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September 14, 2013
by Casey Truffo, LMFT

How to Fix Trust Issues in a Relationship

September 14, 2013 07:00 by Casey Truffo, LMFT

Great chemistry, communication, and trust are at the top of the list when it comes to having a successful relationship. While it is true that all relationships have their moments of happiness and despair, it is important to try and keep the down times to a minimum. One of the most common relationship problems, whether new or old is trust. When one or both partners lose trust in one another, it can become very difficult to get over without the proper tools. Harbored distrust leads to nothing but infidelity, arguments, and eventually broken relationships. If you are looking for a solution to your trust issues, these tips will help you in saving your relationship and getting back to growing closer together.

Admit the Problem

The first order of business before anything can happen is to first admit that there are trust issues. If you’re in denial about your issues with trusting your partner, you will never get anywhere. Since men have a more complex time with showing emotions, it may be more difficult for a man than a woman to express that they do lack trust in their partner and be willing to put forth the effort for change.

Let Go of Baggage

Many couples come into a relationship with trust issues. Some have lost trust due to childhood experiences, and others have lost trust as a result of other relationship problems gone wrong. You need to really evaluate where your trust issues are coming from before trying to solve the problem. Ask yourself these questions: Has your partner ever given you a reason not to trust them? Have they ever lied? Have they ever made a promise that they did not keep? Did they ever fall short on a responsibility? If your answer is no, your trust issues were brought into the relationship from another source that needs closure.

Talk About it

Communication is important in any relationship. A lot of times you will find that trust issues stem from couples not properly communicating with one another. You don’t always have to agree on topics discussed, but keeping an open line of communication creates an environment for trust. For instance, if you believe your significant other is cheating on you because they’re out late hours in the night, your partner could communicate where they are going and an ideal time that they will be back. This small amount of communication can put fears to rest and keep the trust.

Put the Past Behind You

It is important to remember that everyone is human and are bound at some point to hurt someone whether intentional or unintentional. If you've had relationship problems in the past where your partner has wronged you and betrayed your trust, this issue needs to be addressed so that you can move past it. If you have agreed to forgive them for their wrongdoing, you have to learn to let go and allow the healing process to begin. Holding onto the past only creates resentment and makes it hard for the relationship to move to the next level.

Don’t Play the Blame Game

No one likes to feel as if they’ve hurt someone they love. If your significant other comes to you and expresses that they feel that they can’t trust you, don’t take offense. Lots of people get defensive and begin blaming the other person for their actions. For instance if a woman feels her boyfriend is hiding something on their phone as a result of a password lock, the boyfriend should not respond by saying, “Well if you weren’t so busy snooping around my phone I would not have to lock it!” Instead you want to listen to what they have to say and actively make strides to making things right.

Create a Plan of Action

Talking is only half the battle in fixing relationship problems such as trust. You and your partner need to sit down and really discuss a plan of action within reason. For instance if infidelity is the problem consider providing each other access to your cell phones, email accounts, and social media pages. You could also suggest sending a simple text message when you’re going to be working late or going out with friends after work so that there is no room for speculation. Your actions will show your partner how much you care to change and will essentially bring you guys closer.

Fixing and/or rebuilding trust is not something that’s going to happen overnight. The best plan of action is to address the issue, find the underlying cause for your relationship problems, let go of past hurt, and set a plan of action to getting back to love.

If you’re having trust issues and can’t seem to get past them on your own, there is also the option of consulting a professional who can provide help you find your source of distrust and slowly put the pieces back together. Consider couples counseling. Let the counselors at Orange County Relationship Center help you.  Call us today at 949-220-3211 or book your appointment via our online calendar. As long as both parties are willing to try, rebuilding the trust can be very successful.

About the Author

OC Relationship Center OC Relationship Center, LMFT

You deserve to feel better - in your life and relationships. At OC Relationship Center we want to help you find more love, more joy, more peace...and less conflict and less stress. Our licensed and caring counselors can help if you are single, dating, married, divorced.

OC Relationship Center can be found at
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