Great Couples Counseling in Santa Paula, CA. Therapy to heal relationships.

Each couple has their own unique dance. When in sync, there is a rhythmic flow between and within each partner. When there is a shift in the bond due to chaos and trauma, the movement between the two becomes disrupted and derailed; there is a dis-connect and a fight to re-connect and be understood by the other. I work with the understanding that the relationship between two people who love each other is not so much a behavioral negotiation, but rather a deep relational bond, where each partner longs for safety and trust. I help couples bring a deeper understanding of the bond between them and foster a safe haven for each partner to build a secure connection with each other.

Sometimes couples are afraid to come to counseling, fearing that it means their relationship is in trouble. I think that it means they care about the relationship, and are making an important step to strengthen it. Most couples who start counseling with me do well, and feel that it has helped. That's not a guarantee, but it is an encouragement to find out how you can improve your relationship.

In my Couples Counseling work I help partners build on the strengths of their relationship while we work together to create new skills for communicating and solving problems. My approach is collaborative and I teach each partner to learn how to listen and hear what the other is expressing and needing as well as ways to be heard and understood better. I provide a safe place where difficult problems can be discussed and solutions explored and practiced so that couples can better resolve ongoing problems.

Do you find your having the same argument over and over again? Are you frustrated because your partner doesn't listen to you? Maybe you have drifted apart. If you feel rejected or unloved, there may be a break down in your communication. I help couples improve their communication skills so that they feel listened to, understood, loved, wanted, and desired. If you want to feel better in your current relationship or want to find a good relationship, I can help.

Is your perception of your partner one that brings you calmness and strength, or agitation and fear? I help couples to remember their forgotten longing. As partners, we need to be responsible for the type of energy we bring into the relationship. Through counseling, I help couples change their emotional negativity, in whatever form it takes, by focusing on extreme compassion for your partner's issues. Catch your relationship before it feels beyond fixable.

What are the most common couples' issues? If you are thinking "communication, conflict, sex, money, child rearing" you are correct. However, most therapists will go after the symptom on each side of the couple fence thinking that the way to effective change is by getting each party to "work" on their respective "issue". Many times the parties don’t agree but comply. Imagine if you could align the unconscious brains of a couple and stop the "working on your issues" part that has become so popular in therapy settings? Contact kevin@kevinflemingphd.com to learn how! Or call 877-606-6161. DR. FLEMING'S NEW RELATIONSHIP/COUPLES INTENSIVES. www.kevinflemingphd.com/marriage-couples-retreats.php

All relationships fall into conflict or distress at some point. The bond between partners will begin to unravel at times during our lives. We do learn from scratch with our adult lovers and adult relationships unless we have been fortunate enough to have been given a secure model of a relationship from our parents. Some of us have to trust our instinct alone as we fight long and hard to repair the relationship when we feel our bond unravel with our partners. When we find ourselves estranged from our partners, we find ourselves confused and conflicted. That trusted partner now shows up as the "Enemy" or even a "Stranger" when we once believed that they were the "One." Becoming more acquainted with attachment theory may provide some...(view profile to read more)

Why do we seem to have the same arguments over and over again? How do I know if we are really supposed to be together? Are there things we could be doing to better support each other, to help each other grow and be our best selves? If we really love each other, why do we so often hurt each other? How do I know if this is real love, anyway? Relationships are hard. Even more than desire, they require effort and understanding to make them work. Often, even if two people really love each other, one or both may need help to maintain the right effort or understanding to keep the balance necessary for long-term success. Having outside, objective support can make all the difference.

Understanding oneself is first. Secondly is understanding your partner. Using Gottman methods and working through his books have been useful in treating couples. I find the materials enhance the therapy process. Love language education and understanding different temperaments are useful. They are desperate to communicate and yet there are roadblocks.I have often referred to myself as a translator between men and women.