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By Debra Bacon Theravive.com Contributor Bullying: a new epidemic? Bullying is becoming an epidemic in our schools, cyberspace, parks and other areas where kids hang out. Its affect on children can be lasting, even following them into adulthood. It is vital to deal with bullying swiftly and lovingly. The times of a simple trip in the isle, just for the fun of it, between friends has passed. Today children are faced with far more intimidating tactics. Often, kids are attacked while others look on, without going for, or helping the victim. Children are often afraid to say anything to anyone for fear of retaliation. Know the signs Identifying the signs of bullying is a key element in protecting your child, and keeping them safe. Your child’s behavior will offer tell-tale signs bullying may be occurring. Following are a few things to watch for: Lack of appetite Decreased interest in school/social activities Few, if any close friends Trouble sleeping Stomach aches and other ailments Unexplained bruises, cuts or scrapes Missing or damaged personal items Anxiety Isolation How you can help If you notice you child manifesting any, or a number of these behaviors, it is time to talk--reach out with a kind, loving arm. Get as many details as you can about the bullying incidents. They may be reluctant to speak to you about the situation at first. Often this is because of misplaced blame or shame. It is important to reassure your child they are safe. Express how much you want to help them overcome this situation. They are likely not the only child being harassed by the bully. Talk with school officials, such as the counselor, principal or other significant policy makers about the danger your child is facing. Be persistent, and follow up. Ensure changes are made to eliminate the threat. Furthermore, depending on the type of abuse your child is being subject to, criminal charges may be in order. Talk to your child about how to handle the bullying. Encourage them to remain calm when confronted. Tell them to be firm when they speak to the aggressor. Offer suggestions of what they may say, such as: “Stop what you are doing right now.” Stress the importance of walking away. Never encourage aggression, or similar bad behavior. Encourage your child to make friends with people in his class. Children should walk in pairs or small non-threatening groups. Especially when going to the bathroom, lunch, playground and other potentially isolated areas. General rule of thumb Monitor your child’s activity. Such as, know who their friends are, and be involved as much as you can in their lives. Be careful of what you allow your children to watch on television and videos. Behavior breeds behavior, and violence can lead to violence. Computers are a way of life these days. As such, the newest form of bullying or threat can come from the internet. As much, if not more, as you would monitor what your children read and watch, the same should apply to the internet. Cyber bullying has lead to mental breakdowns, violent acts, sexual assaults, murder and suicide. Any type of bullying has this potential. If suppressed, an individual can move through life harboring a lot of resentment, guilt and shame. Knowing when to intervene and get professional help is paramount. It can eliminate or assist in treating more complicated mental conditions, such as anxiety disorders, resulting from bullying.

By Debra Bacon Theravive.com Contributor Simple is better Family time and simpler lifestyles are winning out over consumerism these days. Considering the shaky economies around the globe, individuals and families are scaling back on their spending. With rising unemployment figures and uncertain futures, people are strategizing their escape from the prison of debt. By paying off debt, reducing discretionary spending and opting to save money, materialism is losing its grasp on society. Taking charge of your debt and deciding to scale back your lifestyle requires change. Change is rarely comfortable. Difficult decisions and sacrifices must be made to accomplish your goals. Taking charge Following are some tips to help you take charge of your life, finances and lifestyle. Determine what you want to change about your financial picture and lifestyle. For example, you may want to be debt free within five to seven years; you may have a desire to grow your own food, or become a stay-at-home mom or dad. Set reasonable goals and timeframes to reach your dream. Strive for specific milestones leading you to your overall goal. This allows you to see your success in smaller chunks, as you chip away at the whole. Assess your current financial picture. Determine how much overall debt you have and to whom it is owed. Calculate your monthly income, and compare the differences of inflow versus outflow. Set your first milestone as complete. Knowing the state of your affairs will relieve you of an amazing amount of stress. Realizing you are working to take charge of your circumstances is huge. Make a list of each creditor and the amount owed them. Define a plan that allows you to pay more toward the smallest balance first, until it is satisfied. Continue this pattern until they are all knocked out, or at least well on their way. Reward yourself in some way for your diligence as each milestone is reached. Perhaps you have not been out to dinner in months as a part of your effort to scale back; this may be a reward you agree is reasonable, for example. Stay focused on your plan and you will achieve your desired end. Living the life As you downsize you will find there are things you no longer have need of. It is important to determine whether you will sell these items or donate them to charity. Depending on your goal, a move may be in order. Transportation may change, and jobs/roles may shift, or be redefined. Yet as you scale back your lifestyle, you will enjoy more free time and experience a healthier life. Stress is responsible for many major health conditions and diseases. Often, we are unaware how much we are affected by stress as we struggle day-to-day to make ends meet. Moreover, social stress, such as the “keeping up with the Joneses” mentality can lead to a tremendous amount of peer pressure. This type of pressure can lead to depression, even death, if we perceive we have failed. So, start living the life, take charge of your life, as you begin your journey to scale back.

By Debra Bacon Theravive.com Contributor The Pink Slip Losing a job is very stressful for a family. The emotional impact it has on the husband or wife can be very different. Both may feel depressed and anxious as a result of the loss. Self-esteem and worthiness issues are common. These factors, combined with the financial implications resulting from a spouse’s job loss, place a strain on a marriage. However, exercising solid coping skills during this transitional time can lead to a successful outcome. Time to process It is important to give your spouse time to process what has happened and get a handle on the future. Often our job defines us--reinforces our worth to our family and others. While our self-worth should be shaped by other measures, our job plays an important role in our lives. Due to the financial strain resulting from a job loss, the natural response from both parties is to get a job as soon as possible. However, finding a new job can take time. During this time, sensitivity and careful response is essential in supporting your spouse. Encouraging words and conversations about other things can help ease any tension that money issues can cause in a marriage. Avoid picking out jobs for your spouse. As well meaning as this approach seems, it often backfires. They may begin to feel you have lost faith or trust in their abilities to manage their affairs properly. Questions about how the unemployed spouse spent their time during the day may be offensive. It is important to be aware of trigger points that may spark conflict. A person may lash out because they feel inadequate or are depressed. As important as processing time and feelings of the unemployed spouse are, so are those of others involved. It may be helpful to talk to a counselor during this time. A counselor can help you identify the unique feelings and stressors experienced during a time of loss. They can offer feedback and coping skills you may not have considered previously. Reach out to friends and family that may have experienced a similar situation. Ask them how they managed the process. Fear and Finances A financial plan is an imperative step in eliminating fear and uncertainty of the future. The plan should be developed to encompass at least three months that follow the unemployment. Together, determine what you can cut back on, or live without. Big changes should be considered carefully. Remember, the situation is not permanent. Your spouse may be eligible for unemployment compensation. This benefit can be very helpful when facing job loss. Consulting a financial advisor or counselor may be necessary in some cases. However, cutting back on special perks or extras can trim a budget quite a bit. The Bottom Line At the end of the day, your marriage and relationship with one another is more important than anything else. Be kind to one another. Talk about your spouses good qualities, compliment them. Take notice of the extra help you are likely receiving around the home, or in other areas of your life. You will likely come out on the other side stronger and closer than ever before.