Anger Management and Counseling in Paterson, NJ.

I provide individual psychotherapy for anger management. Anger is normal emotion that everyone experiences. It becomes a problem when one expresses anger inappropriately or one lacks the proficiency to express any emotions but anger. I use Humanistic and Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) to help my clients understand their anger, improve their emotional experience, and express their emotions in healthy ways. A healthy emotional life is the cornerstone of living a full and successful life.

The benefit of my approach is that instead of getting angry you will learn how to think and react creatively so you are better able to find a way to prevail in the long run. People and life will sometimes do you in and obstruct you. However, you are rarely at your best when angry. It is your beliefs that lead to your self-defeating feelings of anger. I show how an angry response leads you to have far less leverage than if you felt healthy negative feelings like great annoyance, frustration, displeasure and disappointment. I teach you how to think about injustice, interference, and insult so that you stay in control of your reactions in order to creatively respond and ultimately prevail!

We feel anger because we feel that something is not fair, something is not working out the way we thought it should, our boundaries have been crossed, or we feel we have been treated badly, or missed out. Anger can be frustrating if you don't know how to address the underlying issue. I specialize in helping those whose anger is related to social anxiety, isolation, bullying, harassment or lack of important social skills.

Anger management is a growing problem in our culture. I utilize both individual and group therapy to help people learn to deal with their own anger and the anger of others. People are often convinced their anger is a good thing, until they lose important relationships or get fired from jobs. The first thing I do is show them the many ways their anger is harming them and others. I use many techniques to do this, including analysis, confrontation, video, role play and practice with constructive communication. In time they learn to express themselves in ways that resolve rather than inflame situations.

Grey Matters International and the work of Kevin J. Fleming, Ph.D approaches issues of anger management in a very humane yet fresh perspective. You see, anger is a normal emotion but it is the valence (intensity) as well as the coupling choice of what one does with this that is the problem. Telling someone to "not" do it or modifying behavior with a trite psychological plan that only breeds a compliant response is not the way to change anger. Brainwaive optimization is a new cutting edge technology that allows one to rewire circuitry responsible for reactivity driving the anger. Contact Grey Matters International, Inc now at kevin@kevinflemingphd.com or 877-606-6161

"Sticks and stones will break my bones, but your words will break my heart." Anger Management is a powerful source of self-knowledge that develops skills that are useful throughout life. Anger Management does not eliminate anger; it empowers us to recognize surges of anger quickly enough to make a behavioral ‘U turn’ rather than saying or doing something we will regret. Instead of automatically reacting we redirect our attention inward to identify what has aroused the feelings of anger and how to deal with them appropriately. Over time the people close to us come to recall our previous anger as a dim and distant memory.

One of the main tools I use with people to help them control anger, is mindfulness. Anger is a normal emotion; we all know what it feels like. No one can help how they feel, but they can certainly control what they do with these feelings. Mindfulness is a way to help people understand what is happening for them in the moment. Teaching people to stop and pause, as they become more aware of what is happening for them, is a way to help them make different choices, rather than jumping into the same patterns which have not been useful in their lives. There are other behavioral skills clients can use as well, but it all starts with slowing the process down and awareness of what is happening.

What if you didn't have an anger problem? Are you holding back and constantly giving? You do this so much that you finally can't take it anymore and you explode. If that described you I can help. Too often people think that their anger is out of control when it isn't true. What is happening is you hold back on small irritations until it builds up. I can show you how to recognize this and stop before you explode.

You don’t have to feel angry all the time. Sometimes anger is obvious, and causes emotional, family and legal issues. Sometimes anger is less obvious, resulting in self-destructive or passive-aggressive behaviors. While you are learning about the source of your anger and in order to heat you must develop techniques to keep the anger from boiling over into rage. Talking and exploring ways to redirect potentially destructive behaviors and thoughts relieves the anger and promotes healing and healthy emotions

I can help you learn how to manage your anger. Often anger is covering deeper feelings such as heartbreak, helplessness and loneliness. I can teach you a three-step anger process that can help you take personal responsibility for your angry feelings and learn what feelings you may be avoiding with your anger and, how you might be using anger to try to control others. Also how to know if you are really angry at yourself for maybe not setting a healthy boundary with someone and instead project your anger onto others.

I believe children must first want to learn and perfect anger management. I have developed techniques to motivate the child or teen to develop a value system of respectful behavior toward others. Once this is achieved anger management skills can easily be obtained. Without a change in attitude and values, anger management training will fail because the child lacks the motivation to practice such techniques.

Are you struggling with anger? Do you have outbursts & regret them? Do you stuff your anger & then take it out on someone? Is anger tearing apart you or your relationships? Are you worried how it will affect your kids? You are not alone. The good news is you can learn how to control your anger & still express yourself. You'll learn skills, understand where it comes from, and know how to express it in a healthy manner. Anger is a signal that you can listen to and learn from without destroying yourself or others.

We all get angry at times in our life, and there are times when anger is a useful signal that tells us something needs to change or that something is wrong. But there are also times where anger can begin to dominate our thoughts and actions, causing problems at work and in our relationships. My goal as a therapist is to help you talk though your concerns and issues so that I can give you the tools to help you overcome sources of non-productive anger. When you're tired of being angry and ready to move on, let's talk.