Great Couples Counseling in Covina, CA. Therapy to heal relationships.

Why do we seem to have the same arguments over and over again? How do I know if we are really supposed to be together? Are there things we could be doing to better support each other, to help each other grow and be our best selves? If we really love each other, why do we so often hurt each other? How do I know if this is real love, anyway? Relationships are hard. Even more than desire, they require effort and understanding to make them work. Often, even if two people really love each other, one or both may need help to maintain the right effort or understanding to keep the balance necessary for long-term success. Having outside, objective support can make all the difference.

Many couples find themselves having the same argument over and over in different forms, never quite reaching what it's really about. That repetition doesn't mean your relationship is broken; it means something underneath the surface hasn't been heard yet. I help you slow the cycle down and see what each of you is reaching for beneath the friction: the longings and fears that are hard to put into words. So much of what strains a partnership lives in what goes unsaid, and as it comes into the open, real understanding and closeness become possible again. I don't take sides. I've watched many discouraged couples rediscover each other, and I'm confident you can too.

The general goal is to reduce conflict and increase intimacy. In the safety of therapy, and with a trained professional as a third party, you each will have the opportunity to learn about yourself in depth, in addition to gaining insights into the complex dynamics of your relationship. The increasing of knowledge, communication skills, and relational tools can combine to create the intimacy and connection that is so necessary in marriage.

Let me guess. One partner feels alone and like they don't matter and the other feels they are always being criticized and can't get anything right. The more one asks for the other to show up, the more the partner disappears physically and emotionally. You both bicker and fight and the idea of sitting and just hanging out seems elusive, if not impossible. Something like this? Often we crave connection but are blocked by the pain and the history that gets in the way. Small fights about little things become battles that highlight our struggle to have our basic relational needs met. I can help you get under the bickering to the parts crying out for connection- to an enriching relationship.

Discover how you can go from rejected to connected! Did you know the reactivity you experience is not your fault? (This is one of the main things that causes fights and arguments. It's when you feel out of control, & it leads to doing or saying things you regret, impulsivity, & leads to hurt & separation). I show couples how they can reduce the personal & relational reactivity they experience & increase feeling peaceful, calm, understood, validated, safe, accepted, & connected. I help couples discover their attachment strategies (how we feel safe & get our needs met). This is necessary in order to create lasting improvement, safety, trust, understanding, & connection, in your relationship.

My work with couples is developmental and focuses on self-confrontation, differentiation, and collaboration. Individuals in the partnerships that I work with take responsibility for their own mental health and happiness and learn to grow themselves up in a way that brings goodness and intimacy to their relationship. I can help them overcome gridlock and sexual challenges to strengthen the relationship and reignite desire.

Your primary relationship should be a "recharging station" to recover from the stresses of everyday life. When your relationship is the SOURCE of your stress, it can be an overwhelming problem. Oftentimes, the stress leads to angry outbursts, addictive behaviors, dishonesty, and even infidelity. The good news is, that if the partners are motivated, amazing progress can be made. Our first task is to reduce tension so communication and trust can be restored. I provide objectivity in a balanced atmosphere. And trust me, over the course of my career working with couples, I've heard everything - your problems are probably more common than you think. You CAN overcome them!

Couples therapy should not be about hashing over old wounds. Getting what you want from a relationship involves good communication and active listening, tolerance and forgiveness, emotional intelligence, having common goals and working cooperatively and, like all the bets things in life, presents us with a challenge. Relationships can be hard work but the work is rewarding and life-enhancing. I love to work with couples who are committed to improving their future rather than reliving their past.