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An Uncomfortable and Necessary Journey: “Boundaries” by Cloud and Townsend- Book Review Chapter 1 Do you cringe when you hear the word “boundaries”? Do you struggle with too little time and too many demands on it? Do you feel isolated, helpless, guilt ridden, and out of control? Well, I certainly do! AND I am a well-adjusted, educated, well-travelled, successful mid 30’s gal and my WHOLE life I have known I struggle with boundaries! Okay let’s face it, I don’t really even know what they look like… AND when I do set them up I usually cut someone out or experience heart palpitating guilt and anxiety; as I just don’t know how to work within them. · Guilt · Depression · Eating Disorders · Addictions · Impulsive Disorders · Shame Issues · Panic Disorders · Marital and relations struggles Well according to the authors these issues, “find their roots in conflicts with boundaries.” (Pg,28) And I, like you, and most of the world have battled with many of these exact things. ENOUGH! · with that one drink to make it better · avoiding phone calls · beating myself up · feeling lonely · and striving to make it all better! With much encouragement, I have picked up this book for the 3rd time and I am committed to getting through it and sharing what I am learning and what this world renowned book having sold over 2 Million Copies can do to teach us as the bi-line states “When to say YES, How to say NO, To take control of your life” Chapter one- if you can get through it without needing to resort to your old coping mechanisms takes about 90% of its time going hour by hour through the day in the life of one ‘boundaryless’ mother and wife. It is exhausting to hear how she takes on more that she should and in the end all her efforts to help- leave her children with behavioural issues, her marriage void of intimacy, and her sense of self down in the pits. I actually felt nauseas when I read this section for the 3rd time AND in fact think this is why I never have read more- it is just too damn depressing and it is so ME! By the end of the chapter they have taken our new friend Sherri and shown us what some of her major flaws are (pg. 26-27): 1) 1) trying harder is not working2) being nice out of fear is not working3) taking responsibility for others is not working The Chapter ends quite quickly after we are done with Sherri’s exhausting day and in the second to last paragraph we see a small glimpse of hope and a foreshadowing of things to come, “Our goal is to help you use biblical boundaries appropriately to achieve the relationships and purposes that God intends for you as his child.”(pg. 28) Do you want to achieve relationships and purposes intended for you? Well, let’s do it! Let’s dive in, get through the muck and see where we land at the end of 16 chapters! Here’s to the freedom I KNOW we really want!

The origins of Thanksgiving have nothing to do with a bunch of Indians and pilgrims sitting down for a bountiful feast of turkey. In reality although the settlers with pale faces had been bothering the Indians in addition to giving them many new diseases they had never had were starving by this time. The Indians took pity on them and brought them some corn and fish. Thanksgiving has a lot of emotional disappointment and this article will show you how to deal with this. This is a period of time in which you are expected to give to others and be generous. Although the intention is good it often leads to self sacrifice and disappointment. This is a period of time in which you must balance your newfound humanitarianism with the demands on your own life. If you do not continue to reach your own immediate goals either at work or at home you will find yourself being irritable and exhausted. Remember that an obligation to give to others does not mean that you have to sacrifice your own needs. You must remember to give yourself some time for your own physical and mental well-being. It is a time when we most often neglect the things we do to make ourselves happy and keep ourselves balanced like exercise, yoga, or other spiritual practices for your own physical and mental well-being This is a time to find some positive solutions to deal with your family members past resentments. Remember that when I family system gets back together it quickly returns to whatever difficulties encountered before. Even if you're the only person in the room aware of this it may help you from dealing with the fallacy that "now that we're all together we must be alright." This leads to the need to decide on your priorities and organize your time adequately. I this will counteract your feelings that you have not a planned enough for Thanksgiving. If you find additional time you can always volunteer to feed the poor would do random acts of kindness. You may also need to have planned out some unstructured inexpensive holiday activity because this holiday evokes a feeling of being served good food rather than organizing fun things to participate in. Spending some time thinking about this will save the day when you are reunited with your family and no one knows what to do. One of the major fallacies are that Thanksgiving will take away feelings of loneliness, sadness, fear, anger and frustration. This holiday is heavily advertised is a time in which everyone appreciates being together. The fallacy behind that becomes clear when you are reuniting with family members and you realize why you have become independent of them. You may find yourself being overwhelmed with anger or fear or worse yet feeling alone being surrounded by your family. The worst emotion that creeps up on this holiday is resentment. It is usually triggered by a previous bad relationship with a family member. Beware of grudges and slights you have suffered in the past and keep them from resurfacing. Thanksgiving is designed to encourage gluttony. This is not an open invitation to eat too much. Remember that most people with eating disorders simply want to have something to control in their lives and to avoid the resentment and self-hatred you will naturally feel after eating way past feeling hungry. This includes other over indulgences. You know by now what you need to keep a careful eye on so that you don't lose control and this may be an opportunity to set an example with other family members who still have raging addictions. You may want to have some contingency plans when they become abusively angry, drunk or chemically impaired. If it the end of the holiday feast you find yourself still feeling depressed or resentful remember what the Indians did. They didn't like these foreigners who is strange customs and behaviors showed such a resentment towards nature that it disrupted and destroyed the Indian culture. Yet they still took pity on these poor starving people and threw them a fish or two.

By Tanya Glover Theravive.com Contributor While many songs will impress upon us that the holidays are the most wonderful time of the year, this is not the case for some people. For some people, the holidays are a source of stress, sadness and overall depression. Getting though the holidays when you feel like this can be a difficult task, especially when it seems that everyone around you is happy and excited. What Causes Holiday Blues? There are many things that can make the holidays a sad time for a person. · Finances · Family death · Family being far away · Loneliness These are just a few reasons for holiday depression. Each person is different and has different reasons for feeling down during what is supposed to be the most festive time of the year. Spend, Spend, Spend For many, the major theme for the holidays is spending. When we have children this cannot be avoided. The little ones want Santa to bring them many things and they eagerly await Christmas morning and the presents they are expecting to find under the Christmas tree. This can be very hard for a family whose financial situation is bleak. For a parent, it is heartbreaking to know that you cannot afford to get your child presents for Christmas. Even if you can afford to get one or two gifts, it is still hard knowing that their friends will get much more then they will. Parents do not ever want their children to feel slighted by Santa, a figure who they are told love all of them equally. How to do you explain to a child why Santa only brought them a small toy and a sweater when the little boy down the road got a go-cart and a video game system? So, what can you do? While there is no perfect answer here, I have found one option to be effective. While you can still allow your child to believe in Santa you can also let them know that you work with Santa to get their presents. Only you know what you can afford to do and you can pass this onto your child by telling them that while Santa brings the toys they want for Christmas you have to pay Santa for them. By doing this you are able to sit down with your child and help them make a list of all they want, guiding them to what you can afford to do. Let them know that Santa cannot give them all the things on their list so they should pick out a few things that they really want to have and see what happens. By doing it like this, they understand that you have a part in Santa’s delivery and you have the chance to get those few items that they really want above all else. Loss of Loved Ones Ever since my grandparents passed away, the holidays have never been the same and are a source of sadness for me. I imagine that this is a factor for many people during the holidays. For those who have had a loved one pass right near the holiday it can be even worse. Just yesterday a little boy in my town was killed by a car while leaving the town Christmas Parade. Imagine how his parents feel and then know that the holiday season will always be a source of great pain for them from here on out. Loss is never easy and death does not discriminate. The holidays can be a painful reminder of these facts. After you lose someone important in your life, the holidays may never be the same again. There is little you can do about this. However, I was given some advice from a good friend on Thanksgiving of this year. She told me that things will always change and sadness over loss will always linger. However, it does not have to overtake the happiness of the season. Take the time to be thankful for those you do have in your life and make new holiday memories and traditions for your own children to cherish. While this may not have any effect on everyone, it did work on me. It helped me to realize that while I had fond memories of past holidays that I will never again experience, it was my duty to ensure that my children have them as well. This has helped me to put things in better perspective and allow me to feel a bit more lighthearted then I previously did. Far Away Family Another issue that many people deal with around the holidays is not being able to go home and be with family. With so many families being scattered around the country, it can be difficult to make it home for Christmas/Hanukkah. Not being able to be with loved ones during a season made for family can be depressing and lonely. With the economy what it is, travel is not always a possibility. It is even more experience than usual around the holidays. Knowing that your family is thinking of you is not always enough but there are other ways of being together on the holidays even if you cannot be in the same house. Technology is a great thing when it comes to communication. On Christmas morning you can place a Skype call to your family and have some face to face time. If nothing will make you happy except making it home, then starting a savings account at the start of the year can be very helpful in making travel possible. Put it in a Christmas club account to ensure that you cannot touch it until December. Help Those in Need of Holiday Cheer If you know how it feels to have the holiday blues it is a nice idea to reach out to others who are experiencing those same feelings of sadness. If you have a family to spend the holidays with and know someone who does not, invite them to join in the festivities with your family. Doing so would mean so much to someone who is sad and alone. If you are alone on the holidays, reach out to others that are alone as well. You can all have your own special day together. Talking about the reason for your sadness with people who understand it can be very helpful in lifting your spirits. Plus, by doing this you may have started a new holiday tradition! Though the holidays may be a source of pain, it does not have to be incurred alone. Feelings of sadness during the holiday season are very common and there are many who feel your pain and are willing to share their own with you. Reach out to your family and friend and even to strangers. You may be surprised at how much happier you can feel by unburdening yourself and finding a silver lining. Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah and Happy New Year to all of my readers. May this holiday pass with love and joy filling your hearts, memories of holidays past and the beginning of new traditions.

By Tanya Glover Theravive.com Contributor Into all lives a little ran must fall. And fall it does for everyone at one time or another. As emotional beings, we all get the occasional blues. This is a normal part of life. Maybe you have had a bad day or maybe you feel down for a reason we cannot quite put your finger on, but that does not qualify us for the diagnosis of depression. Depression is a deep feeling of sadness that does not go away on its own. This sadness affects all aspects our life; family life, social life, work life – everything. You may not want to take care of yourself, your family or your work responsibilities. It is more severe for some than it is for others. No matter how deep your problem with depression is, there are treatments available to help make your life better. Depression Symptoms: While not everyone who suffers from depression will have all of the symptoms, many have at least 2 or 3 of the most common ones. Also keep in mind that the signs and symptoms of depression vary from one person to another and that men, women and children may all show differing signs. This illness does not fit into a box but is rather in a broad spectrum. ØFatigue ØFeeling empty ØFeeling anxious ØFeeling sad ØPreoccupation with death or thoughts of suicide ØIrritability/restlessness ØNo appetite or increased appetite (Some people overeat when depressed and others cannot eat at all.) ØInsomnia ØFeeling helpless ØIrrational feelings of guilt ØFeeling worthless ØTrouble concentrating and focusing ØShort term memory problems ØLoss of interest in things that used to hold meaning (work, hobbies, sex) ØHeadaches, body aches, stomach issues (Emotional issues can manifest into physical problems for some people.) Another factor in depression is that the person may have other conditions which have brought on depression that did not exist before or that have enhanced depression that already existed. For instance, if a person with an otherwise happy life finds out that they have HIV/AIDS then this would be an illness that may bring on depression. Someone already suffers from depression may find it getting worse once they are diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. Often times, someone who has a substance abuse problem also suffers from depression as well. The good news is that once treatment for depression begins, it can help with the other illnesses that go along with the depression. Anyone, of any age/race/culture/gender, can suffer from depression. Many people do not realize that young children can become depressed in the same ways that adults can. There are many things in a child’s life that can become major stressors and cause them to feel depressed. This should be taken very seriously as children who develop depression are at high risk for also developing anxiety disorders and other issues that can affect them throughout their entire lives. And though anyone can become depressed, studies show that more women have depression then do men. This may be due to the fact that women are more emotional creatures or that men simply do not report their depression as much as women do. Many emotional issues in men do not get reported as they are much less likely to seek help then are women. What Caused Depression There are many reasons that people become depressed. There is clinical depression and situational depression. Clinical depression comes from chemical imbalances in our brains. Situational depression is directly connected to some event in our lives that makes us depressed. ØDeath of a loved one ØDivorce/separation ØJob loss ØFinancial issues ØStress in general ØAny other traumatic changes or events When it comes to situational depression, almost anything in one’s life can cause it depending on the person and the importance of the event in their lives. Clinical depression, caused by chemical imbalance, can be something that is passed on through genetics. Both can be treated. Treatment for Depression Even the most severe cases of depression are treatable and the first step in getting treatment is talking with your doctor. They will either be able to help you themselves or point you in the right direction to get the help you need. This is a very important step as your doctor will be able to figure out if your symptoms are being caused by an underlying medical condition that needs to be treated in order to rid you of the depression symptoms. If the depression is in fact, a legitimate mental health issue, you may be referred to a mental health specialist for proper treatment. This will depend on the reason for and the severity of the depression. The most common treatments for depression are medications and therapy. Psychotherapy There are many types of therapeutic techniques that are highly beneficial for people with depression. The most common techniques are Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Interpersonal Therapy (IPT). It is the opinion of some therapist that both of these techniques can be used in conjunction in order to benefit the client to the fullest. CBT is used to show people how to change their negative way of behaving and thinking. Through this process, they are shown how they contribute to their own depression. By doing this, they can begin to learn how to change the things that need changing in order to rid themselves of depression. IPT is a technique used to help the client understand the reasons for their depression and work through them. This type of therapy pinpoints the reason for the depression and helps the client to see how the situation has either made or contributed to their depression. This is a good form of talk therapy that allows the client to explore their lives and see what can be changed to help with their depression. While both IPT and CBT are beneficial for people with depression, it may not be enough. Many times it is necessary to mix therapy with medication. Research has shown that when used in conjunction with therapy, medication can be beneficial in keeping the depression away for good. This is true even after therapy is terminated and the medication continues. You may need to stay on the medication for the long term after the therapy is over, but this has shown to be very successful in way of treating people with depression, especially severe cases. Medications Antidepressants are the most commonly used medications for depression. These drugs serve to change a person’s mood, even though researchers do not know exactly why or how they work. All they know for sure is that they keep the neurotransmitters in the brain at the correct place to even out and balance a person’s mood. While antidepressants are effective in most cases, there are side effects for some. (Some people have no negative side effects and some do. So it is important to monitor yourself when you first begin taking the medication. If one does not do well for you then your doctor can try something else.) Some of the most common side effects of antidepressants are: ØNausea ØVomiting ØHeadache ØCotton mouth ØSexual dysfunction ØInsomnia ØNervousness ØDrowsiness (moderate to severe) ØConstipation If any of these symptoms persist or bother you enough to where you simply stop taking the medication it is time to see your doctor. There are other drugs to try that may work better and you should never stop taking this sort of drug suddenly. Many of them require the patient to be weaned off as stopping altogether my make the depression return tenfold. The Light at the End of the Tunnel If you or a loved one suffers from depression and are doing so in silence, please know that you do not have to hoe this row alone. Depression is one of the most common illnesses in the world and the treatments are typically effective. There is no reason to feel ashamed of being depressed and needing help as you are not the first one, the last one or even one in a million who suffers from this illness. Billions have felt the cold fingers of depression and have found warmth and light through treatment and family support. One of these people can be you.

WHAT IS ANXIETY? To understand anxiety, let’s look at fear first. Fear is a protective mechanism and an appropriate reaction to a real danger. Anxiety is a reaction to a perceived danger or threat and becomes a problem when magnified out of proportion. Some of the symptoms that may be experienced with excessive anxiety are: panic and fear sleep problems obsessive thoughts heart palpitations compulsive behaviors sweating ANXIETY IS TAKING OVER YOUR LIFE When anxiety is taking over your life you feel overwhelmed, helpless and out of control. Worrying takes up more and more of your time and energy. You know that some of your thoughts and behaviors are unreasonable, but can't stop them. Anxiety shows itself in many ways. You may have panic attacks, phobias, obsessive thoughts or compulsive behaviors. Loneliness and isolation are becoming your frequent companions. It's hard to explain and often embarrassing to tell your family and friends what you're going through and hard for them to understand. This is not the life you want to live. YOU WONDER WHY YOU ARE SO ANXIOUS You wonder, "Why me? Why can't I stop this?". Self-blame comes in..... You need to know that you are not the only one. One out of six people experience significant symptoms of anxiety at some point in their lives. There are several factors that can cause or increase anxiety. YOU WONDER WHERE THE ANXIETY COMES FROM There is a strong biological component to anxiety. Often, when there is a parent who is worrying excessively about their child being anxious, that parent probably has a history of being “a worrier” too. And if you go back another generation, one of those grandparents very likely had some “worries of their own”. In addition to the biological sensitivity to anxiety, the environment that the child grows up in is a contributing factor to the anxiety. When a parent is anxious, the child will absorb some of this anxiety, increasing his own. Other stressors and traumas that one has experienced over time will contribute to the increasing anxiety. HOW YOU HANDLE IT Anxiety may be new to you, or you may have struggled with anxiety for a long time, maybe your entire life. You try to handle it the best way you can. Sometimes you avoid the situation or the people you are feeling uncomfortable with. You try to live with it, live around it, sometimes just suffering through it. Your fears take over, you keep obsessing. You try not to worry, you know you shouldn't worry so much, but you can't seem to stop. You've tried different ways to lessen your anxieties and decrease your stress and maybe even tried some therapies to cope with it, but with only some success. WHAT NOW? You're frustrated and wondering if there is a way out. Is there really anything that can make a difference?.... The answer is yes. Even if you have a biological predisposition to anxiety, have anxiety in your family, or have experienced trauma in your life, you can recover from this. There is help for anxiety. There are different strategies and therapies that do help.... These are several of the unique and powerful therapies that I have found to be most effective in my work in helping to reduce anxiety: Percussive Suggestion Technique (PSTEC) Meridian Tapping Therapies / EFT SandPlay Therapy Heart Rate Variability Therapy For more information about these therapies and additional articles on anxiety, please visit my website at CounselingbytheShore.com. Give yourself the chance to live the life that you really want to live. I specialize in working with parent and children experiencing anxiety. My goal isto help you to decrease your anxiety and that of your child. I use innovative andcreative therapies that will help to resolve distressing feelings either of you areexperiencing. If you have any questions about this article or would like to discussany concerns that you have, please feel free to contact me at the phone number oremail address below. Elaine M. Corona, MSW, LCSWCounseling by the Shore, LLC509 Main Street- Suite 2Avon-by-the-Sea, NJ 07717(732) 233-9026 CounselingbytheShore@gmail.comCounselingbytheShore.com©

By Debra Bacon Theravive.com Contributor When a breakup occurs, picking up the pieces of our life can be a daunting task. It may seem impossible to imagine feeling “normal” again. The pain associated with a breakup can leave us feeling overwhelmed, confused, lonely and sad. No matter the cause of the breakup, it disrupts your life in ways that are unsettling. However, there are ways to grow and learn from the experience, as you process the loss. Overcoming loss A breakup--whether a long-term dating relationship, or divorce--wreaks havoc on your emotions. The void left in your life after calling it quits is not easy to fill. It is very important to take care of yourself during this time. After a relationship fails, feelings of intense grief, stress and regret over lost dreams and shared goals set in. Things are unfamiliar, and other relationships are affected. How to handle relationships with mutual friends and extended family members of whom you have become close too can be difficult and stressful to determine. You may even question you own identity. Depending on the length of time together, more often than not, you shared everything from activities, to dining and hanging out. You may begin to stress over questions like: How will you fill your time? What will it be like to be alone? Will you ever find someone else, or even want to? Don’t go it alone. Reach out to your family and close friends for support or join a support group. Bottling up your feelings will only heighten stress levels. Don’t be afraid to seek professional counseling. Allow feelings. The idea of allowing ourselves to feel the hurt in our heart and mind is almost unbearable. However, it is a necessary step in grieving. You may experience feeling of anger, resentment, sadness, relief, fear, and confusion. Recognize these feelings and realize where and why they are present. Work through it. Keep a journal. Writing down your feelings helps hash things out in your mind. Often it provides an outlet for frustration, or a place to record our future hopes and milestones. Be honest with yourself in your journa l. Don’t allow guilt to overcome you on the days you feel fine or you feel a renewed spirit within you. Relish them, there are more to come as healing progresses. Take things slowly. Give yourself a break. It is okay to feel differently than before. Rediscover your passions in life and slowly begin to venture out and act on them. Remember to take things one step at a time, one day at a time. Healing takes time, be kind to yourself, and remember you will move past the hurt. You can make it. Lessons learned From every crisis, an open door is before us, and a closed one behind. Take this time in between the two, to grow emotionally and spiritually. There will come a time when you will reflect on things you have learned from the experience. To completely reconcile yourself from the breakup and move on, it is important to understand what happened and what role each of you played in the relationship, and ultimate breakup. As you begin to heal and apply lessons learned from your decisions, you are likely not to make the same mistakes again.

By Debra Bacon Theravive.com Contributor Time becomes our taskmaster Living in a society where our time is invaded at every turn, whether from cell phones, faxes, computers, skype, IMs, text, or other signals crossing our sphere, burnout is a real concern. Burnout occurs when what you are doing, just doesn’t work for you anymore. Your once enthusiastic approach to a task now drains you, or feelings of apathy are more the norm, rather than hope and success. When juggling work, family and social lives, time can become our taskmaster instead of our friend. Finding balance in your life will liberate you, and allow you to overcome burnout. Signs of burnout Often, when burnout, people drive themselves harder to makeup for deficits emotionally, physical or otherwise. Denial that a problem exists is common; therefore, identifying signs of burnout is important to our emotional and physical health. Five signs of burnout: Irritability When a person feels out of control or unable to mange their life, work or family commitments as desired, they can become troubled. Often this is manifested in the form or irritation or aggravation. When burnout occurs, this state is more constant. You may lash out at co-workers or loved ones. Trouble sleeping Being stressed out and have multiple deadlines or unfinished business, can make it difficult to fall asleep or stay asleep. Sleep deprivation will cause you to perform poorly. Lack of energy As burnout creeps in, your energy level drops. A lack of caring or concern sets in, and productivity goes down the drain. Concentration issues Problems concentrating are common with burnout. When faced with overwhelming schedules and tasks, concentrating can be difficult. Emotional distress When someone is burnout, being overly emotional is common. For example, you may burst into tears over a seemingly minor incident. On the other hand, you can begin to isolate yourself, and show no emotion to varying circumstances. Either can lead to depression. Overcoming burnout Identifying burnout is only part of the solution. Overcoming burnout takes commitment and work on your part. Below are some practical solutions you can implement in your life to eliminate burnout, and enrich your life. Five steps to balance: Learn to say NO Over commitment is common, and a part of the reason people burnout. While it is important to please the boss, assess your current workload before saying yes to the next deadline. Perhaps you should allow someone else to drive the soccer team to and from games, or provide the snacks. Get moving Putting exercise in your schedule can make a world of difference. Exercise helps eliminate stress, clears the mind and keeps the body fit. Prioritize Assess what you are responsible for presently, and make a list. Evaluate and eliminate. Complete outstanding items that are most important or pressing, and delegate less important tasks to others as appropriate. Get support A healthy, happy life includes people we enjoy being around; those that bring joy and positive support to our lives. Identify the people that make up your support system. Others are in our lives to help us, co-workers, family, friends, clergy and counselors. Let go Learn to let go of things you cannot control. You cannot save the world. Let go of any guilt you may feel about not being able to do it all.

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By Debra Bacon Theravive.com Contributor Relationships, hormones and pressures Teenage years are challenging for the teen and parents. Maintaining an open and communicative relationship with your teen is vital as they move through adolescence. Hormonal changes, mood swings and peer pressure are a part of the growth process, however, it is important to be aware of subtle, and overt signs that trouble may be on the horizon. While some unusual behavior is normal with teens, knowing your teen--how they generally react and interact with you--will help in identifying potential problems. Red Flags Following are signs to watch for that may indicate your teen is headed down the wrong path. Isolation: During adolescence, a teenager typically distances themselves a bit more than before from family. Yet, if your teen is avoiding your advances toward conversation and interaction, there may be a problem. If they spend more time away from home or alone, locked in their room, a red flag should go up. This can be an indication of drug use or depression. Sudden weight loss and/or appetite change: This behavior is indicative of peer and social pressures to look a certain way. An eating disorder, depression or drug use can be at the root of this conduct. Extreme mood swings: Mood swings are a common thing with teens. Therefore, it is a bit more difficult to discern what is problematic and what is normal. However, knowing your teens normal reactions will assist you follow up accordingly. This behavior could be a sign of social problems; hanging out with the wrong crowd. Meet your teen’s friends and their parents. Know who they are spending their time with and what values their parents hold dear. Declining grades or lack of interest in school/activities: Since teens have so much on their minds, at times, a lack of interest in school work could be chalked up as normal. However, if their grades are falling sharply, they are cutting classes and pulling out of activities once enjoyed, it is time to check-in. Get to know your teen’s teachers and find a way of communicating with them on a regular basis. Be involved in your adolescence education and school activities. Motivation issues: If your once spunky teen suddenly begins to seem more tired, and uninterested in hobbies and former friends, they could have a problem with substance abuse. They could be depressed or feeling isolated and alone. Talk with them, let them know you care. Be available to listen, love and offer advice, if needed. Get Involved If your teen is showing signs of unusual behavior, it is the parents’ responsibility to get to the bottom of what is going on. A child wants to know you are concerned and interested, even if they do not act like it. It may feel like to you that you are spying on them or invading their privacy when checking up on them. Press forward, as it could mean the difference between life and death.

By Debra Bacon Theravive.com Contributor Simple is better Family time and simpler lifestyles are winning out over consumerism these days. Considering the shaky economies around the globe, individuals and families are scaling back on their spending. With rising unemployment figures and uncertain futures, people are strategizing their escape from the prison of debt. By paying off debt, reducing discretionary spending and opting to save money, materialism is losing its grasp on society. Taking charge of your debt and deciding to scale back your lifestyle requires change. Change is rarely comfortable. Difficult decisions and sacrifices must be made to accomplish your goals. Taking charge Following are some tips to help you take charge of your life, finances and lifestyle. Determine what you want to change about your financial picture and lifestyle. For example, you may want to be debt free within five to seven years; you may have a desire to grow your own food, or become a stay-at-home mom or dad. Set reasonable goals and timeframes to reach your dream. Strive for specific milestones leading you to your overall goal. This allows you to see your success in smaller chunks, as you chip away at the whole. Assess your current financial picture. Determine how much overall debt you have and to whom it is owed. Calculate your monthly income, and compare the differences of inflow versus outflow. Set your first milestone as complete. Knowing the state of your affairs will relieve you of an amazing amount of stress. Realizing you are working to take charge of your circumstances is huge. Make a list of each creditor and the amount owed them. Define a plan that allows you to pay more toward the smallest balance first, until it is satisfied. Continue this pattern until they are all knocked out, or at least well on their way. Reward yourself in some way for your diligence as each milestone is reached. Perhaps you have not been out to dinner in months as a part of your effort to scale back; this may be a reward you agree is reasonable, for example. Stay focused on your plan and you will achieve your desired end. Living the life As you downsize you will find there are things you no longer have need of. It is important to determine whether you will sell these items or donate them to charity. Depending on your goal, a move may be in order. Transportation may change, and jobs/roles may shift, or be redefined. Yet as you scale back your lifestyle, you will enjoy more free time and experience a healthier life. Stress is responsible for many major health conditions and diseases. Often, we are unaware how much we are affected by stress as we struggle day-to-day to make ends meet. Moreover, social stress, such as the “keeping up with the Joneses” mentality can lead to a tremendous amount of peer pressure. This type of pressure can lead to depression, even death, if we perceive we have failed. So, start living the life, take charge of your life, as you begin your journey to scale back.