Keeping secrets may actually brighten your day.
Research has found that keeping good news a secret makes people more alive and energized.
“Decades of research on secrecy suggest it is bad for our well-being, but this work has only examined keeping secrets that have negative implications for our lives. Is secrecy inherently bad for our well-being or do the negative effects of secrecy tend to stem from keeping negative secrets?” Michael Slepian, PhD, lead author of the study and an associate professor of business at Columbia University said in a press statement.
“While negative secrets are far more common than positive secrets, some of life's most joyful occasions begin as secrets, including secret marriage proposals, pregnancies, surprise gifts and exciting news.”
Published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, the research involved five experiments with more than 2500 people.
The researchers sought to understand what motivates people to keep a positive secret and how keeping that secret may impact them in comparison to keeping a secret that was embarrassing or unpleasant.
The study authors found that people typically had 14 to 15 pieces of good news and that an average of five to six pieces of news were kept a secret.
Those who said they intended to share their good news with another person also said they felt energized, regardless of whether it was a secret or not.
In one experiment, participants were given a list of common forms of good news and were asked to select one that was likely to happen to them in their near future. One group of the participants were then asked to imagine they kept the good news a secret from their partner until later and the other group was asked to imagine they were unable to reach their partner to tell them.
The group that was asked to keep the news a secret until later felt more energized than the other group.
Dr. Carla Marie Manly, a psychologist in California who was not involved in the research, says the results of the study make sense.
“It’s not at all surprising that research indicates that people feel more alive and energized when keeping good news a secret. Unlike the stress that occurs when we keep negative secrets, keeping a good secret confidential creates positive energy. On a neurobiological level, a surge of feel-good neurochemicals leaves the secret-holder feeling great both before and after the positive news is revealed,” she told Theravive.
“Humans keep secrets for both positive and negative reasons. When we keep negative secrets, we are often afraid of being found guilty or shamed for a certain thought or action. Positive secrets can be kept for a variety of reasons, such as timing, personal needs, or psychological factors. When a positive secret is maintained—whether regarding a pregnancy, a special gift, or other delightful news—a bond is created between the secret-keeper and those with whom the secret is shared.”
The researchers established that people keep “positive secrets” (a secret that they feel good about) for personal or internal reasons, rather than outside factors like pressure to keep the secret.
In contrast, negative secrets, that people may feel bad about, might be kept because of external pressures like fear.
Manly warns that keeping a negative secret can have an impact on mental health.
“Negative secrets can take a toll on our mental health and physical health. Maintaining a negative secret can actually trigger a flight or flight response; this can cause a surge in stress neurochemicals that affect mental and physical well-being. Positive secrets can have a wonderful effect on our well-being by fostering mood-boosting neurochemicals. As well, once the secret is shared, the shared joy and connection that result foster emotional intimacy and bonding,” she told Theravive.
“Positive secrets tend to have no downside when boundaries are respected. If, for example, a secret-holder is pressured into sharing a positive surprise, stress can result. However, if a secret-holder is not pressured to prematurely reveal the surprise, everyone benefits from the sharing the delight when the secret it revealed. If keeping a secret feels negative in any way, it’s important to check in with yourself to notice why the secret is causing you stress or discomfort. For example, if a friend asks you to keep a secret about their extra-marital affair, the strain can be immense. In such cases, it’s wise to check in with yourself so that you don’t create an inner conflict that negatively affects your mental and physical health.”
Elizabeth Pratt is a medical journalist and producer. Her work has appeared on Healthline, The Huffington Post, Fox News, The Australian Broadcasting Corporation, The Sydney Morning Herald, News.com.au, Escape, The Cusp and Skyscanner. You can read more of her articles here. Or learn more about Elizabeth and contact her via her LinkedIn and Twitter profiles.
