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Learning to speak another language takes time and effort, but the benefits outweigh the costs. A new language can grant you access to a new culture, open your mind to fascinating literature, allow you to explore a faraway city, and view the world from a different perspective. By learning Portuguese, you can learn to dance to Bossa Nova like an authentic Brazilian. By learning German, you can let your heart be moved by Mozart’s Singspiele. By learning French, you can read through first editions of Rousseau’s political theories. By learning Japanese, you can learn how to make authentic sushi. With more than 6,000 languages to choose from, your options are endless. Studying a foreign language not only enriches the quality of your life; it also improves the quality of your brain. Enhance Your Cognitive Skills In today’s competitive job market, it is essential to maximize your brainpower. Not only is speaking a second language often an advantage in the marketplace, but it can also improve the quality of your thinking. A study conducted at the University of Kentucky College of Medicine revealed that bilingual individuals could multitask faster than those who were monolingual.[1] Moreover, MRI scans showed that bilinguals used their brainpower more effectively. This research involved senior citizens, thereby showing that bilingualism has long-term benefits. By actively switching between languages throughout their lives, bilinguals tend to develop better cognitive flexibility. Researchers have also found that children in multilingual schools tend to perform better academically.[2] They even demonstrate a greater ease when studying music and math – both of which involve a new way of thinking, a new language For therapists, this means that learning a second language can actually improve your ability to think through complex psychological issues. Increase Your Sympathy According to Lynch, multilingual children tend to display social sympathy before monolingual children.[2] This is because multilingual children come to understand differences in perspective faster. They learn that their Italian-speaking friend might see the world differently than their Spanish-speaking friend, because they recognize differences in communication and culture. Moreover, multilingual children learn early on that they are not at the center of the world; rather, they are part of a complex society embedded with a multitude of tongues, expressions, dialects, cultural norms, and habits. When dealing with mental health issues, therapists need to sympathize with others, to be attentive listeners, and to try to understand where another person is coming from. The words someone chooses to tell his or her story are rich with meaning; they can help reveal his or her thought patterns, cultural heritage, and understanding of life. We all have unique personal stories, and it is often a challenge to communicate our past and present to another person, especially to a complete stranger. As such, therapy sessions should provide an open space that allows a client to express himself or herself fully. Therapy should give birth to a constructive dialogue that helps a client in a profound way, so that they can face the challenges that lay before them. Engage with the 21st Century Only 1 in 5 American students between Kindergarten and grade 12 study a second language at school.[3] However, it has become increasingly important to learn a language other than English. So, which language should you learn? Below are three suggestions, but by no means are they the only languages to consider learning. French French is the official language of 29 countries around the world, including, for instance, France, Canada, Switzerland, Senegal, Monaco, Luxembourg, Burundi, among many others. It is also the official language of the United Nations.[4] Especially for Canadian therapists, the French language can grant you access to a whole new demographic. Spanish For American therapists, Spanish is a highly beneficial language to learn, especially for those who work in New Mexico, Texas, and California. Health professionals and social workers are often encouraged to learn Spanish, as it allows them to communicate with Spanish-speaking patients and clients[5]. Worldwide, there are 322 million people who speak Spanish. It is also the official language of 21 countries, such as Chile, Colombia, Argentina, Spain, Panama, Peru, and Mexico. Chinese Mandarin Chinese Mandarin ranks first as the most spoken language, with 837 million speakers worldwide. Though it is only the official language of three countries – China, Singapore, and Taiwan – it is spoken in cities across the globe. After English, Chinese is considered to be the most useful language for business.[6] Learn a Language, Build Your Practice Learning a second language is an enriching experience. And for a therapist, it can be a wise way to expand your practice. Consider the benefits of offering counseling in more than one language. As our world becomes increasingly globalized, multicultural, and multilingual, take advantage of the opportunity to immerse yourself in a new way of thinking, a new way of communicating, and a new way of doing therapy. [1] Bates, C. January 9, 2013. Très bien! Speaking two languages from childhood keeps brain in good shape as we age. [online] Available at: <http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2259469/Speaking-languages-childhood-keeps-brain-good-shape-age.html> [2] Kluger, J. April 23, 2013. Understanding How the Brain Speaks Two Languages. Time. [online] Available at: < http://healthland.time.com/2013/04/23/bilingualism/> [3] 21st Century Skills Map. Partnership for 21st Century Skills. [online] Available at: < http://www.p21.org/storage/documents/Skills%20Map/p21_worldlanguagesmap.pdf> [4] 2013. Want to Learn a Language? Here Are the Top 5 Choices. College Stats. [online] Available at: <http://collegestats.org/articles/2013/04/want-to-learn-a-language-here-are-the-top-5-choices> [5] Crouse, D. 2013. Languages for Specific Purposes in the 21st Century. [online] Available at: < http://www.actfl.org/sites/default/files/pdfs/TLE_pdf/TLE_Apr13_Article.pdf> [6] Lauerman, J. August 30, 2011. Mandarin Chinese Most Useful Business Language After English. Bloomberg. [online] Available at: <http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2011-08-30/mandarin-chinese-most-useful-business-language-after-english-1-.html>

The last article in our series on brainpower addressed the relationship between diet and mental capacity. But eating your way to a smarter brain is not enough. You should also actively exercise your brain muscles. In the same way that you might go for a jog to tone your legs, you should also give your brain a workout to sharpen your thinking. Benefits of Brain Exercises In a fascinating study on cognitive training for the elderly, Ball et al.[1] found that brain exercises can actually decrease the cost of health care by helping to prevent mental illnesses, such as dementia. Mental training can even lessen the need for nursing homes for aging populations. Participants of the study were divided into four groups. They were then tested in a variety of areas, such as verbal memory, problem-solving skills, and visual memory. Almost a year later, three of the four groups of participants were given mental training exercises and then subjected to more tests. The results of the study revealed that the majority of participants who received cognitive training actually enhanced their brainpower. Executive Reasoning The aging population is especially prone to losing or slowing down their executive reasoning skills.[2] The executive part of your brain is found at the front of your head, just above your eyes. Executive cognitive skills include the ability to problem-solve, even when the variables of a question are changed. Strong executive thinkers are able to examine complex data, as well as provide logical interpretations of their conclusions. They are also able to foresee how current data could affect the future. Entrepreneurs, for instance, excel at determining how to make a company grow and succeed. A great way to prevent the loss of executive thinking is to test your mind with new sets of problems. By challenging your brain with the unfamiliar, you are able to keep your mind young. Similarly, young children can develop their thinking skills depending on the toys that they play with. Toys that show a relationship between cause and effect teach them to trace patterns. For instance, a child will learn that if he or she throws a ball in the air, it will go up and eventually fall back down. Executive Reasoning Exercises There are several brain exercises available online – many of them for free. For your convenience, below is a list of my favorite exercises. You can easily incorporate these into your daily routine to keep your mind active and alert throughout the week. On Your Phone Simple Brain Workout Download here You can easily install this app onto your iPhone or Android. It includes four brain exercises that help you enhance your memory retention and ability to focus. You can even keep track of your progress along the way. If you enjoy a healthy competition, then you are welcome to post your scores and view those of others around the globe. 30-Second Brain Training Download here Are you having a busy week and want a quick 30-second brain booster? These games are only 30s long each. Your score also indicates the health of your brain, depending on your results. This app allows you to test your skills to observe data, retain information, and perform mathematical calculations. You can try the General Test for a quick analysis of your thinking skills. Math Workout Download here Are you tired of pulling out your calculator every time you’re buying groceries or calculating your expenses? The creators of this app claim that a daily 5-minute math workout for 7 days will improve your executive thinking skills. This game is suitable for all ages. Moreover, you can participate in a worldwide math competition and review your progress with charts and data. On Your Computer Über Brain Click here This colorful and interactive game tests the five major parts of your brain, including (1) memory retention, (2) logical reasoning, (3) concentration skills, (4) language skills, and (5) visual memory. Based on your performance, the game provides recommendations on how to maximize your brain workouts. It also tracks your progress for each of the five areas. Create an account for free to find out the best brain regimen for you. In Your Family Room Chess A game of chess is not only a fun way to interact with a friend or family member.[2] It is also a great brain workout. Playing chess can increase your IQ, help decrease the chance of Alzheimer’s, exercise both your left and right brain, enhance your memory retention, sharpen your problem-solving skills, and improve your understanding of cause and effect. Keep Your Mind Active It is easy, quick, and fun to improve your brainpower. Even better, you can exercise your brain without spending a penny. There are more advantages than disadvantages to beginning your brain workout. Training your brain for a few minutes today is a long-term investment in tomorrow. [1] Ball, K. et al. 2002. Effects of Cognitive Training Interventions With Older Adults. JAMA. Pp. 2271-2281 [online] Available at: <http://jama.jamanetwork.com/article.aspx?articleid=195506> [2] Bragdon, AD. 2011. Brain Games: Brain Teasers, Logic Tests, and Puzzles to Exercise Your Mind. New York: Skyhorse Publishing. [3] 2013. 10 Big Brain Benefits of Playing Chess. Chess Vibes. [online] Available at: <http://www.chessvibes.com/reports/10-big-brain-benefits-of-playing-chess>

Most of us try to incorporate healthy foods into our meals. Balanced diets help us maintain a healthy weight, fight disease, build muscle, and improve our general well being. But have you considered the relationship between your diet and your brain? As part of my series on brainpower, this week I will outline some foods that help enhance your mental capacity. Brilliant Breakfast According to Dean et al., you should not skip any meals if you want to eat your way to a brilliant brain.[1] As someone who would rather sleep in longer than wake up earlier to make breakfast, this is a bit of a challenge. But the good news is that you can make a healthy breakfast that requires very little time and effort. 1 Slice of Whole Grain Toast Sorgen explains that whole grains promote a healthy blood flow, which is important for the brain.[2] Whole grains help cells reproduce and provide us with the energy we need to think clearly and accurately.[3] During a stressful week of work or exams, we need to pay special attention to our choice of carbohydrates. Typically, we crave carb-filled foods when we feel stressed. However, we need to digest complex carbohydrates.[4] This is because whole grains are rich in fibre, which help reduce fatigue. 1 Egg Our minds need healthy sources of protein, especially foods that are low in cholesterol and fat. In fact, high-fat proteins like sausage and bacon can actually make you feel tired.[5] Lean sources of protein, such as chicken, eggs, and low-fat milk, do the exact opposite. They are high in vitamin B12, which helps improve cognitive skills. 1 Cup of Orange Juice Vitamin C also helps reduce stress, thereby allowing you to think calmly and clearly. This vitamin helps balance the body’s production of cortisol, a chemical that contributes to stress[6]. Too much cortisol can hinder our ability to learn and remember information. So, it is important to digest fruits rich in vitamin C, such as oranges, strawberries, and kiwis. Clever Caffeine 1 Cup of Tea You felt energized after breakfast, drove to work on time, and had a fresh start to your day. But now you’re craving just that small boost of energy to get you through the morning. As explained by Evans, caffeine can help increase your focus.[7] Tea leaves have antioxidant properties, which reduce brain deterioriation. In fact, antioxidants are often used to treat brain injuries.[8] Moreover, coffee grains contain magnesium, which contributes to healthy blood sugar regulation.[9] So, go ahead and make yourself a hot cup of coffee or tea – just avoid overdoing the cream and sugar. Logical Lunch Asian Broccoli with Tofu on Rice Noodles Tofu is a good source of omega-3 fatty acids, which stimulates your ability to absorb and retain knowledge.[10] Try some tofu with your favourite Asian sauce, and add some broccoli to the mix. Broccoli is rich in iron, which helps your blood supply oxygen to your brain. Diets with high sources of iron help enhance mental reasoning. In fact, iron deficiencies can contribute to learning disabilities and low IQ scores.[11] As outlined earlier, your brain needs healthy carbohydrates, so opt for rice noodles or whole grain noodles, rather than regular noodles. Mind Munchies Dark Chocolate You powered through a productive day of work, and now you’re ready for a nice break. To satisfy a sweet craving, have a bite of some dark chocolate. Dark chocolate includes antioxidants and caffeine. Both increase our concentration. Moreover, chocolate helps our bodies produce endorphins, which make us happier. Speaking from personal experience, my productivity tends to be a lot greater when I am in a good mood. So, some dark chocolate, in moderation, is a good brain food. Savvy Supper Chicken Salad with Beets and Walnuts Beets help nourish your neurons, which stimulate your brain.[12] Furthermore, chicken is a lean source of protein. To finish off your salad, sprinkle on some walnuts. Recent studies have shown that eating walnuts helps your memory skills. They are also an excellent source of omega-3 fatty acids. Bon Appetit! Eating healthy takes some forethought, but it is a smart way to boost your brainpower. The next time you go grocery shopping, remember that a balanced diet not only helps you maintain a healthy weight and fight disease – it also helps you become sharper and more focused. Cheers to a smarter you! [1] Dean, C., V. Dmitriev, and D. Raskin. 2009. 365 Ways to Boost Your Brain Power: Tips, Exercise, Advice. F&W Media Company. [2] Sorgen, C. 2013/ Eat Smart for a Healthier Brain. Web MD. [online] <http://www.webmd.com/diet/features/eat-smart-healthier-brain> [3] Dean, C., V. Dmitriev, and D. Raskin. 2009. 365 Ways to Boost Your Brain Power: Tips, Exercise, Advice. F&W Media Company. [4] Toffelmire, A.. 2013. How To Take a Bite Out Of Stress. C-Health. [online] <http://chealth.canoe.ca/channel_section_details.asp?text_id=5046&channel_id=11&relation_id=27878> [5] Evans, L. 2013. Sharpen Your Memory with Brain-Healthy Foods. Entrepreneur. [online] <http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/226179> [6] Toffelmire, A.. 2013. How To Take a Bite Out Of Stress. C-Health. [online] <http://chealth.canoe.ca/channel_section_details.asp?text_id=5046&channel_id=11&relation_id=27878> [7] Evans, L. 2013. Sharpen Your Memory with Brain-Healthy Foods. Entrepreneur. [online] <http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/226179> [8] Reiter, R.J. 1995. Oxidative processes and antioxidative defense mechanisms in the aging brain. The FASEB Journal. [online] <http://www.fasebj.org/content/9/7/526.full.pdf> [9] Beck, L. 2012. Which is healthier: tea or coffee? The Globe and Mail. [online] <http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/health-and-fitness/ask-a-health-expert/which-is-healthier-tea-or-coffee/article546635/> [10] 2013. Fish oil ‘can restore the brain after junk food.’ Mail Online. [online] <http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2325293/Fish-oil-restore-brain-junk-food-Diets-rich-omega-3s-play-key-role-reversing-damage-caused-high-fats.html> [11] Toffelmire, A.. 2013. How To Take a Bite Out Of Stress. C-Health. [online] <http://chealth.canoe.ca/channel_section_details.asp?text_id=5046&channel_id=11&relation_id=27878> [12] Evans, L. 2013. Sharpen Your Memory with Brain-Healthy Foods. Entrepreneur. [online] <http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/226179>

"What size? Extra large, please... At least that’s what I would order when buying my first thinking cap – if only increasing my brainpower was that simple." Good brains are prized commodities, as they can enhance the quality of our lives. As the most intelligent species on the planet,[1] we can think, analyze, problem-solve, invent, reflect, and create. Most of us were not endowed with as much artistic talent as Mozart or mathematical skill as Albert Einstein. But we still have the potential to increase our brainpower. The Obstacles 1. Culture of Ignorance Despite our thinking potential, we are plagued by obstacles. As pointed out by Albrecht, much of North America suffers from a culture of ignorance.[2] Critics claim the quality of education has generally decreased. I recall the day my political science professor delivered an angry speech that shook the speakers of our lecture hall. To his dismay, our undergraduate class could barely spell, write in full sentences, form coherent thoughts, or recall notable historical moments – not to mention think critically about political events. On top of that, oversized classes and lack of funding only made matters worse. Our generation is also blessed and cursed by advances in technology. [3] Though admirable in many respects, the Information Age is characterized by mental laziness. It is much easier to pull out my calculator than to recall my multiplication tables from grade school. 2. Instant Impatience We live in an instant society, where we expect instant results when addressing our problems.[4] If my bike breaks down, I can easily take it to a repair shop – rather than try to fix it myself. Expectations for instant results have made us into a highly impatient society. I recall the day when my sister and I went to Ikea, and the cash registers stopped working. People waiting in line were fuming with anger because the computer technicians took 20 minutes to solve the issue. Working out solutions takes time, and we need to give our brains and those of others breathing room to think clearly. 3. Passive Versus Active Thinking In our search for instant gratification, we also tend to prefer passive versus active thinking. Since the 1960s, television has become a dominant component of North American life. But this medium encourages passive thinking. Studies have shown that after watching more than 30 minutes of television, your thinking begins to resemble a state of hypnosis.[5] Though some television is more knowledge-based – such as current affairs programs, the news, or documentaries – most people prefer pure entertainment. In the US, the most-watched shows comprise largely of comedies, dramas, thrillers, and reality television.[6] In the 2012-2013 TV season, Sunday Night Football, The Big Bang Theory, and American Idol were some of the most popular shows. 4. Thinking With Emotion Emotions also blur our capacity to think rationally and reasonably. In a fascinating study, Westen combined psychology and cognitive neuroscience to analyze how Democrats and Republicans interpret political candidates’ speeches, campaign ads, and arguments in debates.[7] His research reveals that we are wired to think with our guts more than sound logic. This means politicians are able to manipulate our emotions without us realizing that our votes are often irrational. Note that the power of emotion to trump logic is not a recent phenomenon. Even in Ancient Greece, Plato noted an imbalance between emotion and reason. [8] The Potential Despite these obstacles to enhancing our brainpower, our minds have great potential. According to Minirth, we typically use only 5% of our mental capacity.[9] However, we can wire our brains to access the other 95%. We can learn to solve complex mathematical problems, envision social change, create artistic masterpieces, communicate profound wisdom, and, most importantly for readers of this blog, provide state of the art therapy to those seeking counseling. There are tools and tips on how to unlock the genius in you. And this is what this series of articles will explore. [1] 2010. Mammal Anatomy: An Illustrated Guide. Tarrytown, NY: Marshall Cavendish. [2] Albrecht, K. 1980. Brain Power: Learn to Improve Your Thinking Skills. New York: Firseide, pp. 1-2. [3] Ibid. [4] Ibid. [5] Albrecht, K. 1980. Brain Power: Learn to Improve Your Thinking Skills. New York: Firseide, pp. 5. [6] Schneider, M. 2013. “America’s Most Watched: The Top 25 Shows of the 2012-2013 TV Season.” TV Guide. [online] Available at: < http://www.tvguide.com/news/most-watched-tv-shows-top-25-2012-2013-1066503.aspx> [Accessed 7 July 2013]. [7] Westen, D. 2007. Political Brain: The Role of Emotion in Deciding the Fate of the Nation. New York: Perseus Books. [8] Ibid, pp. 63. [9] Minirth, F.B. 2007. A Brilliant Mind: Proven Ways to Increase Your Brainpower. Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Publishing Group, pp. 1

Networking has a new meaning in today's job market... The Past In the past, some of the best insight into whether a person would be a good fit for a company has been personal interviews, positive personal references, IQ tests, and personality testing. In our technologically changing world, there are new ways to gather this sort of information. Social networking, data-mining, and even games and videos can be used to collect information about how people deal with various situations, how they multi-task, and even, to some degree, intelligence. [1] The Present The most popular vehicle for employers to seek insight into a candidate has been the professional networking site, LinkedIn. According to an article written by Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic and Christopher Steinmetz, LinkedIn offers the professional the personal reference through its use of the “Endorsements” feature. An employer looking for a candidate can now see the resume, and references, as well as interests before making contact with the candidate. This saves time in the hiring process. A 2012 study by psychologists Jamie Guillory and Jeffery Hancock at Cornell University found that public resumes on LinkedIn foster more honesty with regard to work experience than the tradition paper resume, because it is public, and can more easily be called to question by family and friends. However, interests or hobbies that are not known as objectively were not as honest. In addition to LinkedIn, there are several other ways an employer can seek information about a person. Looking at blogs, Facebook, and Twitter give a glimpse into a person’s character and interests, but can also create a bias based on looks, or interests that would not matter in the work environment, and would not come up in a face to face interview. The Future? New technology could take the social networking we currently use even further with data mining. Data mining is software used to derive insight to make evidenced-based decisions. Companies such as TweetPsych and YouAreWhatYouLike use Twitter and Facebook to create a personality profile for an individual based on the individual’s activity on those social networks with amazing accuracy. Psychologist Michal Kosinski of the University of Cambridge published an analysis suggesting that the accuracy is greater than 75% for predicting gender, sexual orientation, religion, and political preference. While the percentage is lower for personality traits and intelligence, it is still significantly accurate in estimating IQ and personality. [2] Another tool for networking is a video offered by companies like EnRecruit and Spark Hire, which asks candidates questions on video, and employers can evaluate their responses in private. This offers a time savings, and a standardized interviewing process. Additionally, gaming can also predict character traits through situational behavior. This engaging innovation allows a candidate to play a game that analyses their choices and categorizes job skills and personality traits. The company, Knack, bases personality profiles on research from behavioral scientists who have mapped certain responses in the game with job skills. As an example, the game “Wasabi Waiter” can measure many skills such as the ability to multi-task, and remember details. Reckitt Benckiser, a multinational consumer goods company, uses the game “Insanely Driven” to profile personality. Players must handle tough situations in a race that measures personality, ambition, sensitivity, and prudence. This game bases assessment on the five-factor model Hogan Personality Inventory. L’Oreal uses the game “Reveal” for its cosmetics company. This game is used to discover people based on the qualities such as Risk taking, analytical skills, and more. Additionally, there are databases that can assess what people are saying about an individual. These sites like Topsy and Klout can be used to see an individual’s influence on the world. Can This Innovation Shape the Job Market? There are pros and cons to all of this new technology. On one hand, employers can save time scheduling, and sifting through papers to find the perfect fit for their company. Candidates can avoid some of the anxiety of interviews, and loss of self-esteem from rejections. It streamlines the process of hiring, while making it a bit more evidence based. On the other hand, it also requires a loss of privacy for the person looking for a job. Companies would need access to the information that is normally private or protected by password. Another problem with the new technology is that people are not willing to give up that privacy in an age so tight on security. It also tends to limit the human contact even further than we have already in our gadget run world. Whether a job seeker wants to use the old resume and cover letter, or cutting edge new networking innovations, a career counselor can help research the best career match, based on a person’s individual qualities, and skills, as well as aid in finding the right tools for the job search in our ever changing job market. ________________________________________________________________ [1] Chamorro-Premuzic, Tomas, and Christopher Steinmetz. "The Perfect Hire." Scientific American Mind July-Aug. 2013: 43-47. [2] Kosinski, Michael, David Stillwell, and Thore Graepel. "Private Traits and Attributes Are Predictable from Digital Records of Human Behavior." Private Traits and Attributes Are Predictable from Digital Records of Human Behavior. PNAS, 11 Mar. 2013. Web. 06 July 2013.

I feel like I need to have a big sip of water, pat my belly, sigh, and sit back to digest…this book is getting good! Chapter 5: Ten Laws of Boundaries….DRUM ROLL PLEASE: Law of Sowing and Reaping: - God’s law on this is not punishment it is reality - When other people reap the consequences for someone else this is called “codependency” - People with no boundaries often interrupt this law Law of Responsibility: - This includes loving others - About being responsible ‘to’ and not for others - Not only giving but in the setting of limits on other’s destructive and irresponsible behaviour - It is not good to rescue others from the consequences of their sin as you will only need to do it again Law of Power: - We need to admit we are powerless - We have the power to admit our faults, submit to God, ask for help, turn for help, humble ourselves and apologize when wrong Law of Respect: - We tend to judge other’s people’s boundaries - We need to respect the boundaries of others, in fact we need to love them - If we love and respect people who say no they will love and respect our no Law of Motivation: - We are often motived not by love but by fear of losing it - We need to check our motivations are they based on: fear of anger, fear of losing myself, guilt, payback, approval, over identification with other’s loss Law of Evaluation: - Hurt and harm are different - We need to evaluate the effects of setting boundaries and be responsible to (not for) the other person - Need to evaluate the pain caused by our choices Law of Proactivity: - Proactive people show you what they love, what they stand for, what they want, and what they purpose - Spiritual adulthood has higher goals than finding yourself! Law of Envy: - Envy defines good as what I don’t poses - If we focus on what we don’t have we are not being responsible for what we do have - Envy should be a sign that you are lacking something (usually not what you are wanting) - take this to God Law of Activity: - Passivity can become an ally of evil if you do not resist it - God will match our efforts but he will never do the work for us - Trying, failing and trying again is called learning Law of Exposure: - Boundaries need to be made visible to others- they need to see them - Due to unexpressed boundaries relationships will suffer KEY THOUGHTS FROM THE CHAPTER: Boundaries do exist, they will affect us whether we communicate them or not (pg 103) The Ultimate Expression of Power is love (pg 98) We are called into freedom- this freedom results in gratitude and an overflowing heart(pg 94) More people suffer from trying to change others than any other sickness(pg 91) So here we are: the 10 Laws of Boundaries. Many of these seem so very obvious and others, well they are at work and I am sure as we open up we will see how we can work with them and not against them. Reference: Cloud, H., & Townsend, J. (1992) Boundaries: When to say Yes, When to say No; to take control of your life. Grand Rapids, Michigan: Zondervan.

The origins of Thanksgiving have nothing to do with a bunch of Indians and pilgrims sitting down for a bountiful feast of turkey. In reality although the settlers with pale faces had been bothering the Indians in addition to giving them many new diseases they had never had were starving by this time. The Indians took pity on them and brought them some corn and fish. Thanksgiving has a lot of emotional disappointment and this article will show you how to deal with this. This is a period of time in which you are expected to give to others and be generous. Although the intention is good it often leads to self sacrifice and disappointment. This is a period of time in which you must balance your newfound humanitarianism with the demands on your own life. If you do not continue to reach your own immediate goals either at work or at home you will find yourself being irritable and exhausted. Remember that an obligation to give to others does not mean that you have to sacrifice your own needs. You must remember to give yourself some time for your own physical and mental well-being. It is a time when we most often neglect the things we do to make ourselves happy and keep ourselves balanced like exercise, yoga, or other spiritual practices for your own physical and mental well-being This is a time to find some positive solutions to deal with your family members past resentments. Remember that when I family system gets back together it quickly returns to whatever difficulties encountered before. Even if you're the only person in the room aware of this it may help you from dealing with the fallacy that "now that we're all together we must be alright." This leads to the need to decide on your priorities and organize your time adequately. I this will counteract your feelings that you have not a planned enough for Thanksgiving. If you find additional time you can always volunteer to feed the poor would do random acts of kindness. You may also need to have planned out some unstructured inexpensive holiday activity because this holiday evokes a feeling of being served good food rather than organizing fun things to participate in. Spending some time thinking about this will save the day when you are reunited with your family and no one knows what to do. One of the major fallacies are that Thanksgiving will take away feelings of loneliness, sadness, fear, anger and frustration. This holiday is heavily advertised is a time in which everyone appreciates being together. The fallacy behind that becomes clear when you are reuniting with family members and you realize why you have become independent of them. You may find yourself being overwhelmed with anger or fear or worse yet feeling alone being surrounded by your family. The worst emotion that creeps up on this holiday is resentment. It is usually triggered by a previous bad relationship with a family member. Beware of grudges and slights you have suffered in the past and keep them from resurfacing. Thanksgiving is designed to encourage gluttony. This is not an open invitation to eat too much. Remember that most people with eating disorders simply want to have something to control in their lives and to avoid the resentment and self-hatred you will naturally feel after eating way past feeling hungry. This includes other over indulgences. You know by now what you need to keep a careful eye on so that you don't lose control and this may be an opportunity to set an example with other family members who still have raging addictions. You may want to have some contingency plans when they become abusively angry, drunk or chemically impaired. If it the end of the holiday feast you find yourself still feeling depressed or resentful remember what the Indians did. They didn't like these foreigners who is strange customs and behaviors showed such a resentment towards nature that it disrupted and destroyed the Indian culture. Yet they still took pity on these poor starving people and threw them a fish or two.

By Tanya Glover Theravive.com Contributor Into all lives a little ran must fall. And fall it does for everyone at one time or another. As emotional beings, we all get the occasional blues. This is a normal part of life. Maybe you have had a bad day or maybe you feel down for a reason we cannot quite put your finger on, but that does not qualify us for the diagnosis of depression. Depression is a deep feeling of sadness that does not go away on its own. This sadness affects all aspects our life; family life, social life, work life – everything. You may not want to take care of yourself, your family or your work responsibilities. It is more severe for some than it is for others. No matter how deep your problem with depression is, there are treatments available to help make your life better. Depression Symptoms: While not everyone who suffers from depression will have all of the symptoms, many have at least 2 or 3 of the most common ones. Also keep in mind that the signs and symptoms of depression vary from one person to another and that men, women and children may all show differing signs. This illness does not fit into a box but is rather in a broad spectrum. ØFatigue ØFeeling empty ØFeeling anxious ØFeeling sad ØPreoccupation with death or thoughts of suicide ØIrritability/restlessness ØNo appetite or increased appetite (Some people overeat when depressed and others cannot eat at all.) ØInsomnia ØFeeling helpless ØIrrational feelings of guilt ØFeeling worthless ØTrouble concentrating and focusing ØShort term memory problems ØLoss of interest in things that used to hold meaning (work, hobbies, sex) ØHeadaches, body aches, stomach issues (Emotional issues can manifest into physical problems for some people.) Another factor in depression is that the person may have other conditions which have brought on depression that did not exist before or that have enhanced depression that already existed. For instance, if a person with an otherwise happy life finds out that they have HIV/AIDS then this would be an illness that may bring on depression. Someone already suffers from depression may find it getting worse once they are diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. Often times, someone who has a substance abuse problem also suffers from depression as well. The good news is that once treatment for depression begins, it can help with the other illnesses that go along with the depression. Anyone, of any age/race/culture/gender, can suffer from depression. Many people do not realize that young children can become depressed in the same ways that adults can. There are many things in a child’s life that can become major stressors and cause them to feel depressed. This should be taken very seriously as children who develop depression are at high risk for also developing anxiety disorders and other issues that can affect them throughout their entire lives. And though anyone can become depressed, studies show that more women have depression then do men. This may be due to the fact that women are more emotional creatures or that men simply do not report their depression as much as women do. Many emotional issues in men do not get reported as they are much less likely to seek help then are women. What Caused Depression There are many reasons that people become depressed. There is clinical depression and situational depression. Clinical depression comes from chemical imbalances in our brains. Situational depression is directly connected to some event in our lives that makes us depressed. ØDeath of a loved one ØDivorce/separation ØJob loss ØFinancial issues ØStress in general ØAny other traumatic changes or events When it comes to situational depression, almost anything in one’s life can cause it depending on the person and the importance of the event in their lives. Clinical depression, caused by chemical imbalance, can be something that is passed on through genetics. Both can be treated. Treatment for Depression Even the most severe cases of depression are treatable and the first step in getting treatment is talking with your doctor. They will either be able to help you themselves or point you in the right direction to get the help you need. This is a very important step as your doctor will be able to figure out if your symptoms are being caused by an underlying medical condition that needs to be treated in order to rid you of the depression symptoms. If the depression is in fact, a legitimate mental health issue, you may be referred to a mental health specialist for proper treatment. This will depend on the reason for and the severity of the depression. The most common treatments for depression are medications and therapy. Psychotherapy There are many types of therapeutic techniques that are highly beneficial for people with depression. The most common techniques are Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Interpersonal Therapy (IPT). It is the opinion of some therapist that both of these techniques can be used in conjunction in order to benefit the client to the fullest. CBT is used to show people how to change their negative way of behaving and thinking. Through this process, they are shown how they contribute to their own depression. By doing this, they can begin to learn how to change the things that need changing in order to rid themselves of depression. IPT is a technique used to help the client understand the reasons for their depression and work through them. This type of therapy pinpoints the reason for the depression and helps the client to see how the situation has either made or contributed to their depression. This is a good form of talk therapy that allows the client to explore their lives and see what can be changed to help with their depression. While both IPT and CBT are beneficial for people with depression, it may not be enough. Many times it is necessary to mix therapy with medication. Research has shown that when used in conjunction with therapy, medication can be beneficial in keeping the depression away for good. This is true even after therapy is terminated and the medication continues. You may need to stay on the medication for the long term after the therapy is over, but this has shown to be very successful in way of treating people with depression, especially severe cases. Medications Antidepressants are the most commonly used medications for depression. These drugs serve to change a person’s mood, even though researchers do not know exactly why or how they work. All they know for sure is that they keep the neurotransmitters in the brain at the correct place to even out and balance a person’s mood. While antidepressants are effective in most cases, there are side effects for some. (Some people have no negative side effects and some do. So it is important to monitor yourself when you first begin taking the medication. If one does not do well for you then your doctor can try something else.) Some of the most common side effects of antidepressants are: ØNausea ØVomiting ØHeadache ØCotton mouth ØSexual dysfunction ØInsomnia ØNervousness ØDrowsiness (moderate to severe) ØConstipation If any of these symptoms persist or bother you enough to where you simply stop taking the medication it is time to see your doctor. There are other drugs to try that may work better and you should never stop taking this sort of drug suddenly. Many of them require the patient to be weaned off as stopping altogether my make the depression return tenfold. The Light at the End of the Tunnel If you or a loved one suffers from depression and are doing so in silence, please know that you do not have to hoe this row alone. Depression is one of the most common illnesses in the world and the treatments are typically effective. There is no reason to feel ashamed of being depressed and needing help as you are not the first one, the last one or even one in a million who suffers from this illness. Billions have felt the cold fingers of depression and have found warmth and light through treatment and family support. One of these people can be you.

By Debra Bacon Theravive.com Contributor Simply defined Communication simply defined is: “the exchange of thoughts, messages, or information, as by speech, signals, writing, or behavior.” Communication is very important in all aspects of our lives. The way we interact with our colleagues, peers and managers is important from a professional standpoint. Often, when considering improving our communication skills, we tend to think about our techniques in this realm. After all, it is our livelihood. However, there are many areas of our lives where communication is as important, if not more as that of the professional relationship. That is the way we speak, move, act or otherwise signal our spouse, partner, children, family members and friends. Moreover, our way of interaction with the general public is very significant. Let’s talk, blog, bleep, or otherwise say Today, we have multiple ways to communicate from the face-to-face conversation, to email, IM, skype, Facebook, cell phones and many, many more. Developing effective communication skills is an ever evolving process. Flexibility and compromise are essential in communication today. The way we relay thoughts, messages or information warrants serious analysis. Let’s take a look at five key areas that can be very effective in the way we communicate with others, whatever form of communication we are using. They are: a two-way flow of conversation; actively listen; rapport building; positive focus and honesty. Two-way flo w of conversation: A conversation, whether verbal or written should always be balanced. Both people should contribute to the conversation to feel validated. If you have a problem talking too much, interrupting or dominating conversations try this exercise. Open your mind to what the other person is saying. Quiet the thoughts running through your head. Try not to formulate a rebuttal before the other person has finished their thought. Yours will be incomplete and likely inconsiderate. Actively listen: It is important to hear what the speaker is saying. Take mental notes of important points in the conversation. If you are simply staring at someone and do not comprehend what they are saying, there may be an underlying cause. Perhaps you are tired, stressed or emotionally absent. Search for the reason and get help overcoming the problem. Otherwise be engaged with the speaker. Try this exercise to help you actively listen.Be attentive to the communication skills or style of someone you respect, and practice what you have noticed. Begin to apply the techniques in your own life with others. Rapport building: It is important to build trust or a common ground with those to whom you communicate. Try this exercise when building rapport.Offer a solid handshake along with a friendly smile when introducing yourself, or greeting someone. Be aware of your body language. Lean forward a bit, it shows you are interested. If the speaker is sitting, if appropriate, you should sit also, being eye level puts you on an equal plane. And lastly, make eye contact. Positive focus: Life hands us ups and downs and it is okay to share that at times; however, try not to be a complainer. Try this exercise to offer positive reinforcement.Always lead into a conversation with a positive statement about what is right in a situation, prior to launching into the negative aspects. You will find people respond better when they are acknowledged for what they have done right, or hear what is good about a situation. Honesty: Always be honest and try not to drum up flattering insincere words. People will pick up on this and will not take you seriously. Try this exercise to assist you in being forthright and honest. Avoid using words that are designed to manipulate others to get what you want. Be honest about what you want. Speak directly with confidence. This will leave others feeling you have their best interest in mind. It leaves them with a choice without feeling guilty. These same exercises can be applied in the written form of communication as well. Paying attention to tone is key when writing. It is more difficult to catch the tone of someone’s meaning without hearing their voice, or looking at them for cues. Brush up on your written skills as necessary.

By Debra Bacon Theravive.com Contributor When a breakup occurs, picking up the pieces of our life can be a daunting task. It may seem impossible to imagine feeling “normal” again. The pain associated with a breakup can leave us feeling overwhelmed, confused, lonely and sad. No matter the cause of the breakup, it disrupts your life in ways that are unsettling. However, there are ways to grow and learn from the experience, as you process the loss. Overcoming loss A breakup--whether a long-term dating relationship, or divorce--wreaks havoc on your emotions. The void left in your life after calling it quits is not easy to fill. It is very important to take care of yourself during this time. After a relationship fails, feelings of intense grief, stress and regret over lost dreams and shared goals set in. Things are unfamiliar, and other relationships are affected. How to handle relationships with mutual friends and extended family members of whom you have become close too can be difficult and stressful to determine. You may even question you own identity. Depending on the length of time together, more often than not, you shared everything from activities, to dining and hanging out. You may begin to stress over questions like: How will you fill your time? What will it be like to be alone? Will you ever find someone else, or even want to? Don’t go it alone. Reach out to your family and close friends for support or join a support group. Bottling up your feelings will only heighten stress levels. Don’t be afraid to seek professional counseling. Allow feelings. The idea of allowing ourselves to feel the hurt in our heart and mind is almost unbearable. However, it is a necessary step in grieving. You may experience feeling of anger, resentment, sadness, relief, fear, and confusion. Recognize these feelings and realize where and why they are present. Work through it. Keep a journal. Writing down your feelings helps hash things out in your mind. Often it provides an outlet for frustration, or a place to record our future hopes and milestones. Be honest with yourself in your journa l. Don’t allow guilt to overcome you on the days you feel fine or you feel a renewed spirit within you. Relish them, there are more to come as healing progresses. Take things slowly. Give yourself a break. It is okay to feel differently than before. Rediscover your passions in life and slowly begin to venture out and act on them. Remember to take things one step at a time, one day at a time. Healing takes time, be kind to yourself, and remember you will move past the hurt. You can make it. Lessons learned From every crisis, an open door is before us, and a closed one behind. Take this time in between the two, to grow emotionally and spiritually. There will come a time when you will reflect on things you have learned from the experience. To completely reconcile yourself from the breakup and move on, it is important to understand what happened and what role each of you played in the relationship, and ultimate breakup. As you begin to heal and apply lessons learned from your decisions, you are likely not to make the same mistakes again.