Theravive

Professionals use telephone counseling—a lot. In a recent survey of American Psychological Association (APA) member psychologists, 98% affirmed that they have provided counseling services over the phone. And 69% responded that they currently provide psychotherapy by phone, at least on occasion.

Similarly, a survey of psychiatrists found that 45% use the telephone as an adjunct to face-to-face (FTF) sessions, and 19% use it as their primary medium for providing treatment. Also, research has found that for some medical practices up to 70% of problems are handled solely by telephone. In my own research study (published in the Journal of Mental Health Counseling) of 841 mental health professionals, 73% reported using telephone counseling.

Such data irrefutably shows that the use of the telephone in the delivery of mental health services is nearly universal, and this doesn’t even include para-counseling services, such as those provided through radio or television call-in programs.

There are several ways online counseling is provided. These methods include (1) email counseling, (2) text-chat counseling, and (3) videoconference counseling. 

Computer Mediated Communication
Computer mediated communication (CMC) is a fancy way of saying “talking to someone through a computer,” and without it online counseling—the online part, anyway—would be limited to an online version of bibliotherapy. That is, without CMC, a person suffering from depression could find a website and read about depression, or watch a video on depression recovery, but back and forth dialogue between client and counselor would not be possible. Therefore, having at least a basic understanding of CMC will help us immensely as we begin to discuss online counseling.

CMC is commonplace for persons with Internet access, especially younger Internet users who use CMC to be part of online communities, and to connect emotionally with others. There are two basic types of CMC, asynchronous communication and synchronous communication.

Asynchronous Communication

Asynchronous communication is a conversation that is not in ‘real-time’. This means there is a significant time-delay between the period when one person makes a statement, and when another person responds. This is nothing new. Mailing letters back and forth with a friend is an example of asynchronous communication. A friend of mine participates in asynchronous communication when she uses a camcorder to record video-messages from her and her daughter, and then emails the file to her husband, who is overseas. On the Internet, asynchronous communication is very common and takes the form of email, discussion board forums, and bulletin boards.

Synchronous Communication

Synchronous communication is a conversation in ‘real-time’. This means that two or more persons receive and immediately respond to each other’s dialogue. We are all experienced with synchronous communication—every in-person conversation we have ever had has been synchronous, as has every telephone conversation. Videoconference would also be an example of synchronous communication, as would text-chat.

The events that have unfolded in the past few days have caused trauma to us all – to those in Boston and to those all across the United States. What was a lovely spring day at the Boston marathon turned into a traumatic event.

But how do you deal from these events?

When an individual undergoes a trauma, each component of their ordinary response to danger continues to occur in an altered state for a long time after any actual danger is over. Individuals experience profound and lasting changes in their psychological arousal, memory, cognition, and emotion. For a long time after the trauma occurs, the individual does not feel safe.

These symptoms you feel could include: intense fear, panic disorders, anger, depression, loneliness, flashbacks, attachment disorders, loss of control, and helplessness. Sometimes panic, anger, flashbacks, and anxiety may contribute to these symptoms.

Although traumatic events can be quite terrible and the emotional damage caused from them can be quite overwhelming, healing is possible. A traumatized individual will require comfort, acceptance, reassurance, and a nonjudgmental listening ear. They must feel safe and have an understanding that the way they are feeling is completely normal for what they have been through.

The following action steps can help individuals to overcome trauma:

1. Understand the nature of the trauma. If it can be remembered, talk about what happened. Do so gently and do not allow for any denial. Although the memories are very painful, discuss them with honesty. Try talking with a friend, a counselor, or in a support group and choose what is right for you. Understand that you didn’t deserve or cause what has happened to you and that depending on the type of trauma you have experienced, you may have to make some changes in your life in order to not be hurt again.

2.Express the feelings. Express whatever your true feelings are regarding your traumatic experience. Whether it be anger, grief, or sadness, let it out.

3. Know that you will heal. Your healing will come with time and help. Engage in the process of healing either through group or individual counseling.

4. Know that you will have victory. You will not only heal from your trauma, but you will triumph over it. Think about the positive strengths that will come out of the healing process. Know that in time you will be able to forgive and will be set free from the pain. Most importantly, realize that someday you will be able to help and comfort those who have experienced similar traumas.

The events that occurred are a terrible tragedy, but we as a city – we as Boston – will overcome these events.

By psychologist, Dr. Joel Dillon, from the group practice Orenstein Solutions, located in Cary, NC

Parents make mistakes: people make mistakes, and parents are people, aren’t they? It is important to apologize when your mistake hurts someone. However, how to apologize to your children is a point of debate.

What do you believe about apologizing?
Some parents believe that apologizing to children for their own misbehavior demonstrates weakness by exposing cracks in their “perfect parenthood.” Others believe that total transparency with children can help facilitate a firm understanding of reality. The issue is not which approach is correct: both approaches have their place and can clearly communicate a lesson. Parents need to realize when their child needs one approach or the other.

What an apology is AND is not:
To understand what a child might hear from an apology, we must first examine what an apology is not.   It is NOT about self loathing, blame, and shame.  Instead it is about recognizing that  ”to err is human,” and acknowledging when we hurt someone either accidentally or intentionally.  We can use our mistakes for showing compassion to others, making amends, learning and growing.

What an apology can teach:
As a parent you are not only the rule maker, but also a role model. Apologizing to your children communicates many important life lessons.

• First, it communicates our humility and the value of acknowledging our shortcomings and mistakes.

• Secondly, apologies teach children about compassion and forgiveness.  By apologizing to children, parents can offer the child the chance to practice forgiveness and repair hurt feelings.

• Thirdly, the process of forgiveness depicts a realistic view of relationships: the ups and the downs, and everything in between. Once you come to terms that you are not perfect, let your child know. Let your child learn about relationship repair, which involves being human, making and acknowledging mistakes, and gaining life lessons.

So the next time you find yourself with the finger pointing at you, apologize. If your child is the object of the mistake, or if he or she was simply present, take advantage of this moment and teach them this invaluable relationship tool.

If you’ve been paying any attention at all, you’re keenly aware that happily married couples are an endangered species. You probably know the divorce statistics (50%) and when you go to the grocery store, you see the magazine covers highlighting the breakups of politicians, athletes, singers, and actors. Chances are, these relationships started out as yours did — blissfully happy. So, what went wrong? More importantly, how can you prevent this from happening to you?

What makes or breaks relationships doesn’t have to be a mystery. After counseling hundreds of couples, I’ve witnessed first hand how relationships fall apart, and I’ve been able to help many of them put the pieces back together again. I can help de-mystify the relationship process so you’ll know how to nurture your own marriage and create the type of relationship that makes your neighbors and friends envious.

I. Invest in your marriage on a daily basis.

Like exercise,romance is cumulative: You may not have time to exercise for an hour every day, but even if you get moving 15 minutes in the morning and 20 minutes at lunch, those small efforts pay off. Experts give advice like take the stairs or park further away, building little efforts into your day to accomplish your goal.

It’s the same with romance. You may not be able to escape for a long, romantic weekend very often, but you can show small amounts of appreciation and display affection daily, and those efforts really add up.

Examples: 

• When your husband calls you at work, take two minutes to stop what you’re doing and ask about his day; show him support for something that matters to him.
• Take a few minutes at the end of the evening to update each other and share the news of your day.
• Watch a fun show together, like “Modern Family,” that appeals to both of you.

II. Beware of Facebook (and other cyber-social connections) as a “Gateway” to emotional and physical affairs.

Know the danger signs of bad behavior related to Facebook so you can protect your marriage. Beware of looking up exes on Facebook, especially high school sweethearts. Here are signs that you’re crossing the line:

• Secrecy

If your partner comes in the room, would you be fine letting him read over your shoulder or do you close the screen quickly? When you are talking on the phone with an old high school acquaintance, would you change your tone of voice if your spouse entered the room? If so, you need to examine your behavior and its effect on the relationship with your spouse.

• Confiding more on Facebook than with your partner.

It’s often easier to share personal information when there is a level of anonymity so people tend to be less self-conscious when communicating through the internet. It’s important to keep communicating with your spouse with whom you are in a “live” relationship, even if there are tensions. Make sure you continue to reach out and touch your loved one,literally.

•  Being unrealistic.

We tend to romanticize high school and people we knew from long ago. Over time, with blurring of memory, friendships are changed in our minds to romances. Recognize infatuation is temporary and doesn’t have anything to do with a healthy intimate relationship, which takes time to develop and mature in the light of day. Facebook can artificially and harmfully accelerate a relationship’s natural course of intimacy.

III. Be more like the family dog.

No one is happier to see us walk through the door than our dogs. They greet us, look us in the eye, and show us how happy they are to see us without saying a word! They accomplish this with wagging of their tail and a wet, sloppy kiss. When your spouse comes in — try to do the same.

• Stop what you are doing for a moment to welcome him or her home. Look him in the eye. Tell him you are happy to see him. It’s a small effort that will make a big difference over the years.
• Wagging your tail takes some specialized training (check out a Zumba class near you), but husbands wouldn’t mind being greeted with a sloppy kiss and a happy dance.
• Showing that you are focused on your spouse, even if it is just for one moment during the day, can foster intimacy and trust in a relationship.

Most of us can accept compliments. Some of us can accept suggestions. One or two of us can bend our minds around a completely new idea.  But when it comes to criticism, that’s where most of us shut the door and hang up the “closed” sign. After all, who wants to hear the sentences that begin with, “You want to know what your problem is?” or “If only you would just change (fill in the blank) about yourself”?

Working with couples on such a regular basis, it is not unusual to receive phone calls from couples where one partner is reluctant.

Sometimes this is because the partner doesn’t believe in counseling.

Sometimes a partner is resistant because he or she feels they are too angry, or they don’t have hope for the relationship. This happens when couples have had longstanding problems, or have waited until the ‘breaking point’ to seek help.

There is no ‘trick’ to get your partner to join you in couples counseling. While the following tips may help you to encourage your partner, they are not ways to manipulate your partner. In fact, you will find that many of the strategies below can only be effective if you are not trying to manipulate your partner, and only if you, yourself, are dedicated to improving the relationship, and willing to improve yourself as an important part of the process!

Are you ready? Here are a few ideas of ways that you can help encourage your spouse to join you in couples counseling:

1) Don’t Wait Too Long

When possible, couples counseling should be a first or second line of defense – not a last resort – to a helping a relationship. For example, if you are experiencing a problem in your relationship, the first step is to try and talk with your partner to see if you can find a solution together. If you can’t come to an agreement that works for both of you, the second step would be to consider getting some help. Often just a couple of sessions with a counselor will help resolve an issue in a healthy way.

Too often, couples begin considering couples counseling as a last resort – when the relationship is at a breaking point: after destructive words have been said, after an affair, or during or after a trial separation. While this is a harder place to begin, if you are in these circumstances, don’t be discouraged! Marriage therapists can often help couples in crisis make amazing progress.

2) Ask for a Favor or Make a Trade

Your partner may not want to attend counseling because he or she doesn’t “like the idea of it,” or doesn’t think it will help. If this is the case, instead of trying to convince your partner that counseling can help, simply ask your partner if they will accompany you to counseling as a favor to you.

Depending on how things have been going between you, there is a chance that your partner might not feel like doing you any favors. In this is the case, consider whether there is a favor or concession that you could give to your partner, in exchange for his or her attendance at a couples counseling appointment.

Note: this is not blackmail! This is not extortion! The idea is to go above and beyond what is fair, as a way to encourage your spouse or partner to accompany you to couples counseling. Is there something your partner has wanted from you, that you have been unwilling to provide?

3) Focus on Your Change

Sometimes when one partner recommends couples counseling, the receiving partner can feel they are being told that something is wrong with them. If this is the case, resistance to counseling is to be expected.

To increase the odds that your partner will accompany you to couples counseling, tell your partner that you want to change the way that you are being in the relationship, and that you want your partner’s help in your self-improvement process.

Don’t lie. If your partner asks if you think that they need to change, be honest! But tell your partner that you are 100% interested in first investigating how you can to change to be a better partner.

4) Show First, The Change in Yourself

Often, when someone avoids couples counseling it’s because they don’t think it will be effective in facilitating real change in their partner or relationship. Counter this worry by helping your partner to see that you’re not only willing to change, but also that you have already begun improving yourself.

Going to counseling on your own is a good way to show that you are serious about committing to a self-improvement process - share with your partner what you have learned about yourself, this a great way to show your partner you are serious about growth.

5) Emphasize Partnership

Remind your partner that, while your relationship has difficulties, you want to “Partner” with him or her to improve the relationship together. Show solidarity, and an openness to do whatever is necessary for a healthy, happy partnership.

6) Make Sure You Mention the Counselor is Neutral

If you have spoken with a couples counselor by telephone, or perhaps even met with a counselor, make sure that you stress to your partner that the counselor is in no way “on your side” but will work with the two of you impartially.

If your partner is worried about the counselor being biased by his or her preliminary contact with you, offer to balance things out by having your partner meet with the counselor alone to “tell your side of the story.” Alternatively, offer to see a new couples counselor, that neither of you have had contact with, as a way to start counseling fresh, together.

7) Suggest a Simple Phone Call

If your partner is nervous about counseling, offer that he or she talk with the counselor by telephone to help him or her get comfortable. A telephone consultation is a great way to ease into the idea of going to couples counseling.

8) Ask, What do you want to get out of Counseling?

If you suggest couples counseling, your partner may have some resistance because it was “your idea” . Help to make couples counseling a shared idea by asking your partner, “Hypothetically, if we were to go to couples counseling, what would you most want to get out of our sessions?” This question may also help your partner to begin thinking about his or her potential gains from couples counseling.

9) Mention the "Even If"

Your partner may say that he or she doesn’t want to go to counseling because there is no hope for the relationship. You can respond to this argument by using “even if.”

The idea here is that “even if” the relationship has “no hope,” counseling can still help the two of you to part on good terms, and may help each of you to learn from the experience so that you don’t make similar mistakes in future relationships.

If your relationship is a marriage, divorce can cost tens (or hundreds) of thousands of dollars if the separation isn’t amicable. Counseling can—at a minimum—help you and your partner create a plan for a civil separation with less litigation.

10) Capture Hope

Hope is everything. Talk to your partner about how you think couples counseling can help. Mention that even though things have been difficult, and even though there is work and repair to be done, you still have hope for the relationship, and for a happy future together. This positivity is a huge first step.

Final Thoughts:

I hope that you have found this information helpful. If your relationship is in distress, discord, or simply could use a little help around particular issues, there are many ways to find an excellent couples counselor in your area, including contacting local counseling associations, or by asking for a referral from your primary care doctor.

Sincerely,

Dr. Anthony Centore

Dr. Anthony Centore is a Counselor, Private Practice Consultant for the ACA, and helps counseling practices across the US thrive. For more information go to http://www.thriveworks.com 

By April St. John

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Last week a client walked into my office with a no-nonsense demeanor and said the following in an exasperated and pressured voice:

Identify The Problem

"It's a new year so why am I still dealing with the same old stuff from 2012?"  She went on to say, "I can't get my husband to see things my way and our relationship is always in survivor mode.  My employees are worthless and they never meet my expectations.  There is tension between myself and some of  my closest girlfriends.  And my mother expects me to jump every time she calls.  I need to get away...I need a vacation!!!"

She slumped into the couch with an angry yet defeated posture.  As we both sat in silence for a moment, she began to sink deeper into the couch, allowing her shoulders to drop from the tension.  Her energy changed from anger and indignation to inflection and honesty.  She looked at me and asked; "What is wrong with me?  Why is there turmoil in every area of my life?"

This type of rant is common.  Any of us can reach an emotional state in which NOTHING seems to be working and our emotions are running a muck.  While we can't control or stop others from bringing external duress into our lives, the one thing we can regulate is our reaction.

This client spent the remainder of her session identifying how each of these areas of turmoil trigger her unresolved pain and conflict from past relationships and occurrences.  She shared a story of how her mother would always tell her that she had to be a "good girl because good girls get everything they want."

Now, before we go on let's be clear, therapy is not designed as a place where parents become the villains and clients become the victims.  So as we proceed, let's focus on the clients story and not that of blaming the level of functionality of her parents.

                                     Making The Connection

So back to the session.  She went on to express how she remembered an occasion at the age of 9 when she was in the grocery store with her mother and her sister.  This client's mother told the two little girls that if they behaved, she would buy each of them their favorite candy.  She recalls behaving and that her sister did not.  At the end of the shopping trip her mother kept her promise.  She received the reward of selecting her favorite candy and her sister did not.  It was then that she learned a valuable lesson.  She told herself that she could get anything she wanted if she behaved and "performed" as expected.  This was the moment a simple and innocent realization became a reinforced mindset and a negative memory point.  A mindset that did not prepare her for inconsistencies in life.

Course Of Action

This brings us to present day.  This client and I worked to correlate that lesson with her current reactions of not getting what she wanted in spite of the fact that she behaved accordingly.  When her good behavior did not yield the results she expected, she went into a tail-spin.  We also discovered that she had not learned a healthy way of processing disappointment.  In addition, we were able to identify her emotional triggers which equipped her with knowledge and insight towards a balanced way of regulating her emotions and a way to regulate her reactions and the need to overreact.  Taking the time to slowly explore, discover, and identify mis-beliefs and false perceptions allowed her to gain the tools to target the exact moments in which she began to lose control of her emotions.  Through this discovery, she ultimately gained a level of emotional regulation that now allows her to:

1. Think before reacting
2. Tools to identify "why" she feels out of control
3. Knowledge to understand and regulate her emotions

Observing this level of  discovery and healing is miraculous.  Gaining tools to begin a more peaceful existence is a very noble course of action.  You can begin the steps as well.  If you find difficulty in harnessing your emotions, you too can achieve a stronger stance in this area of your life.  Erratic and unregulated emotions that interrupt peace within your professional and personal life should be addressed with a mental health professional.  Or you may find educational courses in emotional regulation to be more suitable to your learning needs.  Click here to find out more about current courses offered by Living Anew, LLC.

**This story is a depiction of a fictitious therapy session.

April is the author of Living A New Thought and practices in Glen Allen Virginia.  She is a dual-licensure resident in Marriage & Family Therapy and Professional Counseling under the supervision of Mike P. Flynn, LCSW, BCD and Patricia Harris, NCC, LMFT, LPC.  April works with couples and individuals within a solution focused framework to foster insight and healing. Visit Living Anew, LLC to see current courses offered.

Big EHR Shakeup May Lead to More High-Quality, Affordable Options

Perhaps you’ve heard of the free web-based Electronic Health Records (EHR) program Practice Fusion. It has a growing user base 150,000 medical professionals.

For several years, Practice Fusion has had a close partnership with the Medical Billing Software / Practice Management (PM) Software company Kareo (Unlike Practice Fusion, Kareo costs $299 per month, per doctoral-level user, and $149 a month for masters-level providers).

While this cost is still out of reach for some healthcare providers, it’s significantly more affordable than many of the other competitors in the space—many which have inflated their prices in response to the Health Information Technology for Economic and Clinical Health Act (HITECH).

Under HITECH, qualified providers (Physicians, not Counselors) can receive up to $44,000 in Medicare bonus incentives if they demonstrate the “meaningful use” of an EHR system. Hence, many EHR companies have been using the $44,000 in incentives to justify exorbitant prices:

• Amazing Charts: $1999 per year for the first provider, $995 for each additional provider.
• All Scripts: $699 per month per doctoral-level provider, $474 for masters level.
• Soapware: $3000.00 per year, per provider.
• Praxis: $6995.00 per year for the first provider, $2995.00 for each additional provider.
• AdvancedMD: Nearly $1000 per month, per provider.
• CareCloud: $0.99 per transaction (client session). About $2500 setup fee.

How to Forgive Yourself? Let it go. Forget about it. Move on. Forgive yourself. It’s easy to say, but so much harder to actually do! We all mess up sometimes, whether it’s lashing out at a friend, engaging in a self-destructive behavior, or cutting corners at work.

And with those mistakes often come overwhelming feelings of guilt. Shame. Self-condemnation. Humiliation. Counselors and life coaches have found that these emotions can lead to stress, depression, anxiety disorders, and even heart disease if ignored.[1] Not exactly the formula for a happy life!

Forgive. We’ve all heard the word before, but what does it mean? And why is it so important?

Dr. Frederick Luskin at Standford University reports that “learning to forgive helps people hurt less, experience less anger, feel less stress and suffer less depression. People who learn to forgive report significantly fewer symptoms of stress such as backache, muscle tension, dizziness, headaches and upset stomachs. In addition people report improvements in appetite, sleep patterns, energy and general well being.”[2]

If self-forgiveness is such a good thing, why is it so hard?

Too often, we punish ourselves for past mistakes, as if we could somehow “make up” the wrong that we’ve done. We walk through each day feeling less-than. We call ourselves losers. No good. We live chained to our past, holding on to hurts and grudges. And though no one else may know about our secret pain, the negative emotions we feel gnaw away at our joy and satisfaction in life.

Counselors and life coaches report that the hardest person to forgive is yourself. Not the friend who backstabbed you. Or the dad that wasn’t there for you. Or even the ex who broke your heart. Why? Because you know yourself and you live with yourself every day. Go figure.

If you feel stuck in the rut of your past failures, try these tips for embracing forgiveness:

Talk about it. When it comes to the past, silence can be deadly. So stop pretending. Free yourself from the bondage of holding it all in. Talk about what’s tearing you apart inside. Express the emotions you feel to a counselor, mentor, or friend you can trust. Forgiveness starts with being honest and vulnerable about who you are…the good and the bad. So say what you need to say.

Be honest with yourself. “If I just pretend it never happened, maybe it will all go away,” we tend to think. Sounds nice…but not true. Choose to break out of denial. Be honest about how you’ve messed up and the consequences of your behavior. Journal out the specific behaviors and actions that are causing you angst.

Accept it for what it is. As an imperfect person, you will make mistakes in life. Face it. You will hurt people sometimes. Youwill have regrets. It’s part of living in a less-than-perfect world. But you have a choice. Either your past will keep you in a rut of guilt and shame…or you will accept it for what it is and experience the freedom to move on and enjoy the now. Self-acceptance is critical to your emotional health…so don’t miss out.

Let go. Don’t hold on to guilt. You don’t need to justify your past actions or try to prove yourself. Letting go of the past means burying it and giving up your right to engage in self-condemnation. Forgiveness is a choice, but also a process. It’s choosing to stop hating yourself and cutting yourself down, but instead, seeing yourself as a valuable human being.

Develop realistic expectations. Evaluate the expectations you (and others) set for you. Are they healthy? Or unrealistic? If you find yourself never being able to measure up—no matter how hard you try—you may just need to change a few things in your approach to life. Healthy expectations are achievable and fulfilling, not draining and overwhelming.

Forgiving yourself is tough. It means striking a deal with yourself…

• to let the past be past and live in the present
• to stop beating yourself up about something that happened two or five or ten years ago
• to banish guilt and shame from controlling your thoughts and behaviors
• to accept and respect yourself as you are…in spite of your screw-ups

Counselors and life coaches tell us that “to forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”[3]

Tired of living as a prisoner? Make the choice today to forgive yourself. And set the prisoner of your heart free to really enjoy life.

Notes:

[1]Dr. Frederick Luskin, Research from Standford University, http://learningtoforgive.com/

[2]Ibid.

[3]Lewis B. Smedes

Dr. Anthony Centore is a Counselor, Private Practice Consultant for the ACA, and helps counseling practices across the US thrive. For more information go to http://www.thriveworks.com 

Well here we are again, the busy month of January behind us, the holiday glow has dampened and life is back! I am not sure about you, but for me the holidays give a great opportunity to practice boundaries. There are so many opportunities for being pulled here and there. As well, with family involved who cannot need to be able to communicate clearly a confident set of boundaries?

Chapter 9 which deals with boundaries within a marriage is jammed full of useful tips on how one can conduct his/herself as well as what one can choose to tolerate and when to put your foot down.

One part that stuck out for me most is that of taking responsibility for what I can control…ME and truthfully ONLY me. Page 164 gave a nice chart of some examples of how we can take control of our own actions versus being powerless in a situation. I will warn you for those who boundaries are not natural this will need some practice. I do believe over time with a renewing of the mind (Romans 12:2) we can begin to see ourselves as God does and thus we can demand in a loving way to be treated as the bible clearly lays out in Ephesians.

Examples of how to take control of what I can:

Cloud, H., & Townsend, J. (1992) Boundaries: When to say Yes, When to say No; to take control of your life. (Pg 164) Grand Rapids, Michigan: Zondervan.

What is interesting when we look at these examples of how to communicate boundaries is that some women may be confused about how setting consequences is submissive or is respecting her husband. What needs to be understood is that both husbands and wives are to be submissive in a marriage. We need to remember as women that boundaries are not about being mean, or denying others. Boundaries are the personal property lines which define who we are, what we are responsible for, and where we have limits and limitations. Having clear boundaries is essential for a healthy, balanced lifestyle as well as for spiritual growth and for our ability to give and receive love.(Pg 31)

The Bible does speak clearly about boundaries in a marriage:

22-24 Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands.

25-28 Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favor—since they’re already “one” in marriage.

Ephesians 5:24-28 The Message (MSG)