Great Couples Counseling in Scotts Valley, CA. Therapy to heal relationships.

I am a certified Gottman's educator with a lot of research that supports my work. I try to assist couples in ensuring that the partnership is fulfilled, supportive, filled with passion and joy. The negative aspects of a relationship can be avoided if you are willing to explore how the influences of your family of origin, your life experiences and circumstances, could play out over time in your relationship. I will teach you tools and skills that will help you move forward, break bad habits, communicate in a healthier and respectful way in all aspects of your relationship. Sometimes I work individually and sometimes I work in the dyad, depending on what is standing in the way.

A healthy couple’s relationship emerges from a process of reflection and inquiry. It requires both people to speak from the heart about what really matters to each. If you find yourself in a difficult cycle of hurtful interactions, I can help you get to this heart-full and constructive place. It is very useful to slow things down in a session, discovering the moments in interaction, verbal or non-verbal, that trigger an automatic reaction in the other. I may find a key phrase or a movement that we will re-enact in mindfulness to study the effect on each partner. Bringing awareness to these often unconscious triggers and responses helps you get to what is needed for yourself and the other.

It is said that our greatest fears and vulnerabilities show up in relationship. I assist partners in communicating more authentically and attempt to assist the couple to reduce their barriers by helping each partner voice fears, longings, hurts, and wants. Ultimately, I try to help couples have a more harmonious, loving, and fulfilling connection.

There are countless models of healthy romantic relationships, from monogamous to polyamorous, and unique variations between partners. The scripts for dating and longterm relationships of our parents’ generations may not be applicable to your relationship, and there is no formal education in how to be a good partner or how to identify unhealthy relationships. But there is psychological research that shows that effective communication, emotional openness, intimacy, and other factors contribute to healthy relationships. Creating these conditions are skills that can be learned. I practice brief humanistic and emotion-focused therapy (EFT) to help my LGBTQ and hetero clients learn these skills.

What are the most common couples' issues? If you are thinking "communication, conflict, sex, money, child rearing" you are correct. However, most therapists will go after the symptom on each side of the couple fence thinking that the way to effective change is by getting each party to "work" on their respective "issue". Many times the parties don’t agree but comply. Imagine if you could align the unconscious brains of a couple and stop the "working on your issues" part that has become so popular in therapy settings? Contact kevin@kevinflemingphd.com to learn how! Or call 877-606-6161. DR. FLEMING'S NEW RELATIONSHIP/COUPLES INTENSIVES. www.kevinflemingphd.com/marriage-couples-retreats.php

Do you think that you are doomed for your relationship to stay the same because your partner refuses to come to therapy? My specialty with couples counseling is to work individually with the partner that is willing to come in to counseling and work to make things better. Change and positive progress can still happen when one person makes changes, sets boundaries and clearly understands and is able to respectfully assert their wants and needs. I assist individuals in my office with a plan they can work on at home with their partner so they can have the relationship they desire.

Partnership has the potential to be incredibly rewarding, teaching us about ourselves through loving another. Most of us make a large emotional investment in our relationships. Because of this, partnership also has the potential to cause a huge amount of distress when it’s not working. Sometimes a struggling partnership is full of conflict and arguments, and sometimes partners just drift apart until they feel like roommates instead of lovers. Successful partnerships need respect and a core of friendship. If you and your partner are no longer friends, or you never were, I can provide you with tools to work toward a closer connection.

Whether you have been together a lifetime, just starting out, or somewhere in between, therapy can provide a safe, nurturing environment for exploring needs and any past pain. Successful relationships include effective communication, validation, and empathy. By learning simple communication skills in therapy and practicing them outside of therapy, trust and fulfillment can deepen. If you're trying to move past something painful, therapy can also help expedite the healing process.

The benefit of improved relating is truly remarkable !! I emphasize that couple’s work is so much more than communication. It is really about knowing and learning about yourself and being able to share this with another person. Conflicts are inevitable and will be as long as you are in the relationship, and yet through conflicts and differences is where you grow as an individual and couple. I have my own program for couple’s work called Relationship Skills – 5 A’s – that A’s stand for Attitude, Awareness, Acknowledgement, Admitting (your part of the problem), and Assertiveness. The 5 A’s are the foundation for couple’s work. Generally everyone wants to know how to measure progress, and you can by your own and other’s assessment of the 5 A’s.

Couples often find that their hopes and expectations for finding that special person who will "make them happy" are unrealistic and a burden to an otherwise very successful relationship. I find that when you learn to listen to your partner and appreciate who they are, and risk telling them who you are and how you feel, your love will be on solid ground. I will help you focus on what you need to feel loving and loveable, and to share that with your partner.

Couples counseling is helpful when two individuals want to deepen their connection (even when things in their relationship are "fine") as well as to help resolve conflicts that have not been addressed or have not been successfully addressed in the past. Top concerns usally involve money, parenting, sex, and in-laws. Improving general communication and one's ability to manage their feelings help to resolve the issues above with love, respect, and efficiency.

Couples may they be in a dating relationship, living together, engaged to marry, married, in business together, separating, divorcing, fighting over children, property, alimony or visitation, are often confronted with a breakdown in communication and an inability to resolve conflicts. Couple counseling aims to reveal the disconnect within a couple that often once had the ability to connect and function in harmony. Couples can quickly get off track with one another and need skilled guidance to help them learn to resolve conflicts, once again listen and communicate effectively as well as to be able to disagree without forcing the relationship to end.

I work with couples who are in a host of stages of relationship and wanting to improve their communication and their harmony in relationship. In some cases, I work with married couples around increasing passion and decreasing conflict; with others, I help after a betrayal or one of the many issues that being in a couple can present. Most important, I provide a safe space for couples to know themselves both individually and in the context of their unique couplehood.