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By Tanya Glover Theravive.com Contributor In today’s world our children have things that we never dreamed of having as children! The internet is wonderful in and of itself but social networking has been a main focus of the web since MySpace was created. It was all downhill from there as other companies decided to jump on the social networking bandwagon. Now the two largest social networking sites are Facebook and MySpace and boy do kids and teenagers love those sites! As a parent, I am fine with my children using their Facebook accounts. But, there are responsibilities that come with using such technologies and this is what your children must learn to be safe on social networking sites. What Goes on the Internet Stays on the Internet When we are teenagers we did very little deep thinking as to what the consequences of our present behaviors can mean to our future. The wrong thing posted online can haunt you forever. Every comment, every picture, every behavior-good and bad, stays etched in stone on the World Wide Web. This is something that must be driven home to your children. Of course though they will think you are overreacting and have no clue what you are talking about. After all, we are just parents so what do we know? We were never teenager’s right? I remember thinking that about my parents as a teenager and now I can look back and understand that they did know what they were talking about and most of it was right on the money, although I did not see it at the time. Here are the things that your teen needs to understand about the consequences of their actions dealing with social networking. ØDo not post any pictures that you would not want your parents, teachers, grandparents, or church clergy to see. If they would find it questionable then so would others. ØWatch the language you use on your Facebook or other social networking site. Again, if you would not be proud to show others this language then you do not want it on your page. ØDo not talk about behaviors that you know are harmful, illegal, or dangerous. ØDo not gossip, pick on, or otherwise slander others on your page or anyone else’s. ØDo not pick fights, threaten, or allow yourself to be baited into an altercation online. You Never Know Who is Checking on You These are not just a random list of no-no’s. Each one has a reason behind it and most of it has to do with your child’s future and what it will become. In today’s technological society, there are many people who will examine ones Facebook or MySpace page. This is done for many reasons. Colleges If you’re teen plans on being college bound, once his or her application is received they are going to be examined and investigated. One of the first things that colleges do today is look up the applicants social networking pages. If when they go to their page and see a picture of your child in sexual poses or engaging in drinking or drugs then that application will go in the denied pile. Even if your teen has had these pictures removed, they are still there somewhere! Again, just because you delete it does not mean it is gone. The internet saves everything you do. Potential Employers As with colleges, many employers want to see your social networking sites too. They feel that they can get to know one’s character better by doing this. If they see questionable pictures, comments, or behaviors on the page then the probability of getting that job is almost zero. Employers tend to dig deep in order to find the best and most reputable employees for their company. Someone who curses and insults others or posts pictures of themselves drinking and partying will not make the cut. Big Brother is Watching Well-maybe not Big Brother but close enough. Officers and other government officials do keep watch on social networking sites. If someone is using these sites to threaten, abuse, bully, or otherwise mistreat someone else then they can be looking at a very serious situation. Communicating threats is a crime in every state and by doing so in a public forum you are opening up yourself for some big time trouble. Again, you can delete your comments but they ARE STILL THERE. Deadly Consequences Over the past few years there have been several cases where, due to activity on social networking sites, teenagers have committed suicide. What is the cause of this drastic action? Typically it is because someone has bullied them on a social networking site where other outsiders have joined in until the teen was so overwhelmed by the attacks that they take their own lives. To find out who played a role in the death of the teen, law enforcement uses proof found on the social networking sites. Each person who verbally attacked or threatened the victim can be held responsible for the suicide. While I am sure that those involved never meant for the victim to take their own life, they did play a part and legally speaking, often must pay the price for that. Losing Credibility Another case of harm done due to social networking deals with a college professor, a student, and an internship director. The college student applied for an internship with a prestigious company and the sole reason she was awarded the position was because of the glowing letter of recommendation her college professor wrote for her. Once she began the internship the employer came across her Facebook and was furious with the professor who recommended her so highly. On her page were pictures of her in engaged in sexual behavior, heavy drinking, and drug use. The professor’s only excuse was that the girl he knew was a nice and studious person and he had never thought to look at her Facebook page. The girl lost her internship position and the professor lost his credibility with the employing company. Conclusion It is clear why you should stress responsible and respectful behavior to your children and teens when it comes to what they post on the internet. Something you did when you were 16 can, and often times does, have a profound effect on the things you do in the future. For a young person it may seem like a small issue but if they do not grasp this information now, by the time they do realize you were correct it may just be too late. As a parent you have a right to know what your child is doing online. Make it a rule that you will have to know all their passwords so you can check on what they are doing whenever you feel the need to do so. If you find something that is contrary to the responsibilities you have explained to them then you may have to go over the list again or maybe even take their computer privileges for a set amount of time. For repeat offenses it may be necessary to have their social networking sites deleted until you feel they are able to use them responsibly. You must do whatever it takes and they may be angry with you at the moment, but in the future they will thank you for being such vigilant parents and for protecting them from themselves.

By Tanya Glover Theravive.com Contributor There are many challenges a parent of a special needs child faces. The one I have most recently had to deal with is my son’s transition to a new school. For a special needs child, change can be very difficult. Many of these children rely on routine and consistency, so when a major change comes, it can be very scary for them and the parents as well. Helping them (and yourself) becomes top priority when change occurs. Changing Schools Though your special needs child may be in a self contained classroom, they still have to change grades and therefore teachers and schools. This can be a stressful experience for the child and for you as well. My son has just entered middle school (grades 6-8). The school he had been at previously (grades 3-5) was a place that he had grown accustom to, as did I. He had the same teacher and teacher’s assistant for the past 2 years. The school was fairly small and he knew where to go for everything he needed and also knew all of the staff. He was comfortable with this school and the staff, as was I. Knowing he had to change to a new school this year was something at the front of my mind for quite some time. When you have a special needs child you worry about all sorts of things. Will his teachers give him what he needs? Will the other kids be kind to him? Will he be able to navigate the new school without getting scared and lost? There are so many things to consider and I will share what I have done and what you can do to, to help yourself and your special needs child. Tips to Quell Your Fears The first thing anyone of a special needs child should do before sending them to a new school is to visit the school yourself with your child. This is the first step in ensuring the needs of your child will be met. When you meet with your child’s teacher, ask questions! Have a list of questions with you so you do not forget something you may feel important. In order to feel better about your child’s new situation, have the new teacher explain to you how their daily routine works. Even special needs children in a self contained classroom participate in elective classes. This means that they will likely spend at least some time with the regular classes. Make sure you know what their schedule is so if you need to check up on them you know exactly where they are and when. Not only do you need to ask questions, you must also assert yourself by telling the staff that will be working with your child about his or her needs. For example, my son can only read, write, and spell his first and last name. This is something I want them to be aware of so they do not just give him work to do and expect that he will complete it by himself. Also, if you child has any problem with self care issues, make this known. Tell the teacher if you child needs help with buttons or zippers for instance. If your child takes medication be sure to let their teacher and the other staff involved in his or her care know about this. Make sure the dosage and frequency are made known and when the child takes the medication. If your child must take medication at school, make sure you are aware of the schools policy on medication at school. Usually there are rules about this and there must be a doctor’s note of file for the medication to be used at school. In addition to that, your child will most likely not be allowed to carry the medication with them but must leave it at the office instead. When it is time to take the medication, your child will be sent to the office to get it from the staff. Get Informed About Classroom Policy Some teachers welcome parents to pop in whenever they would like to. In my opinion, this is the most ideal situation. If this is allowed and/or encouraged, do so as often as you can! A teacher that wants the parent involved and in the classroom is a teacher who finds it important for the parents to participate in the education process. It also says to me that the teacher has nothing to hide and do not mind the parents seeing how they handle their classroom. Many times schools are underfunded and the teachers actually welcome help from the parents. This is a fantastic way to be involved in your child’s education and be able to keep an eye on them as well! Issues for the Custodial Parent Some children are from a divorced family and some are even in danger from the absent parent .This is the case with my son who was shaken by his biological father. This happened so long ago and the judgment was that I was to have full custody and the biological father would never be allowed to be near him again. Every school he has been in took my word as to the custody issue and it was listed that his biological father would never be allowed access to him. Now that he is in a different school things have changed. Due to the size of the new school they are very strict on custody policies and require that each parent have a copy of custody on file at the school. If this is a concern for you be sure to check out your child’s school policy on this. If there is a rule about absent parents having access to their children if no custody papers are on file, you need to be aware of this and take the proper steps. With no custody papers, the only thing the school can do to stop the absent parent from acquiring the child is place a courtesy call to you and try to stall for the time it takes for you to arrive and intervene. This is VERY IMPORTANT. The law states that if the parents name on the birth certificate matches the identification the parent is carrying, the school legally has no choice but to release the child UNLESS there are custody papers on file at the school. While you may think that the absent parent would never try to take your child from their school, it is always best to plan for the worst and hope for the best. Conclusion Though it can be a scary experience for your entire family, switching your special needs child to a new school is just one of many new changes your child will have to face in their lives. Be strong for them so they can feel confident about being able to handle the change. If you have to walk your child to class for a few weeks until he or she can make their own way, do it, as it can also help to ease your own anxiety. Keep in regular contact with your child’s teacher because sharing information is good for all involved and can help the child both at school and at home. Above, all fight for your child. If you feel that they are not getting what they need at their new school, speak up! You are their voice and must be loud and unwavering.

By Tanya Glover Theravive.com Contributor Protecting Your Children in the Digital Age When I was a child we played outside until our parents called us in for supper or when it got dark, whichever one came first. We played hide and seek and tag, and rode our bikes. Television was a treat that we only got to an hour, or maybe two, per day. We knew who our neighbors were and we knew where the dangers were as well. Sadly, the world that I grew up in is now gone and the dangers our parents faced pale in comparison to what the parents of today have to worry over. I knew not to talk to strangers and not to go with someone I did not know. But, today, strangers can reach our children in places we would have never thought imaginable in the past. With computers, cell phones, and other technological items, danger is lurking around every corner and it is difficult to know where it may come from and how to protect our children from it. This is a scary world we live in. While we cannot protect our children from everything all of the time, there are some preventative measures that can be taken in order to help ensure their safety. It is enough to make you shudder. The Internet: Full of Information and Full of Danger The World Wide Web can be a wonderful place. Who could have imagined that one day we would have any information we wanted right at our fingertips? We use it to work, we use it play, and we use it to keep in contact with family and friends around the globe. Schools have started doing away with hard copy text books and traditional teaching and instead opting for using computers are the main teaching and learning tools. People have little use for libraries anymore and when is the last time anyone can remember finding a door to door encyclopedia salesman on their doorstep? There is no need for such things in the day in age! Do you need to know how to make a roast chicken? Look it up on the internet. Need to know when each president of the United States was born? Again, use the internet. I am not saying this is a good or bad thing. It is just a fact. And it is for the most part, quite useful. Our children can do their school reports and find every bit of information they need on one machine. They can chat with their friends from school without tying up the phone lines (for those of you who still have a land line). Yes, these are good things come with having internet access. However, with the good always comes the bad and when it comes to the internet, there is a significant amount of the bad. With the growing popularity of social websites such as Face Book and MySpace, people are able to contact your children with ease. For the most part, the people that your children have on their friends list are pals from school and family members, but there are also many people who reach out to children online who are predators. One downside to the internet is that you can be whoever you want to be. Your daughter may receive a friend request from someone who says they are a boy her age living in another country. Your son may receive a friend request from a girl his age claiming to go to a neighboring high school. In reality the young man may be a 40 year old man surfing for his next victim and the young girl may be 34 year old woman who has a thing for young boys. The person befriending your child may be a killer, a rapist, a kidnapper, or a child molester. Internet identities can be very elusive. While the web is a wonderful place to educate yourself it is also the best thing that has ever happened to child predators. This is why educating your children on the dangers of the internet and laying down ground rules for internet usage is so important to their safety. Knowledge if Power It would be impossible to keep your child away from the internet. You can find it everywhere; home, school, friend’s houses, libraries; cell phones all have internet access. Also, you do not really want to keep them away from it. The internet holds wonderful discoveries for them and will most likely play an important part in their education and possibly even their adult careers. Since you cannot keep them away from it then you must educate them on the dangers they can, and most likely will, encounter. Talk to your children honestly about what is out there. Give them the freedom to access the internet but only under certain conditions, letting them know that the rules must be followed if they want to keep the privilege of internet usage. The rules should be specific and non-negotiable. · Computer use will be done in a central part of the home where their activity can be monitored. Being alone in their bedroom is a no-no. This is not to say that you should not trust your children but please understand that their ability to make the right choices has not developed highly enough to trust that they will handle certain situations properly all of the time. · As the parent, you should have every password to every account your child has. This includes social network sites and emails. You should be able to access any of your child’s accounts at anytime and should do so often. Monitoring their online behavior can help to ensure their safety. If they do not want to give you their passwords then they do not get to use the internet. Make it clear that you do not want this information in order to spy on them or because you do not trust them. They may not believe you but at least you are being a responsible parent and making sure that they are okay. · Look over the friends who you children socialize with online. If you do not know some of them, ask questions. If your child admits to having met them online and not knowing them in the real world, do some investigating. If you cannot find any valid information or verify who they really are block all contact. Even if you find yourself suspicious of someone, step in. Gut feelings are usually right and should be followed. Always err on the side of caution. · Block websites. There are many sites with content that you may fell is inappropriate for your children. Use the computers parental controls to ensure that your child does not have access to any place you do not feel is appropriate. · Check the history on any computer your children use. Find out where they have been going and who they have been connecting with. · For any parent who feels that their child cannot be trusted to do the right thing online, make it a rule that they cannot use the internet when they are home alone. Some children are savvy enough to know how to delete browsing history so you cannot see what they have been up to. Talk to Your Children About the Dangers of the Internet Talking to your children is the most important thing in keeping them safe. Setting rules in important and helpful, but without telling them why the rules have been set it is pointless. They will simply think you are being mean or unfair or trying to ruin their lives. (The last one is my favorite. It is typical teenage mellow drama.) · Tell your children about internet predators. They need to know that they cannot trust everyone and especially not someone they have befriended from on internet meeting. · Let them know that if they feel uncomfortable or in any way threatened by someone they are talking to online that they should come to you right away. They do not need to try to handle it alone. I actually tested this one on my stepdaughter one night. While she was on the computer in the family room I got on mine in the bedroom. I made up a male screen name and started chatting with her. She was polite at first but once I asked where she lived and if I could come see her she could be heard running down the hall telling me that some guy she does not know is asking for her personal information and she was scared by it. I did confess that it was me but I was very glad to know that the things we warned her about sunk in! · Make very clear to your children that they are not to give out any personal information over the internet. This means no phone numbers, no addresses, and no other identifying information that may allow a predator to track them down. This includes telling someone where they go to school or when their soccer practice is. · If your child is going to the skating rink on Friday night do not post it anywhere online. While this sounds like innocent enough information meant for their friends to read, it can lead a predator right to their location. · Do not divulge any routine information. This includes the times when their parents get home from work, when they get home from school, or where they are every Monday afternoon after school. Again, this type of information can bring danger right to them without them even knowing it. Don’t Be Afraid to Be the Parent It can be hard to lay down so many rules for your children, but rest assured, you are not being an over protective parent. You are not being paranoid as the danger you fear is very real. Your children may not like the rules and may be angry with you for setting so many limits but remember that you are the parent. While you may want your child to think you are a “cool” parent or you may fear them being angry with you, it is much better for them to be mad then to be gone. One day when they are parents they will look back and have a real understanding of why you made the rules that you did. And just think; If the parents of today have so many things to worry about in way of the dangers from technology, just imagine what our children will have to face when they become parents.

By Tanya Glover Theravive.com Contributor Caring for Your Aging Parents When we are children it seems that are parents will be there to care for us forever. When we become adults and have children of our own it seems that Grandma and Grandpa will always be there. After all, parents are the ones who are supposed to take care of you right? But, then the day comes when the parents you once knew, strong, vital, and full of life, begin to fade. The reality is a hard one to face, but the time comes when you become the caregiver. The relationship switches places with you as the parent and them as the children. This has a profound effect on the dynamic of the relationship and there are many moments where you wonder if you can do it. It is painful and emotionally draining but there is help for children who are caregivers. You just have to look for it and ask for it. Help for the Helper I know from personal experience how taxing it is to care for an aging parent. If you are an only child it can be twice as hard. However, if you have siblings, you can ban together to provide the care your parent needs. For many families, nursing homes are not an option. Maybe it is an issue with money but with my family it is an issue with a promise. My husband and his siblings promised his mother that she would not be put in a nursing home no matter what happened. It has been a year since she has gotten sick. A year of having all of our lives turned upside down. A year of spending limited time with our families due to the schedule they all keep, taking turns caring for Mom. Even with four siblings it was too overwhelming so we turned to the state. Home health can be a wonderful thing, but because of the heavy changes made in the system due to government cuts, the hours the state will provide for home health care have been cut drastically. My mother-in-law who cannot be left alone for a moment and if total care only receives an hour and a half per day in state funded care and this is an absolute travesty. Knowing that we all work and that she needed 24 hour care, we looked outside the state help and hired people to come in to her home and care for her during the rest of our working hours. This has been financially hard, as I am sure it would be for many people, but this is certainly a viable option for someone who must provide care for their aging parent. If you must do this there are a few options that you can pursue. First, look to the home health agencies. Many certified nurses aides are happy to have some extra outside work to do as because of the state changes they have lost hours and income. You can find caring and dedicated aids this way. Another avenue to take is advertising. Craigslist is the perfect place to put an ad announcing that you are interested in hiring an aide to help care for your parent. You can take applications and do interviews, finding the best match for your parent as well as you. If you do not require full time care but need some respite days, you can go to your local social service office and see what they can do for you. Many times there are programs that help with assistance in providing a few hours here and there so you, the caregiver, can take care of yourself. If this does not work for you then you may go to your place of worship and ask for help. Many times, a church family can be just as kind and caring as a biological family and there may be someone there that would not mind helping out here and there. Asking for help may be the only way to keep your sanity in this hard time and if you ask, so shall you receive. Caregiver Burn-Out After pouring so much time and energy into caring for your aging parent it you can start to feel completely burnt out. Once upon a time, going to sit with your parent was a pleasure and recreational activity but now that things have changed it can seem more like an unpleasant chore. No matter how much you feel obligated to care for your parent, it cannot be done at the expense of your own mental or physical health. In addition to asking for outside help, it is important to get emotional support for yourself. Talk to your family about what you are going though. Confide your feelings to your spouse. Just talking about things can be a very cathartic experience and make the load feel just a little lighter. If you cannot take care of your own emotions then you will not be able to care for anyone else either. Talking to a counselor may also be beneficial for you. Sometimes the thoughts and feelings you are having may be hard to share with family. You may be feeling angry or frustrated that you have this burden. You may be hoping that it will be over soon and if so that would mean the parents death. These thoughts and feelings, while natural, can be hard to share with family. You may feel guilty about having these feelings and are scared to share them with family because you fear that they will judge you harshly. When talking to a counselor you do not have to fear these things. They are there to help you cope and not to judge. Expressing yourself to an unbiased third party can be very helpful and give you strength to forge ahead. A counselor can also offer helpful ideas on how to better help family cope as well. Always remember that being a caregiver, to a parent or anyone else, require the special care for yourself as well. Being at your best is in your best interest as well at the person you are caring for. The Feelings of the Aging Parent While the caregiver is at the heart of this article, it is also important to remember that the aging parent is going though many emotional and physical changes as well. Needing to have your children take care of you can be a difficult experience. As the parent, they are used to being your caregiver. Having the roles reversed can feel embarrassing and shameful for them. Having your children see you exposed physically is something most parents never imagined happening and it is hard for them to accept that it must be done. Remember this when you are providing care. If you must bath your parent, give as much privacy as possible. Cover the areas you are not washing or cleaning with a towel or blanket. Talk to them while you are providing care. This can make the mood lighter, more natural and less uncomfortable for both parent and child. Keep in mind that as much as you would rather not see your parent in this way, your parent likes it even less. When the Aging Parent has Dementia/Alzheimer’s An aging parent may not only need care due to physical ailments. Mental issues may also come into play. This can be much harder on the caregiver and presents a whole different set of emotional issues. Having worked in lock down units in nursing homes with patients with these types of problems I can say without a doubt that it is much harder on the family then the patient when these illnesses are present. At the later stages of dementia and Alzheimer’s the patient in is ignorant bliss for the majority of the time. The family must deal with the fact that their parent does not know who they are or have any recollection of their past. The emotional implications of this part of the disease(s) are staggering and the family suffers greatly. There are varying degrees of mental dysfunction with people with these illnesses. For my mother-in-law, there is part time coherence. When that is gone however, she says very hurtful things to her children and this has had a profound emotional effect on them. The thing to remember in these cases is that the parent does not mean what they are saying and they don’t know what they are saying. Though it does not make it much easier for the child it is important to remember this so the care they provide is not affected by the hurt being doled out. It can be very overwhelming but the thing I try to point out to my in-laws is that their mother does not mean what she is saying and if she knew what she was putting them through she would hate herself. She did not ask to be in this condition anymore then the family did. Keeping this in mind can help very much in getting through the day to day care of your aging parent with dementia or Alzheimer’s. When at Home Care is No Longer Possible The time may come when it is no longer possible to care for you parent at home. Maybe the parents physical health has declined to the point that they cannot get the things they need outside of a facility. Maybe the parent who has a mental disorder has become violent and the family and the parent are both put in danger. No matter why the choice must be made, it is a hard thing to do. No one wants to put their parent in a nursing home. As someone who has worked in nursing homes, I know that the quality of care is not what it should be and any fears that the family has about their parent not receiving the care they deserve are well founded. In my experience, the patients who receive the best care are the ones whose family visits often and pop up at different times of the day. Once the presence of the family is known the staff appears to pay closer attention to the patient then they would a patient whose family never visits. This is a sad reality but a reality none the less. So, if you must put your parent in a nursing home commit yourself to visiting often, calling often, and coming in when you are not expected to be there. This will ensure that your parent is getting the care that they deserve and require. You Can Only Do So Much While you may want to do it all for your aging parent, you can only do so much and can only offer what you have both emotionally and financially. If you do not feel as if you are able to do enough do not feel guilty. You are human too and cannot just stop living your own life and providing care for your own family. If you must put your parent in a nursing home there can be a great deal of guilt from that decision as well. While it is hard not to feel this way try to keep in mind that you have done the best that you can do for your parent and for yourself and your family. You can still provide care and should do so. Advocate for your aging parent and know that they love you for what you have done and would not want for you to feel guilt or pain.

By Debra Bacon Theravive.com Contributor Missing out Many children are missing out on the joys of childhood, because pushy parents are trying to ensure their babes are in vogue with the most popular social cachet. Shocking statistics, revealed in a recent study, suggests that pushy parents “over timetable” their children. They have school, followed by extra-curricular activities and clubs. After spending 32.5 hours a week in school, add too that six hours of homework, seven more hours of parent to child teaching through play. Top it off with five hours a week reading together. Then, include as many as three activities a week, such as music, sports or other clubs. Totaling a whopping 53 hours a week pushy parents are “working” their kids; leaving them exhausted. It is hard to imagine that a large number of parents are inadvertently working their children into exhaustion. The push The insatiable appetite to have their child succeed drives pushy parents to make good choices turn bad. For the most part, parents want the best for their children, and believe that enrolling them in sports or other team activities will help them grow socially. The fear that grips parents concerning their children’s development, as related to them being on the same level as their peers, can be overwhelming. Instinct kicks in, to divide and conquer any possible threat standing in the path of success. Within the realm of competitiveness, of which we work and play in, it can appear that the best jobs, schools and opportunities go to the swiftest, brightest and most socially engaged. While in part true, if this mindset becomes a part of parents drive for their children, it can become dangerous. It no longer is about the child’s development, it is about success at any cost. Because of a near emotional breakdown--of a five-year-old--the study further revealed the parents removed their child from his extra-curricular activities. He was completely exhausted and worn down. Pushing our children to excel in activities we choose for them at an early age, is often more pressure than necessary to put upon them. Parents begin to teach their toddlers how to recite the alphabet, or count to ten, years before they enter pre-school. Others, go to the extremes of sabotaging their children’s nemesis--whether real or imagined to be so. Countless stories resonate through the airwaves of very harmful events, even death, caused by a pushy parent wanting their child to be on top. But the more realistic day-to-day reality is that parents are simply desirous to be as hands-on as they can with their children. However, taking inventory and admitting this can be difficult for a parent. Restore the joy Children will perform poorly when exhausted, and will ultimately excel at very little, or worse yet, nothing. The purpose by which started the push to excel then thwarted, by over scheduling your children. Exploration by natural curiosity brings about a great deal of knowledge and development, when children are allowed to play and be. Assess the time you are taking out of your child’s life with extra-curricular activities, and regroup if necessary.

By Debra Bacon Theravive.com Contributor Relationships, hormones and pressures Teenage years are challenging for the teen and parents. Maintaining an open and communicative relationship with your teen is vital as they move through adolescence. Hormonal changes, mood swings and peer pressure are a part of the growth process, however, it is important to be aware of subtle, and overt signs that trouble may be on the horizon. While some unusual behavior is normal with teens, knowing your teen--how they generally react and interact with you--will help in identifying potential problems. Red Flags Following are signs to watch for that may indicate your teen is headed down the wrong path. Isolation: During adolescence, a teenager typically distances themselves a bit more than before from family. Yet, if your teen is avoiding your advances toward conversation and interaction, there may be a problem. If they spend more time away from home or alone, locked in their room, a red flag should go up. This can be an indication of drug use or depression. Sudden weight loss and/or appetite change: This behavior is indicative of peer and social pressures to look a certain way. An eating disorder, depression or drug use can be at the root of this conduct. Extreme mood swings: Mood swings are a common thing with teens. Therefore, it is a bit more difficult to discern what is problematic and what is normal. However, knowing your teens normal reactions will assist you follow up accordingly. This behavior could be a sign of social problems; hanging out with the wrong crowd. Meet your teen’s friends and their parents. Know who they are spending their time with and what values their parents hold dear. Declining grades or lack of interest in school/activities: Since teens have so much on their minds, at times, a lack of interest in school work could be chalked up as normal. However, if their grades are falling sharply, they are cutting classes and pulling out of activities once enjoyed, it is time to check-in. Get to know your teen’s teachers and find a way of communicating with them on a regular basis. Be involved in your adolescence education and school activities. Motivation issues: If your once spunky teen suddenly begins to seem more tired, and uninterested in hobbies and former friends, they could have a problem with substance abuse. They could be depressed or feeling isolated and alone. Talk with them, let them know you care. Be available to listen, love and offer advice, if needed. Get Involved If your teen is showing signs of unusual behavior, it is the parents’ responsibility to get to the bottom of what is going on. A child wants to know you are concerned and interested, even if they do not act like it. It may feel like to you that you are spying on them or invading their privacy when checking up on them. Press forward, as it could mean the difference between life and death.

By Debra Bacon Theravive.com Contributor Bullying: a new epidemic? Bullying is becoming an epidemic in our schools, cyberspace, parks and other areas where kids hang out. Its affect on children can be lasting, even following them into adulthood. It is vital to deal with bullying swiftly and lovingly. The times of a simple trip in the isle, just for the fun of it, between friends has passed. Today children are faced with far more intimidating tactics. Often, kids are attacked while others look on, without going for, or helping the victim. Children are often afraid to say anything to anyone for fear of retaliation. Know the signs Identifying the signs of bullying is a key element in protecting your child, and keeping them safe. Your child’s behavior will offer tell-tale signs bullying may be occurring. Following are a few things to watch for: Lack of appetite Decreased interest in school/social activities Few, if any close friends Trouble sleeping Stomach aches and other ailments Unexplained bruises, cuts or scrapes Missing or damaged personal items Anxiety Isolation How you can help If you notice you child manifesting any, or a number of these behaviors, it is time to talk--reach out with a kind, loving arm. Get as many details as you can about the bullying incidents. They may be reluctant to speak to you about the situation at first. Often this is because of misplaced blame or shame. It is important to reassure your child they are safe. Express how much you want to help them overcome this situation. They are likely not the only child being harassed by the bully. Talk with school officials, such as the counselor, principal or other significant policy makers about the danger your child is facing. Be persistent, and follow up. Ensure changes are made to eliminate the threat. Furthermore, depending on the type of abuse your child is being subject to, criminal charges may be in order. Talk to your child about how to handle the bullying. Encourage them to remain calm when confronted. Tell them to be firm when they speak to the aggressor. Offer suggestions of what they may say, such as: “Stop what you are doing right now.” Stress the importance of walking away. Never encourage aggression, or similar bad behavior. Encourage your child to make friends with people in his class. Children should walk in pairs or small non-threatening groups. Especially when going to the bathroom, lunch, playground and other potentially isolated areas. General rule of thumb Monitor your child’s activity. Such as, know who their friends are, and be involved as much as you can in their lives. Be careful of what you allow your children to watch on television and videos. Behavior breeds behavior, and violence can lead to violence. Computers are a way of life these days. As such, the newest form of bullying or threat can come from the internet. As much, if not more, as you would monitor what your children read and watch, the same should apply to the internet. Cyber bullying has lead to mental breakdowns, violent acts, sexual assaults, murder and suicide. Any type of bullying has this potential. If suppressed, an individual can move through life harboring a lot of resentment, guilt and shame. Knowing when to intervene and get professional help is paramount. It can eliminate or assist in treating more complicated mental conditions, such as anxiety disorders, resulting from bullying.

By Debra Bacon Theravive.com Contributor Making a Genius? As parents we want our children being the smartest, brightest and most well-behaved child on the block. Over ten years ago, Walt Disney released a series of “educational” videos entitled, Baby Einstein. They were a hit almost instantly. Parents everywhere were wanting them, hoping these video babysitters would magically make their toddlers stand-outs among their peers. Moreover, a desire that a mindset would be developed in their child, leading them to a genius status. Each video covers different topics through the use of colors and classical music. Their focus is to assist our children learn about life, and the things that surround us in our world. Scenes are introduced with a small amount of narrative from a soft, smooth voiced narrator. Scenes move quickly, changing subject matter often. This process is something that experts from the American Medical Association relate, is hard for toddlers to follow. No Way to Learn The Baby Einstein video series has long been touted as a learning source for infants and toddlers. Thought by the populace to have increased the vocabulary and intellect of children, the Einstein videos have come under fire in recent years. Research from the University of Washington (2007) revealed that children who watched the Baby Einstein videos had not excelled in social skills, or vocabulary. In fact, youngsters who began watching the videos early on had a more limited vocabulary than their peers. The study shows that the videos effect on children has been more harmful than helpful. Educational Claim Debunked The bottom line is that the Baby Einstein videos have failed to educate toddlers, as many parents assumed. That said, controversy swirls between the public and representatives for the Einstein videos as to what should be, or have realistically been, expected from DVDs. Still considered “educational” videos, the company now maintains they are designed to be used as interactive tools. However, the website’s original claim indicated the series was designed as an introduction to words and sign language. Currently, the Baby Einstein website offers their philosophy. In part it reads: “…intent was to create products that offered interactive experiences for her and her daughter to discover the world together. While Baby Einstein has grown over the years, this same philosophy is at the heart of everything that we do. All of our products are designed to encourage discovery and inspire new ways for parents and little ones to interact.” Refunds and Reconsiderations The controversy, stemming from the research studies outing the Baby Einstein DVDs ineffectiveness, caused Walt Disney Company to make a radical move. They began offering refunds late 2009. The Baby Einstein DVDs covered in the refund offer were those purchased between June 5, 2004 and Sept. 4, 2009. Einstein officials now claim a child will discover more through the videos when a parent or another is present. Leaving a child alone in front of a television or DVD, of any kind, has proved damaging in development, according to the American Medical Association. Experts from the American Academy of Pediatrics report that interaction with your child is the way the youngster will learn.

By Debra Bacon Theravive.com Contributor Great News Remember the first time you were expecting a child; you couldn’t wait to tell everyone! Now another baby is on the way. The excitement is just as fierce as the first time, but there is more to consider than sharing the news with friends and extended family. Big brother or sister must be prepared for the “new” baby’s arrival. Telling your child becomes as big a responsibility as other preparations of the upcoming birth. The child has been accustomed to being the focus of mom and dad’s love and attention. To have this focus shared with another is usually upsetting for the sibling to be. Often parents will wait until the last few months of the pregnancy to tell the child about their sibling’s birth. The pregnancy is more stable, and it is getting closer to the time of delivery. Moreover, children’s concept of time is not as refined as adults. They can better understand seasons more than weeks or months, depending on their age. No Longer the Baby, but a Sibling Prepare your child in ways they can understand. For example, if one of their playmates has had a baby born into their family recently, use the situation as an example. Following are some tips to help a child prepare for the birth of a sibling: Tell them the new baby will be coming home with you from the hospital, and will be living with all of you as a family. Explain how the child can help in the process of caring for the infant. Let them know the importance of an older sibling’s role in the family. Use age appropriate books to help the child understand what it means to be a brother or sister. How they interact and help each other, share things; even their parents. Include the child in the plans for the baby’s room, if appropriate. Talk to them about some names you are considering. The Hospital and Birth Ensure your child knows you will be in the hospital for a few days and that it is normal. This will help eliminate anxiety they may experience about your safety and health. Talk about where they will be staying during this time, and how they can come and visit you while there. Plan for your child to visit you and the baby at a time specifically designed for the immediate family only. Introduce them to their new sibling and allow them to touch and possibly hold them with assistance, if appropriate. Have the other parent care for the newborn while you spend time focused on your child, to answer any questions they may have, or just have quality time together. We’re Home When bringing the baby home, make it a celebration where the big brother or sister is involved. Allow them to lead you and the baby to their new room, and show them around, or offer the baby a gift they have made for them. If the child is not interested there is not a need for concern. Change takes time and they will come around. Since your schedule will be interrupted with the newborns needs, take advantage of times where you can spend uninterrupted time with the newborns sibling. During feeding times, make sure your child has toys or other items of interest, so that they are entertained. This will help in keeping them from feeling they are not involved, or are left out. With time, the schedule will begin to flow and the family will take on its new shape.

By Carlton Brown, M.Sc., M.Div., RMFT Today was a statutory holiday where I live. We have this thing called Family Day, which I thought was just a Canadian thing but according to Wikipedia is a holiday in South Africa, Alberta, Ontario, Manitoba, Saskatchewan, Prince Edward Island, Arizona, Vanuatu, Vietnam, and part of Australia. Not unlike the postmodern family, no one really seems to know what Family Day is about or agree on whether even to recognize it. The day, just like its namesake, has no “One size fits all.” My one daughter seemed to think that Family Day meant that you were supposed to stay with your family and that if you didn’t then at least you should feel guilty about it. “Happy Family Day, Dad,” she said as she slunk out of the car and into her friend’s house. Robert Beavers in his 1981 Successful Marriage said that guilt was good if it lasted less than five minutes and led to a change of behaviour. No joy here. Rather she reminded me of a couple I saw once. Both had had affairs - but the woman felt justified because she felt more guilty about her affair than her husband did about his. But I encouraged to her go, actually. She is at that age where she is supposed to be leaving my family, and thinking about starting a family of her own. The more time she spends with her friends, the better - and the more time I have for napping, or reading. The other daughter of mine felt that Family Day was an offense, falling, as it does, immediately after Valentine’s Day. “Valentine’s Day for love, and Family Day for what? To remind you of what can happen to you if you have too much love? Yuck!” She called today another name that I will not bother to repeat. But she too used the time to reconcile and reunite with friends. Elizabeth Carter and Monica McGoldrick wrote (1989) The Changing Family Life Cycle to remind us that families are not static. At the very least, they evolve, from couples, to couples with young children, to kids in school, to teenagers, to launching and the empty nest, to older couples and to old age and death. There is wondrous variety to this basic scheme: same-sex couples, with and without children, single parents, never-married singles, two-home families. Each goes through its own stages of expansion and contraction, birth and death. My dictionary defines a family as parents and children living in the same household. They don’t have to be related to each other! The kids could be adopted. The Family Law Act of Ontario defines a parent as someone having a “settled intention” to raise a particular child. More variety. Etymology takes us to the heart of the matter, however: “family” derives from the Latin noun “famula”, meaning “servant” or “slave”. The next time you’re vacuuming or doing a load of never-ending laundry, consider that you belong to the “family” of families. Nor is this a bad thing. I spent most of Family Day doing just that: laundry, vacuuming, cleaning floors, while the rest of my family was out doing their thing. It gave me pleasure to know that they were launching as they should be, that I perhaps had done and was doing my part to create the next generation of families. And after that I took a nap, peacefully.