Theravive

WHAT IS ANXIETY?

To understand anxiety, let’s look at fear first.  Fear is a protective mechanism and an appropriate reaction to a real danger.  Anxiety is a reaction to a perceived danger or threat and becomes a problem when magnified out of proportion.  Some of the symptoms that may be  experienced with excessive anxiety are:

• panic and fear
• sleep problems
• obsessive thoughts
  
• heart palpitations
• compulsive behaviors
• sweating

 

ANXIETY IS TAKING OVER YOUR LIFE

When anxiety is taking over your life you feel overwhelmed, helpless and out of control.  Worrying takes up more and more of your time and energy.  You know that some of your thoughts and behaviors are unreasonable, but can't stop them.  Anxiety shows itself in many ways.  You may have panic attacks, phobias, obsessive thoughts or compulsive behaviors.  Loneliness and isolation are becoming your frequent companions.  It's hard to explain and often embarrassing to tell your family and friends what you're going through and hard for them to understand.  This is not the life you want to live.     

 

YOU WONDER WHY YOU ARE SO ANXIOUS

You wonder, "Why me? Why can't I stop this?".  Self-blame comes in.....  You need to know that you are not the only one.  One out of six people experience significant symptoms of anxiety at some point in their lives.  There are several factors that can cause or increase anxiety.

 

YOU WONDER WHERE THE ANXIETY COMES FROM

There is a strong biological component to anxiety.  Often, when there is a parent who is worrying excessively about their child being anxious, that parent probably has a history of being “a worrier” too.  And if you go back another generation, one of those grandparents very likely had some “worries of their own”.  In addition to the biological sensitivity to anxiety, the environment that the child grows up in is a contributing factor to the anxiety.  When a parent is anxious, the child will absorb some of this anxiety, increasing his own.  Other stressors and traumas that one has experienced over time will contribute to the increasing anxiety.

 

HOW YOU HANDLE IT

Anxiety may be new to you, or you may have struggled with anxiety for a long time, maybe your entire life.  You try to handle it the best way you can.  Sometimes you avoid the situation or the people you are feeling uncomfortable with.  You try to live with it, live around it, sometimes just suffering through it.  Your fears take over, you keep obsessing.  You try not to worry, you know you shouldn't worry so much, but you can't seem to stop.  You've tried different ways to lessen your anxieties and decrease your stress and maybe even tried some therapies to cope with it, but with only some success.

 

WHAT NOW?

You're frustrated and wondering if there is a way out.  Is there really anything that can make a difference?....  The answer is yes.  Even if you have a biological predisposition to anxiety, have anxiety in your family, or have experienced trauma in your life, you can recover from this.  There is help for anxiety.  There are different strategies and therapies that do help....  These are several of the unique and powerful therapies that I have found to be most effective in my work in helping to reduce anxiety:

• Percussive Suggestion Technique (PSTEC)
• Meridian Tapping Therapies / EFT
• SandPlay Therapy
• Heart Rate Variability Therapy
  

 

For more information about these therapies and additional articles on anxiety, please visit my website at CounselingbytheShore.com. 

Give yourself the chance to live the life that you really want to live. 

 

 

I specialize in working with  parent and children experiencing anxiety. My goal is
to help you to decrease your anxiety and that of your child. I use innovative and
creative therapies that will help to resolve distressing feelings either of you are
experiencing. If you have any questions about this article or would like to discuss
any concerns that you have, please feel free to contact me at the phone number or
email address below.

Elaine M. Corona, MSW, LCSW
Counseling by the Shore, LLC
509 Main Street- Suite 2
Avon-by-the-Sea, NJ 07717
(732) 233-9026   
CounselingbytheShore@gmail.com
CounselingbytheShore.com
©

If your child experiences and suffers with anxiety, it is not only hard for them, but

hard for you too. Seeing pain in our children brings us pain too. Anxiety disorders

are fairly common during childhood, affecting approximately 1 out of every 8 children.

Developmentally appropriate anxiety usually has little or no effect on your child's ability

to function in daily life but higher levels may cause difficulty with school, friends, and

family.

Anxiety is a reaction to a perceived danger or threat. Children have both a lack of

experience in life and an incomplete ability to reason logically. Therefore, they are

often unable to judge the likelihood of a frightening event and may perceive them as

more dangerous than they actually are.

Some of the symptoms that are experienced and behaviors you may see with excessive

anxiety are:

● phobias and feelings of panic and fear (e.g. fears of bugs, germs, and social

situations; school phobia, test-anxiety)

● compulsive behaviors / obsessive thoughts (e.g. excessive hand-washing, hairpulling,

compulsive counting, worrying and asking about the same thing over and

over)

● physical symptoms (cold or sweaty hands or feet, racing heart, sleep problems,

stomachaches)

When your child’s anxiety starts to interfere with their daily functioning or is causing

them distress, then it’s time to find a way to help them. There are a number of

strategies, techniques and therapies that may help your child. Meridian Tapping

Techniques (MTT), relaxation techniques, Mindfulness, Percussive Suggestion

Technique (PSTEC), cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), physical exercise and

nutritional / homeopathic therapies are just some of them.

The technique that I would like to focus on is called the Meridian Tapping Technique

or MTT. You may also hear MTT referred to as EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique).

All the Meridian Tapping Techniques involve putting pressure on acupuncture points

(meridians) on our bodies while focusing on the disturbing emotion or thoughts. Often,

this releases blocked energy and decreases feelings of anxiety in just a short period

of time. "The cause of all negative emotions is a disruption in the body's energy

system.....” (Gary Craig). Meridian Tapping stimulates the body’s energy system,

allowing painful emotions to be released. “Tapping” works similarly to acupuncture, but

without the needles!

Meridian Tapping is very easy to learn and simple to use which is why it is especially

suited to children. Once the child has been taught what the “tapping points” are,

they are asked to rate the intensity of their feelings of anxiety (or anger or sadness,

etc.). Then they “tap” on the points while repeating a statement about the issue that is

bothering them. Afterwards, they rate their intensity level and more often than not, it

has gone down and sometimes the worry or “bother” has even disappeared. Many case

examples demonstrate the incredible healing power of “tapping”.

To illustrate this, let me tell you about a child I worked with who had a severe case of

hair-pulling (trichotillomania)...not only had she pulled all of her eyelashes out, but the

hair from her eyebrows as well. She was a beautiful girl, but was suffering. She was

doing something she did not want to do (pulling out her hair) but couldn’t stop herself.

She learned about “tapping” in therapy and was able to stop the pulling completely

within a short period of time and now has the most beautiful eyelashes and eyebrows

you could ask for. But even more importantly, she is not suffering from the compulsion

to pull or the fear of social rejection anymore.

There are many more examples of this wonderful technique and it is well worth further

investigation. If you would like to find out more information and view some videos

about MTT you can go to my website at www.counselingbytheshore.com. I hope this information has

been helpful and “happy tapping”!

I specialize in working with children and parents experiencing anxiety. My goal is

to help you to decrease your anxiety and that of your child. I use innovative and

creative therapies that will help to resolve distressing feelings either of you are

experiencing. If you have any questions about this article or would like to discuss

any concerns that you have, please feel free to contact me at the phone number or

email address below.

Elaine M. Corona, MSW, LCSW

Counseling by the Shore, LLC

509 Main Street- Suite 2

Avon-by-the-Sea, NJ 07717

(732) 233-9026

counselingbytheshore@gmail.com

counselingbytheshore.com

©

Conflict in committed relationships is ubiquitous. All manner of resolution and management skills are at our disposal, but perhaps the one element we focus on the least is conflict perspective. When in conflict, regardless with whom, three distinct perspectives are possible. One, we can view the situation from only our own perspective. Two, our focus can be on only our partner’s role and behavior. Three, we can view the conflict from above, so to speak. From that perch we afford ourselves a view of the pattern, our own role in it as well as our partner’s, and, perhaps most important of all, we can see how the pattern we are part of is headed in an ineffective and unproductive direction. It’s like an aerial view of your home town. You cannot see the entire town from just your own street corner. Likewise, you cannot see the whole conflict from your position exclusively. In position one, our own narrow focused perspective tends to see our partner as the source of the problem. This view is generally loaded with blame, either implied or explicit. From the my-perspective-only position, it is too easy to be a bull in a china shop. Typically, when you view a conflict from this vantage point, you believe you are right, and your partner is wrong. The binary right-wrong orientation leads to one or the other of you devising ways to win the argument, which inevitably produces mutual defensiveness. If you “win” the argument, you also lose due to the fact that the partner who “loses” tends to become distant–from YOU! Most people do not feel closer to their distant partner. Obviously, that does not promote connection and intimacy. Position two, approaching the problem from your partner’s perspective, may often be problematic. On the one hand, your partner will appreciate your recognition of their position. And that’s a good thing. On the other hand, if you see the problem only from your partner’s perspective, you are likely diverted from yourself. This is important on two accounts: first, your part of the pattern is a big piece of the puzzle you are both attempting to solve, so you really ought to know what your piece looks like if you want to solve the puzzle; second, the odds for selling yourself out go way up when you attend only to your partner’s perspective because you fail to give voice or attention to your own perspective of the problem and pattern. In perspective three, each party clearly views the conflict from above, and is able to see the pattern and your respective roles. From above, you have the best seats in the house! From there you can take in all the action! From there, you can make decisions that you cannot possibly make from positions one or two. One decision you can make is to pull the reins in on those behaviors that make it unsafe for your partner to speak honestly. What does that look like? That is when you decide not to call your partner a name when your frustrated or angry. Instead, you decide to take responsibility for your anger or frustration and talk about it, rather than act it out. It means using words that are always easy to hear, or turning the volume knob down instead of yelling. It means doing what’s powerful, not what’s overpowering. (More on this in an upcoming post). From the penthouse each of you can bask in conflict luxury as you realize that breaking a painful recurring pattern is more productive than being right! From above you can appreciate that this is a team effort, but this time, your both on the same team! It’s as if you’re looking down on a maze, and you are each helping the other navigate through the various passageways, i.e. behavioral trouble spots you each provide, until you get from stressed to calm, distant to close. Sound corny? It is, but it works. The view from above allows for compassion and empathy to punctuate the pain you each feel. The overview perspective has built in to it the desire each of you possess to see yourself and your partner realistically. In short, the view-from-above perspective promotes honesty, thereby building trust. Operating from the overview perspective takes practice, patience and persistence, as it is not the easiest of the three perspectives because it feels very risky. Like many difficult tasks, however, the rewards are consistent with your effort. Next time you and yours are faced with one of those stressful moments, see the pattern, break the pattern. Try the following: Before you dive in to the issue de jour, start by inviting each other to the overview. Describe what you see from your perspective–especially what you see in yourself that is making the pattern you are trying to break so difficult to alter. After all, it’s not as if your partner doesn’t see your behavior! Next, listen to the overview your partner provides while NOT discounting it. Last, recap what you hear, ask for clarification when necessary, and then ask a lot of curiosity based questions

Emotions Can Seem Tricky Jim Hutt, Ph.D., MFT ©October 26, 2010 Like it or not, emotions, which can seem tricky, play a crucial role in the heat conflict. Here’s a way to deal with the way emotions can be confusing when you manage conflict. Anger seems to be the feeling most often expressed while under stress with our partners. So, consider this: If anger is the most frequently generated and expressed emotion during your conflicts, that anger may be a cover for other, unexpressed emotions, which, were they expressed, might help manage the conflict more effectively. The following graphic illustrates this: The tip of the triangle illustrates anger as the expressed emotion. Below our consciousness, represented by the horizontal line, lurk two other emotions—fear and hurt. In my experience, anger and hurt are almost always present in tandem. When anger is felt, there is a good chance that some hurt is also present but unconscious, and, therefore, not being expressed. Frequently, chronically angry people are feeling more hurt than they are anger, yet the hurt goes unexpressed, while the anger takes center stage. There are several possible reasons for this: One, the angry person has learned that anger keeps people at a more comfortable distance, even if the distance is not consciously desirable. Two, some individuals do not want others, perhaps their partner in particular, to know they feel hurt because one or both believe hurt is a sign of weakness; conversely, the belief is that anger is a badge of strength. Three, anger tends to leave some folks feeling energized and powerful. All in all, anger serves as a defense against hurt when hurt is left unexpressed no matter the reason. Commonly, angry people are also running scared, so fear occupies the other corner of the triangle. Whether hurt or fear, the anger defends against both. It is simply too risky, for what ever reason, to express either one. Now, rotate the triangle, and put one of the other two emotions at the top. It looks like the following: The tip of the triangle illustrates anger as the expressed emotion. Below our consciousness, represented by the horizontal line, lurk two other emotions—fear and hurt. In my experience, anger and hurt are almost always present in tandem. When anger is felt, there is a good chance that some hurt is also present but unconscious, and, therefore, not being expressed. Frequently, chronically angry people are feeling more hurt than they are anger, yet the hurt goes unexpressed, while the anger takes center stage. There are several possible reasons for this: One, the angry person has learned that anger keeps people at a more comfortable distance, even if the distance is not consciously desirable. Two, some individuals do not want others, perhaps their partner in particular, to know they feel hurt because one or both believe hurt is a sign of weakness; conversely, the belief is that anger is a badge of strength. Three, anger tends to leave some folks feeling energized and powerful. All in all, anger serves as a defense against hurt when hurt is left unexpressed no matter the reason. Commonly, angry people are also running scared, so fear occupies the other corner of the triangle. Whether hurt or fear, the anger defends against both. It is simply too risky, for what ever reason, to express either one. Now, rotate the triangle, and put one of the other two emotions at the top. It looks like the following: In this instance, fear provides an opportunity to defend against anger and hurt, for exactly the same reason: anger and hurt are unacceptable. Parking hurt and anger below conscious awareness makes an individual feel safer. These principles apply regardless which emotion is at the top of the triangle Bottom line is this: The more completely we express ourselves, the more likely we will be fully understood. And that is a good thing! Fine, you say, but now that I know this, so what? Start with this: Notice which triangle best fits you and your partner. You might each have different triangles. Next, take the time to check in with yourself when you express what you are feeling, and take a risk to express one or both of the feelings on either bottom corner of your triangle, assuming those feelings are lurking there. If you are equally likely to express all three emotions, good for you! While your partner is talking, listen for the possibility that, depending on which feeling is at the top of their triangle, one or the other emotion at the bottom corners is being left unsaid. Take a risk to say something like: “I can see that you are really angry (or, fill in the blank with the dominant feeling they are expressing) and I’m wondering if another part of you is also feeling hurt or afraid (or, fill in the blank with the feelings that best matches their triangle.)?” When partners are conscious of their, and their partner’s triangle, and change their responses because of that knowledge, emotional reactivity tends to reduce, greater mutual understanding occurs, and the gap between them decreases. Before you try it in real time, feel free to talk about it with your partner in a neutral moment. You will promote a safe emotional environment if you talk about YOUR triangle, and not your partner’s.

 

Are you a worrier?  Is your child a worrier too?  Watching our children go through what we experience as anxiety is so hard and we can’t help but worry!  When we have an extra dose of anxiety of our own, this worry is sometimes hard to control.  So often, when there is a parent who is worrying excessively about their child being anxious, that parent probably has a history of being “a worrier” too.  And if you go back another generation, one of those grandparents very likely had some “worries of their own”.  So, on and on it goes.

There are a couple of factors that are probably involved in perpetuating this family trait.  There can be a biological predisposition to anxiety, just as there is to depression, diabetes, addiction and other disorders.  When you couple this with a parent who also has anxiety, the problem is compounded.  We are all sensitive to the people around us and to their emotions, whether those feelings are verbalized or not.  Children are especially sensitive and often intuitively know how their parent is feeling, even if their parent doesn’t say a word. 

So now we have a sensitive child who is predisposed to anxiety and a parent whose anxiety sometimes “spills out” onto their child.  The parent worrying about their child reinforces the child’s anxiety and a vicious cycle begins.  The child is worried already and realizes that his parent is worried too.  The child interprets this as “there must be something to worry about if Mom or Dad is worried too”, and the worry builds. 

So what is a parent to do?  The first thing that a parent really needs to do is to take care of their own anxiety.  There are many different strategies that a parent can use to decrease their anxiety and different techniques and therapies that can help.  At the same time, the child can be taught strategies of their own to decrease their “worries” and parents can “brainstorm” with their child about ways to handle stressful situations.

If your family is the “anxious type”, you don’t have to just continue to worry; there are steps you can take to decrease your own anxiety and that of your child, and start to break the “cycle of worrying”.

 

I specialize in working with children and parents experiencing anxiety.  My goal is to help you to decrease your anxiety and that of your child.  If you have any questions about this article or would like to discuss any concerns that you have, please feel free to contact me at the phone number or email address below.  I have a private practice on the Jersey Shore in Monmouth County and I offer the option of in-office or phone sessions.

 

Elaine M. Corona, MSW, LCSW       

Counseling by the Shore, LLC       

509 Main Street - Suite 2

Avon-by-the-Sea, NJ 07717

(732) 233-9026

counselingbytheshore.com

©

 

 

 

By Debra Bacon

Theravive.com Contributor

Missing out

Many children are missing out on the joys of childhood, because pushy parents are trying to ensure their babes are in vogue with the most popular social cachet.

Shocking statistics, revealed in a recent study, suggests that pushy parents “over timetable” their children. They have school, followed by extra-curricular activities and clubs.

After spending 32.5 hours a week in school, add too that six hours of homework, seven more hours of parent to child teaching through play. Top it off with five hours a week reading together. Then, include as many as three activities a week, such as music, sports or other clubs. Totaling a whopping 53 hours a week pushy parents are “working” their kids; leaving them exhausted.

It is hard to imagine that a large number of parents are inadvertently working their children into exhaustion.

The push

The insatiable appetite to have their child succeed drives pushy parents to make good choices turn bad. For the most part, parents want the best for their children, and believe that enrolling them in sports or other team activities will help them grow socially.

The fear that grips parents concerning their children’s development, as related to them being on the same level as their peers, can be overwhelming. Instinct kicks in, to divide and conquer any possible threat standing in the path of success.

Within the realm of competitiveness, of which we work and play in, it can appear that the best jobs, schools and opportunities go to the swiftest, brightest and most socially engaged. While in part true, if this mindset becomes a part of parents drive for their children, it can become dangerous.

It no longer is about the child’s development, it is about success at any cost. Because of a near emotional breakdown--of a five-year-old--the study further revealed the parents removed their child from his extra-curricular activities. He was completely exhausted and worn down.

Pushing our children to excel in activities we choose for them at an early age, is often more pressure than necessary to put upon them. Parents begin to teach their toddlers how to recite the alphabet, or count to ten, years before they enter pre-school.

Others, go to the extremes of sabotaging their children’s nemesis--whether real or imagined to be so. Countless stories resonate through the airwaves of very harmful events, even death, caused by a pushy parent wanting their child to be on top.

But the more realistic day-to-day reality is that parents are simply desirous to be as hands-on as they can with their children. However, taking inventory and admitting this can be difficult for a parent.

Restore the joy

Children will perform poorly when exhausted, and will ultimately excel at very little, or worse yet, nothing. The purpose by which started the push to excel then thwarted, by over scheduling your children.

Exploration by natural curiosity brings about a great deal of knowledge and development, when children are allowed to play and be. Assess the time you are taking out of your child’s life with extra-curricular activities, and regroup if necessary.

 

 By Thomas Wright, M. Th.

View Thomas Wright's Profile 

 
IS OUR MARRIAGE IN TROUBLE?

Couples often drift into trouble without noticing any crises or turning points in their relationship. People don’t like to admit there’s anything wrong in their lives so they keep most unpleasant aspects of their situation hidden from their awareness. It’s often easier to recognize the warning signs in other people’s relationships than in their own.

The most important sign that your relationship is in trouble is avoidance.  Do you find yourself avoiding real conversation with your partner? Have you noticed less eye contact when you are together? Does your partner seem preoccupied or irritable much of the time? Are most conversations about the kids or work and never about feelings? Have you stopped talking about your plans and dreams? Another important clue is the feeling of loneliness.

Symptoms of loneliness may include anxiety, depression, changes in sleeping habits, changes in eating habits, headaches, or muscle tension.  Sooner or later people begin to feel lonesome for a part of them they’ve suppressed in order to keep peace. Once you believe you can’t be yourself around your partner, your relationship is in trouble.

I find that people too quickly decide to suppress certain aspects of their personalities out of fear that they will be rejected if they enjoy those aspects. In other words, it’s too easy to blame others for your decision to squelch your spontaneity.

If you find that you’re more relaxed when you’re away from your partner, and you tense up when it’s time to go home, your relationship is in trouble.

These trouble signs aren’t necessarily signs of impending disaster. You should, however, treat them as wake-up calls.  Give them your attention before you drift too far apart to find your way back.

By Debra Bacon

Theravive.com Contributor

Relationships, hormones and pressures

Teenage years are challenging for the teen and parents. Maintaining an open and communicative relationship with your teen is vital as they move through adolescence.

Hormonal changes, mood swings and peer pressure are a part of the growth process, however, it is important to be aware of subtle, and overt signs that trouble may be on the horizon.

While some unusual behavior is normal with teens, knowing your teen--how they generally react and interact with you--will help in identifying potential problems.

Red Flags

Following are signs to watch for that may indicate your teen is headed down the wrong path.

• Isolation:  During adolescence, a teenager typically distances themselves a bit more than before from family. Yet, if your teen is avoiding your advances toward conversation and interaction, there may be a problem. If they spend more time away from home or alone, locked in their room, a red flag should go up. This can be an indication of drug use or depression.
• Sudden weight loss and/or appetite change:  This behavior is indicative of peer and social pressures to look a certain way. An eating disorder, depression or drug use can be at the root of this conduct.
• Extreme mood swings:  Mood swings are a common thing with teens. Therefore, it is a bit more difficult to discern what is problematic and what is normal. However, knowing your teens normal reactions will assist you follow up accordingly. This behavior could be a sign of social problems; hanging out with the wrong crowd. Meet your teen’s friends and their parents. Know who they are spending their time with and what values their parents hold dear.
• Declining grades or lack of interest in school/activities:  Since teens have so much on their minds, at times, a lack of interest in school work could be chalked up as normal. However, if their grades are falling sharply, they are cutting classes and pulling out of activities once enjoyed, it is time to check-in. Get to know your teen’s teachers and find a way of communicating with them on a regular basis. Be involved in your adolescence education and school activities.
• Motivation issues: If your once spunky teen suddenly begins to seem more tired, and uninterested in hobbies and former friends, they could have a problem with substance abuse. They could be depressed or feeling isolated and alone. Talk with them, let them know you care. Be available to listen, love and offer advice, if needed.

Get Involved

If your teen is showing signs of unusual behavior, it is the parents’ responsibility to get to the bottom of what is going on. A child wants to know you are concerned and interested, even if they do not act like it.

It may feel like to you that you are spying on them or invading their privacy when checking up on them. Press forward, as it could mean the difference between life and death.

By Debra Bacon

Theravive.com Contributor

Bullying: a new epidemic?

 

Bullying is becoming an epidemic in our schools, cyberspace, parks and other areas where kids hang out. Its affect on children can be lasting, even following them into adulthood. It is vital to deal with bullying swiftly and lovingly.

The times of a simple trip in the isle, just for the fun of it, between friends has passed. Today children are faced with far more intimidating tactics.

Often, kids are attacked while others look on, without going for, or helping the victim. Children are often afraid to say anything to anyone for fear of retaliation.

 

Know the signs

Identifying the signs of bullying is a key element in protecting your child, and keeping them safe.

Your child’s behavior will offer tell-tale signs bullying may be occurring. Following are a few things to watch for:

• Lack of appetite
• Decreased interest in school/social activities
• Few, if any close friends
• Trouble sleeping
• Stomach aches and other ailments
• Unexplained bruises, cuts or scrapes
• Missing or damaged personal items
• Anxiety
• Isolation

How you can help 

If you notice you child manifesting any, or a number of these behaviors, it is time to talk--reach out with a kind, loving arm. Get as many details as you can about the bullying incidents. They may be reluctant to speak to you about the situation at first. Often this is because of misplaced blame or shame.

It is important to reassure your child they are safe. Express how much you want to help them overcome this situation. They are likely not the only child being harassed by the bully.

Talk with school officials, such as the counselor, principal or other significant policy makers about the danger your child is facing.

Be persistent, and follow up. Ensure changes are made to eliminate the threat. Furthermore, depending on the type of abuse your child is being subject to, criminal charges may be in order.

Talk to your child about how to handle the bullying. Encourage them to remain calm when confronted. Tell them to be firm when they speak to the aggressor. Offer suggestions of what they may say, such as: “Stop what you are doing right now.” Stress the importance of walking away. Never encourage aggression, or similar bad behavior.

Encourage your child to make friends with people in his class. Children should walk in pairs or small non-threatening groups. Especially when going to the bathroom, lunch, playground and other potentially isolated areas.

General rule of thumb

Monitor your child’s activity. Such as, know who their friends are, and be involved as much as you can in their lives. Be careful of what you allow your children to watch on television and videos. Behavior breeds behavior, and violence can lead to violence.

Computers are a way of life these days. As such, the newest form of bullying or threat can come from the internet. As much, if not more, as you would monitor what your children read and watch, the same should apply to the internet. Cyber bullying has lead to mental breakdowns, violent acts, sexual assaults, murder and suicide. Any type of bullying has this potential. If suppressed, an individual can move through life harboring a lot of resentment, guilt and shame.

Knowing when to intervene and get professional help is paramount. It can eliminate or assist in treating more complicated mental conditions, such as anxiety disorders, resulting from bullying.

 

By Debra Bacon

Theravive.com Contributor

Simple is better

Family time and simpler lifestyles are winning out over consumerism these days. Considering the shaky economies around the globe, individuals and families are scaling back on their spending.

With rising unemployment figures and uncertain futures, people are strategizing their escape from the prison of debt. By paying off debt, reducing discretionary spending and opting to save money, materialism is losing its grasp on society.

Taking charge of your debt and deciding to scale back your lifestyle requires change. Change is rarely comfortable. Difficult decisions and sacrifices must be made to accomplish your goals.

Taking charge

Following are some tips to help you take charge of your life, finances and lifestyle.

• Determine what you want to change about your financial picture and lifestyle. For example, you may want to be debt free within five to seven years; you may have a desire to grow your own food, or become a stay-at-home mom or dad.
• Set reasonable goals and timeframes to reach your dream. Strive for specific milestones leading you to your overall goal. This allows you to see your success in smaller chunks, as you chip away at the whole.
• Assess your current financial picture. Determine how much overall debt you have and to whom it is owed. Calculate your monthly income, and compare the differences of inflow versus outflow.
• Set your first milestone as complete. Knowing the state of your affairs will relieve you of an amazing amount of stress. Realizing you are working to take charge of your circumstances is huge.
• Make a list of each creditor and the amount owed them.
• Define a plan that allows you to pay more toward the smallest balance first, until it is satisfied. Continue this pattern until they are all knocked out, or at least well on their way.
• Reward yourself in some way for your diligence as each milestone is reached. Perhaps you have not been out to dinner in months as a part of your effort to scale back; this may be a reward you agree is reasonable, for example.
• Stay focused on your plan and you will achieve your desired end.

Living the life

As you downsize you will find there are things you no longer have need of. It is important to determine whether you will sell these items or donate them to charity.

Depending on your goal, a move may be in order. Transportation may change, and jobs/roles may shift, or be redefined. Yet as you scale back your lifestyle, you will enjoy more free time and experience a healthier life.

Stress is responsible for many major health conditions and diseases. Often, we are unaware how much we are affected by stress as we struggle day-to-day to make ends meet. Moreover, social stress, such as the “keeping up with the Joneses” mentality can lead to a tremendous amount of peer pressure. This type of pressure can lead to depression, even death, if we perceive we have failed.

So, start living the life, take charge of your life, as you begin your journey to scale back.