Theravive

Like all great artists and masters of language, Mr. Cameron's genius opens up the deeper and sometimes hidden collective themes and truths of life. On the surface, "The Abyss" presents a good story filled with elements of mission, danger and risk. Basically the story is about a team of people on an undersea drilling rig who are asked by the military to salvage a wrecked submarine in the depths of the ocean. The incentive for the team's acceptance is money. They are beset by numerous catastrophes ; however, in the midst of these they encounter an advanced non human race of aquatic beings living in the deeper abyss. These translucent beautiful aliens can only be compared to the angelic.

The hero is played by Ed Harris and he is married to the heroine Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio. In the midst of their heightened marital discord and disharmony, they must join forces for the sake of the mission. It seems an impossible task for them to transcend their anger and bitterness toward one another.

We are enthralled as the story becomes more complicated with the uncovering of an evil plot brought aboard by two of the military members.

The heroine is shunned by the team. Although she is clever and can run a ship, they see her as an arrogant and dominating woman who is far too self serving. She wears her intelligence and superior position as a threat to others. However, it is to this woman that the angelic beings first appear in the depths of her despair and helplessness.

The story takes us through chaos, the struggle between good and evil, the threat of nuclear war, the limits of humanity, pride and humility which finally lead to redemption.

The essential and core threads that create this marvelous tapestry are the moral choices made by the hero and heroine: the husband and wife. Initially we see the enraged husband take off his wedding band and throw it into the toilet only to turn back and retrieve what he has thrown away. As the story unfolds, he is the one who looks upon his unconscious apparently drowned wife and with determined passion brings her back to life.

It is the crisis that returns them to their original love through choices of forgiveness and sacrifice. We witness the vulnerability and tears of the real heroine underneath her armour after her encounter with death and her rescue by her husband. When at the crescendo of the film the hero is as well at death's door, he is saved by the gentle graceful alien of the seas.

She communicates to him an eternal truth which he embraces and which indeed makes him a hero. It is in the simple acts of forgiveness to our spouse and as well the moral choices that we make for the good of the other that set us free.

Each time we forgive the other and each time we look to others before ourselves, we become heroes of our own lives.

"Only the weak hang on to hatred and bitterness ... the strong ones forgive."   - Mahatma Gandhi

By Debra Bacon

Theravive.com Contributor

Simply defined

Communication simply defined is: “the exchange of thoughts, messages, or information, as by speech, signals, writing, or behavior.”

Communication is very important in all aspects of our lives. The way we interact with our colleagues, peers and managers is important from a professional standpoint. Often, when considering improving our communication skills, we tend to think about our techniques in this realm. After all, it is our livelihood.

However, there are many areas of our lives where communication is as important, if not more as that of the professional relationship. That is the way we speak, move, act or otherwise signal our spouse, partner, children, family members and friends. Moreover, our way of interaction with the general public is very significant.

Let’s talk, blog, bleep, or otherwise say

Today, we have multiple ways to communicate from the face-to-face conversation, to email, IM, skype, Facebook, cell phones and many, many more. Developing effective communication skills is an ever evolving process. Flexibility and compromise are essential in communication today.

The way we relay thoughts, messages or information warrants serious analysis. Let’s take a look at five key areas that can be very effective in the way we communicate with others, whatever form of communication we are using. They are: a two-way flow of conversation; actively listen; rapport building; positive focus and honesty.

1. Two-way flo w of conversation:  A conversation, whether verbal or written should always be balanced. Both people should contribute to the conversation to feel validated. If you have a problem talking too much, interrupting or dominating conversations try this exercise. Open your mind to what the other person is saying. Quiet the thoughts running through your head. Try not to formulate a rebuttal before the other person has finished their thought. Yours will be incomplete and likely inconsiderate.
2. Actively listen:  It is important to hear what the speaker is saying. Take mental notes of important points in the conversation. If you are simply staring at someone and do not comprehend what they are saying, there may be an underlying cause. Perhaps you are tired, stressed or emotionally absent. Search for the reason and get help overcoming the problem. Otherwise be engaged with the speaker. Try this exercise to help you actively listen.Be attentive to the communication skills or style of someone you respect, and practice what you have noticed. Begin to apply the techniques in your own life with others.
3. Rapport building:  It is important to build trust or a common ground with those to whom you communicate. Try this exercise when building rapport.Offer a solid handshake along with a friendly smile when introducing yourself, or greeting someone. Be aware of your body language. Lean forward a bit, it shows you are interested. If the speaker is sitting, if appropriate, you should sit also, being eye level puts you on an equal plane. And lastly, make eye contact.
4. Positive focus:  Life hands us ups and downs and it is okay to share that at times; however, try not to be a complainer. Try this exercise to offer positive reinforcement.Always lead into a conversation with a positive statement about what is right in a situation, prior to launching into the negative aspects. You will find people respond better when they are acknowledged for what they have done right, or hear what is good about a situation.
5. Honesty:  Always be honest and try not to drum up flattering insincere words. People will pick up on this and will not take you seriously. Try this exercise to assist you in being forthright and honest. Avoid using words that are designed to manipulate others to get what you want. Be honest about what you want. Speak directly with confidence. This will leave others feeling you have their best interest in mind. It leaves them with a choice without feeling guilty.

These same exercises can be applied in the written form of communication as well. Paying attention to tone is key when writing. It is more difficult to catch the tone of someone’s meaning without hearing their voice, or looking at them for cues. Brush up on your written skills as necessary.

By Debra Bacon

Theravive.com Contributor

When a breakup occurs, picking up the pieces of our life can be a daunting task. It may seem impossible to imagine feeling “normal” again. The pain associated with a breakup can leave us feeling overwhelmed, confused, lonely and sad.

No matter the cause of the breakup, it disrupts your life in ways that are unsettling. However, there are ways to grow and learn from the experience, as you process the loss.

Overcoming loss

A breakup--whether a long-term dating relationship, or divorce--wreaks havoc on your emotions. The void left in your life after calling it quits is not easy to fill. It is very important to take care of yourself during this time.

After a relationship fails, feelings of intense grief, stress and regret over lost dreams and shared goals set in. Things are unfamiliar, and other relationships are affected. How to handle relationships with mutual friends and extended family members of whom you have become close too can be difficult and stressful to determine.

You may even question you own identity. Depending on the length of time together, more often than not, you shared everything from activities, to dining and hanging out.  You may begin to stress over questions like: How will you fill your time?  What will it be like to be alone?  Will you ever find someone else, or even want to?

• Don’t go it alone. Reach out to your family and close friends for support or join a support group. Bottling up your feelings will only heighten stress levels. Don’t be afraid to seek professional counseling.
• Allow feelings. The idea of allowing ourselves to feel the hurt in our heart and mind is almost unbearable. However, it is a necessary step in grieving. You may experience feeling of anger, resentment, sadness, relief, fear, and confusion. Recognize these feelings and realize where and why they are present. Work through it.
• Keep a journal. Writing down your feelings helps hash things out in your mind. Often it provides an outlet for frustration, or a place to record our future hopes and milestones. Be honest with yourself in your journa l. Don’t allow guilt to overcome you on the days you feel fine or you feel a renewed spirit within you. Relish them, there are more to come as healing progresses.
• Take things slowly. Give yourself a break. It is okay to feel differently than before. Rediscover your passions in life and slowly begin to venture out and act on them.

Remember to take things one step at a time, one day at a time. Healing takes time, be kind to yourself, and remember you will move past the hurt. You can make it.

Lessons learned

From every crisis, an open door is before us, and a closed one behind. Take this time in between the two, to grow emotionally and spiritually. There will come a time when you will reflect on things you have learned from the experience.

To completely reconcile yourself from the breakup and move on, it is important to understand what happened and what role each of you played in the relationship, and ultimate breakup.

As you begin to heal and apply lessons learned from your decisions, you are likely not to make the same mistakes again.

By Debra Bacon

Theravive.com Contributor

Missing out

Many children are missing out on the joys of childhood, because pushy parents are trying to ensure their babes are in vogue with the most popular social cachet.

Shocking statistics, revealed in a recent study, suggests that pushy parents “over timetable” their children. They have school, followed by extra-curricular activities and clubs.

After spending 32.5 hours a week in school, add too that six hours of homework, seven more hours of parent to child teaching through play. Top it off with five hours a week reading together. Then, include as many as three activities a week, such as music, sports or other clubs. Totaling a whopping 53 hours a week pushy parents are “working” their kids; leaving them exhausted.

It is hard to imagine that a large number of parents are inadvertently working their children into exhaustion.

The push

The insatiable appetite to have their child succeed drives pushy parents to make good choices turn bad. For the most part, parents want the best for their children, and believe that enrolling them in sports or other team activities will help them grow socially.

The fear that grips parents concerning their children’s development, as related to them being on the same level as their peers, can be overwhelming. Instinct kicks in, to divide and conquer any possible threat standing in the path of success.

Within the realm of competitiveness, of which we work and play in, it can appear that the best jobs, schools and opportunities go to the swiftest, brightest and most socially engaged. While in part true, if this mindset becomes a part of parents drive for their children, it can become dangerous.

It no longer is about the child’s development, it is about success at any cost. Because of a near emotional breakdown--of a five-year-old--the study further revealed the parents removed their child from his extra-curricular activities. He was completely exhausted and worn down.

Pushing our children to excel in activities we choose for them at an early age, is often more pressure than necessary to put upon them. Parents begin to teach their toddlers how to recite the alphabet, or count to ten, years before they enter pre-school.

Others, go to the extremes of sabotaging their children’s nemesis--whether real or imagined to be so. Countless stories resonate through the airwaves of very harmful events, even death, caused by a pushy parent wanting their child to be on top.

But the more realistic day-to-day reality is that parents are simply desirous to be as hands-on as they can with their children. However, taking inventory and admitting this can be difficult for a parent.

Restore the joy

Children will perform poorly when exhausted, and will ultimately excel at very little, or worse yet, nothing. The purpose by which started the push to excel then thwarted, by over scheduling your children.

Exploration by natural curiosity brings about a great deal of knowledge and development, when children are allowed to play and be. Assess the time you are taking out of your child’s life with extra-curricular activities, and regroup if necessary.

By Debra Bacon

Theravive.com Contributor

Time becomes our taskmaster

Living in a society where our time is invaded at every turn, whether from cell phones, faxes, computers, skype, IMs, text, or other signals crossing our sphere, burnout is a real concern.

Burnout occurs when what you are doing, just doesn’t work for you anymore. Your once enthusiastic approach to a task now drains you, or feelings of apathy are more the norm, rather than hope and success.

When juggling work, family and social lives, time can become our taskmaster instead of our friend. Finding balance in your life will liberate you, and allow you to overcome burnout.

Signs of burnout

Often, when burnout, people drive themselves harder to makeup for deficits emotionally, physical or otherwise. Denial that a problem exists is common; therefore, identifying signs of burnout is important to our emotional and physical health.

Five signs of burnout:

• Irritability  When a person feels out of control or unable to mange their life, work or family commitments as desired, they can become troubled. Often this is manifested in the form or irritation or aggravation. When burnout occurs, this state is more constant. You may lash out at co-workers or loved ones.
• Trouble sleeping  Being stressed out and have multiple deadlines or unfinished business, can make it difficult to fall asleep or stay asleep. Sleep deprivation will cause you to perform poorly.
• Lack of energy  As burnout creeps in, your energy level drops. A lack of caring or concern sets in, and productivity goes down the drain.
• Concentration issues  Problems concentrating are common with burnout. When faced with overwhelming schedules and tasks, concentrating can be difficult.
• Emotional distress  When someone is burnout, being overly emotional is common. For example, you may burst into tears over a seemingly minor incident. On the other hand, you can begin to isolate yourself, and show no emotion to varying circumstances. Either can lead to depression.

Overcoming burnout

Identifying burnout is only part of the solution. Overcoming burnout takes commitment and work on your part. Below are some practical solutions you can implement in your life to eliminate burnout, and enrich your life.

Five steps to balance:

• Learn to say NO  Over commitment is common, and a part of the reason people burnout. While it is important to please the boss, assess your current workload before saying yes to the next deadline. Perhaps you should allow someone else to drive the soccer team to and from games, or provide the snacks.
• Get moving  Putting exercise in your schedule can make a world of difference. Exercise helps eliminate stress, clears the mind and keeps the body fit.
• Prioritize  Assess what you are responsible for presently, and make a list. Evaluate and eliminate. Complete outstanding items that are most important or pressing, and delegate less important tasks to others as appropriate.
• Get support  A healthy, happy life includes people we enjoy being around; those that bring joy and positive support to our lives. Identify the people that make up your support system. Others are in our lives to help us, co-workers, family, friends, clergy and counselors.
• Let go  Learn to let go of things you cannot control. You cannot save the world. Let go of any guilt you may feel about not being able to do it all.

 By Thomas Wright, M. Th.

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IS OUR MARRIAGE IN TROUBLE?

Couples often drift into trouble without noticing any crises or turning points in their relationship. People don’t like to admit there’s anything wrong in their lives so they keep most unpleasant aspects of their situation hidden from their awareness. It’s often easier to recognize the warning signs in other people’s relationships than in their own.

The most important sign that your relationship is in trouble is avoidance.  Do you find yourself avoiding real conversation with your partner? Have you noticed less eye contact when you are together? Does your partner seem preoccupied or irritable much of the time? Are most conversations about the kids or work and never about feelings? Have you stopped talking about your plans and dreams? Another important clue is the feeling of loneliness.

Symptoms of loneliness may include anxiety, depression, changes in sleeping habits, changes in eating habits, headaches, or muscle tension.  Sooner or later people begin to feel lonesome for a part of them they’ve suppressed in order to keep peace. Once you believe you can’t be yourself around your partner, your relationship is in trouble.

I find that people too quickly decide to suppress certain aspects of their personalities out of fear that they will be rejected if they enjoy those aspects. In other words, it’s too easy to blame others for your decision to squelch your spontaneity.

If you find that you’re more relaxed when you’re away from your partner, and you tense up when it’s time to go home, your relationship is in trouble.

These trouble signs aren’t necessarily signs of impending disaster. You should, however, treat them as wake-up calls.  Give them your attention before you drift too far apart to find your way back.

 By Thomas Wright, M. Th.

View Thomas Wright's Profile 

WHAT ARE THE PHASES MARRIAGES GO THROUGH?

Marriages that last go through five different phases. Some marriages never last long enough to experience all of them and some marriages get bogged down in the middle end never mature.

Marriage is a developmental process. The first phase is romance. Romance is characterized by fantasy. You are not yet deeply acquainted with your spouse so you get to imagine them as you wish them to be. Each is putting his best foot forward to avoid discovery and disappointment.

The second phase is disillusionment. This occurs as you begin to discover that the real live human being sitting across from, you at the table is not exactly what you had imagined. Often a feeling of disappointment accompanies the displacement of hope and fantasy with reality.

At this point people usually settle in and try to improve things by working hard at being nice and accepting the things about their mate that disappoint or irritate them. Unfortunately, the harder you try, the worse you feel This leads to despair, which is the third phase of marriage.

The reason things get worse is that trying is lying, and closeness requires honesty. A crisis point is often reached in this phase. There are three ways to respond to this crisis; bail out through separation or divorce, settle in for a life of quiet desperation, or accept the challenge and work for growth.

The fourth phase, for those who accept the challenge is growth. This is a somewhat frightening process of ups and downs characterized by pain—gain experiences. Honest self—disclosure often leads to painful discoveries and readjustments. There seems to be a relationship between the amount of pain you are willing to experience in this process and the amount of gain you can expect in terms of a strong intimate relationship.

The fifth phase is maturing love. This kind of love is both joyful and sad. Mature love is love without innocence, love with a memory of the struggle. Couples who have been willing to go the distance can say, ‘There is someone who knows me through and through and loves me still.” This is what marriage is all about, isn’t it?

By Debra Bacon

Theravive.com Contributor

Relationships, hormones and pressures

Teenage years are challenging for the teen and parents. Maintaining an open and communicative relationship with your teen is vital as they move through adolescence.

Hormonal changes, mood swings and peer pressure are a part of the growth process, however, it is important to be aware of subtle, and overt signs that trouble may be on the horizon.

While some unusual behavior is normal with teens, knowing your teen--how they generally react and interact with you--will help in identifying potential problems.

Red Flags

Following are signs to watch for that may indicate your teen is headed down the wrong path.

• Isolation:  During adolescence, a teenager typically distances themselves a bit more than before from family. Yet, if your teen is avoiding your advances toward conversation and interaction, there may be a problem. If they spend more time away from home or alone, locked in their room, a red flag should go up. This can be an indication of drug use or depression.
• Sudden weight loss and/or appetite change:  This behavior is indicative of peer and social pressures to look a certain way. An eating disorder, depression or drug use can be at the root of this conduct.
• Extreme mood swings:  Mood swings are a common thing with teens. Therefore, it is a bit more difficult to discern what is problematic and what is normal. However, knowing your teens normal reactions will assist you follow up accordingly. This behavior could be a sign of social problems; hanging out with the wrong crowd. Meet your teen’s friends and their parents. Know who they are spending their time with and what values their parents hold dear.
• Declining grades or lack of interest in school/activities:  Since teens have so much on their minds, at times, a lack of interest in school work could be chalked up as normal. However, if their grades are falling sharply, they are cutting classes and pulling out of activities once enjoyed, it is time to check-in. Get to know your teen’s teachers and find a way of communicating with them on a regular basis. Be involved in your adolescence education and school activities.
• Motivation issues: If your once spunky teen suddenly begins to seem more tired, and uninterested in hobbies and former friends, they could have a problem with substance abuse. They could be depressed or feeling isolated and alone. Talk with them, let them know you care. Be available to listen, love and offer advice, if needed.

Get Involved

If your teen is showing signs of unusual behavior, it is the parents’ responsibility to get to the bottom of what is going on. A child wants to know you are concerned and interested, even if they do not act like it.

It may feel like to you that you are spying on them or invading their privacy when checking up on them. Press forward, as it could mean the difference between life and death.