Great Couples Counseling in Portola Valley, CA. Therapy to heal relationships.

Would you like to create a more loving, fulfilling relationship as a couple? Couple's counseling is a great way to invest in your relationship and get to know yourself and your partner more deeply. I use a strengths-based approach with couples, looking at what drew you together, what is working well in your relationship and how you can leverage your loving feelings to create a strong, lasting relationship.

I teach couples constructive paths through the inevitable relationship conflicts and challenges we all experience. By coaching them through the researched base principals and practices for creating successful relationships, I support them in achieving their goals of creating loving companionship and respect for themselves and for each other. And as a couple embodies these relationships tools they become empowered to prevent or work through most relationship challenges going forward.

I view couples therapy as extremely collaborative, and I use a strong team approach to get quick results. I am very involved in the session at all times and will honestly communicate to you what I see, feel and think. I begin by establishing a vision for the relationship, which incorporates the ideals of both members. My office becomes a safe haven, where problems can be discussed without fear of pain, judgment or retribution. Our consultation time is used as a living laboratory, a place where we can explore different styles, interventions and techniques. These can be used to change hurtful and destructive patterns in the relationship and create a stronger, more open connection.

What are the most common couples' issues? If you are thinking "communication, conflict, sex, money, child rearing" you are correct. However, most therapists will go after the symptom on each side of the couple fence thinking that the way to effective change is by getting each party to "work" on their respective "issue". Many times the parties don’t agree but comply. Imagine if you could align the unconscious brains of a couple and stop the "working on your issues" part that has become so popular in therapy settings? Contact kevin@kevinflemingphd.com to learn how! Or call 877-606-6161. DR. FLEMING'S NEW RELATIONSHIP/COUPLES INTENSIVES. www.kevinflemingphd.com/marriage-couples-retreats.php

A healthy couple’s relationship emerges from a process of reflection and inquiry. It requires both people to speak from the heart about what really matters to each. If you find yourself in a difficult cycle of hurtful interactions, I can help you get to this heart-full and constructive place. It is very useful to slow things down in a session, discovering the moments in interaction, verbal or non-verbal, that trigger an automatic reaction in the other. I may find a key phrase or a movement that we will re-enact in mindfulness to study the effect on each partner. Bringing awareness to these often unconscious triggers and responses helps you get to what is needed for yourself and the other.

We practice Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples (EFT). This model believes that we are all hard wired for attachment and connection. We need love and security and how we deal with this vulnerability is what determines how we are in relationships. When love doesn’t work, it hurts, and secure emotional attachment is the cure. We facilitate a couples development of a secure attachment by helping them come together and break the negative patterns of insecurity. After the negative patterns of communication, behavior, and perceptions have identified and broken, we then help the couple to create new emotional experiences that help to replace the old out-dated patterns and solve there problems.

Couples counseling is helpful when two individuals want to deepen their connection (even when things in their relationship are "fine") as well as to help resolve conflicts that have not been addressed or have not been successfully addressed in the past. Top concerns usally involve money, parenting, sex, and in-laws. Improving general communication and one's ability to manage their feelings help to resolve the issues above with love, respect, and efficiency.

Do you feel that your relationship with your partner has become more difficult through time? Have the challenges of juggling the demands of work & child rearing responsibilities caused you to lose connection with one another? Do you ask yourself why can't my partner and I communicate effectively? The growing demands on couples and families in our success-driven society can result in the loss of effective communication & connection with each other. Utilizing techniques from Dr. John Gottman, & Dr. Sue Johnson's Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, I help couples heal, reconnect & reestablish their love relationship with a more compassion, and deeper understanding of one another.

I work with couples who are in a host of stages of relationship and wanting to improve their communication and their harmony in relationship. In some cases, I work with married couples around increasing passion and decreasing conflict; with others, I help after a betrayal or one of the many issues that being in a couple can present. Most important, I provide a safe space for couples to know themselves both individually and in the context of their unique couplehood.

There are countless models of healthy romantic relationships, from monogamous to polyamorous, and unique variations between partners. The scripts for dating and longterm relationships of our parents’ generations may not be applicable to your relationship, and there is no formal education in how to be a good partner or how to identify unhealthy relationships. But there is psychological research that shows that effective communication, emotional openness, intimacy, and other factors contribute to healthy relationships. Creating these conditions are skills that can be learned. I practice brief humanistic and emotion-focused therapy (EFT) to help my LGBTQ and hetero clients learn these skills.

The feeling of falling in love can feel so wonderful and our life can seem full of promise. As time goes by, we must face the reality of our lives and the person whom we love. We may believe, "I have fallen out of love." The key to healthy intimate relationships is to calm ourselves internally as individuals and connect with our pleasant feelings; this is healthy emotional regulation. The better that I regulate my emotions as an individual, the stronger I can create a bond with my partner or spouse. A secure bond is the foundation of a relationship that is both satisfying and co-creative. This is the promise of love that we glimpsed when we initially fell in love.

Couples often find that their hopes and expectations for finding that special person who will "make them happy" are unrealistic and a burden to an otherwise very successful relationship. I find that when you learn to listen to your partner and appreciate who they are, and risk telling them who you are and how you feel, your love will be on solid ground. I will help you focus on what you need to feel loving and loveable, and to share that with your partner.

Dr. Goodwin finds working with couples to be very rewarding. She uses an eclectic, research-based approach which focuses on increasing insight and compassion to both the self and the other partner, (re)building friendship, and teaching behaviors that improve communication and connection. She believes in building on couples and individual strengths. Her approach is active, warm, and non-judgmental. Dr. Goodwin also has experience working with couples around sexual issues, an important aspect of many relationships. Dr. Goodwin also enjoys working with LGTBQ couples and individuals.