The fear of being alone is a form of distress that can interfere with our lives. We all suffer from some form of abandonment and the insecurities associated with the idea can get in the way of our happiness and relationships. Whether someone moved, passed away or left you – you may always feel that the next person is going to do the same thing. By first having a deeper understanding of this issue you will learn what the response does to you and how you can understand this habitual thought process.
Abandonment is a psychological disorder in which the individual cannot control the sensations that overcome them when they are faced with the notion of losing someone. This is a feeling that comes about in childhood and seems impossible to control as an adult. The notions that lead to this behavior may be minor such as a friend moving away, having someone physically leave your presence for a short amount of time and the feeling might increase when you're alone.
When Abandonment Harms Someone
Abandonment can become harmful when the person begins to act out with symptoms and compulsive behavior. There are different levels of symptoms that are altered in each person. All of them contribute toward an unhealthy mental state which can cause you to reach out to anyone who is available. Clingy behavior is a common symptom which can drive others way. It's common that panicking over minor issues can arise; such as someone failing to pick up the phone when you call.
It's common for emotional blackmail to occur. You may take on absurd behaviors to keep someone around even though you don't want to participate in them. To avoid rejection you might go from one relationship to the next so that you are the one doing the neglecting instead of being the one who is neglected. A need for reassurance is common as well as a weakened self esteem. Those who fear abandonment may only feel confident when another person is around to protect them and encourage their strengths.
How Abandonment Affects other Relationships
Abandonment issues can play out in relationships and affect love because of the symptoms that consistently arise. This conditional reaction can affect a relationship by turning the other person away because of a clingy or distrusting nature. It can make another person feel suffocated of confused because they may not understand what the fear actually is. Self doubt can result in suspicions and a damaging cycle of anxiety or insecurities. The saying "you accept the love you think you deserve" is relevant to the fear of abandonment. You may feel undeserving of having someone in your life that cares so deeply for you and you assume that they are going to leave you, just like everyone else who you had a relationship with at one time.
How Therapy can Help
If you have already recognized this pattern of abandonment then you are on the road to recovery. These feelings can be worked on by not only creating a loving relationship with someone who understands you, but confiding in a counselor who will help you realize that these fears control you. Responses may continue to arise until you face them and clarify them headstrong. By understanding emotions on a rational level you will be able to recognize that what you are doing is a conditioned reaction to the past. You are now an adult who is in control of your own life. Past rejections shouldn't have control over who you are now and who you're going to be. Therapy will help you understand that there are people who deeply love you and want to maintain a healthy relationship with you; unlike the relationships you may have had in the past. The patterns you're currently experiencing are ingrained and they don't let up easy – but, when you learn how to reverse them and acknowledge that you are worth a lot more, you'll begin to eliminate these fears and intervene the process. When you also understand that you are in control, you can change your pattern of thinking and begin to maintain loving relationships by also respecting yourself. When you attend counseling you will discover that you are worthy of the best things in life. You have the potential to satisfy yourself and your own needs because you are a living, breathing individual who can contribute so much to other people. The reasons as to why other people left do not pertain to how much you're worth. Counseling can help you realize that if you have current relationships you don't have to be afraid to enjoy them. By embracing the satisfaction and kindness that comes from another person you will learn that not everyone is going to leave you. In fact, many people may want to love you.
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