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March 5th is Dissociative Identity Disorder Awareness Day. Dissociative Identity Disorder or DID for short, is the body-mind response to chronic childhood trauma. When a child experiences abuse or other forms of trauma on a regular basis, often perpetrated by caregivers or loved ones, he/she has no escape and unconsciously draws on this coping strategy.

A new memoir titled, Crazy: Reclaiming Life from the Shadow of Traumatic Memory, by author, Lyn Barrett, looks at her life identifying and healing from DID. Barrett is a retired school teacher, principal and pastor.

“I waited twenty years post-integration to write and publish my memoir, which gave me the distance I needed to write effectively, and the insight that would give my memoir universal appeal,” Barrett told us. “During the twenty years of my decompensation and reconstruction, my life was torn apart by psychic and physical pain that was exceedingly hard to bear.”

According to the structural theory of dissociation, the child’s developing brain naturally separates unbearable events from the practical needs of everyday life by dividing into parts.

“Some parts hold traumatic memory, some hold emotions, some hold natural talents or skills, and some specifically do not hold trauma memory in order to function in the real world,” Barrett told us.

DID cannot develop in an adolescent or adult who experiences trauma (although dissociation is often a symptom of trauma in adolescence and adulthood) because the developed brain does not have the capacity to split into parts. 

“Contrary to popular opinion, DID is not rare,” Barrett told us. “Research estimates between one and three per cent of the world population has the disorder, most likely an underestimate since most people with DID are misdiagnosed for six to ten years before receiving an accurate diagnosis.”

It is considered the hidden disorder since the purpose of the strategy is to hide the abuse from the child’s presenting part and the rest of the world.

“Often parts (which may be named or unnamed) reveal themselves anywhere from late adolescence into the seventh decade of life,” Barrett told us. “Until that time, the person functions without knowledge of the parts, who may have an elaborate inner life unknown to the host.”

Symptoms of DID include (but are not limited to): feeling unreal; feeling circumstances, places, or people are unreal; periods of amnesia; numbness often in combination with over-the-top feelings; identity confusion; internal voices; multiple strands of thought at one time; emotions and thinking unaligned; triggers; flashbacks; feelings of shame, fear, and doom; and suicidal ideation.

“With trauma-informed therapy, people with DID can be effectively treated by therapists who engage with and believe the parts and the stories they tell,” Barrett told us.  “As parts communicate with the therapist, with each other, and with the host, amnesic barriers lower and the individual is able to integrate the knowledge of all parts into their one existence.”

While integration (sometimes called fusion) is the traditional therapeutic goal, many people with DID choose to heal the symptoms of abuse but remain in parts in functional multiplicity.

Barrett’s memoir is about the discovery of and recovery from DID, beginning with the early days of her decompensation to her difficult family dynamics, suicide attempt, voluntary 30-day hospitalization, diagnosis, traumatic memories, career growth, therapy, alters, the healing of her relationship issues, her spiritual growth, and her eventual integration. 

“The title with the word ‘crazy’ was intentionally chosen, though not without careful thought and feedback,” Barrett told us. “I want to clearly state that people with DID are not crazy, but we often feel crazy because of the crazy things that were done to us. Indeed, many of us believe DID is not a disorder but, rather, a creative coping strategy that enables us to survive the unsurvivable.”

Barrett felt it was important to become an advocate because early in her decompensation, she often wrote in her journal, ‘help me, help me, help me,’ with no idea who she was writing to or why she was asking for help. As she began to heal, integrate, and understand her story, she found herself writing instead, ‘thank you, thank you, thank you.’ It seems that her gratitude for the healing she had experienced expanded into the space that had previously been reserved for pain, chaos, and confusion.

“In my experience, the authentic response to gratitude is giving back,” Barrett told us. “I hope my memoir gives back to people with DID, to their therapists, to their loved ones, and to the public in general. As we all learn more about this condition, we reduce the stigma and enable our neighbors with DID to come out of the closet and take their rightful place in a safe and supportive world.”

Barrett’s advice to those with DID who are getting to know their parts (alters, personalities, people), some of whom can be very difficult in the early stages of recovery is to remember that your parts saved your life.

“Get to know them,” Barrett told us. “Listen to their stories. Believe them. Love them, even when they are unlovable. They deserve it. You deserve it. They are you. Today, my life is fulfilling, mostly drama-free, and happy. I want my story to be an educational tool for those who want to understand the disorder and a beacon of hope for those who have the disorder.”