Great Couples Counseling in Ross, CA. Therapy to heal relationships.

My work focuses on a combination of skills training in how happy couples talk and argue, and the creation of safety and opportunities to create "heart-to-heart" conversations to restore and revitalize intimacy in your relationship. It is these two approaches that are supported convincingly by a large body of research, and it requires a therapist who acts as coach and referee. I don't let couples fight their same old fights in my office - the whole point is to get past the same old arguments and have the deeper and more useful conversations that have been sidetracked.

It really hurts when the person you love is focused on "being right", rather than really getting you! Does your relationship create a deep pain or numbness in your heart? When we start to believe that our LEGITIMATE needs for connection will not be adequately met with our partner, it is easy to focus on our personal needs (at the expense of our partner's). A NORMAL human response to this is: nagging, petty repetitive fights, silent-treatments, numbing out, outbursts, being condescending, focusing on being right (rather than really listening). Using EFT, I FOCUS ON SHIFTING THE CULTURE OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP from its current negative painful cycles into being a safe place for both of you.

So much of what makes a couple successful comes from careful listening and clearly communicating wants, needs and experience. It is easy to fall into the trap of making incorrect assumptions, letting misunderstandings fester and forgetting what you loved about your partner in the first place! The benefit of working with me is that I can provide the safe space to explore and fix how you might be organizing around each other in a way that results in frustration, confusion and anger. We can work with each other and get back on track!

Issues that can be worked on in couples counseling often stem from conscious and unconscious assumptions and expectations that each person has about the other. The individual sees the other through the lens of their upbringing and relationship history. I help couples unpack the complex and often tangled web of how each person is understood and misunderstood in the eyes of the other. In doing so, each partner can have a deeper understanding of themselves and their partner, generating compassion, clearer communication, and emotional space from pressing issues.

I focus my practice on supporting families (or key individuals within the family) facing issues related to separation, divorce, co-parenting and mixed/blended families. I work with couples who are going through the processes of separation and divorce, supporting them with being able to co-parent successfully. I can also work with parents as they re-partner, creating new blended/mixed families.

Why do we seem to have the same arguments over and over again? How do I know if we are really supposed to be together? Are there things we could be doing to better support each other, to help each other grow and be our best selves? If we really love each other, why do we so often hurt each other? How do I know if this is real love, anyway? Relationships are hard. Even more than desire, they require effort and understanding to make them work. Often, even if two people really love each other, one or both may need help to maintain the right effort or understanding to keep the balance necessary for long-term success. Having outside, objective support can make all the difference.

Couples therapy can be intimidating to start. There's a lot of anxiety that comes up for people about things getting even worse or one person being labeled as the problem or, worse yet, that it will lead to breaking up. But I have treated a great many couples over 25 years and that is almost never what happens. Although, yes, the process is sometimes very painful, I never "take sides" and blame one person in the couple and usually the couple feels better after the session. I have seen people come in with problems that made them feel like enemies and after therapy they feel like friends and lovers again. Do call for couples therapy now and don't let the problems keep on getting worse.

Without conflict, couples do not achieve intimacy. The challenge is helping you and your partner learn how to have healthy conflict that leads to intimacy, rather than destructive conflict that destroys the relationship. While I work with all couples, I specialize in working with neuro-diverse couples. I usually start with helping you learn ground rules for being able to have safe, constructive, healthy conflict to reduce and eliminate destructive relational patterns. I also use Emotion Focused Therapy (EFT) to help you reconnect, learn healthy communication skills, rekindle the flame that you once had, and start talking to each other again. If you are willing to work, I am here for you!

There are countless models of healthy romantic relationships, from monogamous to polyamorous, and unique variations between partners. The scripts for dating and longterm relationships of our parents’ generations may not be applicable to your relationship, and there is no formal education in how to be a good partner or how to identify unhealthy relationships. But there is psychological research that shows that effective communication, emotional openness, intimacy, and other factors contribute to healthy relationships. Creating these conditions are skills that can be learned. I practice brief humanistic and emotion-focused therapy (EFT) to help my LGBTQ and hetero clients learn these skills.

All couples face challenges in a relationship. What makes some relationships last and others that don't is a combination of communication skills and commitment to making the marriage work. Many marriages test people to their limit, but that doesn't mean it's a bad marriage. If you are able to hang in there and work with a trusted professional, you can expand and grow into a more loving and nurturing person.

In my Couples Counseling work I help partners build on the strengths of their relationship while we work together to create new skills for communicating and solving problems. My approach is collaborative and I teach each partner to learn how to listen and hear what the other is expressing and needing as well as ways to be heard and understood better. I provide a safe place where difficult problems can be discussed and solutions explored and practiced so that couples can better resolve ongoing problems.

I focus on authenticity in my practice, and for me this is especially helpful when it comes to couples work. That most problems in relationships come from people being afraid to fully reveal themselves to their partners, for fear they won't be fully accepted and loved. And that by working on open and honest communication tools, and how to really share the depth of their beings with each other, we can create relationships of real intimacy that are healthy and nourishing.

Are you dating and having problems in communication and other areas? Getting counseling while you are in the dating phase can prevent you from developing unhealthy habits that keep you from moving to the next level in your relationship. Couples Counseling can help you learn those skills needed to enhance your relationship.

What are the most common couples' issues? If you are thinking "communication, conflict, sex, money, child rearing" you are correct. However, most therapists will go after the symptom on each side of the couple fence thinking that the way to effective change is by getting each party to "work" on their respective "issue". Many times the parties don’t agree but comply. Imagine if you could align the unconscious brains of a couple and stop the "working on your issues" part that has become so popular in therapy settings? Contact kevin@kevinflemingphd.com to learn how! Or call 877-606-6161. DR. FLEMING'S NEW RELATIONSHIP/COUPLES INTENSIVES. www.kevinflemingphd.com/marriage-couples-retreats.php

Relationships are the most complicated, yet most rewarding things in life. They make us feel excited, happy, and high on life one minute while maintaining the ability bring us pain, frustration, and emotional distress the next. For all the beauty that comes with companionship and commitment, there are also times when you have to sacrifice things you may not want to for the sake of the relationship. Furthermore, maintaining one’s own identity while growing with another person can be a lot to manage. I help couples come to a much more meaningful understanding of how each person is showing up in the relationship so that they can make healthier choices towards a more fulfilling future together.

As we know, romantic relationships can bring out the best and worst of us. Working with couples involves being open to identifying and experiencing those parts of ourselves that get triggered. In this way, we allow the relationship to be an opportunity for working through patterns that block intimacy and develop new ways of being that deepen communication, allow for more honest, open expression and enable each partner to be a healing agent for the other. This is a pathway of healing and growth- a vehicle for enhancing capacity for love (including self-love) and soul connection.

I will work with you at whatever stage you are in as a couple. You will develop better communication skills. I will help you both get to a place of repair and mutual understanding. We will look at what supports forgiveness and healing. You will become stronger and more connected as a couple. I will help educate you as to what contributes to a healthy relationship. I will coach and guide you as you take risks and try new ways of communicating.

Romantic relationships can be one of the most important aspects of our lives. When our relationship is going well, we feel great. But when there is constant conflict, disagreements, and disconnection, we feel awful, and our work, health, and sleep suffers. Therapy can help couples understand the negative patterns that keep showing up in the relationship, and take steps to do different actions that work for both people in the relationship. Couples counseling helps you understand yourself, and your partner, so you can create a safe, loving, and connected relationship where both partners feel valued and cared for. Contact me for a free 15 minute consultation today.

Each couple has a unique dynamic. I work hard to ensure that both individuals in the couple are heard and understood so that the couple feels safe to work on their communication goals and meet their intimacy needs. Relationships change as life circumstances change - new couples, couples considering marriage, addition of children to the dynamic, individual job challenges, death of parents, financial difficulties all impact the health of the couple. Come discuss the issues and improve the relationship bond.

I work with couples that are struggling to connect emotionally, have issues with communication, and want to create new relational dynamics that increase their connection. My approach is warm and collaborative and I work hard to carefully listen to each person to provide the therapeutic interventions necessary to increase understanding, communication, mutual interest, curiosity, and awareness. In my experience couples enter treatment with varying degrees of ambivalence and desire for change. I work hard to create a safe environment to explore each persons concerns and desires so we can better collaborate towards working together to generate movement and change.