Family Counselling Services in Sooke, BC.

The narcissism-co-dependency (or self-love deficit as described by Ross Rosenberg) pattern begins for many of us in the family unit. Relationships we form early in life shape our templates for relationships later in life. Learning to understand our own patterns of problem behaviours helps us develop self-awareness and opens the door to change. Is there a pattern of power imbalances, control issues, manipulation or even abuse in your family? Learn to see where things are going wrong and develop new coping techniques that help you navigate troubling relationships and build healthy new relationships.

Despite the best intentions of ourselves and our family members, we are often tangled in patterns of invalidation, rejection, frustration and blame. It can feel so messy that we operate in a constant state of fear and a crippling sense of unworthiness. In 2008 I started my counselling career as a family therapist. A combination of individual and joint sessions will take place to allow the space for all voices to be respectfully heard, while helping to identify bigger ‘systems’ patterns that keep you stuck in pain and finger-pointing. I will help to smooth out communication, make room for wants and needs and to heal the old wounds holding you back from having a healthier relationship.

The problems that originate and find expression in one person is usually an expression of the entire family system. In this approach I explore what each person does and how they act in the family system, then we wok to untangle the web so each person assumes responsibility for their part in conflicts or misunderstandings. In this way everyone benefits from the process.

In the practice of Family Therapy we see the family as an organic unit or whole. Movement or change in one of the members has ripple effects and causes movement or change in the rest of the system. Problems are therefore a product of the relationships between the each person in the family. In our Family Therapy work we will begin to explore the role each member plays in the family. As we continue, we will begin to uncover whether that role serves the person or some other function. We will work toward creating more life-enhancing interactions so that each member of the family feels authentic and appreciated.

Today family can mean different things to different people. Each family structure is challenged with their own set of difficulties and problems. Whether you are a blended family, single parent family due to divorce or loss, adoptive family, same sex parents, or traditional, we recognize family dynamics can be complicated. Together we will work to develop strong communication skills between each family member, while nurturing and solidifying the family unit. We will work to overcome conflict, heal the wounds of the past, build parenting skills and create a safe environment where all family members can be heard.

The troubles of individuals and couples can affect whole families. Though I do not invite families in as a group I often work one-on-one with the children, parents and siblings of clients. Also, I might meet with combinations such as a mother and daughter or maybe brothers and sisters. Parenting and blending families are big challenges for many. Some people are upset by financial or trust issues or want to improve communication skills. Counseling helps you gain insight and understanding into how families function. You will learn new skills and increase in self esteem and confidence. You can achieve the goal of making the changes you need to make your family life more satisfying.

People don't understand that a family is not just the people in the family now, but the members of the family across time. It includes those no longer living, those not yet born, and those who haven't revealed themselves. The family is a human unit that exists in balance only when it's whole. People think communication is a privilege, and comfort is a right, but communication is an obligation, and comfort is the reward for playing a supporting role; a role in the family's evolution. You may not see the roles other family members play, and those roles may not benefit you directly, but there is a whole, and a balance exists within it. Family solutions lie in seeing the big picture.

I am honoured that you are interested in my services and I would like to tell you a little bit about myself. I have been described as slightly non-conventional in the counselling world, which suits me perfectly, and also tends to suit youth who are trying to stand up to the force of the problems in their life. I am very comfortable working with this population, and I feel fortunate that I can connect with teens the way I do, conventionally or in a way that makes sense to them and their family.

Do you feel like your young adult children are pushing you away? Are you in an amazing relationship but living as a blended family is the ultimate test of your love? Are your children acting needy, demanding, or struggling to sleep at night? Are you finding that one, or both, of you are getting short with the children? I use Emotionally Focused Family Therapy to help families experience new ways of being together. The idea is that children become calmer, more independent, and less demanding as the security in your relationship increases. Parent’s also report increased confidence in the way they parent individually, and as a couple. Contact today to schedule a free 15 minute consultation.

My approach is centered on fostering open communication, understanding, and cohesion among family members. Recognizing the unique dynamics within familial relationships, I tailor interventions to address the complexities of diverse family structures. By emphasizing effective communication strategies, conflict resolution, and the cultivation of a supportive family environment, my goal is to strengthen the bonds that connect each family member. Through a collaborative process, clients benefit from developing practical tools to navigate challenges, build resilience, and foster a harmonious family life.

I believe that we are all profoundly shaped and impacted by our family systems and larger social context. From this perspective I do not believe that "problems" are solely located within the individual. I believe they are impacted by our family system within a social context. In family therapy, we will explore the "problem" and how it is impacting the family system. For example, how are the family members affected by the "problems" and how are they responding. Using a Systemic Family Systems Approach with interventions from Response-Based Practice and Narrative Therapy we will explore the interactions in which the "problems" occur. We will also explore the meaning behind the responses.

Dr Sloat’s counselling approach re: Family Therapy includes emphases on identifying individual needs both within and outside of family relationships, and on learning how we can best negotiate and reconcile these needs with the needs of others. Included will be skills and strategies that will help you to better communicate, set boundaries, resolve conflicts, and understand relationship dynamics.

I guide families using the information and insights from extensive studies and my own experience. If your family is hurting and whatever you have been trying doesn’t help, if it feels like you can’t win, respect has disappeared, understanding and patience are gone; your family will benefit from bringing in a professional outsider. A family is a dynamic system. Being busy with our day to day struggles, it is easy to miss what another person needs. Timing and taking into account each members' experience is crucial to reconnect. With patience and tenacity, and taking the time to clarify and learn, you can resolve what may seem a hopeless situation.

Most family therapists inadvertently create more chaos through their well-intentioned efforts to assist a family move through a change process. Why? Brains are inherently deregulated (all of us, may I add) and most talking and dialoguing misses brain-centric problems that need more intensive help. Many times the emotional trauma created by years of solving problems ineffectively can wreak havoc on the brain's parasympathetic nervous system, not ever giving the family a break from flight or fight thinking. Contact us for an innovative neuroscience solution to family dysfunction. Kevin@kevinflemingphd.com or 877-606-6161.