Theravive Home

ByTanya Glover Theravive.com Contributor Once upon a time, Bipolar Disorder was only a mental illness recognized in adults. Over the past few years however, this disorder has become something that has been recognized in children. Many feel that this is just the new buzz diagnosis from the medical community, but I have personally seen cases of bipolar disorder in children. Maybe more kids are diagnosed with this serious disorder then should be, but regardless of that, it is a real disorder that does touch the lives of children. What is Bipolar Disorder? Once known as manic depression, bipolar disorder is a mental illness that causes your mood and energy to shift in dramatic ways. There are severe ups and downs in the mood of a person suffering from bipolar disorder. This is difficult for adults to deal with even though they have an understanding of what is going on, but for children, it can be very scary. Most children are not capable of understanding such an illness and it can make them abnormal and distanced from others their age. Typically, this illness develops during the late teenage years or during the early adult years, but it is now becoming clearer that signs and symptoms are beginning to show during early childhood. What are the Symptoms? People with bipolar disorder have intense mood swings. They can be overjoyed and completely blissful or they can be dangerously angry or deeply depressed. It has been found that children with bipolar disorder tend to experience odd sleep patterns, changes in energy levels and change is amounts of activity compared to how they usually behave and engage. Other signs and symptoms include: ØThe child experiencing an overly hyper or silly mood that is not typical ØShort temperedness ØRacing thoughts ØInability to concentrate ØPartaking in risky behavior that goes beyond typical childhood mischief. ØStaying in a sad mood ØHaving little interest in things that used to be enjoyable ØNoticeable changes in eating ØThoughts of death or talking about death ØSevere behavior problems beyond what is normal for the child You may look at this list and worry that your child may suffer from bipolar disorder but rest assured, most children have at least a few of these symptoms. They may be going through a stage that will soon pass. The important thing when looking at a list of signs and symptoms is to remember that your child is not bipolar simply because he his one or two symptoms. Many other things are taken into consideration before a diagnosis this serious is given. How is Diagnosis Made in Children? While there are no medical tests that can give a proper diagnosis for bipolar disorder, things such as blood tests and brain scans may be used. This is not to determine if your child is bipolar but to rule out any other medical possibility. When it comes right down to it, the only real way to be diagnosed is through careful questioning and observation. Questions about your child’s habits such as sleep patterns, eating habits, and mood changes will be covered as well as family history. If someone else in your family has bipolar disorder than your child is at more of a risk of getting it as well. The final diagnosis is made from the guidelines found in the DSM or Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. The DSM has defined four specific types of bipolar disorder: ØBipolar 1 Disorder ØBipolar 2 Disorder ØBipolar Disorder Not Otherwise Specified ØCyclothymic Disorder Your child’s health care professional will do a case study and determine which type of bipolar disorder your child has, if any. Differences for Children vs. Adults While the symptoms tend to be the same, studies have shown that when a child is found to have bipolar disorder, the symptoms come on in a much more severe way. Adults with bipolar disorder can get the illness under control more easily. This is not so for children. It appears that children who are bipolar tend to have more frequent mood shifts that are more severe in nature. They also are sick more often than other children. Suicidal thoughts are also very common in bipolar children. These signs must be taken very seriously. Having an illness like this can be very confusing for a child and therefore harder to cope with. Treating the Bipolar Child While there is not a cure for bipolar disorder, there are ways to treat it in both adults and children. The main treatments are therapy and medication. Many times it is beneficial to use both of these to get the most out of the treatment. While medication can be a good thing for the bipolar child, doctors are still in the early stages of treating children with this disorder and only have adult studies to go on. Studies have been started on this topic though since the diagnosis is becoming more common. This is an important point to remember because the way children respond and react to psychiatric drugs can be very different than how adults respond and react. Some doctors are beginning to use adult medications in an experimental capacity on children with bipolar disorder. Currently, there are only three drugs approved by the FDA to treat bipolar children: ØLithium ØRisperidone (Risperdal) ØAripiprazone (Abilify) Also commonly used are mood stabilizers and antidepressants. Be sure to know all the side effects of these types of medications before your children begin taking them. Watch closely and report any adverse reactions to the prescribing physician. Therapy for Bipolar Children In addition to medication, therapy can be very useful in helping your child to work within his or her capacity to deal with their disorder. An especially useful tool is cognitive behavioral therapy. With this type of treatment your child can learn how to change any harmful patterns of thoughts and behaviors. In some cases, family therapy may be needed as having a bipolar child can take its emotional toll on the family unit as a whole. Having a child with bipolar disorder can be a major challenge for you and for them. They are scared and you are their protectors. It can be hard to stay strong for them and you do not have to do it alone. If you find yourself needing more support take to the web and find a parental support group where you can find other parents who have children with bipolar disorder. This can be very cathartic and if you are feeling stronger then you can pass some of that strength onto your child.

By Tanya Glover Theravive.com Contributor Having claustrophobia can cause many problems in one’s life depending on the severity of the phobia. There are ways to cope with this condition though and that is what I would like to talk about today. What is Claustrophobia? Claustrophobia is considered to be a phobia but can also be classified as an anxiety disorder. This is because someone who suffers from claustrophobia can be easily pushed into anxiety attacks due to the original phobia. Claustrophobia is a fear of being in enclosed spaces. When most people think of this as being in a small space like a closet it is much more far reaching than that. There are many situations that can make one feel claustrophobic. ØFlying ØDriving or riding in a vehicle ØElevators ØLarge Crowds ØMedical Imaging Tests What is surprising to most people is that someone can become claustrophobic in a large room. Yes, it is a large room but if it is jammed with people then the claustrophobic can begin to feel closed in and this is when anxiety sets in. Many people who have this phobia cannot even comfortably shop in a crowded store. Being in cars for extended periods (or short periods depending on the severity of the fear) can be horrible as well. Personally, the worst for me is when I have to take an MRI; being put in a machine that feels like a coffin puts me over the edge. Everyday things that we take for granted can be nightmarish for a claustrophobic. What Causes Claustrophobia? While there is no one thing that can be blamed in all who have this phobia, the trend seems to be that a past experience in the claustrophobics life may be the root of the present phobia. These past experiences can be conscious or unconscious. If you can pinpoint the cause it can be very helpful in coping with it. For me it was when I was 5 years old. I woke up from a nightmare and jumped out of bed to run to my parent’s room. However, I was still in a daze and the room was pitch black so I was not really aware of my surroundings. I opened the bedroom door and when I tried to get into the hallway I could not. Something was blocking me. I pushed and pushed but it was like a wall was keeping me locked in my room. When I stared to scream my mother woke up and found me in my closet! In my dreamlike state I opened the wrong door and of course was blocked in by a wall! Ever since that night I have suffered from claustrophobia. There are many ways to treat this phobia. ØTherapy ØDrugs ØRelaxation Techniques ØSelf-help Programs Therapy is perhaps the most effective method of treatment for the most severe cases. The most popular form of therapy used for claustrophobic clients is CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy). CBT aims at retraining the client’s brain and reframe their thinking. The hope here is that the fear will be gotten rid of for good. Another CBT technique deals with facing the fears head on and is done by slowly introducing the client to what they fear most until they are desensitized to it and no longer afraid. This has had varying success rates but is still the best hope of actually curing claustrophobia. There are medications available to treat this phobia as well. Usually they are medications specifically for generalized anxiety disorder but can be effective for claustrophobic anxiety as well. These drugs can help put to rest some of the underlying symptoms of the claustrophobia. Relaxation techniques such as meditation, deep breathing and chanting can also help your claustrophobia. These things may not rid you of the phobia but help to keep your anxiety levels manageable and even stave off a panic attack. Self-help programs are a blessing for those who feel like they need to do things in their own time and in their own way. There are many programs out there so do a Google search and find the one that is best for you! How to Avoid Claustrophobic Attacks While there will be times when it is unavoidable, there are some things you can do to bypass a phobic attack. If at all possible, stay close to outside doors. If you are in a crowded room then locate the exits and stay close by to help keep your anxiety levels down. When riding in a car and the weather is nice, roll down the window so you can feel the air. This will make it to where you do not feel so closed in. Deep breathing while in elevators can be helpful as well. Airplanes are quite a different story as there really is no place to go. This is when medications would come in handy. In no way am I advocating drug use to control all aspects of your condition but in some situations it may be unavoidable. Make sure before you take any type of medication that you speak with your doctor first and that the medication is prescribed specifically to you. Taking medications that are not yours can be dangerous and may even worsen your condition. Help is Out There Whatever the cause or triggers of your claustrophobia are, you do not have to suffer in silence. There is help for you. Feel free to try any of the above suggestions and be sure to talk with your doctor about any other treatments that may be helpful for you.

By Tanya Glover Coping With Your OCD As someone who suffers from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder I understand how frustrating it can be to deal with. Each night I lie down in my bed and get comfortable and I am not there for one minute before I wonder if I have turned off the oven or if all the doors are locked. I obsess over small things like if my cat’s water bowl is full or if the closet light is turned off. This is what OCD is all about and over the years I have found ways to cope with this condition that I would like to share in hopes of others being able to benefit from my experience. What is OCD? OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder) is a type of anxiety disorder. While there are some people who would call themselves neat freaks, that does not mean that they have OCD. This disorder is basically an obsession (fear of touching another person because you are afraid of getting germs) with a compulsion (constant hand washing due to fear of germs). The obsession is a thought issue while the compulsion is the routine done in order to calm your obsession. As I said above, for me it is checking. I check doors, lights, and ovens. I even have to triple check to make sure my four year old is sleeping in a position where his face is not buried in his pillow as I am obsessed with the thought of him suffocating. The symptoms can be different for everyone. Some people have obsessive thoughts about something they think may have happened. For example, a woman drives by a pedestrian and looks back to see if he made it across the street but he is already out of sight. She may turn around to make sure she did not hit him (irrational thought as if she hit someone she would have noticed). She finds that she did not hit anyone and continues on her way. However, the thought grips her again and she must turn around to make sure she really didn’t hit anyone. This could go on for hours for someone suffering from OCD. At What Stage in Life Does OCD Set In? Typically, if you have OCD it will be noticeable at a fairly young age. Rarely does an adult have a sudden onset of OCD symptoms when they were never there before. For me, I realized there was something wrong when I was only 10 years old. I was given the job of caring for a dog for someone in my apartment complex while she was away on vacation. I had to walk across the entire complex at night and walk the dog. Once I did my job and locked the door I could not stop going back and checking to make sure it was really locked. This went on for over an hour until my father came looking for me because I took so long. My parents never saw the signs and just figured I was an odd child. It was not until I was nearly 20 that I was diagnosed with OCD. For those of you with children, make sure that if you do see any peculiar behavior you take it seriously. It may be more than an oddity. Medical Treatments for OCD Once you are diagnosed with OCD your doctor or therapist may want you to try drug treatment. Typically, the first types of drugs that are tried are antidepressants. The reason for this is simple. One theory of why people develop OCD is that they have low levels of serotonin in their bodies. Antidepressants can help raise the levels of serotonin in your body and therefore take away some of the symptoms of OCD. For some people this type of drug treatment works. If you decide to give it a shot then be sure to give the meds a chance to work for you. It may take up to a week for you to notice a difference. If you do not think it is working, do not just stop taking the medication. Talk with your doctor first as all that may be needed is a dosage change. Also, there are some antidepressants that you do not want to quit cold turkey; you must be weaned off instead. My personal experience is with taking the drug Paxil. I took it for over a month and did not like the side effects so I spoke with my doctor and I was taken off the drug. My choice was to go it drug free but this is not the best decision for everyone with OCD so be sure to discuss the options with your doctor before making any decisions. How I Survive With OCD If I am to be honest, it is not always an easy task. There are some nights (night time is when mine kicks in hardcore) I just want to cry because I do not want to get up again to check everything in the house for the 10th time. However, I have actually learned to retrain my thinking in order to cut out some of the unwanted compulsions. · Make a check list of everything you need to do before bed or work; whenever your OCD affects you the most. Then go through the house and as you check everything, mark it off on your list. This may not stop the obsessive thoughts but it can help curb the compulsion to act on the obsession. · Share your condition with your family and friends. They can help put your mind at ease when a hard moment hits. It also helps to talk out loud about your condition because by admitting to it you are in a way freeing yourself. It will not stop your OCD but at least you know that your behaviors are unreasonable and irrational. · As difficult as it may be, if you feel the compulsion to check something do not do it! Repeat to yourself that this is your illness talking and you know for sure that the door is locked/the oven is off/the lights are out. That may not work well for some people and there are times it does not work for me either, but it is worth a shot. Therapy for OCD Therapy is a good place to start dealing with your OCD. This is especially true when using CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy). This type of therapy is aimed at changing the way you think and therefore changing the way you behave. A therapist can give you insight into your problem and come up with a plan to help you to better cope with it. In some instances, the best treatment is a mixture of therapy and medication. Each can help you to treat your symptoms in different ways and both together can be more effective depending on the degree of your OCD. If you feel that your life is out of control and your OCD effects everything in your life negatively, it may be beneficial for you to seek professional treatment. You Don’t Have to Suffer in Silence While this may be an embarrassing illness for you to admit, please know that you are not alone. Hundreds of thousands of people all across the world suffer from OCD. This is a very common anxiety disorder and by reaching out for help you are taking the first and most important step to overcoming this debilitating illness. Talk out loud about it. See a professional for help. Join a support group. (Many support groups can be found online.) Try the tips listed above as well. Just do what you must to take back control of your life and you may just see that there is a light at the end of the OCD tunnel.

By Tanya Glover Theravive.com Contributor Caring for Your Aging Parents When we are children it seems that are parents will be there to care for us forever. When we become adults and have children of our own it seems that Grandma and Grandpa will always be there. After all, parents are the ones who are supposed to take care of you right? But, then the day comes when the parents you once knew, strong, vital, and full of life, begin to fade. The reality is a hard one to face, but the time comes when you become the caregiver. The relationship switches places with you as the parent and them as the children. This has a profound effect on the dynamic of the relationship and there are many moments where you wonder if you can do it. It is painful and emotionally draining but there is help for children who are caregivers. You just have to look for it and ask for it. Help for the Helper I know from personal experience how taxing it is to care for an aging parent. If you are an only child it can be twice as hard. However, if you have siblings, you can ban together to provide the care your parent needs. For many families, nursing homes are not an option. Maybe it is an issue with money but with my family it is an issue with a promise. My husband and his siblings promised his mother that she would not be put in a nursing home no matter what happened. It has been a year since she has gotten sick. A year of having all of our lives turned upside down. A year of spending limited time with our families due to the schedule they all keep, taking turns caring for Mom. Even with four siblings it was too overwhelming so we turned to the state. Home health can be a wonderful thing, but because of the heavy changes made in the system due to government cuts, the hours the state will provide for home health care have been cut drastically. My mother-in-law who cannot be left alone for a moment and if total care only receives an hour and a half per day in state funded care and this is an absolute travesty. Knowing that we all work and that she needed 24 hour care, we looked outside the state help and hired people to come in to her home and care for her during the rest of our working hours. This has been financially hard, as I am sure it would be for many people, but this is certainly a viable option for someone who must provide care for their aging parent. If you must do this there are a few options that you can pursue. First, look to the home health agencies. Many certified nurses aides are happy to have some extra outside work to do as because of the state changes they have lost hours and income. You can find caring and dedicated aids this way. Another avenue to take is advertising. Craigslist is the perfect place to put an ad announcing that you are interested in hiring an aide to help care for your parent. You can take applications and do interviews, finding the best match for your parent as well as you. If you do not require full time care but need some respite days, you can go to your local social service office and see what they can do for you. Many times there are programs that help with assistance in providing a few hours here and there so you, the caregiver, can take care of yourself. If this does not work for you then you may go to your place of worship and ask for help. Many times, a church family can be just as kind and caring as a biological family and there may be someone there that would not mind helping out here and there. Asking for help may be the only way to keep your sanity in this hard time and if you ask, so shall you receive. Caregiver Burn-Out After pouring so much time and energy into caring for your aging parent it you can start to feel completely burnt out. Once upon a time, going to sit with your parent was a pleasure and recreational activity but now that things have changed it can seem more like an unpleasant chore. No matter how much you feel obligated to care for your parent, it cannot be done at the expense of your own mental or physical health. In addition to asking for outside help, it is important to get emotional support for yourself. Talk to your family about what you are going though. Confide your feelings to your spouse. Just talking about things can be a very cathartic experience and make the load feel just a little lighter. If you cannot take care of your own emotions then you will not be able to care for anyone else either. Talking to a counselor may also be beneficial for you. Sometimes the thoughts and feelings you are having may be hard to share with family. You may be feeling angry or frustrated that you have this burden. You may be hoping that it will be over soon and if so that would mean the parents death. These thoughts and feelings, while natural, can be hard to share with family. You may feel guilty about having these feelings and are scared to share them with family because you fear that they will judge you harshly. When talking to a counselor you do not have to fear these things. They are there to help you cope and not to judge. Expressing yourself to an unbiased third party can be very helpful and give you strength to forge ahead. A counselor can also offer helpful ideas on how to better help family cope as well. Always remember that being a caregiver, to a parent or anyone else, require the special care for yourself as well. Being at your best is in your best interest as well at the person you are caring for. The Feelings of the Aging Parent While the caregiver is at the heart of this article, it is also important to remember that the aging parent is going though many emotional and physical changes as well. Needing to have your children take care of you can be a difficult experience. As the parent, they are used to being your caregiver. Having the roles reversed can feel embarrassing and shameful for them. Having your children see you exposed physically is something most parents never imagined happening and it is hard for them to accept that it must be done. Remember this when you are providing care. If you must bath your parent, give as much privacy as possible. Cover the areas you are not washing or cleaning with a towel or blanket. Talk to them while you are providing care. This can make the mood lighter, more natural and less uncomfortable for both parent and child. Keep in mind that as much as you would rather not see your parent in this way, your parent likes it even less. When the Aging Parent has Dementia/Alzheimer’s An aging parent may not only need care due to physical ailments. Mental issues may also come into play. This can be much harder on the caregiver and presents a whole different set of emotional issues. Having worked in lock down units in nursing homes with patients with these types of problems I can say without a doubt that it is much harder on the family then the patient when these illnesses are present. At the later stages of dementia and Alzheimer’s the patient in is ignorant bliss for the majority of the time. The family must deal with the fact that their parent does not know who they are or have any recollection of their past. The emotional implications of this part of the disease(s) are staggering and the family suffers greatly. There are varying degrees of mental dysfunction with people with these illnesses. For my mother-in-law, there is part time coherence. When that is gone however, she says very hurtful things to her children and this has had a profound emotional effect on them. The thing to remember in these cases is that the parent does not mean what they are saying and they don’t know what they are saying. Though it does not make it much easier for the child it is important to remember this so the care they provide is not affected by the hurt being doled out. It can be very overwhelming but the thing I try to point out to my in-laws is that their mother does not mean what she is saying and if she knew what she was putting them through she would hate herself. She did not ask to be in this condition anymore then the family did. Keeping this in mind can help very much in getting through the day to day care of your aging parent with dementia or Alzheimer’s. When at Home Care is No Longer Possible The time may come when it is no longer possible to care for you parent at home. Maybe the parents physical health has declined to the point that they cannot get the things they need outside of a facility. Maybe the parent who has a mental disorder has become violent and the family and the parent are both put in danger. No matter why the choice must be made, it is a hard thing to do. No one wants to put their parent in a nursing home. As someone who has worked in nursing homes, I know that the quality of care is not what it should be and any fears that the family has about their parent not receiving the care they deserve are well founded. In my experience, the patients who receive the best care are the ones whose family visits often and pop up at different times of the day. Once the presence of the family is known the staff appears to pay closer attention to the patient then they would a patient whose family never visits. This is a sad reality but a reality none the less. So, if you must put your parent in a nursing home commit yourself to visiting often, calling often, and coming in when you are not expected to be there. This will ensure that your parent is getting the care that they deserve and require. You Can Only Do So Much While you may want to do it all for your aging parent, you can only do so much and can only offer what you have both emotionally and financially. If you do not feel as if you are able to do enough do not feel guilty. You are human too and cannot just stop living your own life and providing care for your own family. If you must put your parent in a nursing home there can be a great deal of guilt from that decision as well. While it is hard not to feel this way try to keep in mind that you have done the best that you can do for your parent and for yourself and your family. You can still provide care and should do so. Advocate for your aging parent and know that they love you for what you have done and would not want for you to feel guilt or pain.

By Debra Bacon Theravive.com Contributor When a breakup occurs, picking up the pieces of our life can be a daunting task. It may seem impossible to imagine feeling “normal” again. The pain associated with a breakup can leave us feeling overwhelmed, confused, lonely and sad. No matter the cause of the breakup, it disrupts your life in ways that are unsettling. However, there are ways to grow and learn from the experience, as you process the loss. Overcoming loss A breakup--whether a long-term dating relationship, or divorce--wreaks havoc on your emotions. The void left in your life after calling it quits is not easy to fill. It is very important to take care of yourself during this time. After a relationship fails, feelings of intense grief, stress and regret over lost dreams and shared goals set in. Things are unfamiliar, and other relationships are affected. How to handle relationships with mutual friends and extended family members of whom you have become close too can be difficult and stressful to determine. You may even question you own identity. Depending on the length of time together, more often than not, you shared everything from activities, to dining and hanging out. You may begin to stress over questions like: How will you fill your time? What will it be like to be alone? Will you ever find someone else, or even want to? Don’t go it alone. Reach out to your family and close friends for support or join a support group. Bottling up your feelings will only heighten stress levels. Don’t be afraid to seek professional counseling. Allow feelings. The idea of allowing ourselves to feel the hurt in our heart and mind is almost unbearable. However, it is a necessary step in grieving. You may experience feeling of anger, resentment, sadness, relief, fear, and confusion. Recognize these feelings and realize where and why they are present. Work through it. Keep a journal. Writing down your feelings helps hash things out in your mind. Often it provides an outlet for frustration, or a place to record our future hopes and milestones. Be honest with yourself in your journa l. Don’t allow guilt to overcome you on the days you feel fine or you feel a renewed spirit within you. Relish them, there are more to come as healing progresses. Take things slowly. Give yourself a break. It is okay to feel differently than before. Rediscover your passions in life and slowly begin to venture out and act on them. Remember to take things one step at a time, one day at a time. Healing takes time, be kind to yourself, and remember you will move past the hurt. You can make it. Lessons learned From every crisis, an open door is before us, and a closed one behind. Take this time in between the two, to grow emotionally and spiritually. There will come a time when you will reflect on things you have learned from the experience. To completely reconcile yourself from the breakup and move on, it is important to understand what happened and what role each of you played in the relationship, and ultimate breakup. As you begin to heal and apply lessons learned from your decisions, you are likely not to make the same mistakes again.

By Debra Bacon Theravive.com Contributor Missing out Many children are missing out on the joys of childhood, because pushy parents are trying to ensure their babes are in vogue with the most popular social cachet. Shocking statistics, revealed in a recent study, suggests that pushy parents “over timetable” their children. They have school, followed by extra-curricular activities and clubs. After spending 32.5 hours a week in school, add too that six hours of homework, seven more hours of parent to child teaching through play. Top it off with five hours a week reading together. Then, include as many as three activities a week, such as music, sports or other clubs. Totaling a whopping 53 hours a week pushy parents are “working” their kids; leaving them exhausted. It is hard to imagine that a large number of parents are inadvertently working their children into exhaustion. The push The insatiable appetite to have their child succeed drives pushy parents to make good choices turn bad. For the most part, parents want the best for their children, and believe that enrolling them in sports or other team activities will help them grow socially. The fear that grips parents concerning their children’s development, as related to them being on the same level as their peers, can be overwhelming. Instinct kicks in, to divide and conquer any possible threat standing in the path of success. Within the realm of competitiveness, of which we work and play in, it can appear that the best jobs, schools and opportunities go to the swiftest, brightest and most socially engaged. While in part true, if this mindset becomes a part of parents drive for their children, it can become dangerous. It no longer is about the child’s development, it is about success at any cost. Because of a near emotional breakdown--of a five-year-old--the study further revealed the parents removed their child from his extra-curricular activities. He was completely exhausted and worn down. Pushing our children to excel in activities we choose for them at an early age, is often more pressure than necessary to put upon them. Parents begin to teach their toddlers how to recite the alphabet, or count to ten, years before they enter pre-school. Others, go to the extremes of sabotaging their children’s nemesis--whether real or imagined to be so. Countless stories resonate through the airwaves of very harmful events, even death, caused by a pushy parent wanting their child to be on top. But the more realistic day-to-day reality is that parents are simply desirous to be as hands-on as they can with their children. However, taking inventory and admitting this can be difficult for a parent. Restore the joy Children will perform poorly when exhausted, and will ultimately excel at very little, or worse yet, nothing. The purpose by which started the push to excel then thwarted, by over scheduling your children. Exploration by natural curiosity brings about a great deal of knowledge and development, when children are allowed to play and be. Assess the time you are taking out of your child’s life with extra-curricular activities, and regroup if necessary.

By Debra Bacon Theravive.com Contributor Time becomes our taskmaster Living in a society where our time is invaded at every turn, whether from cell phones, faxes, computers, skype, IMs, text, or other signals crossing our sphere, burnout is a real concern. Burnout occurs when what you are doing, just doesn’t work for you anymore. Your once enthusiastic approach to a task now drains you, or feelings of apathy are more the norm, rather than hope and success. When juggling work, family and social lives, time can become our taskmaster instead of our friend. Finding balance in your life will liberate you, and allow you to overcome burnout. Signs of burnout Often, when burnout, people drive themselves harder to makeup for deficits emotionally, physical or otherwise. Denial that a problem exists is common; therefore, identifying signs of burnout is important to our emotional and physical health. Five signs of burnout: Irritability When a person feels out of control or unable to mange their life, work or family commitments as desired, they can become troubled. Often this is manifested in the form or irritation or aggravation. When burnout occurs, this state is more constant. You may lash out at co-workers or loved ones. Trouble sleeping Being stressed out and have multiple deadlines or unfinished business, can make it difficult to fall asleep or stay asleep. Sleep deprivation will cause you to perform poorly. Lack of energy As burnout creeps in, your energy level drops. A lack of caring or concern sets in, and productivity goes down the drain. Concentration issues Problems concentrating are common with burnout. When faced with overwhelming schedules and tasks, concentrating can be difficult. Emotional distress When someone is burnout, being overly emotional is common. For example, you may burst into tears over a seemingly minor incident. On the other hand, you can begin to isolate yourself, and show no emotion to varying circumstances. Either can lead to depression. Overcoming burnout Identifying burnout is only part of the solution. Overcoming burnout takes commitment and work on your part. Below are some practical solutions you can implement in your life to eliminate burnout, and enrich your life. Five steps to balance: Learn to say NO Over commitment is common, and a part of the reason people burnout. While it is important to please the boss, assess your current workload before saying yes to the next deadline. Perhaps you should allow someone else to drive the soccer team to and from games, or provide the snacks. Get moving Putting exercise in your schedule can make a world of difference. Exercise helps eliminate stress, clears the mind and keeps the body fit. Prioritize Assess what you are responsible for presently, and make a list. Evaluate and eliminate. Complete outstanding items that are most important or pressing, and delegate less important tasks to others as appropriate. Get support A healthy, happy life includes people we enjoy being around; those that bring joy and positive support to our lives. Identify the people that make up your support system. Others are in our lives to help us, co-workers, family, friends, clergy and counselors. Let go Learn to let go of things you cannot control. You cannot save the world. Let go of any guilt you may feel about not being able to do it all.

By Debra Bacon Theravive.com Contributor Relationships, hormones and pressures Teenage years are challenging for the teen and parents. Maintaining an open and communicative relationship with your teen is vital as they move through adolescence. Hormonal changes, mood swings and peer pressure are a part of the growth process, however, it is important to be aware of subtle, and overt signs that trouble may be on the horizon. While some unusual behavior is normal with teens, knowing your teen--how they generally react and interact with you--will help in identifying potential problems. Red Flags Following are signs to watch for that may indicate your teen is headed down the wrong path. Isolation: During adolescence, a teenager typically distances themselves a bit more than before from family. Yet, if your teen is avoiding your advances toward conversation and interaction, there may be a problem. If they spend more time away from home or alone, locked in their room, a red flag should go up. This can be an indication of drug use or depression. Sudden weight loss and/or appetite change: This behavior is indicative of peer and social pressures to look a certain way. An eating disorder, depression or drug use can be at the root of this conduct. Extreme mood swings: Mood swings are a common thing with teens. Therefore, it is a bit more difficult to discern what is problematic and what is normal. However, knowing your teens normal reactions will assist you follow up accordingly. This behavior could be a sign of social problems; hanging out with the wrong crowd. Meet your teen’s friends and their parents. Know who they are spending their time with and what values their parents hold dear. Declining grades or lack of interest in school/activities: Since teens have so much on their minds, at times, a lack of interest in school work could be chalked up as normal. However, if their grades are falling sharply, they are cutting classes and pulling out of activities once enjoyed, it is time to check-in. Get to know your teen’s teachers and find a way of communicating with them on a regular basis. Be involved in your adolescence education and school activities. Motivation issues: If your once spunky teen suddenly begins to seem more tired, and uninterested in hobbies and former friends, they could have a problem with substance abuse. They could be depressed or feeling isolated and alone. Talk with them, let them know you care. Be available to listen, love and offer advice, if needed. Get Involved If your teen is showing signs of unusual behavior, it is the parents’ responsibility to get to the bottom of what is going on. A child wants to know you are concerned and interested, even if they do not act like it. It may feel like to you that you are spying on them or invading their privacy when checking up on them. Press forward, as it could mean the difference between life and death.

By Debra Bacon Theravive.com Contributor Bullying: a new epidemic? Bullying is becoming an epidemic in our schools, cyberspace, parks and other areas where kids hang out. Its affect on children can be lasting, even following them into adulthood. It is vital to deal with bullying swiftly and lovingly. The times of a simple trip in the isle, just for the fun of it, between friends has passed. Today children are faced with far more intimidating tactics. Often, kids are attacked while others look on, without going for, or helping the victim. Children are often afraid to say anything to anyone for fear of retaliation. Know the signs Identifying the signs of bullying is a key element in protecting your child, and keeping them safe. Your child’s behavior will offer tell-tale signs bullying may be occurring. Following are a few things to watch for: Lack of appetite Decreased interest in school/social activities Few, if any close friends Trouble sleeping Stomach aches and other ailments Unexplained bruises, cuts or scrapes Missing or damaged personal items Anxiety Isolation How you can help If you notice you child manifesting any, or a number of these behaviors, it is time to talk--reach out with a kind, loving arm. Get as many details as you can about the bullying incidents. They may be reluctant to speak to you about the situation at first. Often this is because of misplaced blame or shame. It is important to reassure your child they are safe. Express how much you want to help them overcome this situation. They are likely not the only child being harassed by the bully. Talk with school officials, such as the counselor, principal or other significant policy makers about the danger your child is facing. Be persistent, and follow up. Ensure changes are made to eliminate the threat. Furthermore, depending on the type of abuse your child is being subject to, criminal charges may be in order. Talk to your child about how to handle the bullying. Encourage them to remain calm when confronted. Tell them to be firm when they speak to the aggressor. Offer suggestions of what they may say, such as: “Stop what you are doing right now.” Stress the importance of walking away. Never encourage aggression, or similar bad behavior. Encourage your child to make friends with people in his class. Children should walk in pairs or small non-threatening groups. Especially when going to the bathroom, lunch, playground and other potentially isolated areas. General rule of thumb Monitor your child’s activity. Such as, know who their friends are, and be involved as much as you can in their lives. Be careful of what you allow your children to watch on television and videos. Behavior breeds behavior, and violence can lead to violence. Computers are a way of life these days. As such, the newest form of bullying or threat can come from the internet. As much, if not more, as you would monitor what your children read and watch, the same should apply to the internet. Cyber bullying has lead to mental breakdowns, violent acts, sexual assaults, murder and suicide. Any type of bullying has this potential. If suppressed, an individual can move through life harboring a lot of resentment, guilt and shame. Knowing when to intervene and get professional help is paramount. It can eliminate or assist in treating more complicated mental conditions, such as anxiety disorders, resulting from bullying.

By Debra Bacon Theravive.com Contributor Simple is better Family time and simpler lifestyles are winning out over consumerism these days. Considering the shaky economies around the globe, individuals and families are scaling back on their spending. With rising unemployment figures and uncertain futures, people are strategizing their escape from the prison of debt. By paying off debt, reducing discretionary spending and opting to save money, materialism is losing its grasp on society. Taking charge of your debt and deciding to scale back your lifestyle requires change. Change is rarely comfortable. Difficult decisions and sacrifices must be made to accomplish your goals. Taking charge Following are some tips to help you take charge of your life, finances and lifestyle. Determine what you want to change about your financial picture and lifestyle. For example, you may want to be debt free within five to seven years; you may have a desire to grow your own food, or become a stay-at-home mom or dad. Set reasonable goals and timeframes to reach your dream. Strive for specific milestones leading you to your overall goal. This allows you to see your success in smaller chunks, as you chip away at the whole. Assess your current financial picture. Determine how much overall debt you have and to whom it is owed. Calculate your monthly income, and compare the differences of inflow versus outflow. Set your first milestone as complete. Knowing the state of your affairs will relieve you of an amazing amount of stress. Realizing you are working to take charge of your circumstances is huge. Make a list of each creditor and the amount owed them. Define a plan that allows you to pay more toward the smallest balance first, until it is satisfied. Continue this pattern until they are all knocked out, or at least well on their way. Reward yourself in some way for your diligence as each milestone is reached. Perhaps you have not been out to dinner in months as a part of your effort to scale back; this may be a reward you agree is reasonable, for example. Stay focused on your plan and you will achieve your desired end. Living the life As you downsize you will find there are things you no longer have need of. It is important to determine whether you will sell these items or donate them to charity. Depending on your goal, a move may be in order. Transportation may change, and jobs/roles may shift, or be redefined. Yet as you scale back your lifestyle, you will enjoy more free time and experience a healthier life. Stress is responsible for many major health conditions and diseases. Often, we are unaware how much we are affected by stress as we struggle day-to-day to make ends meet. Moreover, social stress, such as the “keeping up with the Joneses” mentality can lead to a tremendous amount of peer pressure. This type of pressure can lead to depression, even death, if we perceive we have failed. So, start living the life, take charge of your life, as you begin your journey to scale back.