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One of the biggest problems is that constant or charged bickering can make others uncomfortable to the point that you’ll find your circle of friends shrinking rather than widening. Maybe you’re a more private person who doesn’t care about socializing in large groups anyway, but it’s nice to keep your options open, especially when it comes to friends you enjoy as a couple. Don’t get me wrong: I am not advocating putting on an act in front of your friends at parties to prove that you’re the happiest couple alive. That would probably backfire, anyway. [More]

Do you ever see a problem coming a mile away—a potential conflict between you and your partner—and spend hours (at least in the back of your mind) worrying about it? The good news is, it’s normal. Like kids worried about showing our parents a poor grade, we often blow things out of proportion. We assume that if we have bad news for our partner, he or she is going to have a terrible reaction. [More]

As an example, Tom described a string of dates the couple recently went on together where it seemed Brooke constantly found things to complain about. One night it was the service at the restaurant; another, it was a loud party at the table next to them. The last time they went to see a movie it was “the most predictable story line she’d ever seen.” On still another outing, she complained mightily about the traffic on the way to their destination. [More]

Being selfish has always been considered a trait to avoid. We're taught to give to others, to be selfless and caring. Many times however, we take our selfless acts to such an extreme that we are giving to others at the expense of our own welfare. This happens most often with our children and partners. [More]

In extreme examples, partners who worry that their boyfriend/girlfriend or spouse is unhappy with the relationship will often do anything they think their partner wants them to do. On the other hand, if you sacrifice your own wants and needs in the process, the long-term results are usually disastrous. Even if your partner directly asks for a change in your lives, like moving to a new house, getting a dog, or buying a new car, always take time to make sure it’s a desire you both share. If you have doubts, talk about them. [More]

Are you among many people who have switched "traditional" roles with your spouse? Lately, there have been many layoffs, downsizing of companies, and other reasons causing spouses to switch roles. Additionally, many spouses have traded places and have gone from family breadwinner to stay-at-home parent. There are many people in this same situation, and many people who are having trouble adjusting to their new roles. [More]

In all intimate relationships—whether with family members, partners or spouses—we do know how to push one another buttons, because these are the people we’ve been around the most. Consciously or not, we’ve learned how to get under their skin: Maybe it’s bringing up issues we know are sensitive to them (usually in an insensitive way), or reminding them of a past mistake that should be relegated by now to the “done that, talked about it, moved on” column. Maybe it’s comparing them to a family member in an unflattering way, like saying, “You’re just like your (notoriously thrifty) mom!” at moments when he or she disagrees with you about a big financial decision .If you’ve been guilty of doing this—hitting your partner where it hurts (often because you’re angry, and you want to hurt them)—the first step is to recognize the habit for what it is: a form of passive-aggressive behavior. [More]

This blog began in starts and fits. I wanted to lighten things up a bit by extracting some wisdom from couples on popular television shows—and, as it turns out, you can learn quite a bit from them. But it seems it’s a lot easier to learn what doesn’t work than what does, with contemporary television basically obsessed with dysfunction.Nevertheless, here are five who stand out as those from whom we can glean a bit of relationship wisdom. [More]

You've done everything you can think of, including selling some of your belongings, to make an effort to make ends meet and get the bills paid. But no matter what you do and how much you try to pay everything, it just isn't enough. You're only making the minimum payments on your bills, but every month a few unpaid bills remain. You feel as though you have nobody to turn to; nobody to lend a hand or give you a loan…and it’s taking its toll on your mental health and the health of your relationship. [More]

Like a shiny new car you just drove off the lot, the excitement of new marriage and the infatuation of new love almost always changes after the proverbial honeymoon period. That doesn’t mean it goes away; far from it. It’s just that as you begin to tackle some of your first challenges together as a couple and return to some sense of normalcy—or at least the “new normal - most couples inevitably trade novelty for the maturing of the relationship,”It’s not a bad thing, and it is also inevitable. [More]