Learning how to fix a marriage after a painful affair can be a long and difficult process; especially, if it is an attempt to repair painful wounds that were caused by a partner who made harmful decisions. In an attempt to recover there are methods that you can use to overcome the pain and learn to trust yourself or your spouse again.

When infidelity occurs in a marriage it causes intense feelings such as anger, shame, hatred and guilt. When an affair has been discovered two partners can feel as if a world has come crashing down between them and an entire household. Affairs are one of most devastating occurrences in relationships as it breaks trust, creates harsh viewpoints and causes the most important foundation to crumble. With counseling and time a couple can learn how to rebuild the relationship and emerge into a partnership that holds a new structure. Counseling is also aimed toward individual partners who want to heal by themselves and understand the event furthermore.

How Infidelity Harms Someone

If infidelity is revealed it is often shocking and unforeseen. The reason behind the affair can make the other partner question their spouse's personality type, intention and whether or not they will be able to trust the marriage in the future. It brings out fluctuating emotions that are both disappointing and angry. If children are present and an affair occurs it can make the process that much more difficult to cope with. The betrayal of trust can makes it burdensome to want to be in the relationship at all. Counseling aims toward clarifying what you are going through during this emotionally devastating time and acknowledges how both partners feel toward what might be missing in the marriage. Betrayal is harmful because it is seen as a selfish decision in someone that was once trusted and confided in the most. It can harm both partners, especially if one is experiencing stress in the marriage and doesn't know how to express their needs or know how to fix the problem. Although the victim often deals with more pain - the partner who has committed the betrayal can also experience some misunderstanding toward why they made the decision.

How Infidelity Affects the Marriage

Betrayal eliminates faith between two people and causes some of the most emotional trauma. This will cause not only distrust but doubt toward the other person's character. It can make you feel sorrowful which also produces anxiety, depression and self esteem issues. Physical symptoms are common such as a lack of an appetite or the inability to sleep. The victim of the affair commonly withdrawals from others and feels embarrassment, regret or foolish in front of family members and friends. Recovering is a challenge when one of the partners commonly recalls upon the betrayal long after it has occurred indicating that the pain is still present. One spouse might constantly worry and watch for future signs of betrayal, experience flashbacks or deal with uncomfortable images. The victim of the affair might worry about where their partner is throughout the day and constantly investigate their personal belongings. Its okay not to know where to begin or how to make decisions in regards to the marriage. Therapy can help you by allowing you to express yourself in a safe and neutral environment.

How Therapy Can Help

There isn't any way to determine how long it will take a couple to recover from an affair. Before making any decisions it's important to heal and understand why the event has transpired. When infidelity is present it's necessary that partners takes responsibility for their actions and accountability for the decisions. Counseling can help clarify the honesty or goals in a relationship. It can take a great deal of time to sort out what has happened and consider whether or not the marriage can be mended. It's important to share what you feel about reconciliation. By seeking help from someone who has been trained in marital therapy you'll be able to put the affair into a stable perspective and come to identify with problems that may have contributed to this betrayal. You'll benefit from learning how to strengthen yourself and the relationship if that is your goal. By going to counseling together you'll learn what communication strategies to use which can help you restore trust and understand the amount of the time that the partner will need to recover. Being that this is an emotionally devastating period for two people, it's important that you confide in an outside support system and work with a counselor who can guide you in a rational and progressive manner. Ultimately the therapist will provide you with the questions, guidelines and strategies that you need so that you can learn how to move forward and make affirmative marital decisions.

Help Us Improve This Article

Did you find an inaccuracy? We work hard to provide accurate and scientifically reliable information. If you have found an error of any kind, please let us know by sending an email to, please reference the article title and the issue you found.

Share Therapedia With Others