure about something. Most often, it has to deal with who you are and how other people view you. If you're in between jobs, you're more likely to feel insecure because you're worried that people will think less of you because you aren't "gainfully employed." If you are in a rough relationship patch (or you're almost thirty and people won't stop asking you about when you're going to get married when you aren't even dating yet), then you may feel insecure about your relationship status. If you aren't familiar with people, you may worry about what they think of you. Many times, our insecurities are based on our concern about what others are saying and thinking about us, which, honestly, we can't do much about anyway. But we still worry, because it's in our DNA. 

Sometimes, we've dealt with the worry about what other people are saying, thinking, and feeling about us for so long that we get stuck in patterns of thinking that result in us being insecure about ourselves without any prompting from the outside world. And in some cases, this is even worse than just dealing with the thoughts of other people. You start questioning and doubting yourself, your abilities, who you are and what you stand for, or whatever else may be on your mind when it comes to this question. Being insecure in who you are is a much deeper issue, and even though it may start from the worry of what others think of you, it becomes that much worse because you aren't comfortable in your own skin and, sometimes, that results in a bit of an identity crisis that we have to work through a bit. 

What Can We Do To Help with Insecurity? 

So, of course, now that we know the roots of our insecurity, it's time to actually take a deep look at what is going on and how we can be sure to fight off that insecurity in a healthy manner. It takes time and practice to get that in order, and there are a lot of things that you need to think about and consider if you're going to fight off your insecurities in a healthy and effective way, but if you are determined to get on your feet, the task is not as scary or intimidating as it seems.

Don't play the "what if" game. So many insecure people play the "what if" game, and it's really not good for your mind or your psyche. There are so many questions that come up in your mind and you may worry about things that have absolutely nothing to do with what is going on right now. Is it good to plan ahead? Absolutely, but when "planning ahead" becomes "I can't deal with life because there are way too many variables that can come into play here," you cannot do that. It will just feed your insecurity and make it worse. One step at a time, one day at a time. 

Learn how to identify the moments where you are feeling insecure and unsure of yourself. This is hard, because a lot of people feel that their insecurity "sneaks up" on them. If that were the case, we'd all be in trouble. Start to become aware of your body and who you are. By doing this, you will be better able to see what is going on in your life and figure out exactly when and why you are becoming insecure at a certain point. By doing that, you can then evaluate what's going on there and work through it in a healthy way, possibly even reducing or eliminating the insecurity as a result. 

If things have to change in your life, take the risk and the step and do it. Sometimes, you have to make difficult changes in order to feel more secure about yourself. It's hard to make changes, but if you take the time in order to do it in a healthy way and you're doing it because it's healthy and not because of what other people may think, then you need to just get up and do it. Easier said than done, I know, but some of those changes can help you to feel more secure with yourself and who you have been created to be. 

Do not base your current experiences on past ones. We all do it, whether we're insecure or not. If we're in a relationship, we base our experiences on past relationships. If we're in a job interview, we base how we feel on past job interviews. Our experiences are always changing. Yes, can we learn from all of the past experiences that we have? Absolutely, and we should - that is a healthy thing to do and it can help us to live more fruitfully in the future, but if you are basing everything on your past experiences, you're going to hurt a lot of people. Take everything as a new experience, and just work off of the lessons from old experiences, not the experiences themselves. 

Do not allow other people to take advantage of you when you are feeling insecure or that know your insecurities and manipulate them in an unhealthy manner.  Some people are mean and cruel, and it's unfortunate, but that's how the world works. Because of that, you need to be aware of how other people are treating you and taking care of you. Do they take advantage of you when you're feeling insecure? If so, you need to stand up to them and let them know that you mean business and that you deserve to be treated better than you are being treated. It will help you feel less insecure. 

Do not be afraid to have insecurities, and if you are feeling insecure, talk about those feelings with people who you love and trust. This is the flip side of the last one. Insecurities are absolutely fine to have - they're healthy, really, because they let you know that you are aware of yourself enough to make sure that you are living the way that you want to live and such. If you're feeling insecure, reach out to the people that you trust and love - they can help you to find your way and feel more secure in your life. They can also help lift you up instead of worrying about tearing you down. All that being said, you need supportive people because, even though a lot of the work is on you, they are able to help you get through these difficult insecurities as well. Surround yourself with people who love you. 

Remember that your insecurity is likely not obvious to the world around you. This is hard to remember, but if you are struggling with insecurity, you need to know that it's not necessarily something that the people around you can see. Unless you have visibly anxious reactions to your insecurity (and some people do, and that's really okay - I know that I do it), people won't even know that you're feeling insecure. Stand tall, be brave, step forward into the situation and know that, even if you feel insecure, that doesn't mean that you have to stop yourself from doing the important things. You can do it, I know it! 

There are lots of things that you can do about your insecurity, but if it seems to be something that is running your life, you may need a little extra help. A therapist can help you to figure out exactly what the sources of your insecurity are and how you may be able to figure out the next steps that you have to take with it. There may be some underlying causes that you have to deal with, and that's okay! There are resources out there for people like you and you can get the help that you need in order to be successful with your recovery and be able to move on with your life. So long insecurity! Now you can start your walk toward feeling more secure with who you are and the life that you are living right now. 


Borchard, T. (2013). » 5 Things to Do When You Feel Insecure - World of Psychology. Retrieved July 14, 2014, from

Chernoff, M. (2013). 5 Ways to Stop Feeling Insecure in Your Relationships. Retrieved July 14, 2014, from

Leigh. (2012). How To Deal With Insecurity in 4 Steps. Retrieved July 14, 2014, from (2008, December 22). Handling Insecurity. Retrieved July 14, 2014, from

Tyrell, M. (n.d.). Overcoming Insecurity in Relationships. Retrieved from

About the Author

Marti Wormuth, MA Marti Wormuth, MA

My name is Marti Wormuth and I have been blogging for a number of years. I've got a Master's in Communications and I love talking about a number of topics, including mental health, relationships, sexuality, and gaming.

Marti Wormuth, MA can be found at
blog comments powered by Disqus