November 15, 2012
by Gloria Day
An Uncomfortable and Necessary Journey: “Boundaries” by Cloud and Townsend-
Book Review Chapter 1
Do you cringe when you hear the word “boundaries”?
Do you struggle with too little time and too many demands on it?
Do you feel isolated, helpless, guilt ridden, and out of control?
Well, I certainly do! AND I am a well-adjusted, educated, well-travelled, successful mid 30’s gal and my WHOLE life I have known I struggle with boundaries! Okay let’s face it, I don’t really even know what they look like… AND when I do set them up I usually cut someone out or experience heart palpitating guilt and anxiety; as I just don’t know how to work within them.
- · Guilt
- · Depression
- · Eating Disorders
- · Addictions
- · Impulsive Disorders
- · Shame Issues
- · Panic Disorders
- · Marital and relations struggles
Well according to the authors these issues, “find their roots in conflicts with boundaries.” (Pg,28)
And I, like you, and most of the world have battled with many of these exact things. ENOUGH!
- · with that one drink to make it better
- · avoiding phone calls
- · beating myself up
- · feeling lonely
- · and striving to make it all better!
With much encouragement, I have picked up this book for the 3rd time and I am committed to getting through it and sharing what I am learning and what this world renowned book having sold over 2 Million Copies can do to teach us as the bi-line states
“When to say YES, How to say NO, To take control of your life”
Chapter one- if you can get through it without needing to resort to your old coping mechanisms takes about 90% of its time going hour by hour through the day in the life of one ‘boundaryless’ mother and wife. It is exhausting to hear how she takes on more that she should and in the end all her efforts to help- leave her children with behavioural issues, her marriage void of intimacy, and her sense of self down in the pits.
I actually felt nauseas when I read this section for the 3rd time AND in fact think this is why I never have read more- it is just too damn depressing and it is so ME!
By the end of the chapter they have taken our new friend Sherri and shown us what some of her major flaws are (pg. 26-27):
1) 1) trying harder is not working
2) being nice out of fear is not working
3) taking responsibility for others is not working
The Chapter ends quite quickly after we are done with Sherri’s exhausting day and in the second to last paragraph we see a small glimpse of hope and a foreshadowing of things to come, “Our goal is to help you use biblical boundaries appropriately to achieve the relationships and purposes that God intends for you as his child.”(pg. 28)
Do you want to achieve relationships and
purposes intended for you?
Well, let’s do it! Let’s dive in, get through the muck and see where we land at the end of 16 chapters!
Here’s to the freedom I KNOW we really want!