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Raising kids can be challenging for any parent at times, but being a single parent brings some unique challenges to the equation. In addition to the stress and heartache that a separation of any kind can cause, single parents are limited to a single income potential, and have less time to spend with their kids, as well as all the same responsibilities that come with a 2 parent household. Add to that the social stigma that often surrounds the single parent and you have an emotional burden that can be overwhelming. Not Alone Single parents are no longer the minority in our world. The U.S. Census Bureau table, “America’s Families and Living Arrangements for 2012,” reports that 26% of children are raised in single parent homes. If you look at the same statistics over the last several years, it is clear that the trend is on the way up. Single parents are not alone, but for the individual living a life of stress every day with no break, it can feel that there is no support. Juggling a job, children, schools, household chores, the finances, and all the things that go along with all those, without the help of a partner every day can be more than just a hectic life. Single Parent Struggles Research has shown that single mothers are more likely to suffer from poor mental health than partnered mothers, and the factors that most greatly affect single mother mental health are financial hardship, and a perceived lack of support.[1] In the study, 45% of single mothers experienced depression, anxiety, or substance use disorder in the previous year, compared to 23.6% of partnered mothers. In the study, all the factors believed to contribute to the mental health concerns were examined such as financial hardship, unemployment, lack of social support, the responsibility of caring for children, consequences of a family break-up, trauma such as abuse, childhood adversity, and socio-economic disadvantage. Of the factors studied, financial hardship, social support, household income, and socio-demographics accounted for 94% of the association between single mothers and poor mental health.[2] Did you get that; making ends meet and support are the most important factors for the mental wellness of single parents. I would bet all the single parents out there can concur. It makes sense, right? It is not just single mothers; there is an increasing amount of single fathers each year. Single fathers in 2012 consisted of 16% of all single parents, 9% were raising 3 or more children under the age of 18, and of those, 42% had a family income of $50,000 or more annually.[3] That means that 58% made less than $50,000 per year. One of the most important factors in being emotionally healthy is the ability to provide for your family. Single parents have a harder time with this in many cases. Some parents must work two jobs to make ends meet, which not only takes time from their family, but can wear on the physical health as well. The parent has to choose between wearing themselves out to provide, and being there for their family. Food, a basic need, can be a source of stress for anyone who is not earning enough to support their family. The prevalence of mental health illness among Canadian adults with poor food quality was 24%, and 25% for those who did not have enough food, with an even higher rate for single parents.[4] Single parents also have to deal with the stigma of being a single parent, while worrying about their children’s’ well-being. Many studies over the years have correlated single parenting with an increase in children’s mental disabilities, as well as unruly kids. Recent research suggests that single parent families are no indicator of a child’s future well-being, but family climate and well-being is significantly related.[5] So the quality of mom or dad being there is very important to the child’s well-being. This means that parents need to take care of themselves in order to provide the emotional support their kids need. Aside from depression and anxiety, lone parents have an increased prevalence of suicidal thoughts.[6] All of these factors emphasis the need for single parents to place themselves in an environment of support. Therapy is a valuable tool for many single parents, and their children. The Therapist is Not the Missing Parent One of the challenges of seeing a therapist for single parents is that the family looks to the therapist to take a position that would represent the missing parent.[7] Often times the members of the family look to the therapist to take on a position of authority, or experience to resolve their problems. For instance, if a single mother is hoping to gain respect, or discipline from the children, she may hope for the therapist to take a disciplinary role with the children. It is not the place of the therapist to think of the mother as a victim, or label the other members of the family. The environment of therapy is non-judgmental. The therapist will be able to reconnect the family with its own resources and a social support system. While being a single parent may be the most difficult thing you will ever do, it is not hopeless. There are resources to help you, and therapy can give you insight into some of those resources. If you would like to read more about divorce, check out this link. https://www.theravive.com/services/divorce-help.htm [1] Crosier, T., Butterworth, P., & Rodgers, B. (2007). Mental health problems among single and partnered mothers. Social Psychiatry and Psychiatric Epidemiology, 42(1), 6-13. doi:http://dx.doi.org/10.1007/s00127-006-0125-4 [2] Ibid. [3] One-parent Unmarried Family Groups With Own Children Under 18, By Marital Status Of The Reference Person: 2012 (FG6). (2012). Retrieved from U.S. Census Bureau website: http://www.census.gov/hhes/families/data/cps2012.html [4] Mental health; findings from university of british columbia update understanding of mental health. (2013). Food Weekly News, , 167. Retrieved from http://search.proquest.com/docview/1356048090?accountid=3358 [5] Phillips, T. (2012). The Influence of Family Structure Vs. Family Climate on Adolescent Well-Being. Child & Adolescent Social Work Journal, 29(2), 103-110. doi:10.1007/s10560-012-0254-4 [6] Psychiatry; study findings on psychiatry are outlined in reports from science institute. (2013). Mental Health Weekly Digest, , 101. Retrieved from http://search.proquest.com/docview/1415811419?accountid=3358 [7] Rober, P. (2010). The Single-Parent Family and the Family Therapist: About Invitations and Positioning. Australian & New Zealand Journal Of Family Therapy, 31(3), 221-231.

By Debra Bacon Theravive.com Contributor When a breakup occurs, picking up the pieces of our life can be a daunting task. It may seem impossible to imagine feeling “normal” again. The pain associated with a breakup can leave us feeling overwhelmed, confused, lonely and sad. No matter the cause of the breakup, it disrupts your life in ways that are unsettling. However, there are ways to grow and learn from the experience, as you process the loss. Overcoming loss A breakup--whether a long-term dating relationship, or divorce--wreaks havoc on your emotions. The void left in your life after calling it quits is not easy to fill. It is very important to take care of yourself during this time. After a relationship fails, feelings of intense grief, stress and regret over lost dreams and shared goals set in. Things are unfamiliar, and other relationships are affected. How to handle relationships with mutual friends and extended family members of whom you have become close too can be difficult and stressful to determine. You may even question you own identity. Depending on the length of time together, more often than not, you shared everything from activities, to dining and hanging out. You may begin to stress over questions like: How will you fill your time? What will it be like to be alone? Will you ever find someone else, or even want to? Don’t go it alone. Reach out to your family and close friends for support or join a support group. Bottling up your feelings will only heighten stress levels. Don’t be afraid to seek professional counseling. Allow feelings. The idea of allowing ourselves to feel the hurt in our heart and mind is almost unbearable. However, it is a necessary step in grieving. You may experience feeling of anger, resentment, sadness, relief, fear, and confusion. Recognize these feelings and realize where and why they are present. Work through it. Keep a journal. Writing down your feelings helps hash things out in your mind. Often it provides an outlet for frustration, or a place to record our future hopes and milestones. Be honest with yourself in your journa l. Don’t allow guilt to overcome you on the days you feel fine or you feel a renewed spirit within you. Relish them, there are more to come as healing progresses. Take things slowly. Give yourself a break. It is okay to feel differently than before. Rediscover your passions in life and slowly begin to venture out and act on them. Remember to take things one step at a time, one day at a time. Healing takes time, be kind to yourself, and remember you will move past the hurt. You can make it. Lessons learned From every crisis, an open door is before us, and a closed one behind. Take this time in between the two, to grow emotionally and spiritually. There will come a time when you will reflect on things you have learned from the experience. To completely reconcile yourself from the breakup and move on, it is important to understand what happened and what role each of you played in the relationship, and ultimate breakup. As you begin to heal and apply lessons learned from your decisions, you are likely not to make the same mistakes again.

By Debra Bacon Theravive.com Contributor Before “I do” Marriage is a big step; a leap of faith, a commitment. Faith for your future; that it will be bright, prosperous and secure. You are committing to stand together through thick and thin, health and wealth, sickness and poverty. Moreover, you are committing to each other for life, as partners, forsaking all others. That is why premarital counseling is vital.Life is full of problems and unexpected ends. We may think we are prepared to take on all it offers--together--yet we are individuals. Knowing one another very well is not enough. Until living together in matrimony, it is impossible to see all aspects of each individual’s response to life’s situations. Traversing the terrain of life together is much like that of a team who climbs mountains together. The ropes that bind them together are essential in keeping them alive. It takes practice, teaching and patience to learn how to attempt the unknown together. Premarital counseling Premarital counseling can help with identifying problem areas that might exist prior to marriage. In fact, some states require premarital counseling prior to marriage. Some of the issues addressed in counseling are: financial management and decisions parental issues expectations of each other employment roles and responsibilities religion and spirituality family involvement and activities hobbies and interests friends It is important to ensure you each have realistic expectations of one another. To think that things will magically fall in place is unrealistic. Addressing these and other significant issues can get your marriage off on a more stable footing. He said she said Resolving conflicts in a marriage requires certain skills, and is another reason for premarital counseling. “Fair fighting” is imperative in a marriage, and seeking counsel prior to marriage, will prove beneficial in these areas. Counselors will offer various coping and negotiation skills necessary to ensure successful conflict resolution within your marriage. The Counselor Premarital counseling is generally facilitated by trained family therapists, and often, clergy. The counselor will assist you as a couple to identify potential or existing problem areas. This is accomplished as you discuss with your counselor, the more common issues of a marriage, as mentioned earlier. Sitting down with a counselor and having these discussions prior to marriage, will help bring clarity and definition to your relationship. Premarital counseling offers invaluable tools that will assist you protect one of the most important blessings of your life. We go to great lengths to protect our worldly goods and things important to us. Your marriage should be protected in the same way. Who should go Couples who have never been married or involved in a long-term partnership should attend premarital counseling. Furthermore, anyone who has been married before, having it end in divorce, should also attend counseling prior to remarriage. People with children should seek counseling before saying I do, as it can be difficult blending families. Successfully blending a family takes skill and effort, as well as, a lot of love and patience. Premarital counseling can help you navigate these tricky waters.