Anger Management and Counseling in Milpitas, CA.

Do you regularly find yourself frustrated and angry at the people you want to be closest to and that you love the most? Do you strive to stay calm and balanced, but then find yourself going off on people at home or at work? I work with people to recognize how anger comes from unenforceable rules you create for how others, or you yourself, "should" behave. Unrealistic rules create expectations that you waste your life & energy trying to enforce in yourself and others. We will work together to understand the rules you have made that are realistic and helpful, and to give you the choice to change the rules that are creating unnecessary grief for you and the people who want to be close to you.

If you struggle with anger, therapy can help. Many people find that anger is the easiest emotion for them to access. Maybe under the anger you are hurt, lonely, afraid, jealous, sad or ashamed. Wouldn't it be great to have a whole range of emotions again? I use mindfulness to help you learn to sooth your nervous system and psychodynamic therapy to identify what's behind your anger. If you have experienced difficult or traumatic events that are weighing you down, EMDR therapy can free you up to live and act in the present.

Do you find it difficult to distinguish between experiencing the emotion of anger and the behavior you exhibit when angry? While "anger-management" techniques are somewhat helpful, the results are often not sustained. Appropriate attention to the underlying issues of depression and anxiety is critical in effectively addressing anger-related difficulties. A combination of Cognitive-Behavioral and Psychodynamic therapies focused on these issues can greatly help you to learn with and accept your "emotion" of anger without needing or being triggered into "behaving" in an angry and destructive manner. If you have trouble controlling your anger and want help, feel free to contact me.

Grey Matters International and the work of Kevin J. Fleming, Ph.D approaches issues of anger management in a very humane yet fresh perspective. You see, anger is a normal emotion but it is the valence (intensity) as well as the coupling choice of what one does with this that is the problem. Telling someone to "not" do it or modifying behavior with a trite psychological plan that only breeds a compliant response is not the way to change anger. Brainwave optimization is a new cutting edge technology that allows one to rewire circuitry responsible for reactivity driving the anger. Contact Grey Matters International, Inc now at kevin@kevinflemingphd.com or 877-606-6161.

I will help you meet your anger with compassion. You will thus strengthen the systems in your brain and body that soothe and calm, gaining greater control over your mood and behavior. I will also help you make peace with the painful life experiences that underlie most damaging displays of anger. When present circumstances no longer trigger past hurts, your daily path changes from minefield to simple city sidewalk or country lane. Equally important, I will help you find and reinforce all that is good in you and others. You will come to experience your self and your world as more caring, more kind, and more safe. Whether you desire change in yourself or others, I can help.

Your anger is an attempt at reclaiming power and control. The problem is that when others feel victimized in some way by your angry outbursts, they naturally become defensive and perhaps angry as well. I can help you find more effective ways of expressing yourself and getting your needs met. Underneath the angry feelings are the vulnerable feelings of fear or hurt. Once these are acknowledged and cared for, either by yourself or another, there is movement towards ease and contentment. I can help you slow down the powerful reactions, and get to the core so that you find your real needs and your abilities to connect healthfully with others.

Many of us experience anger and/or rage in the course of our relationships. Anger in and of itself is not a problem - in fact its a good way to let you know that there is some vulnerable feeling underneath that is too painful to reach just yet. Its what we DO with our anger that gets us in trouble. I can teach you tools to manage your anger without denying your entitlement to it.

Anger is one feeling that seems to come up readily when we are hurt, feel misunderstood, feel hopeless, or wronged. Anger in itself is not a bad thing. It is an emotion like all others, but how we find resources, who we turn to, having someone to talk to, and then deciding what to do, can be helpful. Anger can be a useful tool if we can understand what has triggered us and what to do about it in ways that are not self destructive. I offer a safe place to explore all the feelings surrounding anger so that it starts to feel like something you have a choice in expressing the way you want to.

Anger is one of the most common feelings and at the same time one of the most denied and repressed. How many of us can say that we were ever taught how to "do anger" in a safe and respectful way. Most of us saw as children various forms of dysfunctional expressions of anger: violent, abusive, misdirected, or none at all. In therapy with me you will be able to explore the lessons of anger you learned as a child, so you can choose new ways of expressing this common emotion... Ways of expressing anger that are not destructive to you, your family, your friends, or your work.

Anger is an emotion that is generally not allowed in our culture. It is something that we tend to either avoid or overuse. The first step is awareness and taking ownership of what feelings belong to you and why. The second step is to find healthy ways to release the anger. And thirdly, therapy can help you express your feelings in a healthy format so that you can take better care of yourself and be the person you truly are.

Think before you speak. Express anger when calm, not in the heat of the moment. Take a few moments to collect your thoughts before saying anything — and allow others involved in the situation to do the same. I teach clients to express frustration in an assertive, non-confrontational way. To state concerns and needs clearly and directly, without hurting others or trying to control them. There are several useful, evidence-based methods to use in the face of unhealthy behaviors such as anger mismanagement. I teach my clients to become aware of these habits, and work on changing them by engaging them in talking about what lies underneath anger which is a secondary emotion.

Anger can, especially be, a difficult problem for men. Most men are not able to easily identify their emotions nor describe them in words. Men have enormous difficult feeling the subtlety of their anger. They often feel nothing or rage. Healthy anger management requires us to be aware of how we are feeling. We also need to calm ourselves down, in other words - regulate our feelings. Using Affect Management Skills Training, you will have the opportunity to learn how to apply the basic skills to become the person you hope to be. When we are able to regulate our feelings in a healthy way, our relationships change.

Anger can feel like an all consuming reaction to something other may have done to you intentionally or unintentionally. However, we always wind up on dealing with the aftermath of our anger when we didn't even feel like we were in control of the situation. If this is happening, we will working on developing anger management strategies. We will identify those common words or behaviors that set us off and try to better understand our anger in the beginning stages. This will allow us to start establishing and using coping strategies that will put us in control. Ideally, these techniques and strategies will help improve our relationships with those that we want to spend time with.