Family Counseling Services in Alta Sierra, CA.

A family is like a mobile, it takes balance to make it work well. Balance with work and play, balance with parents and children's needs, talking and listening (that is a biggie). We all need to be heard even if we do not agree with another person. Parents need to have consequences when the kids do not follow the rules of the home. Without consequences the kids keep repeating the same things. Children need eye contact from their parents. There are simple helps like these that will make a beautiful difference in your family life.

When working with children and youth, the therapist cannot ignore the family system in which the child lives. I work with parents in multiple ways to help support youth in treatment, which may include separate parent sessions, co-parenting sessions, systemic family therapy, or Filial Therapy, a play therapy practice that coaches and guides parents in special play sessions with their child to decrease unwanted behaviors, improve relationships and communication, increase the child's emotional vocabulary, and increase the child's self-esteem.

When I work with the family, the approach is often related to understanding the quality of parenting and the quality of attachment to the children. I will help each family member understand their role within the family responsibilities. We will discuss and identify those roles, and the expectations. We will develop ways for you to better cope and manage painful situations. We will work together to improve communication during difficult times. We will work at redirecting negative thinking in a positive direction.

I use a family systems approach in my therapy, so having family members in the room, in my opinion, is the most efficient route towards healing and growth in individuals. I encourage clients to address relationships that are causing distress in their lives and work towards healthy differentiation of self. This can be done in individual therapy as well, but is more effective when all members of the relationship are present.

When communication inside a family breaks down, people slip into fixed roles and stop saying what they truly feel, often to keep the peace. Over time that silence breeds distance and resentment. In our work, we slow things down so each member can actually be understood, while paying attention to the deeper currents underneath the friction — the unspoken expectations, old hurts, and recurring scripts that drive conflict on every side. As those come to light, family members begin to hear one another differently, and situations that felt stuck start to move. I hold space for everyone fairly, without judgment. I'm confident we can rebuild trust and care in your family.

Most family therapists inadvertently create more chaos through their well-intentioned efforts to assist a family move through a change process. Why? Brains are inherently deregulated (all of us, may I add) and most talking and dialoguing misses brain-centric problems that need more intensive help. Many times the emotional trauma created by years of solving problems ineffectively can wreak havoc on the brain's parasympathetic nervous system, not ever giving the family a break from flight or fight thinking. Contact us for an innovative neuroscience solution to family dysfunction. Kevin@kevinflemingphd.com or 877-606-6161.