Great Couples Counseling in St. Helena, CA. Therapy to heal relationships.

I love working with couples who are struggling in their relationship as I find the complexity within the dynamic to be reflected of one of our most core dilemmas as humans: how do we give and receive the love we so deeply want, when the risk for disappointment and pain is so great? I believe there is a solution to be uniquely discovered by each couple facing this question and I utilize clarity, compassion and curiosity to help you both to find it!

In my Couples Counseling work I help partners build on the strengths of their relationship while we work together to create new skills for communicating and solving problems. My approach is collaborative and I teach each partner to learn how to listen and hear what the other is expressing and needing as well as ways to be heard and understood better. I provide a safe place where difficult problems can be discussed and solutions explored and practiced so that couples can better resolve ongoing problems.

I work with couples of all kinds, and in all stages of relationship. I help couples focus on the "We" in their relationship, develop strengths and improve their communication. I also help couples pause behavior that is having a negative impact and develop new perspectives and behaviors that nourish their connection. Whether couples are married or unmarried or considering marriage, whether they have been together a few months or many years, I help them make their relationship a more loving, less painful and more enjoyable place to be.

Relationship problems are one of the most common causes of distress and unhappiness around! We seek comfort, security, companionship, connection, sexual fulfillment in our relationships. When there is a problem, it can feel like our very survival is at stake! I help couples to reconnect in a loving way, so they experience greater joy and happiness with one another. I use a variey of benefical techniques to help you work through your problems. You learn to really listen and tune into one another through a special communication process I developed. You also learn to identify and let go of old baggage that gets in the way of your connecting.

Why do we seem to have the same arguments over and over again? How do I know if we are really supposed to be together? Are there things we could be doing to better support each other, to help each other grow and be our best selves? If we really love each other, why do we so often hurt each other? How do I know if this is real love, anyway? Relationships are hard. Even more than desire, they require effort and understanding to make them work. Often, even if two people really love each other, one or both may need help to maintain the right effort or understanding to keep the balance necessary for long-term success. Having outside, objective support can make all the difference.

Even with well-meant intentions to find one another or to create harmony in your relationship, partners fall into repeating negative patterns which can include angry pleading, accusation, defensiveness or cold withdrawal. This is painful. I help you to understand how you get stuck and then guide you through new emotional experiences which stop the old negative patterns and help you to find safety and feel connected and in love again. I specialize in couples therapy. I have over 27 years working with couples and many hours of training specific to helping couples. I am certified in Emotionally Focused Therapy for couples (EFT), an evidence-based, empirically validated approach.

When a relationship has become strained or distant and you are not feeling close to your partner, you may feel hopeless that things will ever change. I believe both you and your spouse want to feel understood and that your needs will be met and respected. I think both of you want a happy and loving environment that you come home to at the end of the day. When there is too much alienation or conflict, it may be time to see a therapist for couples counseling. Counseling may help improve empathy and understanding. It will help both of you talk to each other, and will help you listen to what is being said. Counseling can help you and your partner move beyond conflict and return to love.

Each couple has a unique dynamic. I work hard to ensure that both individuals in the couple are heard and understood so that the couple feels safe to work on their communication goals and meet their intimacy needs. Relationships change as life circumstances change - new couples, couples considering marriage, addition of children to the dynamic, individual job challenges, death of parents, financial difficulties all impact the health of the couple. Come discuss the issues and improve the relationship bond.

What are the most common couples' issues? If you are thinking "communication, conflict, sex, money, child rearing" you are correct. However, most therapists will go after the symptom on each side of the couple fence thinking that the way to effective change is by getting each party to "work" on their respective "issue". Many times the parties don’t agree but comply. Imagine if you could align the unconscious brains of a couple and stop the "working on your issues" part that has become so popular in therapy settings? Contact kevin@kevinflemingphd.com to learn how! Or call 877-606-6161. DR. FLEMING'S NEW RELATIONSHIP/COUPLES INTENSIVES. www.kevinflemingphd.com/marriage-couples-retreats.php