Great Couples Counseling in Santa Paula, CA. Therapy to heal relationships.

Each couple has their own unique dance. When in sync, there is a rhythmic flow between and within each partner. When there is a shift in the bond due to chaos and trauma, the movement between the two becomes disrupted and derailed; there is a dis-connect and a fight to re-connect and be understood by the other. I work with the understanding that the relationship between two people who love each other is not so much a behavioral negotiation, but rather a deep relational bond, where each partner longs for safety and trust. I help couples bring a deeper understanding of the bond between them and foster a safe haven for each partner to build a secure connection with each other.

There are countless models of healthy romantic relationships, from monogamous to polyamorous, and unique variations between partners. The scripts for dating and longterm relationships of our parents’ generations may not be applicable to your relationship, and there is no formal education in how to be a good partner or how to identify unhealthy relationships. But there is psychological research that shows that effective communication, emotional openness, intimacy, and other factors contribute to healthy relationships. Creating these conditions are skills that can be learned. I practice brief humanistic and emotion-focused therapy (EFT) to help my LGBTQ and hetero clients learn these skills.

Why do we seem to have the same arguments over and over again? How do I know if we are really supposed to be together? Are there things we could be doing to better support each other, to help each other grow and be our best selves? If we really love each other, why do we so often hurt each other? How do I know if this is real love, anyway? Relationships are hard. Even more than desire, they require effort and understanding to make them work. Often, even if two people really love each other, one or both may need help to maintain the right effort or understanding to keep the balance necessary for long-term success. Having outside, objective support can make all the difference.

What are the most common couples' issues? If you are thinking "communication, conflict, sex, money, child rearing" you are correct. However, most therapists will go after the symptom on each side of the couple fence thinking that the way to effective change is by getting each party to "work" on their respective "issue". Many times the parties don’t agree but comply. Imagine if you could align the unconscious brains of a couple and stop the "working on your issues" part that has become so popular in therapy settings? Contact kevin@kevinflemingphd.com to learn how! Or call 877-606-6161. DR. FLEMING'S NEW RELATIONSHIP/COUPLES INTENSIVES. www.kevinflemingphd.com/marriage-couples-retreats.php

Do you find your having the same argument over and over again? Are you frustrated because your partner doesn't listen to you? Maybe you have drifted apart. If you feel rejected or unloved, there may be a break down in your communication. I help couples improve their communication skills so that they feel listened to, understood, loved, wanted, and desired. If you want to feel better in your current relationship or want to find a good relationship, I can help.

All relationships fall into conflict or distress at some point. The bond between partners will begin to unravel at times during our lives. We do learn from scratch with our adult lovers and adult relationships unless we have been fortunate enough to have been given a secure model of a relationship from our parents. Some of us have to trust our instinct alone as we fight long and hard to repair the relationship when we feel our bond unravel with our partners. When we find ourselves estranged from our partners, we find ourselves confused and conflicted. That trusted partner now shows up as the "Enemy" or even a "Stranger" when we once believed that they were the "One." Becoming more acquainted with attachment theory may provide some...(view profile to read more)

Understanding oneself is first. Secondly is understanding your partner. Using Gottman methods and working through his books have been useful in treating couples. I find the materials enhance the therapy process. Love language education and understanding different temperaments are useful. They are desperate to communicate and yet there are roadblocks.I have often referred to myself as a translator between men and women.

Sometimes couples are afraid to come to counseling, fearing that it means their relationship is in trouble. I think that it means they care about the relationship, and are making an important step to strengthen it. Most couples who start counseling with me do well, and feel that it has helped. That's not a guarantee, but it is an encouragement to find out how you can improve your relationship.

Relationship counseling can be beneficial to couples that are looking to strengthen their emotional connection, in all stages of their relationship. Therapy sessions are a place to explore what isn't working, heal areas of hurt, and find new ways to connect in healthier, more productive ways. Learning to communicate in new and more helpful ways is often a great starting point to making changes.

Is your perception of your partner one that brings you calmness and strength, or agitation and fear? I help couples to remember their forgotten longing. As partners, we need to be responsible for the type of energy we bring into the relationship. Through counseling, I help couples change their emotional negativity, in whatever form it takes, by focusing on extreme compassion for your partner's issues. Catch your relationship before it feels beyond fixable.