Theravive Home

By Tanya Glover Theravive.com Contributor In today’s world our children have things that we never dreamed of having as children! The internet is wonderful in and of itself but social networking has been a main focus of the web since MySpace was created. It was all downhill from there as other companies decided to jump on the social networking bandwagon. Now the two largest social networking sites are Facebook and MySpace and boy do kids and teenagers love those sites! As a parent, I am fine with my children using their Facebook accounts. But, there are responsibilities that come with using such technologies and this is what your children must learn to be safe on social networking sites. What Goes on the Internet Stays on the Internet When we are teenagers we did very little deep thinking as to what the consequences of our present behaviors can mean to our future. The wrong thing posted online can haunt you forever. Every comment, every picture, every behavior-good and bad, stays etched in stone on the World Wide Web. This is something that must be driven home to your children. Of course though they will think you are overreacting and have no clue what you are talking about. After all, we are just parents so what do we know? We were never teenager’s right? I remember thinking that about my parents as a teenager and now I can look back and understand that they did know what they were talking about and most of it was right on the money, although I did not see it at the time. Here are the things that your teen needs to understand about the consequences of their actions dealing with social networking. ØDo not post any pictures that you would not want your parents, teachers, grandparents, or church clergy to see. If they would find it questionable then so would others. ØWatch the language you use on your Facebook or other social networking site. Again, if you would not be proud to show others this language then you do not want it on your page. ØDo not talk about behaviors that you know are harmful, illegal, or dangerous. ØDo not gossip, pick on, or otherwise slander others on your page or anyone else’s. ØDo not pick fights, threaten, or allow yourself to be baited into an altercation online. You Never Know Who is Checking on You These are not just a random list of no-no’s. Each one has a reason behind it and most of it has to do with your child’s future and what it will become. In today’s technological society, there are many people who will examine ones Facebook or MySpace page. This is done for many reasons. Colleges If you’re teen plans on being college bound, once his or her application is received they are going to be examined and investigated. One of the first things that colleges do today is look up the applicants social networking pages. If when they go to their page and see a picture of your child in sexual poses or engaging in drinking or drugs then that application will go in the denied pile. Even if your teen has had these pictures removed, they are still there somewhere! Again, just because you delete it does not mean it is gone. The internet saves everything you do. Potential Employers As with colleges, many employers want to see your social networking sites too. They feel that they can get to know one’s character better by doing this. If they see questionable pictures, comments, or behaviors on the page then the probability of getting that job is almost zero. Employers tend to dig deep in order to find the best and most reputable employees for their company. Someone who curses and insults others or posts pictures of themselves drinking and partying will not make the cut. Big Brother is Watching Well-maybe not Big Brother but close enough. Officers and other government officials do keep watch on social networking sites. If someone is using these sites to threaten, abuse, bully, or otherwise mistreat someone else then they can be looking at a very serious situation. Communicating threats is a crime in every state and by doing so in a public forum you are opening up yourself for some big time trouble. Again, you can delete your comments but they ARE STILL THERE. Deadly Consequences Over the past few years there have been several cases where, due to activity on social networking sites, teenagers have committed suicide. What is the cause of this drastic action? Typically it is because someone has bullied them on a social networking site where other outsiders have joined in until the teen was so overwhelmed by the attacks that they take their own lives. To find out who played a role in the death of the teen, law enforcement uses proof found on the social networking sites. Each person who verbally attacked or threatened the victim can be held responsible for the suicide. While I am sure that those involved never meant for the victim to take their own life, they did play a part and legally speaking, often must pay the price for that. Losing Credibility Another case of harm done due to social networking deals with a college professor, a student, and an internship director. The college student applied for an internship with a prestigious company and the sole reason she was awarded the position was because of the glowing letter of recommendation her college professor wrote for her. Once she began the internship the employer came across her Facebook and was furious with the professor who recommended her so highly. On her page were pictures of her in engaged in sexual behavior, heavy drinking, and drug use. The professor’s only excuse was that the girl he knew was a nice and studious person and he had never thought to look at her Facebook page. The girl lost her internship position and the professor lost his credibility with the employing company. Conclusion It is clear why you should stress responsible and respectful behavior to your children and teens when it comes to what they post on the internet. Something you did when you were 16 can, and often times does, have a profound effect on the things you do in the future. For a young person it may seem like a small issue but if they do not grasp this information now, by the time they do realize you were correct it may just be too late. As a parent you have a right to know what your child is doing online. Make it a rule that you will have to know all their passwords so you can check on what they are doing whenever you feel the need to do so. If you find something that is contrary to the responsibilities you have explained to them then you may have to go over the list again or maybe even take their computer privileges for a set amount of time. For repeat offenses it may be necessary to have their social networking sites deleted until you feel they are able to use them responsibly. You must do whatever it takes and they may be angry with you at the moment, but in the future they will thank you for being such vigilant parents and for protecting them from themselves.

By Tanya Glover Theravive.com Contributor Protecting Your Children in the Digital Age When I was a child we played outside until our parents called us in for supper or when it got dark, whichever one came first. We played hide and seek and tag, and rode our bikes. Television was a treat that we only got to an hour, or maybe two, per day. We knew who our neighbors were and we knew where the dangers were as well. Sadly, the world that I grew up in is now gone and the dangers our parents faced pale in comparison to what the parents of today have to worry over. I knew not to talk to strangers and not to go with someone I did not know. But, today, strangers can reach our children in places we would have never thought imaginable in the past. With computers, cell phones, and other technological items, danger is lurking around every corner and it is difficult to know where it may come from and how to protect our children from it. This is a scary world we live in. While we cannot protect our children from everything all of the time, there are some preventative measures that can be taken in order to help ensure their safety. It is enough to make you shudder. The Internet: Full of Information and Full of Danger The World Wide Web can be a wonderful place. Who could have imagined that one day we would have any information we wanted right at our fingertips? We use it to work, we use it play, and we use it to keep in contact with family and friends around the globe. Schools have started doing away with hard copy text books and traditional teaching and instead opting for using computers are the main teaching and learning tools. People have little use for libraries anymore and when is the last time anyone can remember finding a door to door encyclopedia salesman on their doorstep? There is no need for such things in the day in age! Do you need to know how to make a roast chicken? Look it up on the internet. Need to know when each president of the United States was born? Again, use the internet. I am not saying this is a good or bad thing. It is just a fact. And it is for the most part, quite useful. Our children can do their school reports and find every bit of information they need on one machine. They can chat with their friends from school without tying up the phone lines (for those of you who still have a land line). Yes, these are good things come with having internet access. However, with the good always comes the bad and when it comes to the internet, there is a significant amount of the bad. With the growing popularity of social websites such as Face Book and MySpace, people are able to contact your children with ease. For the most part, the people that your children have on their friends list are pals from school and family members, but there are also many people who reach out to children online who are predators. One downside to the internet is that you can be whoever you want to be. Your daughter may receive a friend request from someone who says they are a boy her age living in another country. Your son may receive a friend request from a girl his age claiming to go to a neighboring high school. In reality the young man may be a 40 year old man surfing for his next victim and the young girl may be 34 year old woman who has a thing for young boys. The person befriending your child may be a killer, a rapist, a kidnapper, or a child molester. Internet identities can be very elusive. While the web is a wonderful place to educate yourself it is also the best thing that has ever happened to child predators. This is why educating your children on the dangers of the internet and laying down ground rules for internet usage is so important to their safety. Knowledge if Power It would be impossible to keep your child away from the internet. You can find it everywhere; home, school, friend’s houses, libraries; cell phones all have internet access. Also, you do not really want to keep them away from it. The internet holds wonderful discoveries for them and will most likely play an important part in their education and possibly even their adult careers. Since you cannot keep them away from it then you must educate them on the dangers they can, and most likely will, encounter. Talk to your children honestly about what is out there. Give them the freedom to access the internet but only under certain conditions, letting them know that the rules must be followed if they want to keep the privilege of internet usage. The rules should be specific and non-negotiable. · Computer use will be done in a central part of the home where their activity can be monitored. Being alone in their bedroom is a no-no. This is not to say that you should not trust your children but please understand that their ability to make the right choices has not developed highly enough to trust that they will handle certain situations properly all of the time. · As the parent, you should have every password to every account your child has. This includes social network sites and emails. You should be able to access any of your child’s accounts at anytime and should do so often. Monitoring their online behavior can help to ensure their safety. If they do not want to give you their passwords then they do not get to use the internet. Make it clear that you do not want this information in order to spy on them or because you do not trust them. They may not believe you but at least you are being a responsible parent and making sure that they are okay. · Look over the friends who you children socialize with online. If you do not know some of them, ask questions. If your child admits to having met them online and not knowing them in the real world, do some investigating. If you cannot find any valid information or verify who they really are block all contact. Even if you find yourself suspicious of someone, step in. Gut feelings are usually right and should be followed. Always err on the side of caution. · Block websites. There are many sites with content that you may fell is inappropriate for your children. Use the computers parental controls to ensure that your child does not have access to any place you do not feel is appropriate. · Check the history on any computer your children use. Find out where they have been going and who they have been connecting with. · For any parent who feels that their child cannot be trusted to do the right thing online, make it a rule that they cannot use the internet when they are home alone. Some children are savvy enough to know how to delete browsing history so you cannot see what they have been up to. Talk to Your Children About the Dangers of the Internet Talking to your children is the most important thing in keeping them safe. Setting rules in important and helpful, but without telling them why the rules have been set it is pointless. They will simply think you are being mean or unfair or trying to ruin their lives. (The last one is my favorite. It is typical teenage mellow drama.) · Tell your children about internet predators. They need to know that they cannot trust everyone and especially not someone they have befriended from on internet meeting. · Let them know that if they feel uncomfortable or in any way threatened by someone they are talking to online that they should come to you right away. They do not need to try to handle it alone. I actually tested this one on my stepdaughter one night. While she was on the computer in the family room I got on mine in the bedroom. I made up a male screen name and started chatting with her. She was polite at first but once I asked where she lived and if I could come see her she could be heard running down the hall telling me that some guy she does not know is asking for her personal information and she was scared by it. I did confess that it was me but I was very glad to know that the things we warned her about sunk in! · Make very clear to your children that they are not to give out any personal information over the internet. This means no phone numbers, no addresses, and no other identifying information that may allow a predator to track them down. This includes telling someone where they go to school or when their soccer practice is. · If your child is going to the skating rink on Friday night do not post it anywhere online. While this sounds like innocent enough information meant for their friends to read, it can lead a predator right to their location. · Do not divulge any routine information. This includes the times when their parents get home from work, when they get home from school, or where they are every Monday afternoon after school. Again, this type of information can bring danger right to them without them even knowing it. Don’t Be Afraid to Be the Parent It can be hard to lay down so many rules for your children, but rest assured, you are not being an over protective parent. You are not being paranoid as the danger you fear is very real. Your children may not like the rules and may be angry with you for setting so many limits but remember that you are the parent. While you may want your child to think you are a “cool” parent or you may fear them being angry with you, it is much better for them to be mad then to be gone. One day when they are parents they will look back and have a real understanding of why you made the rules that you did. And just think; If the parents of today have so many things to worry about in way of the dangers from technology, just imagine what our children will have to face when they become parents.