Family Counseling Services in Irvington, NJ.

I teach family members a skill called the Intentional Dialogue to help improve family communication. Often family members don't feel heard, that what they say matters, understood and that others know what they are feeling. The Intentional Dialogue allows each family member to share their 'side of the story' in a safe environment without fearing being judged or criticized. When this happens family members start to work as a team rather than be adversarial.

Family therapy will include working together to help improve communication, handle difficult conversations, making changes in dynamics, discuss life transitions that can impact others. Utilizing a Family Systems approach will take place in sessions. Formulating individual and family goals will be explored and a plan of action will take place with concrete goals.

My approach to family therapy is to look for the source of the family conflict. After over 37 years of practice, I can usually zero in on what is going on. Sometimes one parent is out of control. Sometimes parents are in conflict over child-rearing practices; one is too permissive and one too strict. Sometimes one child is favored over another. I generally meet with the whole family over a period of time, encouraging honest and constructive communication. Through patient guidance, the problems surface and are worked out.

When a loved one has an addiction or alcohol problem, the whole family suffers. The impact may not be immediately evident, but it is there, festering and creating anger, resentment, insecurity and other emotional and often financial issues. Families often feel beat up by the addict and then beat up by the treatment centers, who offer addict focused education and minimal family treatment. Who is supporting you, the family, when your family weekend is over? You loved one is released from treatment with an aftercare plan. What is your aftercare plan? Living with a newly recovering person doesn’t have to mean walking on eggshells. Compassionate family focused education, coaching and therapy help families heal and create lives worth living.

In family counseling family members develop healthy ways of communicating and responding to one another to create and establish an atmosphere of trust and emotional safety. Family members learn to identify their own needs, increase sensitivity to the needs of others and interact in ways that build trust. Family counseling is conducted in an atmosphere of respect and dignity for all.

I enjoy doing both family counseling. I get to know each member of the family individually and the family dynamic, and how each person perceives the presenting problem. I am careful not to take sides and blame any one family member. All deserve respect. I work to learn more and to help you be more curious about whatever problem you are coming to me to resolve.

Careers and children each place enormous stress on a couple’s ability to be together in an intimate and satisfying way. Every couple has different ways of dealing with the challenges, and counseling can provide the perspective and encouragement to re-create a shared vision for the future. For something as important as this, it is surprising how little training and preparation were given; family therapy fills in the blanks.

During Family Therapy we deal with: patterns of communication (the way people in the family talk to each other); anger (how that sabotages the family); correcting dysfunctional patters, and negotiation (how to work out things so that everybody feels O.K. about the solutions). During family counseling families learn how to deal with crisis as well conflict management techniques. Also included are effective parenting skills for both children as well as teenagers. Therapy needs to have practical strategies and to be as short term as possible.

Most family therapists inadvertently create more chaos through their well-intentioned efforts to assist a family move through a change process. Why? Brains are inherently deregulated (all of us, may I add) and most talking and dialoguing misses brain-centric problems that need more intensive help. Many times the emotional trauma created by years of solving problems ineffectively can wreak havoc on the brain's parasympathetic nervous system, not ever giving the family a break from flight or fight thinking. Contact us for an innovative neuroscience solution to family dysfunction. Kevin@kevinflemingphd.com or 877-606-6161.

Most family therapists inadvertently create more chaos through their well-intentioned efforts to assist a family move through a change process. Why? Brains are inherently dysregulated (all of us, may I add) and most talking and dialoguing misses brain-centric problems that need more intensive help. Many times the emotional trauma created by years of solving problems ineffectively can wreak havoc on the brain's parasympathetic nervous system, not ever giving the family a break from flight or fight thinking. Contact us for an innovative neuroscience solution to family dystunction. Kevin@kevinflemingphd.com or 877-606-6161

Distressed family members too often exclusively focus their efforts on changing their difficult sibling, parent, grandparent or in-law. This is ineffective. Difficult family members often resist such efforts. I teach each family member how to first work on changing their own self-defeating emotional and behavioral reactions in response to their difficult family members. Once someone calms down and not gets so upset about the other people in their family they can influence other people to find better ways to live with or at least gracefully tolerate each other. I show each family member how to work on themselves in order to have a better chance of influencing others. Think about this.

We are part of something larger than ourselves and that is why we tend to encounter difficulties in dealing with simple things in life such as learning how to live together, raising children or coping with adolescence. In Family Therapy, as opposed to Individual Therapy, we explore, understand and address issues family members present at their source. Emotional origins of personal conflicts get exposed throughout roles and dynamics; part of my work with families include to question and re-frame them to mobilize stagnation and create room for new experiences.

We help family members work together to reconnect, strengthen existing resources and find solutions to tough problems. Family therapy can be useful in family situations that result in stress, grief, anger or conflict. Issues that may bring a family to therapy could include: a problem a child is having in school, mental, behavioral, or physical illness of a family member, loss of a family member, or dissatisfaction or dissolution in a marriage At Transformation Counseling we focus on aiding families in developing more effective, less stressful patterns of living. If you and your family are ready to take that step please contact us.