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December 5, 2012
by Gloria Day

An Uncomfortable and Necessary Journey: “Boundaries” by Cloud and Townsend- Book Review Chapter 6

December 5, 2012 18:23 by Gloria Day  [About the Author]

Chapter 6 Common Boundary Myths


“…AND I will NOT accept your guilt trips ANY MORE!!! They are NOT welcome in my HOME! If you want to leave you can!...”

Do you know what that is?... DRUM ROLL PLEASE….

That is a Boundaryless women starting to set boundariesand oh boy is it ugly! Most of you can guess that was my mother I was talking to and many of you either have had, wish you could have, OR should have that conversation with that wonderful woman we call Mom!

This chapter really started to make sense while in the midst of working on setting some new boundaries. Which by the way really does not come easy to me. ..

In fact, later in the day my ‘loving’ mother says something about how I really should learn to control my emotions…adding insult to injury as I had already brought on the guilt trip for sticking up for myself. What I got to experience first had is Boundary Myth #5: Boundaries Mean That I Am Angry.

Quote from page 116:

It’s no secret that quite often, when people begin telling the truth, settling limits, and taking responsibility and “angry cloud” follows them around for awhile. They become touchy and easily offended, and they discover a hair-triggered temper that frightens them. Friends will make comments like, “You’re not the nice, loving person I used to know.” The guilt and shame caused by these remarks can further confuse new boundary setters.

The chapter goes on to explain that anger is a sign we need to move forward to confront the threat and the violation. Years of constant boundary violations do generate some anger and sometimes we have shoved these feelings down!

So if there is anything this chapter has done for me is validated I am in the right direction! It is NOT easy especially with a 33 year relationship to start to set healthy and biblical boundaries!

A Myth is fiction that looks like a truth:

Here are some of the other Myths about Boundaries this chapter exposes. Check to see which ones you believe

1)      If I set Boundaries, I’m being selfish

2)      Boundaries are a sign of disobedience

3)      If I begin to set boundaries I will be hurt by others

4)      If I Set boundaries I will hurt others

5)      Boundaries mean that I am angry

6)      When Others Set Boundaries In Injures me

7)      Boundaries Cause Feelings of Guilt

8)      Boundaries are Permanent and I’m Afraid if Burning My Bridges


We are now finished "PART ONE: What are Boundaries?"


On to "PART TWO: Boundary Conflicts"

Reference: Cloud, H., & Townsend, J. (1992) Boundaries: When to say Yes, When to say No; to take control of your life. Grand Rapids, Michigan: Zondervan.


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