Great Couples Counseling in Portola Valley, CA. Therapy to heal relationships.

I specialize in providing Premarital Counseling for couples who are in the process of preparing for marriage. I use the Prepare and Enrich assessment test to help my clients get an accurate understanding of their relational dynamics and give them tools to prepare them for a life best together. My hope are for couples to have the best success and tools to enter marriage together confidently.

Much of the couples work I do is in understanding the core issues that are causing problems in the relationship. Often things like differences in expectations, problems with communication, issues related to intimacy, and difficulties related to trust and safety can cause a friction. My goal is to help you get to the root of the issue and discover new more effective ways of showing up with your partner. Positive change is possible.

Couples often find that their hopes and expectations for finding that special person who will "make them happy" are unrealistic and a burden to an otherwise very successful relationship. I find that when you learn to listen to your partner and appreciate who they are, and risk telling them who you are and how you feel, your love will be on solid ground. I will help you focus on what you need to feel loving and loveable, and to share that with your partner.

There are countless models of healthy romantic relationships, from monogamous to polyamorous, and unique variations between partners. The scripts for dating and longterm relationships of our parents’ generations may not be applicable to your relationship, and there is no formal education in how to be a good partner or how to identify unhealthy relationships. But there is psychological research that shows that effective communication, emotional openness, intimacy, and other factors contribute to healthy relationships. Creating these conditions are skills that can be learned. I practice brief humanistic and emotion-focused therapy (EFT) to help my LGBTQ and hetero clients learn these skills.

Without conflict, couples do not achieve intimacy. The challenge is helping you and your partner learn how to have healthy conflict that leads to intimacy, rather than destructive conflict that destroys the relationship. While I work with all couples, I specialize in working with neuro-diverse couples. I usually start with helping you learn ground rules for being able to have safe, constructive, healthy conflict to reduce and eliminate destructive relational patterns. I also use Emotion Focused Therapy (EFT) to help you reconnect, learn healthy communication skills, rekindle the flame that you once had, and start talking to each other again. If you are willing to work, I am here for you!

Falling in love can feel wonderful... But, as time goes by, we need to face the reality of our lives and the person whom we love. We may believe we've "fallen out of love" ... yet the key to healthy, long-lasting, intimate relationships is to calm ourselves internally and learn healthy emotional regulation. The better you regulate your emotions as an individual, the stronger the bond you can create with your partner or spouse. And this is precisely what I can help you learn to do in the online marriage counseling services I offer. Please feel free to visit my website for more information or contact me today to see how I can help your relationship move forward again with love and optimism!

Being part of a loving couple is hard work. My clients often come to me when they feel their lives and their relationship spiraling out of control. I help my clients to look back at what brought them together, to see what is currently tearing them apart, and to explore past family patterns and make certain they are not being blinldy repeated. As the elements of the current situation become clearer, I help my clients learn important tools to foster clear communication, understanding and empathy. Armed with greater understanding and important tools, they can heal their wounds and find joy comfort and support being together.

Couples may they be in a dating relationship, living together, engaged to marry, married, in business together, separating, divorcing, fighting over children, property, alimony or visitation, are often confronted with a breakdown in communication and an inability to resolve conflicts. Couple counseling aims to reveal the disconnect within a couple that often once had the ability to connect and function in harmony. Couples can quickly get off track with one another and need skilled guidance to help them learn to resolve conflicts, once again listen and communicate effectively as well as to be able to disagree without forcing the relationship to end.

A healthy couple’s relationship emerges from a process of reflection and inquiry. It requires both people to speak from the heart about what really matters to each. If you find yourself in a difficult cycle of hurtful interactions, I can help you get to this heart-full and constructive place. It is very useful to slow things down in a session, discovering the moments in interaction, verbal or non-verbal, that trigger an automatic reaction in the other. I may find a key phrase or a movement that we will re-enact in mindfulness to study the effect on each partner. Bringing awareness to these often unconscious triggers and responses helps you get to what is needed for yourself and the other.

Let me guess. One partner feels alone and like they don't matter and the other feels they are always being criticized and can't get anything right. The more one asks for the other to show up, the more the partner disappears physically and emotionally. You both bicker and fight and the idea of sitting and just hanging out seems elusive, if not impossible. Something like this? Often we crave connection but are blocked by the pain and the history that gets in the way. Small fights about little things become battles that highlight our struggle to have our basic relational needs met. I can help you get under the bickering to the parts crying out for connection- to an enriching relationship.

Why do we seem to have the same arguments over and over again? How do I know if we are really supposed to be together? Are there things we could be doing to better support each other, to help each other grow and be our best selves? If we really love each other, why do we so often hurt each other? How do I know if this is real love, anyway? Relationships are hard. Even more than desire, they require effort and understanding to make them work. Often, even if two people really love each other, one or both may need help to maintain the right effort or understanding to keep the balance necessary for long-term success. Having outside, objective support can make all the difference.

Would you like to create a more loving, fulfilling relationship as a couple? Couple's counseling is a great way to invest in your relationship and get to know yourself and your partner more deeply. I use a strengths-based approach with couples, looking at what drew you together, what is working well in your relationship and how you can leverage your loving feelings to create a strong, lasting relationship.

I thoroughly enjoy aiding couples in their ability to communicate with one another so they can fully enjoy the potential of their marriage/relationship. Facilitating deeper understanding in your personal feelings and workings and those of your partner, enable you as a couple to grow closer & stronger. It builds capacity to face adversity, for example past trauma.

Partnership has the potential to be incredibly rewarding, teaching us about ourselves through loving another. Most of us make a large emotional investment in our relationships. Because of this, partnership also has the potential to cause a huge amount of distress when it’s not working. Sometimes a struggling partnership is full of conflict and arguments, and sometimes partners just drift apart until they feel like roommates instead of lovers. Successful partnerships need respect and a core of friendship. If you and your partner are no longer friends, or you never were, I can provide you with tools to work toward a closer connection.

We practice Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples (EFT). This model believes that we are all hard wired for attachment and connection. We need love and security and how we deal with this vulnerability is what determines how we are in relationships. When love doesn’t work, it hurts, and secure emotional attachment is the cure. We facilitate a couples development of a secure attachment by helping them come together and break the negative patterns of insecurity. After the negative patterns of communication, behavior, and perceptions have identified and broken, we then help the couple to create new emotional experiences that help to replace the old out-dated patterns and solve there problems.

Navigating your relationship can be challenging. Having someone there to help with conversations around opening your relationship, choosing who may carry your child, or whether you even want to get married can be reassuring and helpful. I am there to keep everyone safe and make sure everyone feels heard. Together, we help you find clarity on what you want and build skills to share these with your partner(s) so you can strengthen and deepen your love and life as a team.

Do you think that you are doomed for your relationship to stay the same because your partner refuses to come to therapy? My specialty with couples counseling is to work individually with the partner that is willing to come in to counseling and work to make things better. Change and positive progress can still happen when one person makes changes, sets boundaries and clearly understands and is able to respectfully assert their wants and needs. I assist individuals in my office with a plan they can work on at home with their partner so they can have the relationship they desire.

In couple’s therapy with me, you will learn about more effective ways of connecting in order to improve intimacy, relational flow, and overall satisfaction. By better understanding your own as well as your partner’s needs and pain, you will relate in ways that are not damaging to the relationship. I will teach you valuable communication, conflict resolution, and intimacy-building techniques so that you can continue nurturing the love, trust, and respect between you even after completing therapy. Call me with any questions or to schedule an initial appointment.

Do you feel that your relationship with your partner has become more difficult through time? Have the challenges of juggling the demands of work & child rearing responsibilities caused you to lose connection with one another? Do you ask yourself why can't my partner and I communicate effectively? The growing demands on couples and families in our success-driven society can result in the loss of effective communication & connection with each other. Utilizing techniques from Dr. John Gottman, & Dr. Sue Johnson's Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, I help couples heal, reconnect & reestablish their love relationship with a more compassion, and deeper understanding of one another.

What are the most common couples' issues? If you are thinking "communication, conflict, sex, money, child rearing" you are correct. However, most therapists will go after the symptom on each side of the couple fence thinking that the way to effective change is by getting each party to "work" on their respective "issue". Many times the parties don’t agree but comply. Imagine if you could align the unconscious brains of a couple and stop the "working on your issues" part that has become so popular in therapy settings? Contact kevin@kevinflemingphd.com to learn how! Or call 877-606-6161. DR. FLEMING'S NEW RELATIONSHIP/COUPLES INTENSIVES. www.kevinflemingphd.com/marriage-couples-retreats.php

Couples typically do not seek counseling until there is a major break down in their relationship and hope to find a counselor to "fix" their problems. Resolving your issues is not my goal as a counselor--my goal is to help you and your partner learn and develop new ways to communicate which will allow you two to resolve your own issues together as a couple, both during and after therapy. I aim to help you and your partner develop long-term skills which you can use for years to come.

Its often that the issue isn't the issue, but how we relate to each other, that is the issue. If we relate to each other with contempt, impatience, or defensiveness, then it doesn't matter if we are having a discussion about something trivial or major, its not going to go well. But if we can learn to relate to each other and listen with compassion, curiosity, and consideration, then we can give ourselves the opportunity to move through life with our partner with a lot more ease. My goal in sessions in to teach you how to dig deep and find that compassion and curiosity, and steer clear of defensiveness and contempt.

I specialize in Couples Work and Marriage Counseling. I'm trained by the Couples Institute of Menlo Park, as well as Emotionally Focused Therapy and the Gottmann Method. Having been married myself for 25 years - and worked through my share of challenges in relationship - I have a good understanding for what it takes to heal, trust, and build intimacy with someone. Most of our communication as a couple is in fact asking the question "are you there for me?". In couples counseling we will explore that basic premise and understand how to make our partners feel it, as well as how we can each motivate our partner to WANT to make us feel that way.

Couples counseling is helpful when two individuals want to deepen their connection (even when things in their relationship are "fine") as well as to help resolve conflicts that have not been addressed or have not been successfully addressed in the past. Top concerns usally involve money, parenting, sex, and in-laws. Improving general communication and one's ability to manage their feelings help to resolve the issues above with love, respect, and efficiency.

I use Emotion-Focused couples Therapy (EFT). EFT is a research-backed method of marriage therapy that helps couples overcome destructive communication patterns and strengthen their emotional bond with one another. Using EFT, I teach couples how to be more available to support each other - even in times of stress and conflict - while they regulate their own emotional reactions. You can develop skills to communicate more effectively, so you listen to each other better and resolve conflict effectively. I can help you develop a closer bond and reaffirm your commitment to each other.