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An Uncomfortable and Necessary Journey:“Boundaries” by Cloud and Townsend- Book Review Chapter 2 So as I sat down to read this chapter I actually felt the weight of the world falling in on me. I spent the day juggling a whole bunch of stuff that really was not my priority nor did it fulfil me. I experienced stress, anxiety, guilt, exhaustion, and physical pain in my back and shoulders as I went through my day and at the end of it I did not really get all I needed to done! Suffice to say, I think there are some internal boundaries with myself, my time, and my priorities which need to be highlighted in my life and then need to be sorted out… What is the saying, “It has to get worse to get better!” YUCK! So Chapter 2 on my journey to freedom, respect, and emotional health… (Remind you: I am a relatively integrated member of society, I am a professional, and I have good ties to my community and church- I am not a mess- I just have some muck to clean up) [WHEW: self-affirmation important here!] So Chapter two was packed with a whole bunch of info. Again, it actually felt very heavy and did not really take me closer to freedom- it was a bunch of definitions: “The Goal of this chapter is to help you define your intangible boundaries and to recognize them as an ever present reality that can increase your love and save your life.” (Pg31) Some relevant facts about boundaries I found out were: A boundary show me where I end and where someone else ends We need to take responsibility for what is ‘ours’ Boundaries help us keep the good in and the bad out- our fences need gates in them God defines himself as a distinct, separate being and he is responsible for himself Honesty about who you are gives you the biblical value of integrity and or oneness So here is the part that I think I needed most to hear and need to apply in my life. The authors propose 2 reasons why we need others to help with our boundaries. You see, if you are anything like me when it gets to a sensitive area of your life that you need ‘help’ in or need to make changes in, I actually pull away from others. I tend to think, “Oh me and God; we got this one covered…”, when in actual fact God has designed us to be in relationship with Him and with others…in fact, as the authors suggest the #1 reason we need others to help us grow in boundaries is that our most basic need in life is for relationship the second reason we need others on this journey is that we need new input and teaching. Earlier in the chapter there was a story about how a son who seemed to lack boundaries and yet it was the parents who had not put good solid boundaries in place. Now who is going to change? Would the son somehow see how his life of irresponsibility needs to change OR would the parents all of the sudden put rules into place to help this boundary-less family survive?- AND where are they going to get the insight about how to do this?- FROM OTHER PEOPLE!!! Now I am not suggesting you take advice about boundaries from anyone- in fact, I would actually suggest you have an established relationship with a mentor, head of ministry, or a counselor who can help to speak truth into your life as well as support you when the old patters you are challenging come up and when the guilt or shame wants to haunt you to tell you, you are being selfish- when really you are finally taking a stand for what is right and what is healthy. During this chapter I realized more clearly how my well intentioned mother actually enabled me to have unhealthy boundaries- I would say most of my life (this is not a dump on mom thing I promise) . You see my well intentioned mother protected me from natural consequences as well as knit together a boundary-less relationship with me that would FULLY qualify as co-dependant. What she did was unbiblical and has equipped me for a life of guilt, being overworked, and never trusting too quickly and then getting hurt… So Chapter two did not really hit me with any great ah ha’s BUT I will tell you… I have started Chapter 3 and I think that is where the magic will start to happen! Here’s to healthy relationships, less guilt, and freedom from the “must do’s” I know we all have!

An Uncomfortable and Necessary Journey: “Boundaries” by Cloud and Townsend- Book Review Chapter 1 Do you cringe when you hear the word “boundaries”? Do you struggle with too little time and too many demands on it? Do you feel isolated, helpless, guilt ridden, and out of control? Well, I certainly do! AND I am a well-adjusted, educated, well-travelled, successful mid 30’s gal and my WHOLE life I have known I struggle with boundaries! Okay let’s face it, I don’t really even know what they look like… AND when I do set them up I usually cut someone out or experience heart palpitating guilt and anxiety; as I just don’t know how to work within them. · Guilt · Depression · Eating Disorders · Addictions · Impulsive Disorders · Shame Issues · Panic Disorders · Marital and relations struggles Well according to the authors these issues, “find their roots in conflicts with boundaries.” (Pg,28) And I, like you, and most of the world have battled with many of these exact things. ENOUGH! · with that one drink to make it better · avoiding phone calls · beating myself up · feeling lonely · and striving to make it all better! With much encouragement, I have picked up this book for the 3rd time and I am committed to getting through it and sharing what I am learning and what this world renowned book having sold over 2 Million Copies can do to teach us as the bi-line states “When to say YES, How to say NO, To take control of your life” Chapter one- if you can get through it without needing to resort to your old coping mechanisms takes about 90% of its time going hour by hour through the day in the life of one ‘boundaryless’ mother and wife. It is exhausting to hear how she takes on more that she should and in the end all her efforts to help- leave her children with behavioural issues, her marriage void of intimacy, and her sense of self down in the pits. I actually felt nauseas when I read this section for the 3rd time AND in fact think this is why I never have read more- it is just too damn depressing and it is so ME! By the end of the chapter they have taken our new friend Sherri and shown us what some of her major flaws are (pg. 26-27): 1) 1) trying harder is not working2) being nice out of fear is not working3) taking responsibility for others is not working The Chapter ends quite quickly after we are done with Sherri’s exhausting day and in the second to last paragraph we see a small glimpse of hope and a foreshadowing of things to come, “Our goal is to help you use biblical boundaries appropriately to achieve the relationships and purposes that God intends for you as his child.”(pg. 28) Do you want to achieve relationships and purposes intended for you? Well, let’s do it! Let’s dive in, get through the muck and see where we land at the end of 16 chapters! Here’s to the freedom I KNOW we really want!

The origins of Thanksgiving have nothing to do with a bunch of Indians and pilgrims sitting down for a bountiful feast of turkey. In reality although the settlers with pale faces had been bothering the Indians in addition to giving them many new diseases they had never had were starving by this time. The Indians took pity on them and brought them some corn and fish. Thanksgiving has a lot of emotional disappointment and this article will show you how to deal with this. This is a period of time in which you are expected to give to others and be generous. Although the intention is good it often leads to self sacrifice and disappointment. This is a period of time in which you must balance your newfound humanitarianism with the demands on your own life. If you do not continue to reach your own immediate goals either at work or at home you will find yourself being irritable and exhausted. Remember that an obligation to give to others does not mean that you have to sacrifice your own needs. You must remember to give yourself some time for your own physical and mental well-being. It is a time when we most often neglect the things we do to make ourselves happy and keep ourselves balanced like exercise, yoga, or other spiritual practices for your own physical and mental well-being This is a time to find some positive solutions to deal with your family members past resentments. Remember that when I family system gets back together it quickly returns to whatever difficulties encountered before. Even if you're the only person in the room aware of this it may help you from dealing with the fallacy that "now that we're all together we must be alright." This leads to the need to decide on your priorities and organize your time adequately. I this will counteract your feelings that you have not a planned enough for Thanksgiving. If you find additional time you can always volunteer to feed the poor would do random acts of kindness. You may also need to have planned out some unstructured inexpensive holiday activity because this holiday evokes a feeling of being served good food rather than organizing fun things to participate in. Spending some time thinking about this will save the day when you are reunited with your family and no one knows what to do. One of the major fallacies are that Thanksgiving will take away feelings of loneliness, sadness, fear, anger and frustration. This holiday is heavily advertised is a time in which everyone appreciates being together. The fallacy behind that becomes clear when you are reuniting with family members and you realize why you have become independent of them. You may find yourself being overwhelmed with anger or fear or worse yet feeling alone being surrounded by your family. The worst emotion that creeps up on this holiday is resentment. It is usually triggered by a previous bad relationship with a family member. Beware of grudges and slights you have suffered in the past and keep them from resurfacing. Thanksgiving is designed to encourage gluttony. This is not an open invitation to eat too much. Remember that most people with eating disorders simply want to have something to control in their lives and to avoid the resentment and self-hatred you will naturally feel after eating way past feeling hungry. This includes other over indulgences. You know by now what you need to keep a careful eye on so that you don't lose control and this may be an opportunity to set an example with other family members who still have raging addictions. You may want to have some contingency plans when they become abusively angry, drunk or chemically impaired. If it the end of the holiday feast you find yourself still feeling depressed or resentful remember what the Indians did. They didn't like these foreigners who is strange customs and behaviors showed such a resentment towards nature that it disrupted and destroyed the Indian culture. Yet they still took pity on these poor starving people and threw them a fish or two.

By Tanya Glover Theravive.com Contributor Having claustrophobia can cause many problems in one’s life depending on the severity of the phobia. There are ways to cope with this condition though and that is what I would like to talk about today. What is Claustrophobia? Claustrophobia is considered to be a phobia but can also be classified as an anxiety disorder. This is because someone who suffers from claustrophobia can be easily pushed into anxiety attacks due to the original phobia. Claustrophobia is a fear of being in enclosed spaces. When most people think of this as being in a small space like a closet it is much more far reaching than that. There are many situations that can make one feel claustrophobic. ØFlying ØDriving or riding in a vehicle ØElevators ØLarge Crowds ØMedical Imaging Tests What is surprising to most people is that someone can become claustrophobic in a large room. Yes, it is a large room but if it is jammed with people then the claustrophobic can begin to feel closed in and this is when anxiety sets in. Many people who have this phobia cannot even comfortably shop in a crowded store. Being in cars for extended periods (or short periods depending on the severity of the fear) can be horrible as well. Personally, the worst for me is when I have to take an MRI; being put in a machine that feels like a coffin puts me over the edge. Everyday things that we take for granted can be nightmarish for a claustrophobic. What Causes Claustrophobia? While there is no one thing that can be blamed in all who have this phobia, the trend seems to be that a past experience in the claustrophobics life may be the root of the present phobia. These past experiences can be conscious or unconscious. If you can pinpoint the cause it can be very helpful in coping with it. For me it was when I was 5 years old. I woke up from a nightmare and jumped out of bed to run to my parent’s room. However, I was still in a daze and the room was pitch black so I was not really aware of my surroundings. I opened the bedroom door and when I tried to get into the hallway I could not. Something was blocking me. I pushed and pushed but it was like a wall was keeping me locked in my room. When I stared to scream my mother woke up and found me in my closet! In my dreamlike state I opened the wrong door and of course was blocked in by a wall! Ever since that night I have suffered from claustrophobia. There are many ways to treat this phobia. ØTherapy ØDrugs ØRelaxation Techniques ØSelf-help Programs Therapy is perhaps the most effective method of treatment for the most severe cases. The most popular form of therapy used for claustrophobic clients is CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy). CBT aims at retraining the client’s brain and reframe their thinking. The hope here is that the fear will be gotten rid of for good. Another CBT technique deals with facing the fears head on and is done by slowly introducing the client to what they fear most until they are desensitized to it and no longer afraid. This has had varying success rates but is still the best hope of actually curing claustrophobia. There are medications available to treat this phobia as well. Usually they are medications specifically for generalized anxiety disorder but can be effective for claustrophobic anxiety as well. These drugs can help put to rest some of the underlying symptoms of the claustrophobia. Relaxation techniques such as meditation, deep breathing and chanting can also help your claustrophobia. These things may not rid you of the phobia but help to keep your anxiety levels manageable and even stave off a panic attack. Self-help programs are a blessing for those who feel like they need to do things in their own time and in their own way. There are many programs out there so do a Google search and find the one that is best for you! How to Avoid Claustrophobic Attacks While there will be times when it is unavoidable, there are some things you can do to bypass a phobic attack. If at all possible, stay close to outside doors. If you are in a crowded room then locate the exits and stay close by to help keep your anxiety levels down. When riding in a car and the weather is nice, roll down the window so you can feel the air. This will make it to where you do not feel so closed in. Deep breathing while in elevators can be helpful as well. Airplanes are quite a different story as there really is no place to go. This is when medications would come in handy. In no way am I advocating drug use to control all aspects of your condition but in some situations it may be unavoidable. Make sure before you take any type of medication that you speak with your doctor first and that the medication is prescribed specifically to you. Taking medications that are not yours can be dangerous and may even worsen your condition. Help is Out There Whatever the cause or triggers of your claustrophobia are, you do not have to suffer in silence. There is help for you. Feel free to try any of the above suggestions and be sure to talk with your doctor about any other treatments that may be helpful for you.

By Tanya Glover Theravive.com Contributor If you are like me (and so many others in the world) and have driving anxiety you know how horrible it can be to be behind the wheel of a car when these anxious feeling kick in. Knowing what your triggers are and having a plan to overcome panic associated with your anxieties is the key to staying safe and possibly overcoming your fears altogether. Triggers for Driving Anxiety For someone with driving associated anxiety there can be many triggers that kick you into high gear. ØDriving in heavy traffic ØDriving in inclement weather ØDriving on interstates ØDriving in an unfamiliar place ØDriving at night Maybe just one of these things trigger your driving anxiety or maybe they all do. Personally, each one of these triggers apply directly to me so if they do to you as well know that you are not alone in this! Why Are These Triggers? All triggers have a root. Unless you suffer for general anxiety disorder, there is some reason that specific conditions trigger your driving anxiety. Listed below are some common trigger roots. ØFear of getting lost ØFear of getting into an accident ØFear of being driving at high speeds ØFear of other drivers in general These are all common roots to your driving anxieties. Again, you can have them all or just one or two but for me it is all of them! I have always had a fear of driving at high speeds and this is linked to the trigger of interstate driving. It was not until after I had my driver’s license for 10 years that I actually took control and learned to drive on interstate highways. I still cannot do it anxiety free but I can do it! Many people also fear getting into an accident which links to all of the triggers! Rain, heavy traffic, speed and darkness can all contribute to accidents. Fear of getting lost and fear of driving in unfamiliar places can also tie in with the heavy traffic trigger. In my mind, if I get lost then I have to find a spot to turn around and this may get me lost even further and put me back into traffic. If I am in an unfamiliar area when I miss a turn then the anxiety amplifies by 10X! Even though I have these anxieties I have learned not to let them cripple me as I do not want to lose the freedom that driving provides me with. You do not have to let it overcome you either. There are things you can do to ease your anxiety in all driving situations that make you fearful so read on to find your freedom! Build an Anxiety First Aid Kit If you know you may get into a driving situation that will bring on your anxiety bring with you an anxiety first aid kit. In fact, always keep this in your car as you never know when the need for it may arise. What should you include in your kit? ØCell phone charger- Make sure you can easily contact someone if you need help on the road. ØRelaxation CD- This can be soothing sounds, classical music or anything else that may be relaxing for you. Mediation tapes are great as well but make sure you keep your eyes on the road! ØGPS- Having a navigation system can help you to find your way around easily and eliminate the fear of getting lost or missing a turn. ØAnti-anxiety medication- If your doctor has prescribed an anti-anxiety medication make sure you keep some in your car at all times. This can help put a stop to your anxiety before it gets out of control. ØA paper bag- While some medical professionals are now saying this is not the best idea to deal with hyperventilation, if you are old school and have used it in the past then throw a paper bag into that kit as well or ask your doctor about other methods you can use for hyperventilation. ØA bottle of water- This is to keep you hydrated (getting overly anxious can dehydrate you quickly) as well as to have something with you to take medication if necessary. If none of these items bring you anxiety relief then there are other options for overcoming it. Self Help Programs Self Help programs can teach you how to overcome your fear of driving and as well as tips to overcome your driving anxiety. A program that is directed specifically toward driving anxiety should include a CD and that can be very helpful to listen to when you anticipate any of your triggers being present. Do not use just any program however. Do your research first and then choose the right one for you. Using Relaxation Techniques Sometimes when our minds become over stimulated due to fear and anxiety it can be helpful to use relaxation techniques to bring your anxiety level down to a manageable range. Try counting, deep breathing exercises and self talk. Self talk is basically giving throwing a pep rally for yourself! Use positive language such as “I can do this” or “this will pass if I just keep my eyes on the prize”. You can also talk yourself through the details of what you are doing and where you are going. The trick to all relaxation techniques is to refocus your mind of something else other than your anxiety until it hopefully disappears. Therapy If your anxiety has become too much for you to handle alone then it may be time to see a therapist. The most common type of therapy used for curing fears and anxieties of all kinds is cognitive behavioral therapy. CBT can help you retrain your thoughts and beliefs and get to the root of the issue. Once the cause of your anxiety if found the therapist can work with you to retrain and refocus your behaviors and negative thinking. Group therapy can also be wonderful for someone dealing with driving anxieties! Just sharing your feeling with others who are going through similar things can be highly cathartic and give you the courage to move forward to overcome your anxiety. Rules for the Road While this information can help put you on the road to success (Pun INTENDED) they may not be enough to totally cure your driving anxieties and you still may be subject to having driving anxiety to the point of going into full panic mode. If a panic attack occurs while you are driving you must take special care not to hurt yourself or others. If you have ever had a panic attack then you will know when one is about to hit. If you can get off the road before it happens then all the better! If you cannot then you must do whatever you can safely do to get the car in park. ØPull over in the first safe place you can find. ØTurn off the engine and practice your breathing. ØGet out and walk around if it is a safe place to do so. If not then recline your seat and lay there will the attack washes over you and finally leaves. ØTake your anti-anxiety meds if that is applicable to you. ØCall someone if you need more help even if that means dialing 911. Driving anxiety is no joke and if you suffer from it you are just one a great many who do so rest assured that you are not the odd man (or woman) out. Take this information and these tips into consideration if you are looking for ways out of the anxiety circle. If you need help do not be afraid to ask for it. By admitting the problem and searching for a way to fix it you are taking the first – and biggest steps on the road to recovery.

By Tanya Glover Coping With Your OCD As someone who suffers from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder I understand how frustrating it can be to deal with. Each night I lie down in my bed and get comfortable and I am not there for one minute before I wonder if I have turned off the oven or if all the doors are locked. I obsess over small things like if my cat’s water bowl is full or if the closet light is turned off. This is what OCD is all about and over the years I have found ways to cope with this condition that I would like to share in hopes of others being able to benefit from my experience. What is OCD? OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder) is a type of anxiety disorder. While there are some people who would call themselves neat freaks, that does not mean that they have OCD. This disorder is basically an obsession (fear of touching another person because you are afraid of getting germs) with a compulsion (constant hand washing due to fear of germs). The obsession is a thought issue while the compulsion is the routine done in order to calm your obsession. As I said above, for me it is checking. I check doors, lights, and ovens. I even have to triple check to make sure my four year old is sleeping in a position where his face is not buried in his pillow as I am obsessed with the thought of him suffocating. The symptoms can be different for everyone. Some people have obsessive thoughts about something they think may have happened. For example, a woman drives by a pedestrian and looks back to see if he made it across the street but he is already out of sight. She may turn around to make sure she did not hit him (irrational thought as if she hit someone she would have noticed). She finds that she did not hit anyone and continues on her way. However, the thought grips her again and she must turn around to make sure she really didn’t hit anyone. This could go on for hours for someone suffering from OCD. At What Stage in Life Does OCD Set In? Typically, if you have OCD it will be noticeable at a fairly young age. Rarely does an adult have a sudden onset of OCD symptoms when they were never there before. For me, I realized there was something wrong when I was only 10 years old. I was given the job of caring for a dog for someone in my apartment complex while she was away on vacation. I had to walk across the entire complex at night and walk the dog. Once I did my job and locked the door I could not stop going back and checking to make sure it was really locked. This went on for over an hour until my father came looking for me because I took so long. My parents never saw the signs and just figured I was an odd child. It was not until I was nearly 20 that I was diagnosed with OCD. For those of you with children, make sure that if you do see any peculiar behavior you take it seriously. It may be more than an oddity. Medical Treatments for OCD Once you are diagnosed with OCD your doctor or therapist may want you to try drug treatment. Typically, the first types of drugs that are tried are antidepressants. The reason for this is simple. One theory of why people develop OCD is that they have low levels of serotonin in their bodies. Antidepressants can help raise the levels of serotonin in your body and therefore take away some of the symptoms of OCD. For some people this type of drug treatment works. If you decide to give it a shot then be sure to give the meds a chance to work for you. It may take up to a week for you to notice a difference. If you do not think it is working, do not just stop taking the medication. Talk with your doctor first as all that may be needed is a dosage change. Also, there are some antidepressants that you do not want to quit cold turkey; you must be weaned off instead. My personal experience is with taking the drug Paxil. I took it for over a month and did not like the side effects so I spoke with my doctor and I was taken off the drug. My choice was to go it drug free but this is not the best decision for everyone with OCD so be sure to discuss the options with your doctor before making any decisions. How I Survive With OCD If I am to be honest, it is not always an easy task. There are some nights (night time is when mine kicks in hardcore) I just want to cry because I do not want to get up again to check everything in the house for the 10th time. However, I have actually learned to retrain my thinking in order to cut out some of the unwanted compulsions. · Make a check list of everything you need to do before bed or work; whenever your OCD affects you the most. Then go through the house and as you check everything, mark it off on your list. This may not stop the obsessive thoughts but it can help curb the compulsion to act on the obsession. · Share your condition with your family and friends. They can help put your mind at ease when a hard moment hits. It also helps to talk out loud about your condition because by admitting to it you are in a way freeing yourself. It will not stop your OCD but at least you know that your behaviors are unreasonable and irrational. · As difficult as it may be, if you feel the compulsion to check something do not do it! Repeat to yourself that this is your illness talking and you know for sure that the door is locked/the oven is off/the lights are out. That may not work well for some people and there are times it does not work for me either, but it is worth a shot. Therapy for OCD Therapy is a good place to start dealing with your OCD. This is especially true when using CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy). This type of therapy is aimed at changing the way you think and therefore changing the way you behave. A therapist can give you insight into your problem and come up with a plan to help you to better cope with it. In some instances, the best treatment is a mixture of therapy and medication. Each can help you to treat your symptoms in different ways and both together can be more effective depending on the degree of your OCD. If you feel that your life is out of control and your OCD effects everything in your life negatively, it may be beneficial for you to seek professional treatment. You Don’t Have to Suffer in Silence While this may be an embarrassing illness for you to admit, please know that you are not alone. Hundreds of thousands of people all across the world suffer from OCD. This is a very common anxiety disorder and by reaching out for help you are taking the first and most important step to overcoming this debilitating illness. Talk out loud about it. See a professional for help. Join a support group. (Many support groups can be found online.) Try the tips listed above as well. Just do what you must to take back control of your life and you may just see that there is a light at the end of the OCD tunnel.

WHAT IS ANXIETY? To understand anxiety, let’s look at fear first. Fear is a protective mechanism and an appropriate reaction to a real danger. Anxiety is a reaction to a perceived danger or threat and becomes a problem when magnified out of proportion. Some of the symptoms that may be experienced with excessive anxiety are: panic and fear sleep problems obsessive thoughts heart palpitations compulsive behaviors sweating ANXIETY IS TAKING OVER YOUR LIFE When anxiety is taking over your life you feel overwhelmed, helpless and out of control. Worrying takes up more and more of your time and energy. You know that some of your thoughts and behaviors are unreasonable, but can't stop them. Anxiety shows itself in many ways. You may have panic attacks, phobias, obsessive thoughts or compulsive behaviors. Loneliness and isolation are becoming your frequent companions. It's hard to explain and often embarrassing to tell your family and friends what you're going through and hard for them to understand. This is not the life you want to live. YOU WONDER WHY YOU ARE SO ANXIOUS You wonder, "Why me? Why can't I stop this?". Self-blame comes in..... You need to know that you are not the only one. One out of six people experience significant symptoms of anxiety at some point in their lives. There are several factors that can cause or increase anxiety. YOU WONDER WHERE THE ANXIETY COMES FROM There is a strong biological component to anxiety. Often, when there is a parent who is worrying excessively about their child being anxious, that parent probably has a history of being “a worrier” too. And if you go back another generation, one of those grandparents very likely had some “worries of their own”. In addition to the biological sensitivity to anxiety, the environment that the child grows up in is a contributing factor to the anxiety. When a parent is anxious, the child will absorb some of this anxiety, increasing his own. Other stressors and traumas that one has experienced over time will contribute to the increasing anxiety. HOW YOU HANDLE IT Anxiety may be new to you, or you may have struggled with anxiety for a long time, maybe your entire life. You try to handle it the best way you can. Sometimes you avoid the situation or the people you are feeling uncomfortable with. You try to live with it, live around it, sometimes just suffering through it. Your fears take over, you keep obsessing. You try not to worry, you know you shouldn't worry so much, but you can't seem to stop. You've tried different ways to lessen your anxieties and decrease your stress and maybe even tried some therapies to cope with it, but with only some success. WHAT NOW? You're frustrated and wondering if there is a way out. Is there really anything that can make a difference?.... The answer is yes. Even if you have a biological predisposition to anxiety, have anxiety in your family, or have experienced trauma in your life, you can recover from this. There is help for anxiety. There are different strategies and therapies that do help.... These are several of the unique and powerful therapies that I have found to be most effective in my work in helping to reduce anxiety: Percussive Suggestion Technique (PSTEC) Meridian Tapping Therapies / EFT SandPlay Therapy Heart Rate Variability Therapy For more information about these therapies and additional articles on anxiety, please visit my website at CounselingbytheShore.com. Give yourself the chance to live the life that you really want to live. I specialize in working with parent and children experiencing anxiety. My goal isto help you to decrease your anxiety and that of your child. I use innovative andcreative therapies that will help to resolve distressing feelings either of you areexperiencing. If you have any questions about this article or would like to discussany concerns that you have, please feel free to contact me at the phone number oremail address below. Elaine M. Corona, MSW, LCSWCounseling by the Shore, LLC509 Main Street- Suite 2Avon-by-the-Sea, NJ 07717(732) 233-9026 CounselingbytheShore@gmail.comCounselingbytheShore.com©

By Debra Bacon Theravive.com Contributor When a breakup occurs, picking up the pieces of our life can be a daunting task. It may seem impossible to imagine feeling “normal” again. The pain associated with a breakup can leave us feeling overwhelmed, confused, lonely and sad. No matter the cause of the breakup, it disrupts your life in ways that are unsettling. However, there are ways to grow and learn from the experience, as you process the loss. Overcoming loss A breakup--whether a long-term dating relationship, or divorce--wreaks havoc on your emotions. The void left in your life after calling it quits is not easy to fill. It is very important to take care of yourself during this time. After a relationship fails, feelings of intense grief, stress and regret over lost dreams and shared goals set in. Things are unfamiliar, and other relationships are affected. How to handle relationships with mutual friends and extended family members of whom you have become close too can be difficult and stressful to determine. You may even question you own identity. Depending on the length of time together, more often than not, you shared everything from activities, to dining and hanging out. You may begin to stress over questions like: How will you fill your time? What will it be like to be alone? Will you ever find someone else, or even want to? Don’t go it alone. Reach out to your family and close friends for support or join a support group. Bottling up your feelings will only heighten stress levels. Don’t be afraid to seek professional counseling. Allow feelings. The idea of allowing ourselves to feel the hurt in our heart and mind is almost unbearable. However, it is a necessary step in grieving. You may experience feeling of anger, resentment, sadness, relief, fear, and confusion. Recognize these feelings and realize where and why they are present. Work through it. Keep a journal. Writing down your feelings helps hash things out in your mind. Often it provides an outlet for frustration, or a place to record our future hopes and milestones. Be honest with yourself in your journa l. Don’t allow guilt to overcome you on the days you feel fine or you feel a renewed spirit within you. Relish them, there are more to come as healing progresses. Take things slowly. Give yourself a break. It is okay to feel differently than before. Rediscover your passions in life and slowly begin to venture out and act on them. Remember to take things one step at a time, one day at a time. Healing takes time, be kind to yourself, and remember you will move past the hurt. You can make it. Lessons learned From every crisis, an open door is before us, and a closed one behind. Take this time in between the two, to grow emotionally and spiritually. There will come a time when you will reflect on things you have learned from the experience. To completely reconcile yourself from the breakup and move on, it is important to understand what happened and what role each of you played in the relationship, and ultimate breakup. As you begin to heal and apply lessons learned from your decisions, you are likely not to make the same mistakes again.

By Debra Bacon Theravive.com Contributor Time becomes our taskmaster Living in a society where our time is invaded at every turn, whether from cell phones, faxes, computers, skype, IMs, text, or other signals crossing our sphere, burnout is a real concern. Burnout occurs when what you are doing, just doesn’t work for you anymore. Your once enthusiastic approach to a task now drains you, or feelings of apathy are more the norm, rather than hope and success. When juggling work, family and social lives, time can become our taskmaster instead of our friend. Finding balance in your life will liberate you, and allow you to overcome burnout. Signs of burnout Often, when burnout, people drive themselves harder to makeup for deficits emotionally, physical or otherwise. Denial that a problem exists is common; therefore, identifying signs of burnout is important to our emotional and physical health. Five signs of burnout: Irritability When a person feels out of control or unable to mange their life, work or family commitments as desired, they can become troubled. Often this is manifested in the form or irritation or aggravation. When burnout occurs, this state is more constant. You may lash out at co-workers or loved ones. Trouble sleeping Being stressed out and have multiple deadlines or unfinished business, can make it difficult to fall asleep or stay asleep. Sleep deprivation will cause you to perform poorly. Lack of energy As burnout creeps in, your energy level drops. A lack of caring or concern sets in, and productivity goes down the drain. Concentration issues Problems concentrating are common with burnout. When faced with overwhelming schedules and tasks, concentrating can be difficult. Emotional distress When someone is burnout, being overly emotional is common. For example, you may burst into tears over a seemingly minor incident. On the other hand, you can begin to isolate yourself, and show no emotion to varying circumstances. Either can lead to depression. Overcoming burnout Identifying burnout is only part of the solution. Overcoming burnout takes commitment and work on your part. Below are some practical solutions you can implement in your life to eliminate burnout, and enrich your life. Five steps to balance: Learn to say NO Over commitment is common, and a part of the reason people burnout. While it is important to please the boss, assess your current workload before saying yes to the next deadline. Perhaps you should allow someone else to drive the soccer team to and from games, or provide the snacks. Get moving Putting exercise in your schedule can make a world of difference. Exercise helps eliminate stress, clears the mind and keeps the body fit. Prioritize Assess what you are responsible for presently, and make a list. Evaluate and eliminate. Complete outstanding items that are most important or pressing, and delegate less important tasks to others as appropriate. Get support A healthy, happy life includes people we enjoy being around; those that bring joy and positive support to our lives. Identify the people that make up your support system. Others are in our lives to help us, co-workers, family, friends, clergy and counselors. Let go Learn to let go of things you cannot control. You cannot save the world. Let go of any guilt you may feel about not being able to do it all.

By Debra Bacon Theravive.com Contributor Relationships, hormones and pressures Teenage years are challenging for the teen and parents. Maintaining an open and communicative relationship with your teen is vital as they move through adolescence. Hormonal changes, mood swings and peer pressure are a part of the growth process, however, it is important to be aware of subtle, and overt signs that trouble may be on the horizon. While some unusual behavior is normal with teens, knowing your teen--how they generally react and interact with you--will help in identifying potential problems. Red Flags Following are signs to watch for that may indicate your teen is headed down the wrong path. Isolation: During adolescence, a teenager typically distances themselves a bit more than before from family. Yet, if your teen is avoiding your advances toward conversation and interaction, there may be a problem. If they spend more time away from home or alone, locked in their room, a red flag should go up. This can be an indication of drug use or depression. Sudden weight loss and/or appetite change: This behavior is indicative of peer and social pressures to look a certain way. An eating disorder, depression or drug use can be at the root of this conduct. Extreme mood swings: Mood swings are a common thing with teens. Therefore, it is a bit more difficult to discern what is problematic and what is normal. However, knowing your teens normal reactions will assist you follow up accordingly. This behavior could be a sign of social problems; hanging out with the wrong crowd. Meet your teen’s friends and their parents. Know who they are spending their time with and what values their parents hold dear. Declining grades or lack of interest in school/activities: Since teens have so much on their minds, at times, a lack of interest in school work could be chalked up as normal. However, if their grades are falling sharply, they are cutting classes and pulling out of activities once enjoyed, it is time to check-in. Get to know your teen’s teachers and find a way of communicating with them on a regular basis. Be involved in your adolescence education and school activities. Motivation issues: If your once spunky teen suddenly begins to seem more tired, and uninterested in hobbies and former friends, they could have a problem with substance abuse. They could be depressed or feeling isolated and alone. Talk with them, let them know you care. Be available to listen, love and offer advice, if needed. Get Involved If your teen is showing signs of unusual behavior, it is the parents’ responsibility to get to the bottom of what is going on. A child wants to know you are concerned and interested, even if they do not act like it. It may feel like to you that you are spying on them or invading their privacy when checking up on them. Press forward, as it could mean the difference between life and death.