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September 16, 2016
by Rachel Eddins

Disconnected? Drifting? How to Deepen Your Connection With Your Partner

September 16, 2016 10:28 by Rachel Eddins

There are many factors that can cause a once close relationship to slowly drift apart.

When both partners have to work, when they fail to share common interests, or when they lose confidence or respect for one another, the commitment to a relationship may begin to wane.

What about your relationship?

Do you feel the bond between you and your partner has weakened?

Have you ever thought, “We live in the same house, but it seems like we’re strangers”?

If that’s so, would you like to reconnect?

How to Deepen Your Connection

Lamentably, entering a relationship is often seen as a step taken and completed.However, to stay connected, each mate has to consistently play their part in maintaining and guarding the relationship.

Consider some important ways to deepen your connection: 

Have realistic expectations

First of all, constantly dwelling on wishes for your partner to be different – thinner, taller, wealthier, more handy, romantic, or adventurous – will only distance you more. Ditch the unrealistic expectations and learn to accept your partner’s uniqueness.

Communicate in a healthy way

  • Pay attention – Be aware of what might be stressing your mate. Show empathy. Take their feelings seriously. All are ways of communicating without a word.
  • Listen with sincerity – Ask what your partner needs from you and make a sincere effort to listen. This will let them know that you truly care and value your relationship. If necessary, ask them to pause to give you time to absorb their  concerns. Be cautious not to get defensive or dismissive. Instead, take responsibility for things you’ve done that were hurtful, without beating yourself up.
  • Speak with kindness – Tell your partner what you need  in a tactful, yet honest, way. If disagreements arise, learn to fight fair. No name calling, shaming, or bringing up the past.
  • Increase your understanding
  • Devote time – at least 10 minutes daily – to discussing things that deepen your understanding of your partner. That excludes talk about family, the household, work, or even your relationship.

Support each other

  • Find out what type of support your mate needs – instrumental/practical support (helping to solve problems) or emotional support (listening and giving constructive feedback) – and care for those needs daily.

Demonstrate your love

  • Have a weekly date: Take turns planning some special time together – a dinner, a movie, a visit to the museum. Go dancing, or on a romantic night away from home – and fall in love all over again.
  • Show affection often: Be spontaneous! Small but frequent gestures that say “I love you” or “I’m thinking of you” quickly add up. Could you handle a chore for your partner? Bring them a cup of coffee to bed? Hold hands when strolling down the street? Or send a loving email?
  • Enjoy each other’s company
  • Spend plenty of time doing things together – not just on dates, but also working as a team – to employ one of the best ways to stay connected. The fun aspect, though, should not be forgotten.
  • Laugh together! Balance the rational and orderly parts that keeps your partnership secure with fun parts and play. Watch a silly movie, play in the snow, or dance barefoot in the kitchen. Most of all, let your imagination guide you.

Grow Together

Finally, nurture your relationship by introducing changes – to your roles, your routine, or your interests. Make an effort to have and maintain a good relationship with each other’s friends and family, and cultivate shared friendships.

A close partnership takes time and effort. However, nurturing the connection you want is worth all the work. In addition, you might discover you need extra help to strengthen a relationship that is important to you. If that’s the case, don’t be shy about seeking professional help.

About the Author

Eddins Counseling Group Eddins Counseling Group, M.Ed., LPC-S, CGP

Tired of struggling? It can be different - your life, your career, your relationships, and how you feel. With compassion, understanding and experience, we can help you find relief and create more peace, confidence, self-acceptance and joy in your life.

Eddins Counseling Group has a clinical practice in Houston, TX

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