I feel like I need to have a big sip of water, pat my belly, sigh, and sit back to digest…this book is getting good!
Chapter 5: Ten Laws of Boundaries….DRUM ROLL PLEASE:
Law of Sowing and Reaping:
- God’s law on this is not punishment it is reality
- When other people reap the consequences for someone else this is called “codependency”
- People with no boundaries often interrupt this law
Law of Responsibility:
- This includes loving others
- About being responsible ‘to’ and not for others
- Not only giving but in the setting of limits on other’s destructive and irresponsible behaviour
- It is not good to rescue others from the consequences of their sin as you will only need to do it again
Law of Power:
- We need to admit we are powerless
- We have the power to admit our faults, submit to God, ask for help, turn for help, humble ourselves and apologize when wrong
Law of Respect:
- We tend to judge other’s people’s boundaries
- We need to respect the boundaries of others, in fact we need to love them
- If we love and respect people who say no they will love and respect our no
Law of Motivation:
- We are often motived not by love but by fear of losing it
- We need to check our motivations are they based on: fear of anger, fear of losing myself, guilt, payback, approval, over identification with other’s loss
Law of Evaluation:
- Hurt and harm are different
- We need to evaluate the effects of setting boundaries and be responsible to (not for) the other person
- Need to evaluate the pain caused by our choices
Law of Proactivity:
- Proactive people show you what they love, what they stand for, what they want, and what they purpose
- Spiritual adulthood has higher goals than finding yourself!
Law of Envy:
- Envy defines good as what I don’t poses
- If we focus on what we don’t have we are not being responsible for what we do have
- Envy should be a sign that you are lacking something (usually not what you are wanting) - take this to God
Law of Activity:
- Passivity can become an ally of evil if you do not resist it
- God will match our efforts but he will never do the work for us
- Trying, failing and trying again is called learning
Law of Exposure:
- Boundaries need to be made visible to others- they need to see them
- Due to unexpressed boundaries relationships will suffer
KEY THOUGHTS FROM THE CHAPTER:
- Boundaries do exist, they will affect us whether we communicate them or not (pg 103)
- The Ultimate Expression of Power is love (pg 98)
- We are called into freedom- this freedom results in gratitude and an overflowing heart(pg 94)
- More people suffer from trying to change others than any other sickness(pg 91)
So here we are: the 10 Laws of Boundaries. Many of these seem so very obvious and others, well they are at work and I am sure as we open up we will see how we can work with them and not against them.
Reference: Cloud, H., & Townsend, J. (1992) Boundaries: When to say Yes, When to say No; to take control of your life. Grand Rapids, Michigan: Zondervan.
