New Years Resolutions

By Tanya Glover
Tanya Glover

Theravive.com Contributor

 

A New Year has arrived and with a New Year comes new hopes and dreams just bursting to be fulfilled. The ball dropping at midnight symbolizes a new beginning where anything is possible and anything can happen. The clock striking 12 is like a magical moment when everything becomes new and exciting and this is when we make ourselves promises for the dawning of the new era. These promises, or New Year’s resolutions, can be good for our lives but very often this is not how they turn out. Many people shoot for the stars when making life changing affirmations about how they will be in the New Year and by going overboard, set themselves up for failure. I am not saying this to discourage you from making a New Year’s resolution but rather to help you see that the promises we make ourselves for 2012 need to be things that are obtainable, reasonable and reality based.

The Most Common Resolutions 

When someone makes a New Year’s resolution, it is typically one of the following:
·        Lose weight
·        Get in better shape
·        Quit Smoking
These are all great promises to make yourself. The problem is that for many people, all three of them are wrapped up into one big promise. Let me explain by using my own experience as an example. I have resolved all three of these things many times, failing each and every time. The reason behind my failure was because I promised myself all three of these things at once. Here was my thinking; If I am going to quit smoking I will likely gain weight. That is where the lose the few extra pounds I already have in order to beat the no smoking weight gain came in. And, since I am going to be losing weight, I may as well get certain areas into better shape as well. (Flatter tummy, thinner thighs, etc.) So, there I am, wearing a nicotine patch, running on the treadmill and counting calories. At first it is going well, but after about a week or two I am faltering in every area of my multiple resolutions. This is because the promises I made to myself were unrealistic. If you take each one by itself, the goal is totally obtainable. However, put all of them together and I set myself up for failure. What I should have done was chosen one resolution and that is what I did this year. Number one is quit smoking. My thinking was that it is much harder for me to exercise if I was out of breath all the time because of the smoking. The weight gain still bothered me so I did something new this year. I am giving myself 3 months on the smoking resolution. As long as I complete that goal I can move on to phase 2 of the New Year’s resolution; getting in better shape. Without smoking for 3 months it should be much easier to work out and since the smoking habit is kicked, it will not get in the way of my completing the getting in shape goal. Getting in shape will help me to lose the weight I need to lose and all of a sudden, I will have completed my list of resolutions, all without overwhelming myself. At least that is how I hope it will go. I do think I have a much stronger chance of getting all of this done by taking it in doses.

Why Multiple Resolutions Do Not Work

Taking on too many resolutions can be overwhelming. If you are trying to stop something as addictive as smoking, becoming overwhelmed is the worst thing that can happen; It will make you want to smoke even more. But, even if one of your resolutions is not about quitting the smoking habit, taking on several at once can cause an emotional breakdown. You never want to overextend yourself. It is bad for you mentally and physically and the biggest issue, at least for me, was that if I back slid even a little on any one of the resolutions, I felt guilty. It was as if I had let myself down by failing when the real problem was I took on too much and I am only human. Once I was able to put things into perspective, I realized that I should only be taking on a little bit at a time, and by going that route I could accomplish all that I wanted to accomplish. The main ingredient to keeping your New Year’s resolution is to be patient and understand that veering off course sometimes is ok. Simply get back on track and keep on going.

Making it Through to the Next Year

When you make your New Year’s resolution, do it with resolve, but keep in mind that you may not be able to succeed; at least not in the way you envisioned. If your goal is to quit smoking, do not beat yourself up if you have a cigarette, just resolve not to do it again and get right back on the wagon. If your resolution is to lose 10 pounds and you break down and have a cheeseburger for lunch, you are not a failure. You are a hungry human with a weakness for cheeseburgers. Simply start again and stay away from tempting situations. No matter what goal you are trying to meet, it is inevitable that you will have a few weak moments and meet with some struggle. Back sliding is not failure, it is human. You have only failed if when you back slide, you give up on your goal. If you keep these things in mind you have a much better chance of making it to the next year with your promise intact! Wish me luck making it to 2013 with my resolutions intact and I will be sending positive energy your way as well!

 

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Posted on 1/15/2012 5:17:00 PM by Tanya Glover

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My Christmas Message For You

By Tanya Glover
Tanya Glover

Theravive.com Contributor

 

 

With the holiday season upon us there have been some things weighing heavy on my heart that I wanted to share with my readers. If we are lucky, we know that the holidays are something that is shared with the three F’s: Family, Friends and Food. I do not know what is typical for all families, only my own, so we will begin there.

Holiday Celebrations

Our family is quite large and diverse so our celebrations begin before the big days even arrive. On Saturday December 17th we had my mother-in-laws Christmas celebration. Here we all gathered (all 20 of us) and ate turkey, ham, dressing, sweet potato casserole and enjoyed a huge spread of deserts. We exchanged Christmas gifts and watched all of our children glow as they beheld the magic of Christmas. (They all glow when presents are involved.) On Sunday December 16th we gathered once again to celebrate the Christmas holiday with my father-in-law. (Again, all 20 of us.) We ate the same foods and opened more presents and again, watched our children being happy and healthy. Next we have a celebration on Tuesday the 20th for the first night of Hanukkah. We will eat beef brisket, blintzes and lakatas and applesauce.  My youngest son will light the candles on this first night, as per tradition and the Menorah will glow for another year. (This is the first and only Menorah I have ever used and has been a fixture in my life since the day I was born.) After the candles are lit I will read my children the story of Hanukkah and once again, there will be presents. Finally, on December 25th we will have our biggest celebration of all. The night before I will stay up very late wrapping gifts from Santa. We will rise at 6am when our boys wake up and realize that Santa has come. My parents and my sister-in-law (who I am also lucky enough to call my best friend) and her family will arrive to watch the children open their presents. As we are opening gifts another of my best and oldest friends will be in my kitchen making homemade chipped beef for all of us to eat after we are finished opening the piles of presents. Once we are all stuffed from breakfast and tired from the joy of the morning, it is time to make Christmas dinner. Once again we will feast on all different holiday foods and our children will be happy and content. You may be asking yourself where I am going with this, but trust me, I do have a point.

Life, Love and Happiness

From what you can tell from the above passage, I am a very lucky person. I have many holiday celebrations to look forward to. I have a large family to share the holidays with. We always have big feasts of wonderful food. Our children have more presents than they know what to do with and they have enough food to keep them full and happy and healthy. Even though I cannot give them everything they asked for in their Santa letters, they want for nothing and are loved by all their family and friends. If my husband and I found ourselves unable to buy them their holiday gifts they still would not go without as our family would do whatever they had to in order to provide for our children and we would do the same for them.  So my point is, that of all the families in the world, ours has very little to complain about. Because we are so lucky, it weighs on my heart that there are many who are not. The purpose of my blogs is usually to give advice on how to overcome certain mental health disorders and educate about all things dealing with psychology. But, because of the time of year and my own realization of just how good my children have it, I wanted to write on the human condition and the spirit of the season that should move us all. There are children, who upon waking up on Christmas morning, find that Santa did not visit their house. There are children who do not get turkey and dressing. There are no pies and cakes for many children, and for the most unfortunate ones, there is no heat or warm clothing either. There are boys and girls who must celebrate the holidays in orphanages. There are those who will only get to see their mommy or daddy over a Skype call because they are in a foreign land fighting for our country. There are children and parents who must celebrate the holidays without their loved ones due to separation by the miles of by the separation of worlds. These are the things that my heart aches about all year long, but especially during the time of year when families are supposed to be surrounded by the warmth and love of each other.

Suffer not the Little Children

Knowing all of these heartbreaking things, it is hard not to think of all the good we have in our lives. What we should be thinking about though, is what good we can do in the lives of others. I am a firm believer that if you are lucky enough to be able to give to your children and to keep them fed and full that you should do whatever you can to help people who are not that lucky. It can be difficult to give and this I know from experience. Maybe you think that the adult who cannot give to their children are unable to do so because they will not work or they are drug addicts or that they are just bad parents. And maybe you are hesitant to give because of these thoughts. I felt this way long ago – before I had children of my own. I was of the mind that if a parent was unable to care for their children properly that they were most likely unfit parents. I used to think that if I gave to a family who was poor or homeless that the chance of my charity going to the children was very slim; that the parents would use what I gave them to buy their substance of choice. After growing as a person and becoming educated in real life, I no longer feel this way. I came to the realization that if a parent cannot afford to buy their child Christmas presents that it did not mean that they were bad parents. I realized that if a family cannot afford to keep healthy food on the table it did not mean that they were negligent or uncaring. I learned this because I have felt the impact of the lean years myself now that I am responsible for two other lives. Of all that I have come to realize, I think that the most important is that no matter the reasons that these children do not have food or presents on the holidays that it is not their fault. The children should not be the ones suffering due to the mistakes of the parents. The children should not be the ones suffering because the economy is in a depression. We all have a different view on what the holidays are about and the majority opinion is that Christmas is not about getting presents. While this is true, a huge part of the excitement of Christmas for little ones is the expectation of Santa’s arrival.  No child should have to wake up on Christmas morning to find that Santa did not come. No child should have to long for a hot meal when food is so plentiful. So, overall, I have learned that the reason a child has no present or meal for the holidays matters not. What matters is that they deserve to have these things. The lesson here is suffer not the little children and it is quite fitting for the holiday season.

In the End….

the love you take is equal to the love you make. Think about all of these things this holiday season – I know that I will. As I clean out my son’s bedrooms tomorrow, I will keep in mind that they toys I am getting rid of in order to make room for the new Christmas gifts they will get next weekend would make the holidays special for a child who may not be getting any other gifts. If you think that you do not know such a child then I challenge you to find one. However, I think you would probably be surprised to know that such a child may be no further then next door. When you are shopping for the ingredients to make your holiday feast, keep in mind that there is likely a family that you already know who will not be having anything to eat on Christmas. Give yourself a gift by inviting someone less fortunate than yourself to enjoy your holiday meal with you. If you are one of the lucky ones, like me, then I urge you to share your good fortune, if only on Christmas. Making a child smile and knowing that for at least one day their stomach will not be empty is a gift that you will never regret giving. Watch out though; giving can be highly contagious and you may be compelled to do so all year long.  

 

 

 

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Posted on 12/19/2011 7:45:00 PM by Tanya Glover

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Getting Through Those Holiday Blues

By Tanya Glover
Tanya Glover

Theravive.com Contributor

 

While many songs will impress upon us that the holidays are the most wonderful time of the year, this is not the case for some people. For some people, the holidays are a source of stress, sadness and overall depression. Getting though the holidays when you feel like this can be a difficult task, especially when it seems that everyone around you is happy and excited.

 

What Causes Holiday Blues?
There are many things that can make the holidays a sad time for a person.
·       Finances
·       Family death
·       Family being far away
·       Loneliness
These are just a few reasons for holiday depression. Each person is different and has different reasons for feeling down during what is supposed to be the most festive time of the year.
Spend, Spend, Spend
For many, the major theme for the holidays is spending. When we have children this cannot be avoided. The little ones want Santa to bring them many things and they eagerly await Christmas morning and the presents they are expecting to find under the Christmas tree. This can be very hard for a family whose financial situation is bleak. For a parent, it is heartbreaking to know that you cannot afford to get your child presents for Christmas. Even if you can afford to get one or two gifts, it is still hard knowing that their friends will get much more then they will. Parents do not ever want their children to feel slighted by Santa, a figure who they are told love all of them equally. How to do you explain to a child why Santa only brought them a small toy and a sweater when the little boy down the road got a go-cart and a video game system? So, what can you do? While there is no perfect answer here, I have found one option to be effective. While you can still allow your child to believe in Santa you can also let them know that you work with Santa to get their presents. Only you know what you can afford to do and you can pass this onto your child by telling them that while Santa brings the toys they want for Christmas you have to pay Santa for them. By doing this you are able to sit down with your child and help them make a list of all they want, guiding them to what you can afford to do. Let them know that Santa cannot give them all the things on their list so they should pick out a few things that they really want to have and see what happens. By doing it like this, they understand that you have a part in Santa’s delivery and you have the chance to get those few items that they really want above all else.
Loss of Loved Ones
Ever since my grandparents passed away, the holidays have never been the same and are a source of sadness for me. I imagine that this is a factor for many people during the holidays. For those who have had a loved one pass right near the holiday it can be even worse. Just yesterday a little boy in my town was killed by a car while leaving the town Christmas Parade. Imagine how his parents feel and then know that the holiday season will always be a source of great pain for them from here on out. Loss is never easy and death does not discriminate. The holidays can be a painful reminder of these facts. After you lose someone important in your life, the holidays may never be the same again. There is little you can do about this. However, I was given some advice from a good friend on Thanksgiving of this year. She told me that things will always change and sadness over loss will always linger. However, it does not have to overtake the happiness of the season. Take the time to be thankful for those you do have in your life and make new holiday memories and traditions for your own children to cherish. While this may not have any effect on everyone, it did work on me. It helped me to realize that while I had fond memories of past holidays that I will never again experience, it was my duty to ensure that my children have them as well. This has helped me to put things in better perspective and allow me to feel a bit more lighthearted then I previously did.
Far Away Family
Another issue that many people deal with around the holidays is not being able to go home and be with family. With so many families being scattered around the country, it can be difficult to make it home for Christmas/Hanukkah. Not being able to be with loved ones during a season made for family can be depressing and lonely. With the economy what it is, travel is not always a possibility. It is even more experience than usual around the holidays. Knowing that your family is thinking of you is not always enough but there are other ways of being together on the holidays even if you cannot be in the same house. Technology is a great thing when it comes to communication. On Christmas morning you can place a Skype call to your family and have some face to face time. If nothing will make you happy except making it home, then starting a savings account at the start of the year can be very helpful in making travel possible. Put it in a Christmas club account to ensure that you cannot touch it until December.
Help Those in Need of Holiday Cheer
If you know how it feels to have the holiday blues it is a nice idea to reach out to others who are experiencing those same feelings of sadness. If you have a family to spend the holidays with and know someone who does not, invite them to join in the festivities with your family. Doing so would mean so much to someone who is sad and alone. If you are alone on the holidays, reach out to others that are alone as well. You can all have your own special day together. Talking about the reason for your sadness with people who understand it can be very helpful in lifting your spirits. Plus, by doing this you may have started a new holiday tradition!
Though the holidays may be a source of pain,  it does not have to be incurred alone. Feelings of sadness during the holiday season are very common and there are many who feel your pain and are willing to share their own with you. Reach out to your family and friend and even to strangers. You may be surprised at how much happier you can feel by unburdening yourself and finding a silver lining. Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah and Happy New Year to all of my readers. May this holiday pass with love and joy filling your hearts, memories of holidays past and the beginning of new traditions.

 

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Posted on 12/7/2011 1:56:00 PM by Tanya Glover

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Places to Inspire Your Child's Love of History

By Tanya Glover
Tanya Glover

Theravive.com Contributor

 

“Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.” ~George Santayana
 As a huge history buff, I want so much for my children to have a love for it as well. To me, history tells a story much better than fiction and teaches us to better understand the world around us. The questions “who are we” and “where did we come from” are answered through history. These are important questions in defining the world as we know it and understanding the worldviews of others. There are many places I want to be able to take my children for this purpose. These places are good for family fun and make history something that is enjoyable to young minds. Hopefully, they will inspire a  love of history for my children and yours as well.

Charleston, South Carolina

Charleston, South Carolina is brimming with history. This is a perfect vacation spot to learn about a very important part of our nation’s history, catch some sun on the beautiful beaches and get a great seafood meal. Charleston is where the Civil War began. The first shot was fired from Fort Sumter, which is visible from Battery Park. You and your family can get on the ferry boat and cruise over to the fort for a tour. This can be an exciting for children, especially if they have never been on a ferry ride. The fort is in excellent condition and has been preserved very well. The tour will make this era come alive for both children and adults, making all involved want to know more of the history surrounding Charleston and the Civil War. In addition to the tour of Fort Sumter, there are several homes and plantations in Charleston that can make history touch your child’s mind. The best one that I experienced as a child was Boone Hall Plantation. Here you will tour the main house on the plantation. It contains most of the original furniture and has the slave quarters intact for exploring as well. (The history of slavery in the United States has always been of interest to me since being introduced to it in Charleston.) The tours are given by people in period dress, making it fun for children and allowing them to really experience that time in history. To inspire your child’s love for history, Charleston is a must.

Salem, Massachusetts

Many children love witches, ghosts and goblins. This is why Salem is the perfect place to take a vacation if you want to get them into history. Massachusetts was one of the original 13 colonies so it has much history to share. Here your child can learn about the Puritan people, their way of life and what it was like to live in Massachusetts during the 1600’s. They may be especially interested in the Salem Witch Trials that took place in 1692. There are several places in Salem to learn about this time in history but the most visited is the Salem Witch Museum. There you will find out about the bleak time in history where regular people were accused of being supernatural beings and being put to death for their “crimes”. The most compelling feature of this museum is the stage show that is given. It is a dramatic showing and really pulls you back into history. As a child I remember reading the book about the Witch Trials and being so taken with the history that I had to know more. Most children enjoy stories about witches so Salem is the perfect place to show them their real part in history.

Washington, D.C.

Our nation’s capital is a great place to get your children involved in history. There are so many things to do that can spark their interest in the past and keep them wanting to learn more. One must see in D.C. is the Smithsonian Museum. It would be more accurate to say museums as there are 19 separate sites for the Smithsonian. The museum of American history is a fantastic collection of history that will excite your children’s minds.  Here they can see our first president’s uniform, Thomas Jefferson’s lap desk and the ruby slippers worn by Dorothy herself in the movie the Wizard of Oz. They will also see historic items left behind by first ladies’, original machines that were built for communication, items from everyday domestic homes and pieces of original military history. You can then head over to the air and space museum and learn about air travel, starting with its birth. The very first plane constructed by the Wright Brothers in on display and is a big hit with children. Space travel is also well illustrated and the night sky can come to life in the show seen in the planetarium. From American history to the American Indian Museum and the history of space travel to the history of motor car travel, you can spend a week going through all the collections contained within the halls of the Smithsonian buildings. Looking back, I can honestly say that this location was the top inspiration I had for falling in love with history. But, the museums are not place to go for historic inspiration. The White House and the Lincoln Memorial are also fantastic places to visit. These tell the story of our nation’s birth and history in a way that one will never forget.

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

 Even though Washington, D.C. is our nation’s capital, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania is the birthplace of America herself. This is the place where the founding fathers of our country lived and the place where the Declaration of Independence was signed. If you want your children to really understand how the country was born, this is the place to go. One of the coolest attractions for your child in this town is The Liberty Bell. The history of the bell will be explained right down to the visible crack in its side and why it is an important symbol for America. Your next stop should be Independence Hall. Here you will get the tour of a lifetime. Guides dressed in period clothing will take you through the hall where the Declaration of Independence was signed and re-enact that important day in history. Finally, you should not miss Franklin Court. This is the spot in which Benjamin Franklin’s home stood. Though it was burned to the ground long ago, there is a steal framed outline where the house once sat and a post office in which you can send someone special a post card that has the hand stamped post mark made with the original stamp belonging to Franklin himself. How many children can say that they held Benjamin Franklin’s post mark stamp in their very own hands?
The places I have spoken of are a few of the many historic places that your children will love. You do not even have to leave your own state to find history that will inspire your children. History is everywhere. If travel is not possible, begin in your own town’s historic society. Learning about the history of your own town can get that spark going. Once this happens the flame will grow and your children will hunger for more information from the past.

 

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Posted on 12/7/2011 1:43:00 PM by Tanya Glover

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Coping With Depression

By Tanya Glover
Tanya Glover

Theravive.com Contributor

 

 

Into all lives a little ran must fall. And fall it does for everyone at one time or another. As emotional beings, we all get the occasional blues. This is a normal part of life. Maybe you have had a bad day or maybe you feel down for a reason we cannot quite put your finger on, but that does not qualify us for the diagnosis of depression. Depression is a deep feeling of sadness that does not go away on its own. This sadness affects all aspects our life; family life, social life, work life – everything. You may not want to take care of yourself, your family or your work responsibilities. It is more severe for some than it is for others. No matter how deep your problem with depression is, there are treatments available to help make your life better.

Depression Symptoms

While not everyone who suffers from depression will have all of the symptoms, many have at least 2 or 3 of the most common ones. Also keep in mind that the signs and symptoms of depression vary from one person to another and that men, women and children may all show differing signs. This illness does not fit into a box but is rather in a broad spectrum.
Ø Fatigue                                   
Ø Feeling empty
Ø Feeling anxious
Ø Feeling sad
Ø Preoccupation with death or thoughts of suicide
Ø Irritability/restlessness
Ø No appetite or increased appetite (Some people overeat when depressed and others cannot eat at all.)
Ø Insomnia
Ø Feeling helpless
Ø Irrational feelings of guilt
Ø Feeling worthless
Ø Trouble concentrating and focusing
Ø Short term memory problems
Ø Loss of interest in things that used to hold meaning (work, hobbies, sex)
Ø Headaches, body aches, stomach issues (Emotional issues can manifest into physical problems for some people.)
Another factor in depression is that the person may have other conditions which have brought on depression that did not exist before or that have enhanced depression that already existed. For instance, if a person with an otherwise happy life finds out that they have HIV/AIDS then this would be an illness that may bring on depression. Someone already suffers from depression may find it getting worse once they are diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. Often times, someone who has a substance abuse problem also suffers from depression as well. The good news is that once treatment for depression begins, it can help with the other illnesses that go along with the depression.
Anyone, of any age/race/culture/gender, can suffer from depression. Many people do not realize that young children can become depressed in the same ways that adults can. There are many things in a child’s life that can become major stressors and cause them to feel depressed. This should be taken very seriously as children who develop depression are at high risk for also developing anxiety disorders and other issues that can affect them throughout their entire lives. And though anyone can become depressed, studies show that more women have depression then do men. This may be due to the fact that women are more emotional creatures or that men simply do not report their depression as much as women do. Many emotional issues in men do not get reported as they are much less likely to seek help then are women.

What Caused Depression

There are many reasons that people become depressed. There is clinical depression and situational depression. Clinical depression comes from chemical imbalances in our brains. Situational depression is directly connected to some event in our lives that makes us depressed.
Ø Death of a loved one
Ø Divorce/separation
Ø Job loss
Ø Financial issues
Ø Stress in general
Ø Any other traumatic changes or events
When it comes to situational depression, almost anything in one’s life can cause it depending on the person and the importance of the event in their lives. Clinical depression, caused by chemical imbalance, can be something that is passed on through genetics. Both can be treated.

Treatment for Depression

 Even the most severe cases of depression are treatable and the first step in getting treatment is talking with your doctor. They will either be able to help you themselves or point you in the right direction to get the help you need. This is a very important step as your doctor will be able to figure out if your symptoms are being caused by an underlying medical condition that needs to be treated in order to rid you of the depression symptoms. If the depression is in fact, a legitimate mental health issue, you may be referred to a mental health specialist for proper treatment. This will depend on the reason for and the severity of the depression. The most common treatments for depression are medications and therapy.
 

Psychotherapy

There are many types of therapeutic techniques that are highly beneficial for people with depression. The most common techniques are Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Interpersonal Therapy (IPT). It is the opinion of some therapist that both of these techniques can be used in conjunction in order to benefit the client to the fullest. CBT is used to show people how to change their negative way of behaving and thinking. Through this process, they are shown how they contribute to their own depression. By doing this, they can begin to learn how to change the things that need changing in order to rid themselves of depression. IPT is a technique used to help the client understand the reasons for their depression and work through them. This type of therapy pinpoints the reason for the depression and helps the client to see how the situation has either made or contributed to their depression. This is a good form of talk therapy that allows the client to explore their lives and see what can be changed to help with their depression. While both IPT and CBT are beneficial for people with depression, it may not be enough. Many times it is necessary to mix therapy with medication. Research has shown that when used in conjunction with therapy, medication can be beneficial in keeping the depression away for good. This is true even after therapy is terminated and the medication continues. You may need to stay on the medication for the long term after the therapy is over, but this has shown to be very successful in way of treating people with depression, especially severe cases.

Medications

Antidepressants are the most commonly used medications for depression. These drugs serve to change a person’s mood, even though researchers do not know exactly why or how they work. All they know for sure is that they keep the neurotransmitters in the brain at the correct place to even out and balance a person’s mood. While antidepressants are effective in most cases, there are side effects for some. (Some people have no negative side effects and some do. So it is important to monitor yourself when you first begin taking the medication. If one does not do well for you then your doctor can try something else.) Some of the most common side effects of antidepressants are:
Ø Nausea
Ø Vomiting
Ø Headache
Ø Cotton mouth
Ø Sexual dysfunction
Ø Insomnia
Ø Nervousness
Ø Drowsiness (moderate to severe)
Ø Constipation
If any of these symptoms persist or bother you enough to where you simply stop taking the medication it is time to see your doctor. There are other drugs to try that may work better and you should never stop taking this sort of drug suddenly. Many of them require the patient to be weaned off as stopping altogether my make the depression return tenfold.

The Light at the End of the Tunnel

If you or a loved one suffers from depression and are doing so in silence, please know that you do not have to hoe this row alone. Depression is one of the most common illnesses in the world and the treatments are typically effective. There is no reason to feel ashamed of being depressed and needing help as you are not the first one, the last one or even one in a million who suffers from this illness. Billions have felt the cold fingers of depression and have found warmth and light through treatment and family support. One of these people can be you.

 

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Posted on 11/25/2011 12:45:00 PM by Tanya Glover

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The Art of Self Awareness and Self Reflection

By Tanya Glover
Tanya Glover

Theravive.com Contributor

 

As complex human beings, we all can benefit from self refection and self awareness. They are both important parts of who we are and who we aim to become.

Self Awareness

Being self aware means having the ability look within ourselves to get a clear snapshot of our thoughts, beliefs, emotions, motivations and our personality in general. Becoming self aware is harder than one may think. It is not just simply being aware, but experiencing a heightened sense of awareness. Though this heightened awareness you can more easily interpret your thoughts and emotions and figure out what your true feelings and motivations are. Self awareness if important because once you are able to figure out these things about yourself, you can make the changes you need to make your life better. Emotional intelligence (being able to identify and control your emotions) is directly connected to becoming self aware and plays an important role in becoming a successful human being.

Why Be Self Aware?

By becoming self aware, you are creating the things you need to become in control of your emotions and behaviors. When you reach a high level of self awareness it is almost as if your thoughts are speaking to you directly, helping you to figure out what paths to take in your life. You will be able to control how you react to things and how to focus your attentions to the most beneficial areas. These things are what help you to make positive changes in your life. Without self awareness, it can be very difficult to steer your thoughts and emotions in a healthy direction and you may find it hard to make good decisions in your life. In essence, becoming self aware is the first step on the journey to finding the best you are and how to direct that energy into positive directions.
Self awareness is also a vital part in having good and healthy relationships. This goes for romantic relationships, friendships, family relationships and relationships with co-workers. By changing the way your mind interprets what you think you are able to also change your emotions which in turn helps to enhance the quality of the relationships in your life. Being self aware also allows you to understand others better and be able to empathize with them which also helps build better relationships.

How to Become Self Aware

The most basic way to begin your development of self awareness is to practice putting your focus on all the details of your personality and behaviors, even the smallest details as they can prove to be the most important things that effect who we are. You cannot learn how to become self aware by reading a book. A book can indeed teach you things and but you on the right path to self awareness, but you have to remember that when reading a book, what you are focusing your attention on is the concepts it is teaching you. What you must focus on to become self aware in the concepts in your own mind that deal with you, your emotions and your behaviors. In a way, learning how to become self aware is like learning a new dance step. You are conscious of each step you are making and to the beat of the music. Think of yourself as the dancer who has to pay attention to the beat of the music. The dance is you and the beat is your mind and the consciousness of what it contains. When you are a dancer and you make a misstep, you have to rethink what caused it. It is the same way when you are becoming self aware. When you experience a stressful or emotional situation or moment we must stop and take it all. By doing this you are looking for the triggers of your emotion or behavior. If you can figure this out, you can avoid the triggers or find a way to confront them, changing how your react to them. According to many mental health professionals, there are five specific ways for a person to become happier in their lives through self awareness.
Ø Change your core beliefs
Ø Hush the voices in your head telling you to react
Ø Put a stop to having purely emotional reactions
Ø Put communication and respect at the top of your relationship priority list
Ø Do whatever you can to create a life filled with happiness and love (self love especially) in your life.

Self Reflection

 Self reflection is not much different than self awareness and they are very much connected to each other. The definition of self reflection is the exercising of introspection, coupled with the willingness to learn about yourself, in order to help achieve self awareness.
Self reflection is something that has been practiced from the early days of man and is deeply rooted in philosophy. Self reflection in the world of philosophy refers to the understanding of your mentality, beliefs, and life desires. According to philosophical beliefs on self reflection, all of our thoughts and sensations come with beliefs that have an effect the fact that we are having those thoughts and beliefs (Locke, 1689). That may sound complicated but honestly, it is a very simple concept. Simply put, our thoughts and beliefs are directly impacted by the emotions and sensations that come with those beliefs. This is why it is important to self reflect and become self aware.

Conclusion

Again, a book cannot teach you how to do these things. However, a book can help you to figure out how to get there yourself. There are also many self help programs to guide you on your journey. Your journey can also be aided by talking with a professional counselor. The importance of learning self awareness and self refection cannot be stressed enough as they will help you to be a better person for yourself and those whom you love.

 

 

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Posted on 11/16/2011 1:14:00 PM by Tanya Glover

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Bipolar Disorder in Children

ByTanya Glover
Tanya Glover

Theravive.com Contributor

Once upon a time, Bipolar Disorder was only a mental illness recognized in adults. Over the past few years however, this disorder has become something that has been recognized in children. Many feel that this is just the new buzz diagnosis from the medical community, but I have personally seen cases of bipolar disorder in children. Maybe more kids are diagnosed with this serious disorder then should be, but regardless of that, it is a real disorder that does touch the lives of children.

 

What is Bipolar Disorder?

 

Once known as manic depression, bipolar disorder is a mental illness that causes your mood and energy to shift in dramatic ways. There are severe ups and downs in the mood of a person suffering from bipolar disorder. This is difficult for adults to deal with even though they have an understanding of what is going on, but for children, it can be very scary. Most children are not capable of understanding such an illness and it can make them abnormal and distanced from others their age. Typically, this illness develops during the late teenage years or during the early adult years, but it is now becoming clearer that signs and symptoms are beginning to show during early childhood.

 

What are the Symptoms?

 

People with bipolar disorder have intense mood swings. They can be overjoyed and completely blissful or they can be dangerously angry or deeply depressed. It has been found that children with bipolar disorder tend to experience odd sleep patterns, changes in energy levels and change is amounts of activity compared to how they usually behave and engage. Other signs and symptoms include:

 

Ø The child experiencing an overly hyper or silly mood that is not typical

 

Ø Short temperedness

 

Ø Racing thoughts

 

Ø Inability to concentrate

 

Ø Partaking in risky behavior that goes beyond typical childhood mischief.

 

Ø Staying in a sad mood

 

Ø Having little interest in things that used to be enjoyable

 

Ø Noticeable changes in eating

 

Ø Thoughts of death or talking about death

 

Ø Severe behavior problems beyond what is normal for the child

 

You may look at this list and worry that your child may suffer from bipolar disorder but rest assured, most children have at least a few of these symptoms. They may be going through a stage that will soon pass. The important thing when looking at a list of signs and symptoms is to remember that your child is not bipolar simply because he his one or two symptoms. Many other things are taken into consideration before a diagnosis this serious is given.

 

How is Diagnosis Made in Children?

 

While there are no medical tests that can give a proper diagnosis for bipolar disorder, things such as blood tests and brain scans may be used. This is not to determine if your child is bipolar but to rule out any other medical possibility. When it comes right down to it, the only real way to be diagnosed is through careful questioning and observation. Questions about your child’s habits such as sleep patterns, eating habits, and mood changes will be covered as well as family history. If someone else in your family has bipolar disorder than your child is at more of a risk of getting it as well. The final diagnosis is made from the guidelines found in the DSM or Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. The DSM has defined four specific types of bipolar disorder:

 

Ø Bipolar 1 Disorder

 

Ø Bipolar 2 Disorder

 

Ø Bipolar Disorder Not Otherwise Specified

 

Ø Cyclothymic Disorder

 

Your child’s health care professional will do a case study and determine which type of bipolar disorder your child has, if any.

 

Differences for Children vs. Adults

 

While the symptoms tend to be the same, studies have shown that when a child is found to have bipolar disorder, the symptoms come on in a much more severe way. Adults with bipolar disorder can get the illness under control more easily. This is not so for children. It appears that children who are bipolar tend to have more frequent mood shifts that are more severe in nature. They also are sick more often than other children. Suicidal thoughts are also very common in bipolar children. These signs must be taken very seriously. Having an illness like this can be very confusing for a child and therefore harder to cope with.

 

Treating the Bipolar Child

 

While there is not a cure for bipolar disorder, there are ways to treat it in both adults and children. The main treatments are therapy and medication. Many times it is beneficial to use both of these to get the most out of the treatment. While medication can be a good thing for the bipolar child, doctors are still in the early stages of treating children with this disorder and only have adult studies to go on. Studies have been started on this topic though since the diagnosis is becoming more common. This is an important point to remember because the way children respond and react to psychiatric drugs can be very different than how adults respond and react. Some doctors are beginning to use adult medications in an experimental capacity on children with bipolar disorder. Currently, there are only three drugs approved by the FDA to treat bipolar children:

 

Ø Lithium

 

Ø Risperidone (Risperdal)

 

Ø Aripiprazone (Abilify)

 

Also commonly used are mood stabilizers and antidepressants. Be sure to know all the side effects of these types of medications before your children begin taking them. Watch closely and report any adverse reactions to the prescribing physician.

 

Therapy for Bipolar Children

 

In addition to medication, therapy can be very useful in helping your child to work within his or her capacity to deal with their disorder. An especially useful tool is cognitive behavioral therapy. With this type of treatment your child can learn how to change any harmful patterns of thoughts and behaviors. In some cases, family therapy may be needed as having a bipolar child can take its emotional toll on the family unit as a whole.

 

Having a child with bipolar disorder can be a major challenge for you and for them. They are scared and you are their protectors. It can be hard to stay strong for them and you do not have to do it alone. If you find yourself needing more support take to the web and find a parental support group where you can find other parents who have children with bipolar disorder. This can be very cathartic and if you are feeling stronger then you can pass some of that strength onto your child.

 

 
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Posted on 11/7/2011 6:38:00 PM by Tanya Glover

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Coping with Claustrophobia

By Tanya Glover
Tanya Glover

Theravive.com Contributor

 

Having claustrophobia can cause many problems in one’s life depending on the severity of the phobia. There are ways to cope with this condition though and that is what I would like to talk about today.

What is Claustrophobia?

Claustrophobia is considered to be a phobia but can also be classified as an anxiety disorder. This is because someone who suffers from claustrophobia can be easily pushed into anxiety attacks due to the original phobia. Claustrophobia is a fear of being in enclosed spaces. When most people think of this as being in a small space like a closet it is much more far reaching than that. There are many situations that can make one feel claustrophobic.
Ø Flying
Ø Driving or riding in a vehicle
Ø Elevators
Ø Large Crowds
Ø Medical Imaging Tests
What is surprising to most people is that someone can become claustrophobic in a large room. Yes, it is a large room but if it is jammed with people then the claustrophobic can begin to feel closed in and this is when anxiety sets in. Many people who have this phobia cannot even comfortably shop in a crowded store. Being in cars for extended periods (or short periods depending on the severity of the fear) can be horrible as well. Personally, the worst for me is when I have to take an MRI; being put in a machine that feels like a coffin puts me over the edge. Everyday things that we take for granted can be nightmarish for a claustrophobic.

What Causes Claustrophobia?

While there is no one thing that can be blamed in all who have this phobia, the trend seems to be that a past experience in the claustrophobics life may be the root of the present phobia. These past experiences can be conscious or unconscious. If you can pinpoint the cause it can be very helpful in coping with it. For me it was when I was 5 years old. I woke up from a nightmare and jumped out of bed to run to my parent’s room. However, I was still in a daze and the room was pitch black so I was not really aware of my surroundings. I opened the bedroom door and when I  tried to get into the hallway I could not. Something was blocking me. I pushed and pushed but it was like a wall was keeping me locked in my room. When I stared to scream my mother woke up and found me in my closet! In my dreamlike state I opened the wrong door and of course was blocked in by a wall! Ever since that night I have suffered from claustrophobia.
There are many ways to treat this phobia.
Ø Therapy
Ø Drugs
Ø Relaxation Techniques
Ø Self-help Programs
Therapy is perhaps the most effective method of treatment for the most severe cases. The most popular form of therapy used for claustrophobic clients is CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy). CBT aims at retraining the client’s brain and reframe their thinking. The hope here is that the fear will be gotten rid of for good. Another CBT technique deals with facing the fears head on and is done by slowly introducing the client to what they fear most until they are desensitized to it and no longer afraid. This has had varying success rates but is still the best hope of actually curing claustrophobia.
There are medications available to treat this phobia as well. Usually they are medications specifically for generalized anxiety disorder but can be effective for claustrophobic anxiety as well. These drugs can help put to rest some of the underlying symptoms of the claustrophobia.
Relaxation techniques such as meditation, deep breathing and chanting can also help your claustrophobia. These things may not rid you of the phobia but help to keep your anxiety levels manageable and even stave off a panic attack.
Self-help programs are a blessing for those who feel like they need to do things in their own time and in their own way. There are many programs out there so do a Google search and find the one that is best for you!

How to Avoid Claustrophobic Attacks

While there will be times when it is unavoidable, there are some things you can do to bypass a phobic attack.
If at all possible, stay close to outside doors. If you are in a crowded room then locate the exits and stay close by to help keep your anxiety levels down. When riding in a car and the weather is nice, roll down the window so you can feel the air. This will make it to where you do not feel so closed in. Deep breathing while in elevators can be helpful as well. Airplanes are quite a different story as there really is no place to go. This is when medications would come in handy. In no way am I advocating drug use to control all aspects of your condition but in some situations it may be unavoidable. Make sure before you take any type of medication that you speak with your doctor first and that the medication is prescribed specifically to you. Taking medications that are not yours can be dangerous and may even worsen your condition.

Help is Out There

Whatever the cause or triggers of your claustrophobia are, you do not have to suffer in silence. There is help for you. Feel free to try any of the above suggestions and be sure to talk with your doctor about any other treatments that may be helpful for you.

 

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Posted on 10/23/2011 2:32:00 PM by Tanya Glover

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Making the Most of Your Family Time

By Tanya Glover
Tanya Glover

Theravive.com Contributor

 

The family of today is typically a very busy unit. Most households require both parents to work in order to make ends meet and the children are becoming more and more active in extra activities to keep themselves busy and boost their attractiveness to colleges. With so much going on with each individual family member it can be difficult to find time for quality family experiences. This is why I want to talk about how to make the most of the time you do have as a family. Being part of a family is like being a part of a special and exclusive club that only you and your loved one are allowed entrance into. Making time for your club is highly important in holding it together and making it stronger.

Family Nights

No matter how busy life becomes, it is important to set aside at least one night per week that is dedicated entirely to family time. This can become a night that everyone in your unit looks forward too! I know families who implement a once a week family night and it is for movie watching. Each week the family members take turns choosing the movie. They watch it together and then have a discussion about it afterwards. Other families play games and in the same fashion, take turns choosing the game each week. Other ideas for family night include going out to dinner, bowling, skating and walking together. To mix things up and make it more fun, you can even allow each family member to choose an activity. For example, one week Mom gets to choose the activity, the next week Dad chooses, the next week sister chooses and so on. This way, a variety of activities can be experienced and things don’t get boring. Plus, allowing each family member to have a say in what family night consists of makes it feel more personal. This system also allows each family member to feel as If their contributions are just as important as everyone else’s.

Family Meals

While it may not be possible for everyone to sit down to dinner together each night you can try to make at least one meal per day a family meal. In the evenings work schedules or other commitments may keep one or more family members out past dinner time. So, maybe instead of a family dinner rule you can make it a family breakfast rule! Make it a point for all family members to be up and out of bed at the same time each morning (at least on weekdays) so they can all enjoy breakfast together before starting their day. This can be a good time to discuss your plans for the day and fill each other in on the events of the day before. The most important thing is for families to keep in touch with each other’s lives and be involved as much as possible. Having a meal together each day can help ensure that this happens for your family.

One Hour a Night

If you find it hard to pin down a meal time that everyone can share or a specific night that can be dubbed just for family, maybe you can set aside just one hour per night to share some quality time. This hour does not have to be set in stone but can be flexible. Maybe you can do it an hour before bedtime arrives. During this hour you can all have a chance to talk about anything that is on your mind, whether it is a fun story from work or a problem at school. Family time is not just about having fun but also for reaching out for help, ideas or suggestions for any of life’s problems. Family is there for the good times and the bad. By reaching out or help or advice you are strengthening the bond you each have with each other.

Join a Team Together

A great way to bring families together is joining a team or club! Many towns have a bowling alley that has family leagues. If you all enjoy bowling then this is the perfect opportunity to get in some good family time. If you all are book lovers then you may want to join a family oriented book club. If there are none in your area then make your family night a night at the library. You can either choose a book that all of you can read or go on a night that a storyteller is there. A good story can make for a lively family discussion. Though it is a bit old hat, square dancing does still exist in many areas. This can be a great way for your family to come together. For square dancing you can also become part of a circuit that competes. How much fun would it be to compete on a team with your biggest fans doing something fun and active? These are just a few ideas off the top of my head. There are so many other things you and your family can join together so put your heads together and come up with the perfect activity for your family.

Go on a Staycation

In today’s rough economy it may be hard for a family to go on a traditional vacation. While going to Disney or New York City may be on your mind, your wallet may have other ideas. However, do not let lack of funds stop you from having at least one family vacation per year. Family vacations are great bonding experiences and serve to make a lifetime of wonderful memories. However, you do not need to break the bank to have a great vacation. Instead, make it a staycation.  This is becoming a popular alternative to traditional vacations since money is so tight these days. For a staycation all you have to do is stay at home! The lodging is free and the attractions are as close as your own backyard. The main rule of staycations is that you ACT as if you are on a real vacation. This means no work, no computers and no errands. You may be at home but this is your vacation so make sure to treat it as such. If you have a pool then lounge by it as much as possible. Put up a net and play some bad mitten or volleyball. If your budget allows then go out to eat. If you can only afford to do that once or twice then fire up the backyard grill and chow down at the picnic table. For families who enjoy camping, pitch a tent in the yard and start a small campfire. Roast hot dogs and make smores under your own neighborhood stars. You do not have to be rich to have a fun family vacation/staycation.

Nothing is More Important Than Family

Family may be the single most important word in the dictionary. This one word holds so much meaning and feeling and cannot be taken for granted. We are all busy in our modern society. However, making time for our families is the most important thing we can do in our lives. After all, what are we really working for? We are working for the comfort and support of our families. Why not take the time to enjoy the fruits of our labor?

 

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Posted on 9/30/2011 6:26:00 PM by Tanya Glover

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Coping With Your Driving Anxieties

By Tanya Glover
Tanya Glover

Theravive.com Contributor

 

If you are like me (and so many others in the world) and have driving anxiety you know how horrible it can be to be behind the wheel of a car when these anxious feeling kick in. Knowing what your triggers are and having a plan to overcome panic associated with your anxieties is the key to staying safe and possibly overcoming your fears altogether.

Triggers for Driving Anxiety

For someone with driving associated anxiety there can be many triggers that kick you into high gear.
Ø Driving in heavy traffic
Ø Driving in inclement weather
Ø Driving on interstates
Ø Driving in an unfamiliar place
Ø Driving at night
Maybe just one of these things trigger your driving anxiety or maybe they all do. Personally, each one of these triggers apply directly to me so if they do to you as well know that you are not alone in this!

Why Are These Triggers?

All triggers have a root. Unless you suffer for general anxiety disorder, there is some reason that specific conditions trigger your driving anxiety. Listed below are some common trigger roots.
Ø Fear of getting lost
Ø Fear of getting into an accident
Ø Fear of being driving at high speeds
Ø Fear of other drivers in general
These are all common roots to your driving anxieties. Again, you can have them all or just one or two but for me it is all of them! I have always had a fear of driving at high speeds and this is linked to the trigger of interstate driving. It was not until after I had my driver’s license for 10 years that I actually took control and learned to drive on interstate highways. I still cannot do it anxiety free but I can do it! Many people also fear getting into an accident which links to all of the triggers! Rain, heavy traffic, speed and darkness can all contribute to accidents. Fear of getting lost and fear of driving in unfamiliar places can also tie in with the heavy traffic trigger. In my mind, if I get lost then I have to find a spot to turn around and this may get me lost even further and put me back into traffic. If I am in an unfamiliar area when I miss a turn then the anxiety amplifies by 10X!  Even though I have these anxieties I have learned not to let them cripple me as I do not want to lose the freedom that driving provides me with. You do not have to let it overcome you either. There are things you can do to ease your anxiety in all driving situations that make you fearful so read on to find your freedom!

Build an Anxiety First Aid Kit

If you know you may get into a driving situation that will bring on your anxiety bring with you an anxiety first aid kit. In fact, always keep this in your car as you never know when the need for it may arise. What should you include in your kit?
Ø Cell phone charger- Make sure you can easily contact someone if you need help on the road.
Ø Relaxation CD- This can be soothing sounds, classical music or anything else that may be relaxing for you. Mediation tapes are great as well but make sure you keep your eyes on the road!
Ø GPS- Having a navigation system can help you to find your way around easily and eliminate the fear of getting lost or missing a turn.
Ø Anti-anxiety medication- If your doctor has prescribed an anti-anxiety medication make sure you keep some in your car at all times. This can help put a stop to your anxiety before it gets out of control.
Ø A paper bag- While some medical professionals are now saying this is not the best idea to deal with hyperventilation, if you are old school and have used it in the past then throw a paper bag into that kit as well or ask your doctor about other methods you can use for hyperventilation.
Ø A bottle of water- This is to keep you hydrated (getting overly anxious can dehydrate you quickly) as well as to have something with you to take medication if necessary.
If none of these items bring you anxiety relief then there are other options for overcoming it.

Self Help Programs

Self Help programs can teach you how to overcome your fear of driving and as well as tips to overcome your driving anxiety. A program that is directed specifically toward driving anxiety should include a CD and that can be very helpful to listen to when you anticipate any of your triggers being present. Do not use just any program however. Do your research first and then choose the right one for you.

Using Relaxation Techniques

Sometimes when our minds become over stimulated due to fear and anxiety it can be helpful to use relaxation techniques to bring your anxiety level down to a manageable range. Try counting, deep breathing exercises and self talk. Self talk is basically giving throwing a pep rally for yourself! Use positive language such as “I can do this” or “this will pass if I just keep my eyes on the prize”. You can also talk yourself through the details of what you are doing and where you are going. The trick to all relaxation techniques is to refocus your mind of something else other than your anxiety until it hopefully disappears.

Therapy

If your anxiety has become too much for you to handle alone then it may be time to see a therapist. The most common type of therapy used for curing fears and anxieties of all kinds is cognitive behavioral therapy. CBT can help you retrain your thoughts and beliefs and get to the root of the issue. Once the cause of your anxiety if found the therapist can work with you to retrain and refocus your behaviors and negative thinking. Group therapy can also be wonderful for someone dealing with driving anxieties! Just sharing your feeling with others who are going through similar things can be highly cathartic and give you the courage to move forward to overcome your anxiety.

Rules for the Road

While this information can help put you on the road to success (Pun INTENDED) they may not be enough to totally cure your driving anxieties and you still may be subject to having driving anxiety to the point of going into full panic mode. If a panic attack occurs while you are driving you must take special care not to hurt yourself or others. If you have ever had a panic attack then you will know when one is about to hit. If you can get off the road before it happens then all the better! If you cannot then you must do whatever you can safely do to get the car in park.
Ø Pull over in the first safe place you can find.
Ø Turn off the engine and practice your breathing.
Ø Get out and walk around if it is a safe place to do so. If not then recline your seat and lay there will the attack washes over you and finally leaves.
Ø Take your anti-anxiety meds if that is applicable to you.
Ø Call someone if you need more help even if that means dialing 911.
Driving anxiety is no joke and if you suffer from it you are just one a great many who do so rest assured that you are not the odd man (or woman) out. Take this information and these tips into consideration if you are looking for ways out of the anxiety circle. If you need help do not be afraid to ask for it. By admitting the problem and searching for a way to fix it you are taking the first – and biggest steps on the road to recovery.

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Posted on 9/25/2011 3:33:00 PM by Tanya Glover

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