Great Couples Counseling in Scotts Valley, CA. Therapy to heal relationships.

A healthy couple’s relationship emerges from a process of reflection and inquiry. It requires both people to speak from the heart about what really matters to each. If you find yourself in a difficult cycle of hurtful interactions, I can help you get to this heart-full and constructive place. It is very useful to slow things down in a session, discovering the moments in interaction, verbal or non-verbal, that trigger an automatic reaction in the other. I may find a key phrase or a movement that we will re-enact in mindfulness to study the effect on each partner. Bringing awareness to these often unconscious triggers and responses helps you get to what is needed for yourself and the other.

Why do we seem to have the same arguments over and over again? How do I know if we are really supposed to be together? Are there things we could be doing to better support each other, to help each other grow and be our best selves? If we really love each other, why do we so often hurt each other? How do I know if this is real love, anyway? Relationships are hard. Even more than desire, they require effort and understanding to make them work. Often, even if two people really love each other, one or both may need help to maintain the right effort or understanding to keep the balance necessary for long-term success. Having outside, objective support can make all the difference.

Without conflict, couples do not achieve intimacy. The challenge is helping you and your partner learn how to have healthy conflict that leads to intimacy, rather than destructive conflict that destroys the relationship. While I work with all couples, I specialize in working with neuro-diverse couples. I usually start with helping you learn ground rules for being able to have safe, constructive, healthy conflict to reduce and eliminate destructive relational patterns. I also use Emotion Focused Therapy (EFT) to help you reconnect, learn healthy communication skills, rekindle the flame that you once had, and start talking to each other again. If you are willing to work, I am here for you!

Partnership has the potential to be incredibly rewarding, teaching us about ourselves through loving another. Most of us make a large emotional investment in our relationships. Because of this, partnership also has the potential to cause a huge amount of distress when it’s not working. Sometimes a struggling partnership is full of conflict and arguments, and sometimes partners just drift apart until they feel like roommates instead of lovers. Successful partnerships need respect and a core of friendship. If you and your partner are no longer friends, or you never were, I can provide you with tools to work toward a closer connection.

Relationships bring up our deepest issues for healing. Relationships can be really hard, especially in this day and age of more rushing and less connecting. I can help you navigate the challenges of sharing a life together. I can help you find ways to hear each other and feel heard and understood. When communication is better, connection is better. I have worked with all kinds of relationships at every stage of development. If you're straight or kinky, monogamous or experimental, I would love to be of use to you. larawilling.com key words: poly, polyamorous, open relationship, sexual issues, sex, kink, power dynamics, D/s, submissive, HAI, open mind, alternative, queer, gay, lesbian

In my Couples Counseling work I help partners build on the strengths of their relationship while we work together to create new skills for communicating and solving problems. My approach is collaborative and I teach each partner to learn how to listen and hear what the other is expressing and needing as well as ways to be heard and understood better. I provide a safe place where difficult problems can be discussed and solutions explored and practiced so that couples can better resolve ongoing problems.

Couples counseling is helpful when two individuals want to deepen their connection (even when things in their relationship are "fine") as well as to help resolve conflicts that have not been addressed or have not been successfully addressed in the past. Top concerns usally involve money, parenting, sex, and in-laws. Improving general communication and one's ability to manage their feelings help to resolve the issues above with love, respect, and efficiency.

What are the most common couples' issues? If you are thinking "communication, conflict, sex, money, child rearing" you are correct. However, most therapists will go after the symptom on each side of the couple fence thinking that the way to effective change is by getting each party to "work" on their respective "issue". Many times the parties don’t agree but comply. Imagine if you could align the unconscious brains of a couple and stop the "working on your issues" part that has become so popular in therapy settings? Contact kevin@kevinflemingphd.com to learn how! Or call 877-606-6161. DR. FLEMING'S NEW RELATIONSHIP/COUPLES INTENSIVES. www.kevinflemingphd.com/marriage-couples-retreats.php

There are countless models of healthy romantic relationships, from monogamous to polyamorous, and unique variations between partners. The scripts for dating and longterm relationships of our parents’ generations may not be applicable to your relationship, and there is no formal education in how to be a good partner or how to identify unhealthy relationships. But there is psychological research that shows that effective communication, emotional openness, intimacy, and other factors contribute to healthy relationships. Creating these conditions are skills that can be learned. I practice brief humanistic and emotion-focused therapy (EFT) to help my LGBTQ and hetero clients learn these skills.

I view couples therapy as extremely collaborative, and I use a strong team approach to get quick results. I am very involved in the session at all times and will honestly communicate to you what I see, feel and think. I begin by establishing a vision for the relationship, which incorporates the ideals of both members. My office becomes a safe haven, where problems can be discussed without fear of pain, judgment or retribution. Our consultation time is used as a living laboratory, a place where we can explore different styles, interventions and techniques. These can be used to change hurtful and destructive patterns in the relationship and create a stronger, more open connection.

The feeling of falling in love can feel so wonderful and our life can seem full of promise. As time goes by, we must face the reality of our lives and the person whom we love. We may believe, "I have fallen out of love." The key to healthy intimate relationships is to calm ourselves internally as individuals and connect with our pleasant feelings; this is healthy emotional regulation. The better that I regulate my emotions as an individual, the stronger I can create a bond with my partner or spouse. A secure bond is the foundation of a relationship that is both satisfying and co-creative. This is the promise of love that we glimpsed when we initially fell in love.