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August 1, 2013
by Antoinette Gomez

Marital Counseling: Beyond Sex as We Get to Emotion

August 1, 2013 23:00 by Antoinette Gomez


Couples may come to counseling before getting married, when they are having challenges with their children or difficulties, during grief/loss including infertility or sexual problems, or with when the marriage is facing a separation or divorce. Counseling can remind them why they feel in love and what they admire about the other person.


A wife or husband needs to connect emotionally to their spouse.  Without this spark, communication often suffers and often, the sexual chemistry diminishes.  Couples in middle life are faced with children growing up and moving out of the nest, remarriages, sexual problems, medical challenges, and often a sick or aging parent. Sexual problems are often presented among couples coming to Harmony Counseling Services. Emotionally one partner may be worn out especially if they are a caregiver to others including children, aging parents, or in their workplace.  Too much emotion can overwhelm the deleted partner, which may feel like rejection to the other partner.   Essentially, the proverbial "I'll take a rain check" may become personal and emotionally hurtful to the partner reaching out or initiating.  


However, if communication and feeling are there, a spouse should be able to share, I need you but just need a break right now or simply "Just Hold Me Close."  Intimate moments are not just "sex" but rather the romantic gestures that one makes to another, holding each other, spooning, which can leave to sexual intercourse.  If sexual intercourse does not occur, it is not a failure.  Emotionally disconnected couples can have sex but the meaning is lost especially if one partner is only have sex to satisfy the needs of their partner. If there is a physical problem, often a medical professional is involved in treatment.  Sex can hurt, ejaculation can be too early (premature), or other issues, medical treatment is paramount.  


Sex Therapists can also assist the couple. The desire and passion is locked in the emotionally connection between husband and wife.  When emotion is present, sex can be very fulfilling and satisfying.  Without it, the spark is not there and most couples will face infidelity, separation, and possibly, divorce.

About Antoinette Gomez, MA, MSW


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