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Back to School Series The start of your college career is just around the corner. You’ve done your campus tour, been assigned your college dorm, signed up for your classes, said goodbye to your high school friends, listened to your parents cry as they anticipate your departure, and wondered what your life will be like as a college student. Will you get along with your roommate? Will your professors be incredibly intimidating? Will your course load be too heavy? Will you find any extracurricular activities that you enjoy? Will you make new friends? Will you be able to manage your finances? And will these be the best or the worst four years of your life? Although this article is by no means comprehensive, it outlines some helpful tips that I’ve gathered during my years as an undergraduate and postgraduate student. These might help you make these the best – and not the worst – years of your life. 1. Get To Know Your Roommate If you are living with a roommate, take the time to get to know him or her. After all, you will be spending the next eight months living right next to each other. After you’ve both settled in, consider going for a walk or grabbing a coffee with him or her just to get to know each other a bit. Even if you are complete opposites, those first conversations are crucial to understanding how to make the most of your time living together. What are your schedules like? Is he or she an early riser or a night owl? How clean or messy is he or she? Though these might seem like trivial questions, appreciating each other’s differences in lifestyle is essential to creating a healthy living situation. Having worked as a Residence Don for two years, I witnessed a strong contrast between roommates who knew how to respect each other’s boundaries and those who didn’t. I would even suggest writing up a quick roommate contract with a short list of what you absolutely need your roommate to respect. A few examples include the need for a quiet study space at certain times during the week, a need to have the freedom to invite friends over on Friday nights, or the need to have a decently clean living space. 2. Do Not Be Shy If you’re like me, meeting a whole new group of strangers can be intimidating. But getting yourself out there is worth it. College is not only an opportunity to improve your mind, but it is also a tremendous opportunity to improve your social life. Like never before, you will have endless crowds of people to interact with – from a variety of cultures, backgrounds, belief systems, interests, and ideas. During my years as an undergraduate and postgraduate student, I noticed a marked difference between high school and college. In high school, meeting new people was more difficult – there were fewer people to befriend and people were less likely to make new friends. However, in university the atmosphere was different. I made new friends left, right, and centre – at the library, in lectures, at school clubs, at formal events, at the school pub, in dorms, and the list continues. 3. Get Involved One thing I will never regret about my university years was my choice to get involved in extracurricular activities. Not only is it a great way to meet new people, but it is also a fantastic way to develop a new skill or try something new. Most colleges and universities have a variety of clubs and activities to choose from, and you can often find out more about them during your orientation week. Try a few in your first month, and if it’s not the right fit, there is bound to be something else that fits you like a glove. Try a salsa class, write for your school newspaper, join an activist group, play a sport, or perform in a play. The options are endless. 4. Start Studying Early Unfortunately, the attractions of dorm life, a fun social life, and engaging extracurricular activities can turn into an unhealthy distraction from your studies. Map out your assignment deadlines, midterms, and final exams as soon as you get your academic syllabi. Divide up the amount of work that you will need to do to perform well, and then ensure to create a weekly schedule that realistically balances your schoolwork and your other interests. There is no need to pull an all-nighter the day before your final exam worth 50% of your final grade. Start early, and you will be a lot less stressed and learn a lot more. 5. Spend Wisely University tuition is already expensive, so it is important to be realistic about your finances. While it is great to go out with your friends, make sure not to overdo it. There are usually a lot of discounts available for students, so find out what deals apply to you. Can you find your books at a second-hand store? Are drinks cheaper on Tuesday nights? Is membership at your university gym cheaper than a regular gym? Saving a bit here and there makes a huge difference in the long run. 6. Do Not Forget to Call Home During my first year as an undergraduate, I miserably failed at calling home. But this was not a healthy choice – neither for me, nor for my parents. It is important to give updates on how you are doing, to remember that there are people who care for you, and to catch up with your loved ones. If your parents are helping you out financially, then remember to thank them every once in a while. If grandma sent you a box of baked cookies, then give her a call to let her know that you appreciate her. There are people who helped you get to where you are today, and they want to know that you remember them. 7. Do Not Be Afraid to Seek Help Being away from home can be difficult. Researchers have found that the stress of a first failed midterm or a low grade on an assignment can lead to a vicious cycle of hopelessness, lack of motivation, and declining academic performance.[1] Universities often experience a peek in the number of students coming to seek help during final exam season. At McGill University, for instance, their mental health clinic serves four times the number of students close to the end of the academic year.[2] If you are feeling stressed, lonely, discouraged, or anxious, do not be afraid to seek help. Your college has a variety of staff available to help you, including a team of mental health professionals. If you just need to talk to someone, there is always a listening ear available. Find out where your college’s counseling office is, and be encouraged that you are not the only one on campus who is finding your new life as a university student a bit of a challenge. Yes, you can make these the best years of your life. [1] Hanlon, C. 2012. Addressing mental health issues on university campuses. State of Mind. [online] Available at: < http://www.aucc.ca/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/mental-health-state-of-mind-university-manager-article-summer-2012.pdf> [2] Bradwhaw, J. and Wingrove, J. December 07, 2012. As student stress hits crisis levels, universities look to ease pressure. Globe and Mail. [online] Available at: < http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/national/as-student-stress-hits-crisis-levels-universities-look-to-ease-pressure/article5902668/>

The last article in our series on brainpower addressed the relationship between diet and mental capacity. But eating your way to a smarter brain is not enough. You should also actively exercise your brain muscles. In the same way that you might go for a jog to tone your legs, you should also give your brain a workout to sharpen your thinking. Benefits of Brain Exercises In a fascinating study on cognitive training for the elderly, Ball et al.[1] found that brain exercises can actually decrease the cost of health care by helping to prevent mental illnesses, such as dementia. Mental training can even lessen the need for nursing homes for aging populations. Participants of the study were divided into four groups. They were then tested in a variety of areas, such as verbal memory, problem-solving skills, and visual memory. Almost a year later, three of the four groups of participants were given mental training exercises and then subjected to more tests. The results of the study revealed that the majority of participants who received cognitive training actually enhanced their brainpower. Executive Reasoning The aging population is especially prone to losing or slowing down their executive reasoning skills.[2] The executive part of your brain is found at the front of your head, just above your eyes. Executive cognitive skills include the ability to problem-solve, even when the variables of a question are changed. Strong executive thinkers are able to examine complex data, as well as provide logical interpretations of their conclusions. They are also able to foresee how current data could affect the future. Entrepreneurs, for instance, excel at determining how to make a company grow and succeed. A great way to prevent the loss of executive thinking is to test your mind with new sets of problems. By challenging your brain with the unfamiliar, you are able to keep your mind young. Similarly, young children can develop their thinking skills depending on the toys that they play with. Toys that show a relationship between cause and effect teach them to trace patterns. For instance, a child will learn that if he or she throws a ball in the air, it will go up and eventually fall back down. Executive Reasoning Exercises There are several brain exercises available online – many of them for free. For your convenience, below is a list of my favorite exercises. You can easily incorporate these into your daily routine to keep your mind active and alert throughout the week. On Your Phone Simple Brain Workout Download here You can easily install this app onto your iPhone or Android. It includes four brain exercises that help you enhance your memory retention and ability to focus. You can even keep track of your progress along the way. If you enjoy a healthy competition, then you are welcome to post your scores and view those of others around the globe. 30-Second Brain Training Download here Are you having a busy week and want a quick 30-second brain booster? These games are only 30s long each. Your score also indicates the health of your brain, depending on your results. This app allows you to test your skills to observe data, retain information, and perform mathematical calculations. You can try the General Test for a quick analysis of your thinking skills. Math Workout Download here Are you tired of pulling out your calculator every time you’re buying groceries or calculating your expenses? The creators of this app claim that a daily 5-minute math workout for 7 days will improve your executive thinking skills. This game is suitable for all ages. Moreover, you can participate in a worldwide math competition and review your progress with charts and data. On Your Computer Über Brain Click here This colorful and interactive game tests the five major parts of your brain, including (1) memory retention, (2) logical reasoning, (3) concentration skills, (4) language skills, and (5) visual memory. Based on your performance, the game provides recommendations on how to maximize your brain workouts. It also tracks your progress for each of the five areas. Create an account for free to find out the best brain regimen for you. In Your Family Room Chess A game of chess is not only a fun way to interact with a friend or family member.[2] It is also a great brain workout. Playing chess can increase your IQ, help decrease the chance of Alzheimer’s, exercise both your left and right brain, enhance your memory retention, sharpen your problem-solving skills, and improve your understanding of cause and effect. Keep Your Mind Active It is easy, quick, and fun to improve your brainpower. Even better, you can exercise your brain without spending a penny. There are more advantages than disadvantages to beginning your brain workout. Training your brain for a few minutes today is a long-term investment in tomorrow. [1] Ball, K. et al. 2002. Effects of Cognitive Training Interventions With Older Adults. JAMA. Pp. 2271-2281 [online] Available at: <http://jama.jamanetwork.com/article.aspx?articleid=195506> [2] Bragdon, AD. 2011. Brain Games: Brain Teasers, Logic Tests, and Puzzles to Exercise Your Mind. New York: Skyhorse Publishing. [3] 2013. 10 Big Brain Benefits of Playing Chess. Chess Vibes. [online] Available at: <http://www.chessvibes.com/reports/10-big-brain-benefits-of-playing-chess>

"What size? Extra large, please... At least that’s what I would order when buying my first thinking cap – if only increasing my brainpower was that simple." Good brains are prized commodities, as they can enhance the quality of our lives. As the most intelligent species on the planet,[1] we can think, analyze, problem-solve, invent, reflect, and create. Most of us were not endowed with as much artistic talent as Mozart or mathematical skill as Albert Einstein. But we still have the potential to increase our brainpower. The Obstacles 1. Culture of Ignorance Despite our thinking potential, we are plagued by obstacles. As pointed out by Albrecht, much of North America suffers from a culture of ignorance.[2] Critics claim the quality of education has generally decreased. I recall the day my political science professor delivered an angry speech that shook the speakers of our lecture hall. To his dismay, our undergraduate class could barely spell, write in full sentences, form coherent thoughts, or recall notable historical moments – not to mention think critically about political events. On top of that, oversized classes and lack of funding only made matters worse. Our generation is also blessed and cursed by advances in technology. [3] Though admirable in many respects, the Information Age is characterized by mental laziness. It is much easier to pull out my calculator than to recall my multiplication tables from grade school. 2. Instant Impatience We live in an instant society, where we expect instant results when addressing our problems.[4] If my bike breaks down, I can easily take it to a repair shop – rather than try to fix it myself. Expectations for instant results have made us into a highly impatient society. I recall the day when my sister and I went to Ikea, and the cash registers stopped working. People waiting in line were fuming with anger because the computer technicians took 20 minutes to solve the issue. Working out solutions takes time, and we need to give our brains and those of others breathing room to think clearly. 3. Passive Versus Active Thinking In our search for instant gratification, we also tend to prefer passive versus active thinking. Since the 1960s, television has become a dominant component of North American life. But this medium encourages passive thinking. Studies have shown that after watching more than 30 minutes of television, your thinking begins to resemble a state of hypnosis.[5] Though some television is more knowledge-based – such as current affairs programs, the news, or documentaries – most people prefer pure entertainment. In the US, the most-watched shows comprise largely of comedies, dramas, thrillers, and reality television.[6] In the 2012-2013 TV season, Sunday Night Football, The Big Bang Theory, and American Idol were some of the most popular shows. 4. Thinking With Emotion Emotions also blur our capacity to think rationally and reasonably. In a fascinating study, Westen combined psychology and cognitive neuroscience to analyze how Democrats and Republicans interpret political candidates’ speeches, campaign ads, and arguments in debates.[7] His research reveals that we are wired to think with our guts more than sound logic. This means politicians are able to manipulate our emotions without us realizing that our votes are often irrational. Note that the power of emotion to trump logic is not a recent phenomenon. Even in Ancient Greece, Plato noted an imbalance between emotion and reason. [8] The Potential Despite these obstacles to enhancing our brainpower, our minds have great potential. According to Minirth, we typically use only 5% of our mental capacity.[9] However, we can wire our brains to access the other 95%. We can learn to solve complex mathematical problems, envision social change, create artistic masterpieces, communicate profound wisdom, and, most importantly for readers of this blog, provide state of the art therapy to those seeking counseling. There are tools and tips on how to unlock the genius in you. And this is what this series of articles will explore. [1] 2010. Mammal Anatomy: An Illustrated Guide. Tarrytown, NY: Marshall Cavendish. [2] Albrecht, K. 1980. Brain Power: Learn to Improve Your Thinking Skills. New York: Firseide, pp. 1-2. [3] Ibid. [4] Ibid. [5] Albrecht, K. 1980. Brain Power: Learn to Improve Your Thinking Skills. New York: Firseide, pp. 5. [6] Schneider, M. 2013. “America’s Most Watched: The Top 25 Shows of the 2012-2013 TV Season.” TV Guide. [online] Available at: < http://www.tvguide.com/news/most-watched-tv-shows-top-25-2012-2013-1066503.aspx> [Accessed 7 July 2013]. [7] Westen, D. 2007. Political Brain: The Role of Emotion in Deciding the Fate of the Nation. New York: Perseus Books. [8] Ibid, pp. 63. [9] Minirth, F.B. 2007. A Brilliant Mind: Proven Ways to Increase Your Brainpower. Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Publishing Group, pp. 1

By Tanya Glover Theravive.com Contributor While many songs will impress upon us that the holidays are the most wonderful time of the year, this is not the case for some people. For some people, the holidays are a source of stress, sadness and overall depression. Getting though the holidays when you feel like this can be a difficult task, especially when it seems that everyone around you is happy and excited. What Causes Holiday Blues? There are many things that can make the holidays a sad time for a person. · Finances · Family death · Family being far away · Loneliness These are just a few reasons for holiday depression. Each person is different and has different reasons for feeling down during what is supposed to be the most festive time of the year. Spend, Spend, Spend For many, the major theme for the holidays is spending. When we have children this cannot be avoided. The little ones want Santa to bring them many things and they eagerly await Christmas morning and the presents they are expecting to find under the Christmas tree. This can be very hard for a family whose financial situation is bleak. For a parent, it is heartbreaking to know that you cannot afford to get your child presents for Christmas. Even if you can afford to get one or two gifts, it is still hard knowing that their friends will get much more then they will. Parents do not ever want their children to feel slighted by Santa, a figure who they are told love all of them equally. How to do you explain to a child why Santa only brought them a small toy and a sweater when the little boy down the road got a go-cart and a video game system? So, what can you do? While there is no perfect answer here, I have found one option to be effective. While you can still allow your child to believe in Santa you can also let them know that you work with Santa to get their presents. Only you know what you can afford to do and you can pass this onto your child by telling them that while Santa brings the toys they want for Christmas you have to pay Santa for them. By doing this you are able to sit down with your child and help them make a list of all they want, guiding them to what you can afford to do. Let them know that Santa cannot give them all the things on their list so they should pick out a few things that they really want to have and see what happens. By doing it like this, they understand that you have a part in Santa’s delivery and you have the chance to get those few items that they really want above all else. Loss of Loved Ones Ever since my grandparents passed away, the holidays have never been the same and are a source of sadness for me. I imagine that this is a factor for many people during the holidays. For those who have had a loved one pass right near the holiday it can be even worse. Just yesterday a little boy in my town was killed by a car while leaving the town Christmas Parade. Imagine how his parents feel and then know that the holiday season will always be a source of great pain for them from here on out. Loss is never easy and death does not discriminate. The holidays can be a painful reminder of these facts. After you lose someone important in your life, the holidays may never be the same again. There is little you can do about this. However, I was given some advice from a good friend on Thanksgiving of this year. She told me that things will always change and sadness over loss will always linger. However, it does not have to overtake the happiness of the season. Take the time to be thankful for those you do have in your life and make new holiday memories and traditions for your own children to cherish. While this may not have any effect on everyone, it did work on me. It helped me to realize that while I had fond memories of past holidays that I will never again experience, it was my duty to ensure that my children have them as well. This has helped me to put things in better perspective and allow me to feel a bit more lighthearted then I previously did. Far Away Family Another issue that many people deal with around the holidays is not being able to go home and be with family. With so many families being scattered around the country, it can be difficult to make it home for Christmas/Hanukkah. Not being able to be with loved ones during a season made for family can be depressing and lonely. With the economy what it is, travel is not always a possibility. It is even more experience than usual around the holidays. Knowing that your family is thinking of you is not always enough but there are other ways of being together on the holidays even if you cannot be in the same house. Technology is a great thing when it comes to communication. On Christmas morning you can place a Skype call to your family and have some face to face time. If nothing will make you happy except making it home, then starting a savings account at the start of the year can be very helpful in making travel possible. Put it in a Christmas club account to ensure that you cannot touch it until December. Help Those in Need of Holiday Cheer If you know how it feels to have the holiday blues it is a nice idea to reach out to others who are experiencing those same feelings of sadness. If you have a family to spend the holidays with and know someone who does not, invite them to join in the festivities with your family. Doing so would mean so much to someone who is sad and alone. If you are alone on the holidays, reach out to others that are alone as well. You can all have your own special day together. Talking about the reason for your sadness with people who understand it can be very helpful in lifting your spirits. Plus, by doing this you may have started a new holiday tradition! Though the holidays may be a source of pain, it does not have to be incurred alone. Feelings of sadness during the holiday season are very common and there are many who feel your pain and are willing to share their own with you. Reach out to your family and friend and even to strangers. You may be surprised at how much happier you can feel by unburdening yourself and finding a silver lining. Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah and Happy New Year to all of my readers. May this holiday pass with love and joy filling your hearts, memories of holidays past and the beginning of new traditions.

By Debra Bacon Theravive.com Contributor Time becomes our taskmaster Living in a society where our time is invaded at every turn, whether from cell phones, faxes, computers, skype, IMs, text, or other signals crossing our sphere, burnout is a real concern. Burnout occurs when what you are doing, just doesn’t work for you anymore. Your once enthusiastic approach to a task now drains you, or feelings of apathy are more the norm, rather than hope and success. When juggling work, family and social lives, time can become our taskmaster instead of our friend. Finding balance in your life will liberate you, and allow you to overcome burnout. Signs of burnout Often, when burnout, people drive themselves harder to makeup for deficits emotionally, physical or otherwise. Denial that a problem exists is common; therefore, identifying signs of burnout is important to our emotional and physical health. Five signs of burnout: Irritability When a person feels out of control or unable to mange their life, work or family commitments as desired, they can become troubled. Often this is manifested in the form or irritation or aggravation. When burnout occurs, this state is more constant. You may lash out at co-workers or loved ones. Trouble sleeping Being stressed out and have multiple deadlines or unfinished business, can make it difficult to fall asleep or stay asleep. Sleep deprivation will cause you to perform poorly. Lack of energy As burnout creeps in, your energy level drops. A lack of caring or concern sets in, and productivity goes down the drain. Concentration issues Problems concentrating are common with burnout. When faced with overwhelming schedules and tasks, concentrating can be difficult. Emotional distress When someone is burnout, being overly emotional is common. For example, you may burst into tears over a seemingly minor incident. On the other hand, you can begin to isolate yourself, and show no emotion to varying circumstances. Either can lead to depression. Overcoming burnout Identifying burnout is only part of the solution. Overcoming burnout takes commitment and work on your part. Below are some practical solutions you can implement in your life to eliminate burnout, and enrich your life. Five steps to balance: Learn to say NO Over commitment is common, and a part of the reason people burnout. While it is important to please the boss, assess your current workload before saying yes to the next deadline. Perhaps you should allow someone else to drive the soccer team to and from games, or provide the snacks. Get moving Putting exercise in your schedule can make a world of difference. Exercise helps eliminate stress, clears the mind and keeps the body fit. Prioritize Assess what you are responsible for presently, and make a list. Evaluate and eliminate. Complete outstanding items that are most important or pressing, and delegate less important tasks to others as appropriate. Get support A healthy, happy life includes people we enjoy being around; those that bring joy and positive support to our lives. Identify the people that make up your support system. Others are in our lives to help us, co-workers, family, friends, clergy and counselors. Let go Learn to let go of things you cannot control. You cannot save the world. Let go of any guilt you may feel about not being able to do it all.

By Debra Bacon Theravive.com Contributor Simple is better Family time and simpler lifestyles are winning out over consumerism these days. Considering the shaky economies around the globe, individuals and families are scaling back on their spending. With rising unemployment figures and uncertain futures, people are strategizing their escape from the prison of debt. By paying off debt, reducing discretionary spending and opting to save money, materialism is losing its grasp on society. Taking charge of your debt and deciding to scale back your lifestyle requires change. Change is rarely comfortable. Difficult decisions and sacrifices must be made to accomplish your goals. Taking charge Following are some tips to help you take charge of your life, finances and lifestyle. Determine what you want to change about your financial picture and lifestyle. For example, you may want to be debt free within five to seven years; you may have a desire to grow your own food, or become a stay-at-home mom or dad. Set reasonable goals and timeframes to reach your dream. Strive for specific milestones leading you to your overall goal. This allows you to see your success in smaller chunks, as you chip away at the whole. Assess your current financial picture. Determine how much overall debt you have and to whom it is owed. Calculate your monthly income, and compare the differences of inflow versus outflow. Set your first milestone as complete. Knowing the state of your affairs will relieve you of an amazing amount of stress. Realizing you are working to take charge of your circumstances is huge. Make a list of each creditor and the amount owed them. Define a plan that allows you to pay more toward the smallest balance first, until it is satisfied. Continue this pattern until they are all knocked out, or at least well on their way. Reward yourself in some way for your diligence as each milestone is reached. Perhaps you have not been out to dinner in months as a part of your effort to scale back; this may be a reward you agree is reasonable, for example. Stay focused on your plan and you will achieve your desired end. Living the life As you downsize you will find there are things you no longer have need of. It is important to determine whether you will sell these items or donate them to charity. Depending on your goal, a move may be in order. Transportation may change, and jobs/roles may shift, or be redefined. Yet as you scale back your lifestyle, you will enjoy more free time and experience a healthier life. Stress is responsible for many major health conditions and diseases. Often, we are unaware how much we are affected by stress as we struggle day-to-day to make ends meet. Moreover, social stress, such as the “keeping up with the Joneses” mentality can lead to a tremendous amount of peer pressure. This type of pressure can lead to depression, even death, if we perceive we have failed. So, start living the life, take charge of your life, as you begin your journey to scale back.

By Debra Bacon Theravive.com Contributor Before “I do” Marriage is a big step; a leap of faith, a commitment. Faith for your future; that it will be bright, prosperous and secure. You are committing to stand together through thick and thin, health and wealth, sickness and poverty. Moreover, you are committing to each other for life, as partners, forsaking all others. That is why premarital counseling is vital.Life is full of problems and unexpected ends. We may think we are prepared to take on all it offers--together--yet we are individuals. Knowing one another very well is not enough. Until living together in matrimony, it is impossible to see all aspects of each individual’s response to life’s situations. Traversing the terrain of life together is much like that of a team who climbs mountains together. The ropes that bind them together are essential in keeping them alive. It takes practice, teaching and patience to learn how to attempt the unknown together. Premarital counseling Premarital counseling can help with identifying problem areas that might exist prior to marriage. In fact, some states require premarital counseling prior to marriage. Some of the issues addressed in counseling are: financial management and decisions parental issues expectations of each other employment roles and responsibilities religion and spirituality family involvement and activities hobbies and interests friends It is important to ensure you each have realistic expectations of one another. To think that things will magically fall in place is unrealistic. Addressing these and other significant issues can get your marriage off on a more stable footing. He said she said Resolving conflicts in a marriage requires certain skills, and is another reason for premarital counseling. “Fair fighting” is imperative in a marriage, and seeking counsel prior to marriage, will prove beneficial in these areas. Counselors will offer various coping and negotiation skills necessary to ensure successful conflict resolution within your marriage. The Counselor Premarital counseling is generally facilitated by trained family therapists, and often, clergy. The counselor will assist you as a couple to identify potential or existing problem areas. This is accomplished as you discuss with your counselor, the more common issues of a marriage, as mentioned earlier. Sitting down with a counselor and having these discussions prior to marriage, will help bring clarity and definition to your relationship. Premarital counseling offers invaluable tools that will assist you protect one of the most important blessings of your life. We go to great lengths to protect our worldly goods and things important to us. Your marriage should be protected in the same way. Who should go Couples who have never been married or involved in a long-term partnership should attend premarital counseling. Furthermore, anyone who has been married before, having it end in divorce, should also attend counseling prior to remarriage. People with children should seek counseling before saying I do, as it can be difficult blending families. Successfully blending a family takes skill and effort, as well as, a lot of love and patience. Premarital counseling can help you navigate these tricky waters.

By Debra Bacon Theravive.com Contributor The Pink Slip Losing a job is very stressful for a family. The emotional impact it has on the husband or wife can be very different. Both may feel depressed and anxious as a result of the loss. Self-esteem and worthiness issues are common. These factors, combined with the financial implications resulting from a spouse’s job loss, place a strain on a marriage. However, exercising solid coping skills during this transitional time can lead to a successful outcome. Time to process It is important to give your spouse time to process what has happened and get a handle on the future. Often our job defines us--reinforces our worth to our family and others. While our self-worth should be shaped by other measures, our job plays an important role in our lives. Due to the financial strain resulting from a job loss, the natural response from both parties is to get a job as soon as possible. However, finding a new job can take time. During this time, sensitivity and careful response is essential in supporting your spouse. Encouraging words and conversations about other things can help ease any tension that money issues can cause in a marriage. Avoid picking out jobs for your spouse. As well meaning as this approach seems, it often backfires. They may begin to feel you have lost faith or trust in their abilities to manage their affairs properly. Questions about how the unemployed spouse spent their time during the day may be offensive. It is important to be aware of trigger points that may spark conflict. A person may lash out because they feel inadequate or are depressed. As important as processing time and feelings of the unemployed spouse are, so are those of others involved. It may be helpful to talk to a counselor during this time. A counselor can help you identify the unique feelings and stressors experienced during a time of loss. They can offer feedback and coping skills you may not have considered previously. Reach out to friends and family that may have experienced a similar situation. Ask them how they managed the process. Fear and Finances A financial plan is an imperative step in eliminating fear and uncertainty of the future. The plan should be developed to encompass at least three months that follow the unemployment. Together, determine what you can cut back on, or live without. Big changes should be considered carefully. Remember, the situation is not permanent. Your spouse may be eligible for unemployment compensation. This benefit can be very helpful when facing job loss. Consulting a financial advisor or counselor may be necessary in some cases. However, cutting back on special perks or extras can trim a budget quite a bit. The Bottom Line At the end of the day, your marriage and relationship with one another is more important than anything else. Be kind to one another. Talk about your spouses good qualities, compliment them. Take notice of the extra help you are likely receiving around the home, or in other areas of your life. You will likely come out on the other side stronger and closer than ever before.

By Christie Hunter: View Christie's Profile When Finances Hit The Wall Relationships can be tough in any season, but in this economy, staying together and staying in love can be especially challenging. In my professional experience, being both a Certified Management Accountant and a Registered Clinical Counselor, time and again I have seen relationships and marriages crumble around finances. With a little guidance and some sound, practical wisdom, these relationships can survive. Let’s face it; this is a rough economy right now. But the good news is that when your finances meet hard times, your relationship need not suffer. Here are 10 tips I have shared with numerous clients over the years to keep your love burning bright in the midst of financial hardship. 1. Understand How Money And Identity Mingle. Understanding is one of the keys to any successful relationship. We all value the feeling of being understood. When it comes to money, it is important to understand the role it plays in your partner’s individual identity as well as your own. Many people today tie their income directly to their own self-worth. For these individuals and couples, when they suffer financial hardship, it can have a traumatic impact on their own identity. For example, a husband who has recently been laid off from work may develop deep feelings of worthlessness. A wife who sees this simply as a loss of income may miss out on a critical opportunity to come beside her husband and support him in such a great time of need. If your relationship is suffering financially, be sensitive to each other, and slow to criticize. There may be far deeper issues at stake than simply “money issues.” Talk to each other and understand how money ties into your individual identity. 2. Don’t blame each other. It is far too easy to point the finger when our money supply gets cut short, or our debt begins to suffocate us. Even if there is one person responsible more than the other, trust me when I tell you it will only make matters worse if you turn on your partner. And given the state of the world economy today, it may not be anyone’s fault. This is about taking back control of your finances and staying close in your relationship. It is not about blame. 3. Be Aware Of Your Spending. Try this exercise. For one month, every time you and your partner spend more than a dollar, document it. At the end of the month, take your list and organize it. Identify the items spent towards entertainment, food, mortgage / rent, transportation, clothing, utilities, etc. This is a snapshot of your financial life. With this in hand, you have taken an important step in gaining control over your financial situation and understanding where your money is actually going. 4. Identify Your Goals And Dreams. Sit down as a couple and talk about what you are working towards. Talk about your hopes, your dreams, and your goals. Where would you like to be next year? Five years? Ten years? How would you like to retire, what activities would you like to do together in life? Write them down. Put your goals on paper so you can see them. Several years ago, my husband and I took a large sheet of poster-size paper and with jumbo permanent markers, wrote down several dreams and goals for our lives. We then hung it up on our wall and over the next few years saw many of them come true. We still have that sheet of paper to this day. Take this time to refocus as a couple and begin working on a real plan for your life, with a clear direction for your future. 5. It’s Time to Budget. Using your expenditures list from step 3, determine what expenses are in conflict with reaching your goals. It’s time to start trimming or altogether removing some of those items on your list. Do you really need 200 channels of High Definition cable TV? How important is that premium calling plan? Do you really have to spend $7.00 a day on coffee and a scone? Keep your focus on your goals. Expenses that do not move you closer towards your goals need to go. By focusing on your goals, it makes cutting day to day items such as a new pair of shoes, the newest electronic gadget, or tickets to the game much more manageable as there is a clear benefit for the changes you are making. While changing habits is not easy, the alternative (doing the same thing) is moving you further away from financial freedom and being more entrenched in the oppression of debt. Encourage each other as you make changes and celebrate as you are able to make additional payments on your debt or put extra money aside that you couldn’t before. 6. Be Honest About Your Income Levels. One of the most difficult aspects of making healthy decisions and choices around finances is to know your limits and to be honest with yourself and your circle of friends about what you can and cannot afford. Trying to maintain a lifestyle that is beyond your means will eventually catch up with you and the ensuing crisis can literally destroy your relationship. I have had many people come to me under immense debt because they felt pressured by others to live a lifestyle they could not afford. If you struggle with trying to “live up to the Jones’s’”, talk with your spouse about this burden. It’s time to step out of this “role” and develop a sense of honesty about who you are and what you can afford. Assess your standard of living, is it realistic? If not, what are some changes you can make to live within your means? Don’t worry about the image you are portraying to others. This is your life, your relationship, not theirs! 7. Don’t Over Separate Your Finances. Couples who meticulously separate their finances are just asking for problems in the future. Do you want a relationship with a foundation built on intimacy and sharing, or one built upon separation? Life has a way of throwing us many curve balls. A loss of a job, an unexpected pregnancy, or one person who wants to go back to school are huge challenges to couples who separate their money. One spouse’s salary may be significantly higher than the other, yet the lesser income spouse still is required to pay for 50% of all the bills, supporting the lifestyle of the higher income spouse. Couples that dogmatically separate all their finances are setting themselves up for numerous problems throughout life. It has the effect of telling someone “you are worth only your income,” which can be a block to intimacy. In a booming economy, these kinds of relationships may work, but when times are tough, the foundation can crack. When we encounter unexpected financial hardship, such as being laid off from work, our spouse should be a source of strength and support, rather than a quagmire of additional pressure to pay “our fair share.” No one wants to feel like they are less important than a monthly salary. Share your money. Try it. You are in this together. Have trust in each other, and you can make it through. 8. Work As A Team. In a tough economy, you should be coming together, rather than drifting apart. Now is when you need each other. Be each other’s support system, and create some realistic goals that will move you through these hard times. If one of you has recently taken a financial hit, be supportive and encouraging. When you work together as a team, amazing things will happen in your relationship. 9. Cash Is Yours, Credit Is Someone Else’s. I can’t tell you how many clients I have seen who view credit as available money to spend. This is a very dangerous view of credit, and it is exactly what credit card companies want you to believe. Available credit does not equal “money I can spend”. Always remember that credit is someone else’s money. If you cannot control credit card spending, give yourself a cash allowance, monthly, or weekly. Putting away, or better yet, cutting up credit cards and paying with cash, is an effective way to decrease monthly spending. 10. Don’t Give Up. Rising out from the pit of debt and the uncertainty of financial hardship can be a long struggle. There is no fast-food solution. It will take commitment and dedication. But if you work together, and pick each other up when you fall, you will make real progress and eventually succeed. Life is a voyage, and it is not necessarily reaching the end that fulfills us, but instead it is the journey itself that holds the joy of living. Each change you make, each time you are able to take a positive step towards your dreams and goals, no matter how small, celebrate it. Celebrate it externally by doing something together, or celebrate it internally with a quiet thought of reflection. These successes are reminders that you are walking down a better path in life. Never give up hope, and don’t give up on each other. This is your life together; the journey will be what you make it. About Christie Christie is a Certified Management Accountant (CMA) with the CMA Society of Canada and a Registered Clinical Counsellor (R.C.C.) with the British Columbia Association of Clinical Counsellors. She holds a dual specialty in Marriage & Family Therapy and Trauma Resolution. View Christie's Profile