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November 12, 2013
by Casey Truffo, LMFT

divorce fighting child argue

How Fighting With Your Ex Impacts Your Kids

November 12, 2013 04:55 by Casey Truffo, LMFT  [About the Author]

divorce fighting child argue
If you take time to think about it, it's tough enough on kids to be the children of divorced parents. It is difficult for them to understand that it's okay to love both parents and to depend on both parents when they’ve chosen to end the marriage. Worst of all, it's terrifying for kids to witness their divorced parents fight. Some studies have even shown that divorced parents who fight in front of their kids can cause more harm than did the divorce itself. [More]

September 3, 2013
by Cindy Marie Hosszu

singlemom

Single Parents Are Not Alone

September 3, 2013 17:00 by Cindy Marie Hosszu  [About the Author]

singlemom
Raising kids can be challenging for any parent at times, but being a single parent brings some unique challenges to the equation. In addition to the stress and heartache that a separation of any kind can cause, single parents are limited to a single income potential, and have less time to spend with their kids, as well as all the same responsibilities that come with a 2 parent household. Add to that the social stigma that often surrounds the single parent and you have an emotional burden that can be overwhelming. Not Alone Single parents are no longer the minority in our world. The U.S. Census Bureau table, “America’s Families and Living Arrangements for 2012,” reports that 26% of children are raised in single parent homes. If you look at the same statistics over the last several years, it is clear that the trend is on the way up. Single parents are not alone, but for the individual living a life of stress every day with no break, it can feel that there is no support. Juggling a job, children, schools, household chores, the finances, and all the things that go along with all those, without the help of a partner every day can be more than just a hectic life. Single Parent Struggles Research has shown that single mothers are more likely to suffer from poor mental health than partnered mothers, and the factors that most greatly affect single mother mental health are financial hardship, and a perceived lack of support.[1] In the study, 45% of single mothers experienced depression, anxiety, or substance use disorder in the previous year, compared to 23.6% of partnered mothers. In the study, all the factors believed to contribute to the mental health concerns were examined such as financial hardship, unemployment, lack of social support, the responsibility of caring for children, consequences of a family break-up, trauma such as abuse, childhood adversity, and socio-economic disadvantage. Of the factors studied, financial hardship, social support, household income, and socio-demographics accounted for 94% of the association between single mothers and poor mental health.[2] Did you get that; making ends meet and support are the most important factors for the mental wellness of single parents. I would bet all the single parents out there can concur. It makes sense, right? It is not just single mothers; there is an increasing amount of single fathers each year. Single fathers in 2012 consisted of 16% of all single parents, 9% were raising 3 or more children under the age of 18, and of those, 42% had a family income of $50,000 or more annually.[3] That means that 58% made less than $50,000 per year. One of the most important factors in being emotionally healthy is the ability to provide for your family. Single parents have a harder time with this in many cases. Some parents must work two jobs to make ends meet, which not only takes time from their family, but can wear on the physical health as well. The parent has to choose between wearing themselves out to provide, and being there for their family. Food, a basic need, can be a source of stress for anyone who is not earning enough to support their family. The prevalence of mental health illness among Canadian adults with poor food quality was 24%, and 25% for those who did not have enough food, with an even higher rate for single parents.[4] Single parents also have to deal with the stigma of being a single parent, while worrying about their children’s’ well-being. Many studies over the years have correlated single parenting with an increase in children’s mental disabilities, as well as unruly kids. Recent research suggests that single parent families are no indicator of a child’s future well-being, but family climate and well-being is significantly related.[5] So the quality of mom or dad being there is very important to the child’s well-being. This means that parents need to take care of themselves in order to provide the emotional support their kids need. Aside from depression and anxiety, lone parents have an increased prevalence of suicidal thoughts.[6] All of these factors emphasis the need for single parents to place themselves in an environment of support. Therapy is a valuable tool for many single parents, and their children. The Therapist is Not the Missing Parent One of the challenges of seeing a therapist for single parents is that the family looks to the therapist to take a position that would represent the missing parent.[7] Often times the members of the family look to the therapist to take on a position of authority, or experience to resolve their problems. For instance, if a single mother is hoping to gain respect, or discipline from the children, she may hope for the therapist to take a disciplinary role with the children. It is not the place of the therapist to think of the mother as a victim, or label the other members of the family. The environment of therapy is non-judgmental. The therapist will be able to reconnect the family with its own resources and a social support system. While being a single parent may be the most difficult thing you will ever do, it is not hopeless. There are resources to help you, and therapy can give you insight into some of those resources. If you would like to read more about divorce, check out this link. https://www.theravive.com/services/divorce-help.htm [1] Crosier, T., Butterworth, P., & Rodgers, B. (2007). Mental health problems among single and partnered mothers. Social Psychiatry and Psychiatric Epidemiology, 42(1), 6-13. doi:http://dx.doi.org/10.1007/s00127-006-0125-4 [2] Ibid. [3] One-parent Unmarried Family Groups With Own Children Under 18, By Marital Status Of The Reference Person: 2012 (FG6). (2012). Retrieved from U.S. Census Bureau website: http://www.census.gov/hhes/families/data/cps2012.html [4] Mental health; findings from university of british columbia update understanding of mental health. (2013). Food Weekly News, , 167. Retrieved from http://search.proquest.com/docview/1356048090?accountid=3358 [5] Phillips, T. (2012). The Influence of Family Structure Vs. Family Climate on Adolescent Well-Being. Child & Adolescent Social Work Journal, 29(2), 103-110. doi:10.1007/s10560-012-0254-4 [6] Psychiatry; study findings on psychiatry are outlined in reports from science institute. (2013). Mental Health Weekly Digest, , 101. Retrieved from http://search.proquest.com/docview/1415811419?accountid=3358 [7] Rober, P. (2010). The Single-Parent Family and the Family Therapist: About Invitations and Positioning. Australian & New Zealand Journal Of Family Therapy, 31(3), 221-231.

August 30, 2013
by Cindy Marie Hosszu

cyberbully

Protect Yourself While Online

August 30, 2013 09:00 by Cindy Marie Hosszu  [About the Author]

cyberbully
Back to School Series: Technology and the internet have changed how we communicate, how we learn, and how we take care of business. It has given us new ways to create, and experience the world around us. Unfortunately, some of the ways we have used technology to evolve are very negative. In the 2008/2009 school year, 20% of students experienced bullying by electronic means, and 28% experienced threat of violence through electronic means. [1] To protect our kids, we must be aware of cyberbulling, and how to prevent it. What Is Cyberbullying Cyberbullying is aggressive behavior that is unwanted, repeated, and involves a real or perceived imbalance in power that takes place on electronic devices or media, such as computers, cell phones, social media sites, text messages, chat, web sites, and online gaming. It is bullying between children, not adults. When adults get involved it becomes cyber-harassment, cyber-stalking, or sexual predator behavior. How Is Cyberbullying Different Than Traditional Bullying 24/7- Cyberbullying can happen any time day or night. Although most cyberbullying is accompanied by in-person bullying, it is harder to avoid because it is not something you can remove or avoid. Anonymously- Cyberbullying can be posted and distributed very quickly to a large audience, and can be hard or impossible to trace. Permanent- Once something has been posted on the internet, it is difficult to have it removed. By Proxy- Cyberbulling can be direct, or by proxy. Anyone can create a profile of the person being targeted to impersonate them and incite others. Others can then use bullying behavior because they think that the target started the behavior. It can be used as a means of punishment from parents, other kids, and even other groups. An example of cyberbullying that involves other groups is when someone posts on hate or sex sites and gives out personal contact information about the target. Effects of Cyberbullying Just like traditional bullying,(You can learn more about traditional bullying) kids who are cyberbullied are more likely to use alcohol and drugs, skip school, experience in-person bullying, are often unwilling to attend school, receive poor grades, have low self-esteem, and have more health problems.[2] Prevent Cyberbullying Parents and kids can work together to prevent cyberbulling by keeping lines of communication open. Talk to kids about what cyberbullying is and what to do if they see it. Establish rules about computer use, and keep the computer in an area of the house that has high visibility. Make rules with regard to device use so that parents are able to view all online activity and texts at any time. Reassure kids that, as a responsible parent, it is about safety, not invading their privacy. Installing software to monitor online behavior is helpful, but not as effective as monitoring personally. Know the sites your child visits, who they are with and what they do online. Follow your kids on social media, and get a feel for the web sites they use. Teach kids about online safety, such as what to post and how someone may perceive their posts and activities. Only “friend” real friends. Teach them how to know who can see and how to control who can see their posts and activities. Never share user-names, passwords, or location on any web sites. What To Do If You See Cyberbullying Never respond to or forward cyberbullying, but do keep any evidence of cyberbullying. Be sure to capture dates, times, and descriptions of cyberbullying by printing screenshots, email or text messages. You can use this record to report to the proper channels. Block the person doing the cyberbullying. Look for terms of service for the media, and follow their instruction for reporting so that they can take action. Report cyberbullying to law enforcement whenever there are threats of violence, child pornography, or explicit messages or photos, stalking, or hate crimes, or if a picture is posted of someone in a place that they would expect to be private. Let schools know about the bullying. Often times, schools cannot take action directly, but they can help by being aware of the situation. Also, some states require that schools have anti-bullying policies included in the schools handbooks so that it is contractual, and they can take action. Counseling can help both parents and kids with the stress of cyberbullying. [1] "Student Victimization in Schools." National Center for Education Statistics (NCES) Home Page, a part of the U.S. Department of Education. Institute of Education Sciences, Nov. 2011. Web. 4 Aug. 2013. [2] "What is Cyberbullying | StopBullying.gov." Home | StopBullying.gov. N.p., n.d. Web. 4 Aug. 2013. [3] http://www.dosomething.org/tipsandtools/11-facts-about-cyber-bullying