Great Couples Counselling in Mill Bay, BC. Therapy to heal relationships.

Communication styles and building constructive communication skills are key to improving any relationship. One lesson we cannot overlook from the teachings of Sue Johnson in her Emotionally Focussed Therapy is that learning to really listen to your partner, learning to empathize and really hear what your partner is telling you by their words and behaviours, is paramount in constructive communications. Couples often get caught in a spin cycle where we stop listening and simply vent, react or ignore. We can always do better and few are more keenly motivated to return to trust, intimacy, sharing and cooperation than couples.

Intimate relationships are the backdrop for intense personal learning and development! To have a better relationship with other, we often need to have a better relationship with self. I will help you and your partner be in relationship more authentically, with a stronger sense of self and differentiation that will ironically help you choose more closeness and intimacy. The relationship you desire is within reach.

Shelley helps couples to enhance their communication, create safety and connection, heal past hurts and frustrations, and restore passion and playfulness. Through the Intentional Dialogue couples learn how to hear each other's perspective with compassion and empathy. With Shelley's guidance, couples can gain more understanding and awareness about the conflicts, and explore the dynamics that are stopping them from getting the love that they want. Couples learn to focus on the positive aspects of each other, and build on the strengths of their relationship, as well as work through the issues, in a safe and connected way, which promotes healing and growth.

Thinking about getting married? Not the marriage type? Together learn more about yourself and the other you want to be with as we explore hopes, dreams, values, and beliefs. Master the art of negotiation and compromise in conflict, as well as the maintenance of healthy boundaries around those "big deal-breaker" issues. Couples of all types of configurations will learn about being an ally for each other as we work towards respect, love, collaborative problem solving and mutual understanding.

For a relationship to really thrive, both people in the relationship need to thrive. I focus on the personal growth of each individual in the couple as the foundation for a healthy and happy life together. By bringing out the unique gifts and qualities of each person, the relationship can have its best chances. Once both people are ready for the work of couples therapy, we can work on communication, intimacy, vulnerability, availability, balance, and showing up for each other.

i have over 30 years dealing with couples issues and have facilitated many healing relationships. The focus of this work is on recognizing some of the communications that create distance and resentments because members of a couple resort to protecting themselves from fear or pain rather than opening to the truth of what they are experiencing. Once a couple recognizes the value of sharing what is really going on and exploring their differences the intimacy and love returns. I also facilitate an active listening process where each person really listens to the other person without interupting or contradicting. After a bit of practise many couples report that this promotes postive changes.

Seeking counselling for your relationship can bring you more clarity about habitual patterns, about your individual self and about your direction to move forward. I provide a safe and confidential place for you and your partner to talk to each other, explore your concerns and to be understood by each other. Sometimes this can involve learning communication skills to help you navigate conversations, tools to manage strong emotions and setting goals.

Couples seek counselling for a variety of reasons. Life brings an assortment of challenges, and it can be difficult to know how to support each other along the way. Our circumstances, family structure, families of origin, busy schedules, childcare, and career demands are just a few of stressors that couples find themselves navigating. I’ll work with you to understand your unique challenges. I'll help you find new strength in your relationship so that you can face today’s, and tomorrow’s, challenges together. Contact today to schedule a free 15 minute consultation.

I'm a down-to-earth, client-centered counsellor that can bring new hope to you and new life to your relationships. I specialize in marriage and couples counselling. I'm trained in Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy and Gottman Couples Therapy. With over ten years of experience, I have the tools to get your relationship back on track. I also offer intensive therapy for highly distressed couples. I'm here and ready to listen with warmth, kindness and compassion, without any judgement or criticism.

All couples, gay, heterosexual, lesbian, or Bi-sexual are respectfully welcomed. Most frequent issues presented by all couples include sexuality, financial struggles, parenting issues and communication problems. Sexuality probably presents as the most common concern. Some issues are polyamory, impotence, lack of desire, sexual addiction, indidelity, sexual trauma and abuse and incest. Dr. Graham's clients find her easy to talk to and discussion is frank and respectful. Some couples are struggling with questions concerning whether or when to have children and infertily. Most couples have the goal to strengthen their bond but others need support to end an unhappy relationship.

My approach to couples counselling integrates Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and Gottman Method principles to create a balanced, supportive, and practical path toward change. I help partners slow down, understand the emotions and attachment needs driving their conflict, and reshape negative cycles into moments of connection. At the same time, I offer clear, evidence-based tools for communication, repair, and strengthening of your relationship. Clients benefit from a space that feels structured yet compassionate—where they can safely explore their patterns, learn new skills, and build a more secure, intimate, and resilient bond.

Are you and your partner stuck in unsolvable arguments? Does one of you tend to ‘demand’ more while the other shuts down and withdraws? Are you feeling less connected and actually adding stress to each other’s lives instead of reducing it? While frustrating, these are perfectly normal patterns of partnership and there is hope. I would be glad to help you untangle the knots, learning to team up together instead of entering battles over who is right. In doing so, we will unpack past traumas and patterns of behaviour, learning to better communicate and to be safely vulnerable in a way that stands your relationship on solid ground.

I work with couples using Gottman Therapy, Emotionally Focused Therapy and Attachment Therapy. I will help you identify your maladaptive patterns of behaviour and improve your communication skills. There is no shame in getting some coaching in how we connect with each other and how we can better meet each others needs. I use a strengths based approach to help you see the positives and remember why you fell in love.