For many people, the only reason they may not know that their relationship needs help is because they're living in denial that there are problems. So many people choose to go through life living a routine, like a programmed robot, and live in relationships of convenience. Many people feel if their partners or family members are living life with their basic needs met, that they are provided for, and that is all that is needed. This could not be further from the truth. Every relationship needs tender loving care and there is no real commitment to the relationship if you are only "going through the motions."
Make a difference in your relationship by considering the following things that can make a huge impact in your world. If nothing else, maybe some of the topics of discussion will help you to discover how easy it is to reconnect with the special person in your life.
1. Be True.
Be true...to yourself and to your partner. When it comes to love, your life should never average or run-of-the-mill. Being true in your relationship can strengthen your it when you feel your life is average. Many people who live in "convenient" relationships or marriages aren’t true to themselves or their partners as they manage to put on happy faces when they are in public, or even when they are around their own family members, while the relationship falls short. Stop doing these things. Be true. Commit to making a difference.
2. Be Real.
Never play games in a relationship. Either you are committed and connected, are willing to do what it takes to recommit or reconnect, or you are ready to walk away. Don't play games with your relationships or the hearts involved. This diminishes the importance of your relationship and can only lead to lack of trust and dishonesty later.
3. Eliminate the Noise.
Whether it's the television, a blaring stereo or game system, get rid of the noise. There's nothing wrong with watching TV, listening to music, or playing a game; however, be sure that the "noise" is turned off whenever possible. One of the biggest steps in forming a positive, fulfilling relationship is to have time just for each other. If you constantly have "noise" going on, are you really able to focus on and truly listen to each other? Do you feel like you have a good intimate relationship? Good communication, i.e. less noise, leads to intimacy; intimacy leads to a greater connection; and a greater connection leads to a greater relationship!
4. Take Care of YOU.
When your relationship is on the rocks, it's not unusual to spend most of your energy trying to make things right with your partner. This isn’t a bad thing; however, be sure not to focus so much on your partner that you forget to take care of yourself. Be sure to continue learning, developing your mind, excelling in your career, etc. Never compromise who you are because you are in a relationship.
This point goes hand-in-hand with being REAL. Honesty is the only way to build trust and move forward in any relationship. If honesty isn’t there, neither is a strong foundation. Not only will honesty show your great character, it will also help your build your relationship on strength and trust from the start. Without honesty and trust neither partner can truly feel secure and the relationship is doomed to fail.
Show respect to, and expect it from, your partner at all times. When you are out and about, showing respect to each other will make your relationship stronger and will have others wondering how you do it. Never embarrass or make your partner feel uncomfortable – this can quickly lead to resentment. Instead, talk to your partner about becoming a unified team where you treat each other with respect in every setting. Commit to carrying through with this agreement even through the rough spots in your relationship. Loss of respect can drive a huge wedge in your relationship.
Everybody wants to feel appreciated. Imagine going through your days, doing nice things for your partner, and never hearing a “thank you” or feeling appreciated. If this happens to you, no doubt you will soon stop doing those nice things. Keep this in mind and make a conscious effort to acknowledge things your partner does for you. Appreciation doesn’t have to cost a lot of money or time. A heartfelt “thank you” with a big hug and kiss can do wonders.
8. Be patient.
In tough times, being patient doesn't come easily. When your partner makes a mistake, it's easy to become critical and focus on the negative. Remember, we all make mistakes. Try to be understanding and patient in these times with the end-result being to focus on the issue at hand and talk about it without being angry or overly critical.
Couples often grow apart for a variety of reasons. Common reasons include the two of you working different shifts, one or both of you traveling a lot for work, having different interests and hobbies, or being blessed with children. A lot of people get to the point where they feel their relationships are no longer of any value. Sometimes we get so consumed with things going on in our own lives that we forget how important it is to make time for our partners.
Whether you need help working through a rough patch in your relationship, or you feel like your relationship no longer has value, the counselors at OC Relationship Center can help you. Call us today at (949) 220-3211 or book your appointment via our online calendar.