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Work is crazy, the kids have so much to do, and you and your partner just had a big argument about the finances. Maybe you’re unemployed, the creditors are calling, and the bills are piling up. Perhaps you are the caretaker of a family member who is ill or disabled, and you never get a minute for yourself. More often than not, you dread the day ahead, and you feel like you’re heading for a nervous breakdown. You just don’t know how to get your life back on track, and you don’t know how much more you can take. [More]

Working out is a superb way to manage anxiety, depression, and anger. It is also a useful adjunct to manage addiction, PTSD (Post-traumatic Stress Disorder), and insomnia. It has been noted that mental health providers are slowly recognizing this, and are advised to include it as part of a treatment plan (Weir, 2011). The exact mechanism by which exercise improves mood is unclear- it may be partly due to increased catecholamines- the brain chemicals serotonin, dopamine, and norephinephrine- which can all elevate mood (Mayo Clinic, 2014). Release of beta-endorphins, the natural opiates produced by the brain are also a likely cause (Mental Health Foundation, 2013). [More]

Understanding and working with our emotions is the root of change and essential to everything we do. Working with our emotions goes beyond just asking, “what do you feel?” It’s about listening to our emotions, understanding what they are communicating to us and using that information to help us solve problems. The ability to tolerate and express emotion is not only connected to greater mental health, but to greater physical health as well. [More]

Your divorce is imminent. There is no turning back now. There is a new meaning to ‘normal’ for life as things are about to change for you and your kid(s). Through all the change, parenting must remain a priority. [More]

Emotionally focused therapy proposes that emotions themselves have an innately adaptive potential that, if activated, can help clients change problematic emotional states or unwanted self-experiences. Emotions themselves do not inhibit the therapeutic process, but people’s perception is seen as the challenge that creates stuck-ness. [More]

Over the years I have had many patients who knowingly or unknowingly come to my office with the issue of child sexual abuse. One out of every three women and one out of every six men have been abused as a child in our society. [More]

Breast cancer can touch anyone. Here is a story of love and courage in the face of this struggle. [More]

Elizabeth’s Story I have known Elizabeth for a number of years. Outwardly she gives the impression of being a very quiet, gentle and passive woman. I had never heard her disagree with anyone. She is generous, fair minded and loving towards everyone. She approached me a while back as she was receiving disturbing dreams and felt that her whole life was being shaken. She was experiencing a high degree of anxiety and depression. Her relationship with her husband was unfulfilling and her job as a nurse was not any better. All around she was in a desperate state. Her mother lived with her and that relationship was also confining. Physically her anxiety and stress manifested itself as a systemic yeast infection. She was extremely tired and had little energy and was fearful about what her dreams presented. I learned that Elizabeth’s background included an alcoholic father who had physically abused both her and her mother. She was an only daughter and a woman who never really became separated emotionally from her mother. Elizabeth never remembered disagreeing with her mother: she was a quiet, submissive child who grew into a quiet submissive woman. There were two qualities which I deeply admired in her. Above and beyond all her pain, she was willing to commit herself to a long and arduous task of self discovery. It was her courage and determination to walk this narrow path and to become a better person which influenced my decision to become her companion along her journey. In the beginning she had many dreams of her childhood. It was as if she had to go back and relive her youth for the purpose of healing. She was invited to enter into her dreams and unlock whatever pain lived there. No moving forward could happen until she accomplished this process. Our memories carry the burdens of the past which weigh heavily on the present. That is why it is so important to go back and discover the root of one’s pain. No real progress can be made unless past issues and conflicts are resolved. A purgation of the ego and persona and a stripping of its’ attachments are prerequisites for any movement towards the center of one’s true self. Old attitudes must be released and purified in order to clear the way for the journey inward and the discovery of one’s true self. Self-knowledge requires this intense confrontation with the darkness within. The passage from the unknown to enlightenment demands discipline and great courage. As Elizabeth moved through the dreams of her childhood, much sadness was released through our work together. Active imagination and focusing with her body’s response to pain was part of the process of her healing. Experiencing the state of the child within was a powerful vehicle for the release of her suffering. Then one day she came to me with the following dream: “My husband is raping me and I feel much oppression. In another room I hear a baby cry and I go to find it because it needs to be fed.” We worked with the images from the dream. Elizabeth re-entered the dream and I asked her to be with and experience the feelings of oppressiveness and fear. After a while I asked her to remember times in her life when she felt very sure of herself; when she felt she was in control of her life and when she felt loved. With these positive feelings she replayed the dream, only this time she went to her husband and told him all that was in her heart. He started to cry and she realized he too was in pain. Then she focused on the baby and went to the room where the baby was crying. She picked her up and comforted her reassuring the baby that she would not abandon her again. She placed the baby in a special place in her home. This represented for her a deep part of herself: an inner child which she had neglected, some innate potential which was associated with her power as a developing woman. In the dream, the baby was crying. In order for the baby to stop crying or in order for her to stop hurting, the baby had to be fed. In other words, Elizabeth had to take care of her own needs and she had to feed that which cried out from the depths of her spirit: her Self. She decided she would focus on trying to bring peace and order within herself rather than attempting to focus on her relationships around her. Peace begins within and Elizabeth agreed that if she would arrive at some ego strength and inner harmony, this would have an effect on her outer life. A few weeks later she came to me with the following dream: “ I am in a room; there are horses there and suddenly a woman enters the room. She has a gun and is pointing it at me. I am petrified.” A horse is a powerful symbol of one’s life energy. The woman who is threatening Elizabeth with a symbol of power “the gun” is a part of her Shadow. When one attempts to integrate inner forces there is always resistance, for in a sense the forces must give up their power to the developing personality. In active imagination, I guided Elizabeth to the woman and asked her to befriend her. Elizabeth told her she needed her and her power to help her gain control of her life. After some time the woman, whom Elizabeth named Mira “after her own middle name” agreed to help. Then Mira helped Elizabeth ride one of the horses and although awkward she felt very good. Then she had the following dream which frightened her to the point of tears: “A dark, ugly, half human thing is in the corner of my room. I am so repulsed by this creature yet I realize it must be cared for. I place it in my bed and try to comfort it yet I can barely look at it as it is so horrible.” Finally, that which was buried within the depths of her psyche was released into the light. Although she felt that she had slipped backwards, I knew this dream was a giant breakthrough for her healing. During the time we were working together she compared her life to a tunnel like place which was dark and constricting. It was as if Elizabeth was in a place of nowhere and she could no longer depend on the past securities yet she could not imagine a vision of where she was going. This in between place is compared to a birth canal; Elizabeth was in a time of waiting, a time of transition and a time of the unknown. Now she had met her darkness, her shadow side which repulsed her. This half human creature symbolized all that she had formally denied. It comprised the feminine power of Mira, the anger at being put down by others whom which she had never made contact with and the underlying potential need for her developing personality. However ugly, Elizabeth realized it needed her to care for it and so she gave it a place of rest in her bed. She attempted to welcome it as part of her and in this act was the essence of transformation. Just as the princess who kisses the repulsive frog in the “The Frog Prince” gave life to a part of herself, so too Elizabeth gave life to herself in the integration of her Shadow. As she stepped back into the dream, I asked her to move towards her creature. With great courage she looked into the monster and her fear changed as Elizabeth felt the creature was no longer threatening. It was full of sadness. She went to it – her – and embraced her and named her Mary. She promised she would never leave her again and never reject her own self. The sadness thus represented that part of her true self that had been denied, raped or rejected by Elizabeth. Elizabeth realized that the violent figures she had dreamed of, such as the rapist, were part of her and she accepted the idea that she violated her own being in subtle ways as the dreams had shown. By embracing those aspects of herself, she began to integrate them slowly: a process which is part of a life long journey. “A man has many skins in himself, covering the depths of his heart. Man knows so many other things; he does not know himself. Why, thirty or forty skins or hides, like an ox’s or a bear’s, so thick and hard, cover the soul. Go into your own ground and learn to know yourself.” – Meister Eckhart

In a matter of minutes, an entire community can be devastated by forces they cannot control. Whether it is natural or manmade, disasters are traumatic, and nearly everyone who experiences this kind of stress will need help coping with what they have experienced. Traumatic Stress Different types of natural disasters present different stress varying by how close the person is to the event. In some cases people will have trauma from loss, while others may feel guilt because they survived. Females tend to be more susceptible to trauma, but children and the elderly are the most susceptible to serious trauma. In all causes, the experience is an unexpected perceived brush with death. Hurricanes- While hurricanes come with some warning, they also present stress in the wait to see if or where it will strike. This gives some preparation time, and time to gather things that are important, but extreme weather conditions such as thunder, lightning, rain and wind trigger panic reactions. People are left exhausted, and may suffer survivor guilt, and loss, in addition to injury. Earthquake- Earthquakes are unpredictable, and do not have a defined end due to aftershocks. Lack of control combined with the fear of another quake can cause a person to have a heightened sense of fear. Sights and smells keep the person in a constant reminder state. Tornado- Tornadoes give little to no time to prepare. For those who take refuge, not knowing what is happening, while hearing the sounds of destruction around them with no control over their situation is terrifying. Confusion is common. Destruction, sights and smells linger long after. In addition to loss, survivors may feel survivor guilt. Flood- With floods come desolation of land. A sense that the earth is one thing that is stable is lost. Smell of wet, cold, mud and seeing the devastation of landscapes as well as infrastructure leaves an unstable feeling. Floods do not recede quickly, and cleanup may take a long time, creating exhaustion. Wildfires- While fires often come with some warning, wind can change the course, and so many are unsure during the wait. Fire does not just ruin things, or remove them, it consumes them. Entire neighborhoods and communities can turn to ash, leaving people misplaced and vulnerable. [1] Violence- Manmade disasters are unexpected, unfamiliar, and uncontrollable. For those who experience violence at the hands of another human being, trust in others can be lost, leaving them feeling unsafe, vulnerable, and often times, angry with a feeling that it should have been prevented. People may experience nightmares, and be reminded of their grief by seeing upsetting images, and experience upsetting thoughts for some time. Consequences of Traumatic Stress It is important for those who have experienced traumatic stress to understand that some of the feelings they experience are normal, and expected. The time it takes to see resilience will vary with the individual. Some common responses to traumatic stress may include: Uncertainty- Mental and physical exhaustion, shock, disbelief, fear, helplessness, feeling a lack of control, loss of property, loved one, mementos, and income may result in feeling lost or numb. Pre-existing stresses resurface, or seem larger. Anniversaries of traumatic events may trigger the same feelings. Anger at God or others that the survivor may feel were responsible may also cause guilt. Physical- Responses such as headaches, nausea, chest pain, and sleeplessness are common. Relationship changes- Relations become tense, routines disrupted, and fear in losing loved ones may cause clinging in children, and tension in adults. Children may not fully understand what happened, and are put in a more responsible role. With their parents upset, children may feel they are still not safe. Children may feel lack of attention due to attention being placed on clean-up/repair. Parents may feel protective of their children and how they are processing the event. Teens may revert to younger behavior. Older people, who may suffer from previous health concerns, or have trouble hearing or seeing, may feel incompetent or a burden to the situation. Work- Increased stress and disruptions in routines results in fatigue, inattention, conflict with others, reduced time available, reduced wages. Financial- Destruction will change the standard of living. Unpaid bills may cause frustration and seeking financial assistance can add more stress. The financial burden for someone who was financially secure prior to the event will be less than for someone who was already burdened prior to the event. First responders- While working long hours under intense stress over time, first responders witness human harm, and destruction. They may have their own injuries, depression, and PTSD. [2] Resilience factors Social support- Those who have communication and a culture of understanding tend to move more quickly toward emotional resilience. Coping confidence- Sometimes knowing you will be ok, and that you can do it makes it easier to cope. Hope- Looking at a positive future, and being able to see better things to come can make an impact on how the future will be for the survivor, and how quickly they feel better. Therapy focuses on the resilience factors for those who feel overwhelmed by traumatic stress. ________________________________________________________________ [1] Lazarus, P. J., & Jimerson, S. R., Brock, S. E. (2002). Natural Disasters. In S. E. Brock, P. J. Lazarus, & S. R. Jimerson (Eds.), Best Practices in School Crisis Prevention and Intervention (pp. 435-450), Bethesda, MD: National Association of School Psychologists and other crisis information posted on the NASP website at www.nasponline.org. [2] "Coping With a Traumatic Event." Emergency Preparedness and Response. CDC, 12 June 2003. Web. 06 July 2013

The origins of Thanksgiving have nothing to do with a bunch of Indians and pilgrims sitting down for a bountiful feast of turkey. In reality although the settlers with pale faces had been bothering the Indians in addition to giving them many new diseases they had never had were starving by this time. The Indians took pity on them and brought them some corn and fish. Thanksgiving has a lot of emotional disappointment and this article will show you how to deal with this. This is a period of time in which you are expected to give to others and be generous. Although the intention is good it often leads to self sacrifice and disappointment. This is a period of time in which you must balance your newfound humanitarianism with the demands on your own life. If you do not continue to reach your own immediate goals either at work or at home you will find yourself being irritable and exhausted. Remember that an obligation to give to others does not mean that you have to sacrifice your own needs. You must remember to give yourself some time for your own physical and mental well-being. It is a time when we most often neglect the things we do to make ourselves happy and keep ourselves balanced like exercise, yoga, or other spiritual practices for your own physical and mental well-being This is a time to find some positive solutions to deal with your family members past resentments. Remember that when I family system gets back together it quickly returns to whatever difficulties encountered before. Even if you're the only person in the room aware of this it may help you from dealing with the fallacy that "now that we're all together we must be alright." This leads to the need to decide on your priorities and organize your time adequately. I this will counteract your feelings that you have not a planned enough for Thanksgiving. If you find additional time you can always volunteer to feed the poor would do random acts of kindness. You may also need to have planned out some unstructured inexpensive holiday activity because this holiday evokes a feeling of being served good food rather than organizing fun things to participate in. Spending some time thinking about this will save the day when you are reunited with your family and no one knows what to do. One of the major fallacies are that Thanksgiving will take away feelings of loneliness, sadness, fear, anger and frustration. This holiday is heavily advertised is a time in which everyone appreciates being together. The fallacy behind that becomes clear when you are reuniting with family members and you realize why you have become independent of them. You may find yourself being overwhelmed with anger or fear or worse yet feeling alone being surrounded by your family. The worst emotion that creeps up on this holiday is resentment. It is usually triggered by a previous bad relationship with a family member. Beware of grudges and slights you have suffered in the past and keep them from resurfacing. Thanksgiving is designed to encourage gluttony. This is not an open invitation to eat too much. Remember that most people with eating disorders simply want to have something to control in their lives and to avoid the resentment and self-hatred you will naturally feel after eating way past feeling hungry. This includes other over indulgences. You know by now what you need to keep a careful eye on so that you don't lose control and this may be an opportunity to set an example with other family members who still have raging addictions. You may want to have some contingency plans when they become abusively angry, drunk or chemically impaired. If it the end of the holiday feast you find yourself still feeling depressed or resentful remember what the Indians did. They didn't like these foreigners who is strange customs and behaviors showed such a resentment towards nature that it disrupted and destroyed the Indian culture. Yet they still took pity on these poor starving people and threw them a fish or two.