January 5, 2014
by Christie Hunter
If you love your partner but find the thought of being with them for the rest of your life a scary one, what you fear is commitment. This might be because you've been hurt in the past or you're scared of feeling trapped. Read on to find out ways of facing your fears and overcoming them.
Figure out why you’re afraid
The first step is to figure out exactly what it is that you fear about commitment. Are you afraid of rejection, feeling trapped or getting hurt? Is it your partner? Once you know the reason that commitment is a problem for you, it will be easier to overcome.
Letting go of the past
Many people are afraid to commit as a result of past relationships. This could be because they’re still not over an ex, or perhaps weren't treated well in a previous relationship and are scared it might happen again.
Just remember, in order to move forwards, you need to let go of the past. If the person you're with makes you happy, take that leap of faith and realize that just because you had problems in a previous relationship, it's not necessarily going to happen again.
Another reason people fear commitment can actually be due to the fear of breaking up. Again, this often stems from bad or painful break ups in the past. But fearing the end of a relationship is not a good way to start one, so try to live in the present and be optimistic about your future with your partner.
Know what you want in a relationship
Knowing exactly what you want in a relationship is a good way of overcoming your fears, as you’ll feel more in control. People want different things in a relationship, so it follows that commitment means something different for different people, too.
For example, committing to somebody who wants to get married and have a family is quite different from committing to somebody who wants to live abroad and have adventures. So, if you’re making the decision to commit to somebody or not, make sure that what you both want matches up.
Use online dating
If you're looking for a long-term partner, online dating is a good way to meet new people who are looking for the same things in a relationship as you. Many dating websites such as eHarmony, match you on compatibility which means you're more likely to meet a match who you’ll want to commit to. What's more, you can use online dating at your own pace, which means you can date people in a stress-free and comfortable way.
Christie Hunter is registered clinical counselor in British Columbia and co-founder of Theravive. She is a certified management accountant. She has a masters of arts in counseling psychology from Liberty University with specialty in marriage and family and a post-graduate specialty in trauma resolution. In 2007 she started Theravive with her husband in order to help make mental health care easily attainable and nonthreatening. She has a passion for gifted children and their education. You can reach Christie at 360-350-8627 or write her at christie - at - theravive.com.